SillyScience

CUDDLE ME CUDDLE ME

You used to wrap yourself in fairy tales like a blanket but it was the cold you loved.

Sharp shivers as you uncovered the corpses of Bluebeard’s wives.

Sweeter goose bumps as Prince Charming slid one glass slipper over your little toes, a perfect fit.

But by the schoolyard, real princesses floated by you on fall winds.

You saw the gulf between you and the rich girls and vowed to stop believing in fairy tales but the stories were in you, deep as poison.

If Prince Charming was real, if he could save you, you needed to be saved from the unfairness of everything, when would he come?

The answer was a cruel shrug in a hundred fleeting moments.

The sneer on Stevie Smith’s face when he called you a fat cow.

Uncle Jeff’s hand squeezing your ass in the Thanksgiving Kitchen.

The accusation in your father’s eyes when you told him what happened.

From every boy masquerading as a man that you let into your body, your heart, you learned you didn’t have whatever magic turns a beast into a prince.

You surrounded yourself with the girls you’d always resented, hoping to share their power, and you hated yourself.

And that diminished you even more.

And then, right when you thought you might just disappear, he saw you.

And you knew, somewhere deep, it was too good to be true.

But you let yourself be swept, because he was the first strong enough to lift you.

Now, in his castle, you understand Prince Charming and Bluebeard are the same man.

And you don’t get a happy end unless you love both of him.

Didn’t you want this?

To be loved?

Didn’t you want him to crown you?

Didn’t you ask for it?

Didn’t you ask for it?

Didn’t you ask for it?

So say you can live like this. Say you love him, say thank you, say anything but the truth.

What if you can’t love him back?

Alright, so I’m gonna try my best to articulate my feelings about this show, and more specifically, it’s main character Joe Goldberg. 

So first off, this show… is definitely an intense ride. Technically it’s not perfect (really, what is), but I feel like it’s quality is higher than most things we’ve been given in the last several years. Underneath all the action and drama, there’s a real sincerity and deep character study here.  And in all honesty, that is what I live for, and crave most in my shows/movies. So the fact that I have tons of thoughts about it from the get-go, and that it can spark real discussion among its viewers, makes me happy beyond belief. 

There are a lot of interesting and clever things about this story. One of which that stood out to me first was that, this is a stalker story from a man’s POV, written by a woman. Now of course, a good writer can make any believable character, so I’m not saying this is out of complete and utter shock or anything.  I just think it adds more to how impressively real and genuine this story feels. I’m not an expert on what goes on in a male mind, but reading the book, and watching the show, Caroline Kepnes made capturing a man’s thought process seem effortless, and I am a little blown away by that. I think it’s fantastic. So right away, as a woman, I’m intrigued with getting such a close peek into what’s going on in the brain of someone of the opposite sex. Who doesn’t want that when they get the chance?  

Which leads me to the next point I appreciate: it almost feels like we, the audience/reader are being invasive too. I don’t know about you guys, but I became very aware (especially while reading the book) that we weren’t invited into this guy’s head by him. We’re just there. Snooping into his life and his stalker ways. It feels a little like this scene in the show:

(Which is my absolute FAVORITE omg 😂😂😂😂😂)

So in some ways, it feels like you’re mirroring Joe a little bit. You’re watching/reading this guy’s every move, and making your own judgements and conclusions on them. Plus, the intense curiosity I got while reading the book/watching the show, made me ravenous for more. I devoured this book/show, and would have continued to, no matter how long this story went on. So all at once it seems to make me feel more relatable to Joe, while also feeling a little hypocritical as I judge his thoughts and actions from afar. I think deep down we’re all, to some degree, a little inappropriately nosy and curious. Especially when we have the opportunity to be. So right away going in, on this very vague basis, I can honestly say I relate to Joe a little bit.  That said, here is where I’m going to try and explain my feelings about Joe. Hopefully I’ll be able to convey my thoughts clearly, because when it comes to the more serious stuff like this, I believe it’s important for there to be no misunderstandings. 

Okay. So Joe Goldberg. This slippery little weasel right here. 

Yes, I will start by saying that he is hot, he is attractive, and there is an appealing quality to him. I don’t think it’s wrong to admit that. However, there are some glaring flaws that cannot and should not be ignored. I will get to that in a second. But first, I want to touch on some of the surface things that drew me in about this guy, and makes me uncomfortably aware of the fact that if I didn’t know his dirt, I’d totally be into him. 

#1

He’s smart. He’s well read. The man loves books. I love books. Watching him rebind a damaged hardcover would be a satisfying date for me, I’m not going to lie. 

#2, he’s funny. 

#3, on the surface (and I can’t stress that statement enough ON THE SURFACE) he makes for a pretty dang decent boyfriend. 

#4, when he’s correct about what’s right,

#5, again, he’s pretty relatable sometimes

#6, he seems pretty good at *ahem*

You know. Which is always nice. 

But that’s the surface stuff. Now it’s time for the nitty gritty. The really important part. 

There is a strong Ted Bundy flavor here. He doesn’t seem menacing. He just seems like your every-day, relatable, charming, attractive guy. You wouldn’t feel threatened by him at all if you met him. Even someone as smart as Beck fell for it. 

He was very good at putting his best foot forward.  Hence the surface stuff. Hence the attraction we may feel despite ourselves. However, I do sympathize with him to some degree. And here’s why.  Unlike Ted Bundy, I don’t get the impression that Joe has a bloodlust. Ted Bundy would go and meet women, charm them, woo them, lure them in with the express intention of killing them. That was his endgame. He craved the feeling he got when he tortured, raped, and killed women.  

^ Now Joe IS a killer. There is no sidestepping that. But the reason he feels he can claim he’s not is because, unlike Mr. Bundy, Joe’s motivation with selecting his next girl isn’t murder. It’s finding “love”, in his mind. So I do sympathize with him to some degree, because I can’t label him as a monster, or 100% evil. His surface stuff wasn’t a complete sham. It was merely the best version of himself. His good side. The side of himself he let others see. That’s another way we’re vaguely relatable. We all try to hide the less-than-savory side of ourselves.  The only difference is: Joe’s “bad side” is incredibly dangerous. 

So while his motivation was different, his threat level is still very much up there.

I also got the impression that all the stuff he said about his thoughts on love and wanting to “make it work”- he really believed what he was saying. He genuinely felt that way, regardless of how skewed his perception of the situation was. So while his actions were undeniably wrong, I could feel for the guy, and at least relate to the view he tries to get across. That said, the main problem with Joe is that his reactions are extreme. Especially in the book, the man can be very bipolar. When he perceives things are going well, he’s on top of the world. And when he thinks things are going sour, he’s completely in the pits and hates everything. The man is unstable. No matter how much we can understand his desires or his thought process, the truth of the matter is- he does not function properly. It is important to see him for what he is. But at the same time, I feel it’s okay to feel bad about that. He’s clearly messed up, but it’s okay to still see him as human. Like someone else said in the tag, humanizing =/= excusing. As long as you’re not ride or die with all of his murdering and stalking, it’s okay to sympathize for him. It’s okay to relate.  It’s okay to understand his perspective.  But it’s equally important to grasp the reality of the character. He is a danger to the public. He is not fit to roam free. 

In all fairness, I think they did make him a tad more sympathetic in the show. Because like I said earlier, in the book he was more bipolar, while in the show, he was more consistent in his intense optimism about his relationship with Beck. To watch this unstable guy want something so much, something most of us want, is the most relatable thing there is. 

It’s a thing we generally want most people to enjoy. That’s where the main conflict inside me comes from. Love is a pure thing. And lasting romantic bliss is something most of us wish to attain. So to watch this guy who’s clearly unfit for it, but still genuinely wants it SO badly, makes my heart go out to him a little. Emotionally he is this wounded bird, while in every other way he most definitely is NOT. 

Beck said it best when she pointed out that, no matter his intention, it was not his place to fix her life.  It was HER life, HER choices.  We might objectively see how a certain change could improve someone’s life, but their life is ultimately their own, and we have no right to take charge away from how they choose to lead it. We can only try and find someone who makes decisions we can generally agree with and stand by. This is something Joe couldn’t understand. He sees a girl he likes, he puts her on a pedestal, and he immediately gets to work trying to “help” her, to “save” her. His perception is off on how a relationship works, and what being a “good boyfriend” means.  And again, what messes with your head a little bit, is that he’s not 100% off.  On the surface, he’s a great boyfriend. But his bad side makes him feel like it’s his duty to “protect” his girlfriend in ways that aren’t acceptable or okay.  And he doesn’t realize that his “bad side” is wrong, and proportionally way off from a normal person’s.  

The ideal solution would be for him to go to a mental hospital and get help. But realistically, he’d probably be able to talk his way out of there. So unfortunately, the only place for him is prison.  He is a dangerous man. There is no overlooking it. 

I think in a nutshell, my main feeling toward this character is a big ‘If only’.  If only he were stable, if only his mental health could be improved, if only he had proper boundaries, if only he didn’t kill people. But we have to face the music. No matter how badly we feel for him, and wish for better- the reality is, he’s a dangerous criminal. There’s nothing romantic about that. Plenty to sympathize with, but nothing to excuse. He is ultimately the villain, though he sees himself as, and tries hard to be, the hero. We can’t separate the bad from the good inside him, no matter how much we might want to. Joe Goldberg is an amazing character. He’s intriguing, he’s interesting, he’s fascinating, he’s entertaining. But at the end of the day, you don’t want to date him. Amazingly written, sympathetic character does not always equal good boyfriend material. Ship him with his mental health instead.