Shark from the Future

Joel! What is it? That girl of yours, she took one of our horses and rode off.

a pretty standard arrangement for engagement rings. a raised stone is better than nothing. 3/10

a lovely, simple, elegant wedding band. a classic anybody would be pleased to get married with. useless in a fight. 0/10

huge. tacky. kinda pretty tho. but look at that raised diamond in the center. you could easily break someone’s tooth with this. 7/10

also huge and tacky. at first glance you’d think the rounded edge might not cause much damage but look at how those rows of diamonds are raised in the second view. you could really rip up someone’s face. 9/10

this one is almost elegant. no sharp edges, but it’s solidly built. you would cause more damage with the ring on than off, which is a solid basis for choosing an engagement ring. 5/10

a lovely design, i enjoy open filigree. however im not sure how said filigree would stand up to the impact of being slammed into someone’s face. 2/10

the twisting design is pretty, but im not entirely sure that socking someone in the jaw wouldnt break off those stones. it looks somewhat reinforced but do you really want to leave the Punching Power of  your engagement ring up to chance? i wouldnt. two raised stones tho. 6/10, pending experimentation

HAHAHAHA holy shit. thats Five raised stones, with reinforced prongs, for maximum damage at any angle. i highly recommend this ring both for its sapphire centerpiece and its capacity for causing pain. 10/10

That filigree you gave 2/10? much sturdier than the filigree tacky rings… Trust me. Those are super hollow and light on the settings so that they aren’t too heavy or expensive. (and so they don’t roll on your finger)

Also worth noting:

White gold = sturdier than yellow gold (which is why most prongs are in white)

Now, if you want a ring that’ll hold up to socking someone in the nose, may I suggest 10kt white gold (hardest of gold options, sturdier than silver, and more reasonable than platinum)

See how thick all that metal is? It’s not going to cave in on you.

And you can do this with it:

I did the epidural method for that one. From what I remember the anesthesiologist injected some fentanyl derivative directly into my spinal column, and - I basically just fucking spasmed out of pure joy on the gurney. I blurted aw, FUCK YEAH real loud because fentanyl direct to the brain is like Sex With God, and every person in the OR froze for a second, unsure of how to respond.