玻璃

Hi guys first real post sorry if these are ooc ....... i tried my best .

1: Driving

This isn’t really a headcanon, because Javier Bardem said himself he doesn't drive, but Anton HATES driving. He’s extremely, extremely cautious about it, both hands always firmly on the wheel(as shown above), you will never see him running a red light or going even a mile past the speed limit(he always keeps at least 5 under). Part of it is also driven(pun intended) by not wanting to get stopped for a traffic violation, as that could easily lead to his other crimes being investigated and him getting arrested again. If he’s driving with anyone, he does not tolerate music or chatter under any circumstances, because he needs to be entirely focused on the road. As mentioned earlier, he drives annoyingly slow—it’s fine when he’s out on the open desert roads, without many other cars around, but god forbid he should ever go on the city highways. He gets tailgated, honked at, flipped off, all of which stress him out further and prompt him to go even slower to piss them off(or, as he likes to say it, teach them patience).

“If everyone drove like me, there would be fewer accidents.”

Whenever the two of you are paired together on jobs, it’s almost always going to be you behind the wheel. On the one hand, he’s grateful for it, since he hates driving, but on the other, he considers himself a much safer driver than you(which he probably is) and doesn’t trust your road habits, which tend to be somewhat reckless. Sometimes, just to get a rise out of him, you’ll briefly speed up really fast, or zig-zag your wheel around… he doesn’t find it amusing. He keeps a collection of extremely gruesome car crash pictures cut out of drivers ed textbooks to show to you whenever you run a red light or make an illegal turn; it’s not all that effective, since both of you are already desensitized to that kind of stuff from your work. Also, he can’t parallel park.

2: Humor

When he’s not planning on killing someone, he can actually be pretty funny, albeit unintentionally. He’s kind of a massive ragebaiter, and because of his flat demeanor you can never really tell if it's on purpose or not. He’ll often say really sarcastic and snarky things with a completely straight face. It’s the complete opposite when he does try to be funny, though. Since you two work together often, and he’s not planning on killing you any time soon, he doesn’t feel the need to intimidate you like he does everyone else. The first few jobs you did together, he tried to express that he wasn’t threatening to you by making “jokes”. Unfortunately, none of them landed, and everything got even more awkward... 

In terms of what Anton finds funny, like Carson Wells said, he doesn’t have a sense of humor… he’s not much of a laugher, and when you make little jokes or quips he’s not often to pick up on them. The things he does laugh at are a little bit childish. Mostly practical jokes. Sometimes, when talking to you, he’ll randomly smile or chuckle, and you never know what for. It’s just one of the many ways in which he’s strange and off-putting, and for the most part you’ve gotten used to it.

3: Bad Habits(Of Others)

Ironically, despite the fact that his job is to take lives, he gets really irrationally irritated when he sees other people engaging in self-harmful behavior. The way he sees it, being alive is a privilege, so why would one not do everything they can to preserve it? He never feels guilty about anyone he kills, but he feels especially not-guilty if he finds out the person he killed was a smoker, or drug addict, or had terrible eating habits. If they don’t even care enough to look after their own bodies, he doesn’t see why they deserve to live anyways. The first time he saw you smoking, he went on this huge guidance counselor D.A.R.E. spiel about how unhealthy it was, how it led to lung cancer, how every cigarette was five years shaved off your lifespan, on and on. He didn’t find anything funny about the fact that he, a hitman, was lecturing someone about taking better care of their health. 

4: Drinking

Related to the above headcanon, it’s safe to say he doesn’t drink at all. Obviously, there’s the adverse health effects, but Anton is also a man who must always be in control. He must be level-headed, rational, and alert at all times; it’s a requirement of the job. He hates the way alcohol dulls the senses and makes people weak and sloppy. He’s gotten drunk only a handful of times, and has never found it appealing. He doesn’t understand why anyone would intentionally handicap themselves by drinking, especially when, to him, it’s not even fun. He also just hates the taste. One time, after finishing a job together, you got a couple bottles of beer to celebrate—when you offered one to him, he looked at you with a mixture of bewilderment and disgust and asked, “...you expect me to drink this?”

As he doesn’t like to drink, he also doesn’t like it when people around him get drunk. He finds that it turns perfectly capable and respectable people into pathetic, stumbling losers. Sometimes, when you’re drunk, as a JOKE(!!!), he’ll say things like: “do you know how easy it would be for me to kill you right now? If I pulled a gun on you, you would be completely incapable of defending yourself.” He means it as a light reprimand, not a threat, but knowing Anton it definitely comes off as the latter. Actually, he gets pretty concerned about your drinking, and the vulnerable position it puts you in. He knows that he himself has no reason to hurt you, but what about other people? If you tell him you’re going out to a bar or honky-tonk, especially if it’s one you haven’t been to before, he’ll take it upon himself to be your ride home. It’s not like he wants to—frankly he has better things to do—but he sees it as his responsibility. Don’t think this means he cares about you…. the two of you are coworkers, acquaintances at best. He just knows that if anything happens to you, if you get taken hostage or attacked, it could be used as a lead to him.

5: Milk

Of course, he loves dairy products….. not just milk. Yogurt, ice cream, milkshakes, anything buttery. He frequently eats entire tubs of frozen Cool-Whip in one sitting. (I know that Cool-Whip was dairy free in 1980, but it still counts…) He also puts a ridiculous amount of milk in his coffee. His favorite meal of the day is definitely breakfast. He doesn’t really like cheese, though.

6: Children

He avoids killing children. This doesn’t mean that he won’t kill children if it comes down to it, but, if it can be helped, he’d always prefer not to. He has no qualms with killing adults because, in his eyes, they’re fully responsible for their deaths—whatever they might have done to lead them here is their own fault, their fate is their own consequence. Children, though, he doesn’t see as fully aware or responsible for their lives. It’s not like he has some moral objection to killing them. In most cases, he just doesn’t believe it’s their time yet. That’s why he didn’t kill those two boys after the crash, even though they were potential witnesses…

7: Attraction

(Kinda NSFW..) Although he doesn’t really feel sexual or romantic attraction, he’ll still get boners from time to time. He sees it as just another bodily function, the same as eating, or sleeping, or using the restroom. He’s had sex before(don't ask how), as in, he’s gone through the motions of sex, but it doesn’t really do anything for him, besides the brief physical sensation. He doesn’t get any emotional bond out of it, and, for the most part, it just makes him feel sticky and weird and uncomfortable afterwards. When he does get boners, he just patiently waits for them to go away. He doesn’t jack off, mostly because he never realized it was an option, but I don’t think he’d bother with it either way. 

8: Music

Unsurprisingly, he’s not really into music. He’s not really into anything—he doesn’t have many hobbies. But you can’t drive without turning the radio on, so, when he’s with you, he ends up listening to a lot of your music. He likes instrumentals because he can’t emotionally connect to any lyrics, and just finds singing to congest the actual music. In particular, he favors classical piano pieces. The one exception to his no-singing preference is Talking Heads, which he heard once when you tuned into an underground FM station. He liked David Byrne’s voice, but thought the rest of the music was terrible.

this is literally my first post....i do not use tumblr . but the anton chigurh community seems to be alive here , more so than the other social medias ... pray to god that nobody i know in real life finds this account .

i like to imagine an anton chigurh x reader but where you aren't actually dating.....or romantically involved at all, really . in fact, you're coworkers who are paired up on a lot of jobs, and he kind of hates you a little bit, but he knows that it would be counterproductive to kill you. and you think he's just a weirdo with a stupid haircut. but you have to stay in motel rooms together often, and you sort of bond .....