Sometimes Silence Isnât Enough
Lucien didnât go out in the more busy areas of Newark too often, and when he did he usually kept it brief and avoided being out in daylight hours because he wasnât one for crowds. Often he avoided being around too many strangers because of the communication barrier, though that wasnât the best excuse considering It was easy enough to slip through a crowd in the city without so much as a hello so long as you kept your head down.
Still, it was too many people for his tastes, and it was with regret that he roamed the streets dodging strangers. Heâd been out to buy some more cigarettes, a short emergency trip as heâd procrastinated on getting more before he ran out. Thankfully however he was now headed home to heat himself up some ravioli and laze around for a few hours. Heâd already decided he wouldnât be opening up shop today; he needed to sort through some new art and rotate his medical stock, and he didnât feel like doing any customer service after this outing. Maybe he could get away with not having any more human contact for the rest of the day.
The fantasy of what a great lazy evening he was going to have was distracting, and Luce nearly didnât notice the three people with paper signs standing on the sidewalk off to the side. They were out of the way but definitely right where they were visible to all passerby. Worth didnât turn his head, only letting his eyes subtly catch the words on the signs written in big letters: âHug me, Iâm gayâ, âHug me, Iâm transâ âHug me, Iâm an ally.â
He scoffed inwardly as he passed them by. They were all young people holding the signs, probably no older than 25, one looking something more the range of 15-17. Damn kids were always looking for affirmation, throwing themselves into the spotlight. Heâd personally never seen the need for the fanfare; heâs gay, he fucks men, thatâs just a fact and he doesnât need it to be his whole identity. Those kids were just begging for trouble in a city like this.
Worth continued walking, shoulders hunched so fur of his coat was up around his ears. Memories of his childhood flitted through his mind, memories of how early he learned that it wasnât appropriate to talk about your crushes when you like the same sex....how heâd found that his status as a teenage boy in high school was highly dependent on how many girls he fucked, and how heâd laughed alongside the straight kids who cracked jokes that somebody was gay because he carried a âman purseâ or she was gay because she didnât put out. He remembered breaking up with his last girlfriend and how long he spent alone before he finally had his first time with a guy...and how many rejections heâd gotten and dangerous situations heâd been in before getting the hang of identifying accepting people and hanging with the right crowds.
Worthâs footsteps slowed. It had been a struggle to keep it secret, to operate under the radar, but heâd gotten used to it. Heâd found his way, figured out how to safely live and be okay with who he was, all without outside approval. Heâd done it all by himself. Why couldnât they?
When he finally came to a stop he was standing in front of those three people and their signs, having turned back not long after walking away. His hands were deep in his pockets and his lips were pressed into a thin line as he faced them.
The way one of the three caught his eye and smiled at him, he felt like they were there for him, not the other way around. He took a deep breath, swallowing his pride, and stepped forward and gave each of the three a hug. They thanked him and he simply nodded, head down again as he turned to walk away.
Maybe it was about time people stopped being so damn quiet.
