Genshin imagine/blurb whatever
Tw: mentions of mental breakdown, hurt/comfort
After 18 years of consciousness, of which you can only recall like 8, you've come to the conclusion, You'll never be enough, not for this generation, not for your family, not for anyone.
Living in the Akademiya dorms, you know all about the illegal hand exchanges of some very illegal drugs. Students in your darshan in particular are heavy consumers. Although you've never seen it up close, or know what it's like, you've heard it's the best thing ever. A friend of a friend even called it oral diamorphine. You've been curious but too horrified of the consequences to try it.
However studying is hard, getting good grades is hard, trying to live up to expectations is hard, everything is hard, sometimes even sitting up straight is hard. Resisting the urge to curl up and bawl your eyes out is hard, but everyone in your family dismisses it as normal. After all, everyone would be a scholar if it was that easy. So you try to keep your head up, eyes away from any and everything that might become an obstacle. Your peers call you the model student, always taking notes, up to date with assignments, top scores on tests, homework and presentations. Your teachers always look at you when asking questions in class and everyone just unanimously agreed that you're the top of the batch.
At home you parents are disappointed, A-?? Why minus??? Why not plus? You can't even do this much? You try to explain that in most subjects you can't possibly get higher than an A-, because the final grade A is 100% and some professors just don't give 100%
But no, it's because you're in bad company, you need to sit with the smart kids, the studious kids. Mom is mad because you hang out with bad company, their bringing you down. That one friend who's struggling emotionally, who has some shit going on at home, it's her fault, she's using you as a coping mechanism. Distance yourself. That other friend who's GPA isn't above 3.5, she's poisoning your mindset, distance yourself.
Why don't you have any friends? When I was your age I knew everyone and everyone knew me. Look at your siblings, he made life long friends in the Akademiya, and now they all work together.
You can't take it anymore. Midterms just ended and it's the final winter break before finals. There's two weeks before classes start again so you decided to come home. Two days you spend occupied in your hobbies, reading, knitting, playing games, just relaxing at home, at the end of the second day your mom comes up to your room frowning, Your exams are in a month why haven't you started preparing?
You sat on your bed, the door locked as you stare at the wall. There's noise in your head. Not a single coherent thought, just a jumbled mess, chaos, utter chaos. You think back on the day, you tried so hard to be happy, sang your favourite songs, did your little happy dances, daydreamed, read your favourite novels and all of that led to you hiding under your blanket, struggling to breathe, but still sure to keep quiet. You can hardly breathe properly but you still slap a hand over your mouth and heave into your palm, salty tears cascading dripping down the side of your face. It felt like someone stuffed cotton down your throat, you can't breathe, you're suffocating. There's a sharp pain in your chest, like a prick in your heart and you suddenly sit up panting, shaking like a leaf, holding onto yourself as you sniffle quietly, rocking back and forth. Happy thoughts, happy thoughts, your favourite character from that novel, you favourite memory, think about your archon, she'll help you, surely this will pass. The tremors start to die down, your breathing regulates, the pain in your chest goes away and the tears suddenly dry up, leaving that bitter awful numbness.
Nothing. Now you feel absolutely nothing. Not the cold, not the pain, not the suffocation, nothing. After a few minutes of stifling silence and stillness, when you're sure it's gone, you ease up, relaxing your muscles as you lean back against your headboard. And the tears come back. Everything else is numb, just tears dripping down your cheeks and you wonder where all this pain is coming from.
You've had a spoiled childhood. Doting siblings that disciplined you into the studious kid you are. Even though you family still believes you're a non serious kid. You run your hands through your hair, wanting to rip it all out of your head, staring tiredly at the clock on your bedside. Barely a few hours before sun rise. With a sigh you turn over, laying back down, pulling your covers over your nose to go back to sleep.
You hear a soft knock on the bedroom door, rousing you out of your near sleep state. You nearly brushed it off until you hear it again, firmer and longer this time. Begrudgingly, you got out of bed and stumbled over to the door thinking it's your mom. You swing the door open and the next moment, you're engulfed in the firmest, warmest embrace you could have ever imagined.
You forgot your fiance was staying over tonight.
Alhaitham closes the door behind you both, locking the door as he tucks an arm under your thighs, holding you against him as she easily carries you back to bed. Whispering the softest, and kindest words against your skin.
"You did so well my love," he praises, kissing your cheek as he tucks both of you under the blanket. You feel the tears from before coming back full force and he welcomes them, "You're doing your best and I'm proud of you for it,"
"My pretty girl, you work so hard, well done,"
That's all you ever wanted to hear. You curl around him like a snake, holding on for dear life as you quietly sob into his chest. Haitham brushes your hair away from your face, fishes your handkerchief out from your bedside drawer and softly cleans up the snot around your nose, booping it afterwards.
"My love, you are so strong. So strong," he whispers kissing your reddened and tender cheeks, "But you've been strong long enough, now let me take care of you,"
You forgot, you'll always be more than enough for your lover.
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