in the midst

...

And then we both decided to try to get some sleep. I had work in a few hours and he was going to be planning another party in just a little bit. But as I told him goodnight, something in the way he looked at me made me stop. And we kind of just stood there looking at each other for a minute.

It was weird, but I really wanted to kiss him.

Then the moment passed and I rushed in here to write it all down before I forgot. I had a lot of Romeo’s creations at the party and I’m not sure what that’ll mean for me when I wake up. But for some reason I feel like this is important.

...

Kaden didn’t reappear until both Ulrike and Romeo had gone home for the night. I didn’t even notice him until he rounded the corner with arms full of dishes. He worked quietly for a while and I have to admit that I kind of haunted the living room in case he wanted to talk. Lucky for me, he did.

But not about anything sad. Instead, he sat down next to me on the couch and told me all about his childhood. He told me about his three older brothers and younger sister and about how his mother raised all five of them by herself. He told me about how his older brothers were really close in age, then there was a gap for a few years and so he was really close with his sister. He told me how hard it was for them when their mother died and about how his sister, who’s still a teen, lives with his oldest brother and his wife. And all the while he just seemed so happy and content to be telling his story.

I don’t know if it was because he set the precedent or not, but I told him all about my own childhood. I had four siblings plus two cousins that lived with me and my mom raised us by herself, too, until my youngest sibling drowned in a crazy pool accident.

I didn’t tell him about how I was meant to be watching him in the pool and...Well, I didn’t want it to be a weird experience. The sun was already coming up when I noticed how long we’d been talking to each other.

...

I eventually found Kaden in the bathroom, on the toilet, close to tears. He didn’t notice me when I peeked my head in at first, so I left as quietly as I could and retreated to the living room to lie to Ulrike and Romeo that he had fallen asleep early. I wanted to leave it up to him to tell me if something had happened or not. I really really wanted to know what was up, though.

Dear Diary,

I thought that Kaden was having a blast at his party. Everyone else seemed to be having a fantastic time. There were so many people packed into the rooms of our tiny house that I didn’t even notice that Kaden had ditched right after the cake was cut. It wasn’t until Ulrike and Romeo were the only guests left that it finally dawned on me that the birthday boy had disappeared.

It didn’t take long to find him.

Dear Diary,

It’s Kaden and My birthdays soon. His is a day before mine. We talked about it today and we’re both kind of terrified of becoming Adults. It’s like death is already closing in on us. 

It’s kind of dramatic, I know. But to be fair, life kind of flew by for both of us. Neither one of us is dating. Both of us are behind where we want to be in our careers. And...I don’t know. Do Adults still have roommates? There are just a lot of questions.

Kaden wants to throw big parties though. He even took off of work to start working on them. I’m kind of excited. Ulrike says she has some fantastic birthday surprise planned for me. And Romeo has agreed to bartend at both parties. And all of my friends are going to be in the same place together at the same time! 

Kaden has also said that there have been a lot of things weighing heavily on his mind lately. That seems pretty strange to me because Kaden doesn’t worry about much. He’s actually become kind of my best friend over the last couple of weeks. He’s everything that I’m not and that’s really nice. But this dark cloud above him lately has me pretty concerned about him. I hope it’s nothing too awful.

Dear Diary,

WE. GOT. A. POOL.

Listen, I’m not an entirely athletic person but I love to swim. I love being in the water and being outside and wearing swimsuits and being in the sun and you know. Whatever. All of it. It was all fantastic.

I learned something new about Kaden this week, too. He loves parties. He loves parties so much. He wanted to throw one in celebration of my latest career venture in my own tech startup and of the pool. Unfortunately, he works odd hours so getting people together for a party was hard. It actually ended up just being the two of us plus one. Recently un-pregnant, Gwendolyn was happy to stop by. Good ol’ Gwen, I guess.

Things have been looking a lot better lately, honestly. Kaden is actually really freaking cool. We play games together a lot and cooks incredible food. I’m also never dragged out to the club, which is great. I have a stereo in my living room to live out my dancing queen dreams with.

Pat on the back to me for writing a good entry for once.

Love, Shea

Dear Diary,

My little cottage has seen a few changes recently. I know, I know. It’s to be expected. I haven’t seen you in weeks. To be fair, I helped three people move in those weeks.

Let’s start with Romeo. It seemed to be just as unbearable for him to see his ex-wife with her new lover as it was for me. They spent a lot of their time at our house because Ulrike wasn’t ready to meet Romeo’s daughter. I spent most of my time trapped in my own bedroom, but that didn’t keep me from hearing their incessant giggling at all hours of the day and night. I guess the pressure of it all just really got to him because in the middle of the night on a Wednesday he barged into my room, in tears, and asked me to help him pack. He didn’t really explain much, but I knew almost instantly what the problem must have been.

That reminds me. Romeo’s girlfriend is pregnant with him. For the second time? You know, that man might have been my friend but I was definitely just his roommate. I knew nothing about him the whole time he lived with me. And now? I’ll probably never actually talk to him again, honestly. 

Next is Ulrike. Her story is pretty simple. She moved in with her girlfriend.

Which left me alone in a three-bedroom house that felt way too big and lonely. When  I was a kid, I had four siblings. We lived together all smushed up in a house with our mom, her sister, and our two cousins. The four of us shared a bedroom for as long as I can remember. So an empty house was not at all a home as far as I was concerned. 

So now I have a new roommate. He’s not exactly new. I’ve known Kaden since I first moved in. He’s a chef or something. I don’t know. He’s just really sweet and stays out of the way, but it’s comforting to hear his pots and pans banging around all the time. 

I guess that’s all for now.

Love,

“It was the strangest thing,” she’d said, her amber eyes sweeping up to take in my face all of a sudden. But she was looking at me. Not really. She was remembering. “I came home after that terrible day and there, sitting on our couch, was an angel. I swear to God I thought she really was at first.” My heart must have ruptured. There was a tight, intense pain in my chest as she told me all about the blonde beauty she had met. My brain refused to retain much of the information that Ulrike told me about her. And, you know, I knew exactly who it was because she even told me the whole story about Romeo and his ex-wife. I let her tell me because I didn’t trust myself to speak. But I really didn’t even believe it until she showed me pictures.

Apparently, they had this magical day together where they hung out and talked and got to know each other and Ulrike solved all of her problems are some stupid thing like that. I don’t know. I didn’t really listen.

I was mostly mad at myself for being so affected by it. Ulrike had never let on that she might be interested in me and I honestly should never have fed any feelings of the sort since she was my roommate and we had to live together. But it still made me really sad to see her with someone else. Especially someone I believed so problematic. I tried really hard not to think too deeply about it. Thoughts like that only led to irrational justification of even more irrational behavior. It was a bad, bad habit that was part of the reason I’d moved in the first place.

I don’t know what to do. My instinct is to march back into that room and tell her how I feel and demand that she stop seeing Viola immediately. But my brain reminded me that the only real course of action was to avoid Ulrike for as long as possible until these feelings subsided. I have work to do, anyway.

I probably won’t be writing much if I’m programming all the time. So best of luck in the bottom of my desk drawer.

With love (but little enthusiasm),