no spoons here

She refused to accept that sometimes, when you're in a lot of pain, bed is the only tolerable place to be. She wouldn't accept that I couldn't leap out of bed as soon as I was awake, and needed time to sort out what hurt, how much, and what I needed to do about it. She also wouldn't accept that sometimes I went to bed a few hours before I was sleepy simply because I was in so much pain that I just needed somewhere comfortable to exist for a while.

Then again, she also insisted I needed sleep restriction that would have me in bed from 3-8 AM... otherwise known as my usual everyday schedule... even though my sleep efficiency was hovering around 90%, and sleep restriction is for people whose SE is 55% or lower. She had no explanation for why this was a suitable treatment.

Finally got into an ortho clinic to talk to a surgeon about the knee I wrecked 4 months ago. They decided I didn't need to see the surgeon, a sports medicine doctor would do (even though I've seen 4 doctors already). He wouldn't listen to anything I had to say, he just decided it was osteoarthritis, even though NONE of the symptoms fit.

Everything about this knee screams meniscus tear. Every doctor so far has told me "you need to see ortho about that knee, I think you tore something." This guy saw "middle age overweight woman with a sore knee" and made his decision.

I told him the pain started after trauma; no it's not achy, it's sharp; it gets worse if I put too much weight on it. He kept making up reasons it was still OA. Then he told me he could do injections to help (expensive and probably not covered by my drug plan).

Walk-in doc: "Hmm I dunno, maybe it's a Baker's cyst? Go get imaging."

Second walk-in doc with results in hand: "well you have some effusion... Maybe you sprained your meniscus. Go to physio."

Physio: "Hmm.. I don't know, maybe it's bursitis. Here's some exercises."

(the exercises make things worse)

I don't have a job. My kids are old enough that they don't need to rely on me anymore. I'm adopted and I don't feel connected to my family or my heritage. Other than being chronically ill, what am I?

I tried reconnecting with my heritage these last few months. I reached out to three indigenous friendship centres. One didn't reply. One offered to help and never followed up after I said yes, please, help me. One invited me for a tour and a chat, made a lot of promises about helping me figure things out, and then ghosted me after I attended an arts & crafts evening that was super awkward (it was me, the host, and two white women, crafting in total silence). At this point, I give up. I just don't have the energy to try any more. I'm walking away from all of it. I need to make it not matter anymore.

I had a Bravo capsule placed on Thursday and I've been in pain, sometimes very intense pain, ever since. I can't eat solid food, and I'm constantly aware of it in my chest. It's making my esophagus spasm. I had to go to the hospital where I had it put in, since my local hospital didn't know anything about how to deal with it.

First of all, the emergency dept is horrible. They discuss your problem with you in the waiting room, in front of everyone else you're waiting with. There's no privacy. I watched someone get handed a gown and told to change. We were in a waiting room/hallway. They didn't even give her a space to change. I have two massive bruises on my arms because my evening nurse thought my IV was "a trash needle" and wanted to put in a bigger one, even though I warned her about my veins. She failed twice and gave up. When I finally got to talk to the surgeon (who was supposed to see me hours earlier and just didn't bother), her answer was "well we can't take it out, it would do even more damage." When I asked her how it was any different from a biopsy or polyp removal she started making excuses, and then offered to keep me overnight so I could get IV fluids. I'm able to drink so why would I take up a bed?? This was an hour after another doctor telling me "well we can't just send you home with nothing!" Well guess where I am now?

unmasked persistent cough guy

nauseous child with inadequate vomit bag

junkie coming down, who occasionally screams

old lady with full volume "old fashioned phone" ringtone

guy wearing so much body spray that he has crossed the line and just smells like bug spray (did you just reapply in the waiting room???)

Karen who keeps asking how much longer they have to wait

frequent loud phone calls woman

entire Indian family who packed a whole picnic for their wait

20-something who's only here because work told him to come ("I feel fine")

I'm missing loud YouTube watcher, feral toddler, and gruesome work injury guy, but we'll see what happens.

Everything I read says this can happen and it can take a few weeks, but living it is so much harder than I thought.

I started LDN on Thursday. It took ages to get it - after my doctor insisted it wasn't a thing I got into a pain clinic, where the nurse said I was a great candidate for it, and that we'd talk about it at my second appointment... in 4 months. I had to remind her on that appointment and she sent the script off to my pharmacy, insisting that yes, they do compounding. They do not, and I had to get her to send it to one that I know for sure does. That took a whole week. Anyway it's in a gross goo that is too sweet, so not very pleasant.

So day 1, I didn't really notice anything. Day 2 I had heartburn that would not let up. Day 3 I started getting little electric pains in random spots, and bouts of dizziness. Day 4 it felt like my whole digestive system was trying to curl into a ball and roll over.