Writing in the darkness

I’ve realized that I was scared to lose you in all this. Lose who I know you can be and will be. You were always the strong one, while I get carried away by emotions and my over thoughts. 

In the end, I know I will truly lose you if I continue on like this--consumed by grief, sadness and depression. 

The only thing I can do, in your words to preserve whatever we had and have as a beautiful memory is to let it all go and let it be. 

What I can do is give you the one thing you want---your life as you want it to be. 

I can only offer my support and let you know I’m always there if you ever need it, no strings attached, no matter what happens. 

I am letting go and will try to find myself again through this process, before I disappeared.... 

Things have changed, we have changed and our emotions have changed but the routines we find ourselves in remains the same.

Grocery shopping –same Window shopping –same Brunch – same

What is different is now the memories prior still seeps into the present.

Grocery shopping meant cooking and spending time together but now it’s just chores.

Window shopping meant I knew what you liked and what you didn't liked. It meant being able to hold your hands, have my arms around you. 

Brunch was a moment where we can get away and take in everything. Weekends are what I loved when I knew I’d wake up next to you and actually was able to spend the day with you fully...

now...

silence.