Damsel in Distress

You awakened my heart yet you didn’t put it back to sleep before you left.

I don’t know why despite of your enigmatic attitude, even though we don’t have much interactions and regardless of the fact that I don’t know you that much, I liked you back then. I don’t even know what level that is already. It came to a point when I asked for signs (which really happened) and prayed for it but eventually, I stopped thinking about that idea when I realized that maybe it’s not really meant to be.

You’re an ideal guy for me. I’ve seen how devoted you are to Him (we even saw each other on church back then and I was so surprised that time) and I’ve seen how serious you are when it comes to work (you didn’t even try to smile or nod at me—look how rude you are to me! That’s why it’s unbelievable when others would tell me that you’re asking how am I doing.) I would never forget the ecstatic feeling everytime you chat me to greet me on special days or just ask me how I am on ordinary days. I never added meaning to it and assumed that you’re just a friendly type of person (though not in personal) but everything changed when you told me what the real reason is. (Is it, really?)

Our feelings are mutual. Or I just make myself believed that it is. I have so many why’s, so many how’s and so many what if’s but still, I let you in. I let you in even though everything feels so complicated. I let you in though I am aware of the current situation. I let you in and try to convince myself that maybe, after all, this is the right time for us. But who am I kidding anyway? How can a wrong thing be right? If we’re not meant for each other why does every circumstance keeps on telling me that we are? Why did we still meet after all this time?

You are the biggest temptation and I’m not strong enough to overcome you. I’m too irrational, too fragile and too emotional for you.

I’m your greatest attraction but you’re not courageous enough to come to me. You’re too aloof, too unpredictable and too intimidating for me.

Maybe the timing isn’t right or maybe we aren’t just right for each other.

I still believe that everything happens for a reason. I still believe that whatever’s meant to be, it will happen at the right time, at the right circumstances and with the right person. I still strongly believe in LOVE after everything that had happened.

I ignored all of it-- especially your piercing stare and mysterious smile.

But lately, I've been sorting my feelings out.

If I had told you earlier, would you stay?

If I said I'm not ready yet, would you wait?

If I have acknowledged it sooner, will it change a thing?

But then I realized that if it's genuine, even if I never asked, you would.