The bucci gang and why they would break up with you devastated me, but I now crave a La Squadra version and would love if you made it gut wrenching.
Why they would break up || JJBA Part 5 || La Squadra Esecuzioni Headcanons
Hello!! Thank you so much for this delicious request. I think I spent too much time thinking about these headcanons instead of writing them lol. Hope you enjoy them! :3
Edit: I tried to make it gut wrenching but I made these guys just assholes lmao
Trigger warning: Mentions of emotional abuse, stalking?, slightly suggestive (mention of sex)
Lifestyles / personalities don’t match
Nero is the type of guy who wouldn’t date in the first place, but somehow you managed to melt his heart.
He loves you quietly. You could even call it coldly.
Even if there are no issues in your relationship he’d still break up with you. His life is dangerous, and because he truly loves you, he wants to protect you.
He suffers from the breakup just as much as you do, but he knows it’s better for both of you
You won’t reunite, but he’ll make sure you’re safe and that nothing dangerous ever happens to you.
If you’re in La Squadra, he’s going to kick you out. Out of one of the few acts of kindness he’s capable of, he’ll make sure you have another job that isn’t associated with Passione.
He’s the type of ex who still loves you but never appears in your life again. If you fall in love with someone else, Risotto will be genuinely happy for you.
“You mean… we were dating?”
You’d always have a good time with Formaggio, whether it was a drive-in movie date or just chilling at his place with his cat purring on your lap while the two of you cuddled.
Formaggio isn’t romantic, but you wouldn’t call him an emotionless prick either.
He never bought you flowers or officially asked you out. Instead, you’d get a phone call in the afternoon with a simple: “You free this evening?”
You knew a lot about his life and work. The guy just couldn’t shut up. He also listened to your stories… but did he really? He’d act surprised when you mentioned you had a pet, even though you had told him about it just a few days ago. That’s how you knew he never truly listened.
One night, after… a fun time in bed, the two of you were smoking in the kitchen when you straight-up asked Formaggio if you were dating. There were a few seconds of silence before he let out a chuckle, which was enough for you to predict his next words.
Formaggio explained that the two of you had never actually been dating.
You were just friends who cuddled and had sex. Nowadays, we’d call it friends with benefits.
Illuso is intelligent and very handsome. But he’s also egotistical and narcissistic.
It’s honestly strange that the two of you even started dating. He acts as if he’s allowing you to date him, like he’s doing you a favor.
The breakup depends entirely on your personality and actions.
If you know how to deal with narcissists, you’ll crush his ego before leaving him. If you know what you’re dealing with, you’re smarter than trying to build a healthy relationship with Illuso in the first place.
After you show him who’s the real boss and break up with him, he’ll still try to get you back.
You left him. He lost. And that’s simply not allowed in his opinion.
Every two or three months he’ll call you or even wait outside your workplace/university/college just to ask you to try again, using manipulation the whole time.
Just don’t let Illuso back into your life. At that point, his intentions are driven purely by ego.
If you’re the type of person who falls in love easily and doesn’t know how to deal with narcissists, you’ll be the one left completely broken.
Illuso is evil, and he’ll leave you mentally destroyed.
And when you finally move on… He always comes back just to mess with you.
You’re finally happy, sitting at a bar with your friend, when they point out a man staring at you from across the room. Yep. It’s Illuso.
This man will always find you like he’s obsessed. And damn… he is obsessed. Just not with you. He’s obsessed with the game he’s playing - and winning.
Every-time this man appears in your life again somehow, your only reaction would be this:
He’s kind of similar to Fugo. The reason for the breakup is almost the same.
The difference is that Ghiaccio is so, so much crueler with his words - and with his attitude overall.
He genuinely tries to stay composed around you, but you’re human after all.
You make mistakes. To everyone else, those mistakes are small. To Ghiaccio, they’re not.
Whether you break up with him or he breaks up with you, the result is the same. The two of you won’t stay friends. You won’t get back together. He’s pretty dramatic about it too.
He’ll be furious over every little thing you did wrong during the relationship, even if those mistakes were relatively small.
He becomes the type of ex you absolutely hate.
Try dating someone else on his team, though, and suddenly he becomes even angrier… and maybe a little jealous.
Even after the breakup, he’d still be weirdly protective of you while simultaneously hating your guts.
Cheated / doesn’t view your relationship the same way you do
Melone is one of my favorite characters, but I headcanon him as a total asshole.
I also headcanon him as an aromantic but with very active sex life
So the two of you becoming an actual couple probably shouldn’t have happened in the first place.
Instead of telling you how he actually views relationships, he lies to you. You just seem to like him so much.
Melone likes your company.
You’re the only person who listens to all of his scientific rambling with loving eyes. He genuinely enjoys that. Maybe that’s why the relationship lasts as long as it does.
He’s sweet - but only with his words.
Melone doesn’t understand how to be in a relationship, and honestly, he doesn’t really want to understand.
Having you in his life is nice. Not great. Not perfect. Just… okay. He’d probably even think, “Could’ve been better.”
I think he’d cheat. You’d just never find out because he’s sneaky.
The official reason for the breakup is simple: he just doesn’t care enough. The two of you basically coexist. Sometimes you kiss. Sometimes he gives you a dry compliment. That’s about it. You live more like roommates than lovers. With sex too, but I’m trying to keep this minor-friendly.
Oddly enough, after the breakup you stay on good terms. He’s the only member of La Squadra I’d imagine staying friends with.
Because Prosciutto told him to
I honestly feel bad for Pesci because he really did like you.
But unfortunately, his team’s opinion - and especially Prosciutto’s opinion - matters more to him.
He’s genuinely sorry about breaking up with you.
The two of you probably could’ve stayed on good terms…But Prosciutto has a lot of influence over him.
I think he’s the only member of La Squadra, besides Risotto, who wouldn’t date in the first place.
He’s a hitman. Your lives are completely different, and based on lifestyle alone, he thinks the relationship won’t work.
If you’re a civilian, he’ll break up with you because your worlds are simply too different.
If you’re in the hitman team, he’ll still break up with you because, in his opinion, dating your coworker is strange. On top of that, you’re both in constant danger, which definitely doesn’t help your love life.
Prosciutto wouldn’t cause unnecessary drama. Would breaking up with you be cruel? Yes. But he’d also be honest and straightforward. He simply believes it’s better not to be in a relationship.
He’s the kind of ex you remember because the two of you shared part of your lives together. But you don’t think of him positively or negatively. He’s just… your ex.
