Miss SMS

During a family visit, I was led to this idea, something that'll also allow me to exercise my writing skills, according to Spirit. 😔 Over the next few days, I invite you to go through the four elements, specifically what form the elements wish you to embody, and how it'll help with whatever challenge you might be facing. First, Fire! Please pick an item, and remember this is a collective reading. Only you know what's true for you...

Left to Right: Pile One (silver candle), Pile Two (charcoal), Pile Three (matchsticks)

Decks used: The Clow, The Soul's Journey by James Van Praagh

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Pile One🕯️

Early evening settles over a forest. Saplings and young trees push through ash-fed ground. A forest's triumphant return in the aftermath of a blaze that burned in years past. In the midst of the new greenery, you sit in front of a campfire marked off by a circle of big stones. The fire's already close to extinguished, but plenty of smoke still arises from the smoldering logs, the embers twinkling in rhythm to the first of the faint stars hanging above the horizon. You've been shaking in anticipation for what feels like hours, hoping the bonfire that was once raging within the stone circle would give you a message, but it never did.

Now, with the flames dwindled, the wind picks up, gently swirling the smoke towards your face. Coughing, eyes watering, you wave your hand in front of your face. And then you hear a soft laugh.

"I do not take offense. Flames are far more fascinating to watch, after all. But smoke? Ash? Boring. An irritant. It appears too early, too quietly, to gather much notice, and often outlives fire's need. But consider. Smoke is also a signal to attention. After all, where I am, there must be fire, right? And look around. A spark of lightning, and old growth was burned away. Yet In the right conditions, ash promotes new growth and allows the cycle to go on.

"You're used to bold action, pushing through on your own. But may I suggest another way? Just as I dance with the wind, it would benefit you to dust off your communication skills. You cannot expect others to assist if you haven't made your plans/your way of thinking clear, and you can't know who to trust if you keep yourself out of the loop. And you DO need help. The task you are about to undertake, you can't do alone, as much as you insist that cooperation only leads to disappointment. Trust that there are eyes upon the wind, searching for your dancing embers, waiting to jump into action on your behalf when they receive your signal."

***

Pile Two 🪨

A cave deep, deep within the earth. It's almost pitch-black dark, save for a distant crimson glow that seems to pulse in time with your heartbeat. Once in a while you hear rumbling, rock grinding against rock, gases venting. Ancient material dissolving and reforming. A process that follows its own laws. A process that will not be rushed. You thought you were looking for a way back up. But after descending for so long, you've begun to trust in the crimson glow, and before you decide to go back, the cave finally opens up into a gigantic magma chamber. At first you're shocked, wondering why you do not burn or crumple under the immense pressure. Yet the chamber holds an old familiarity. The molten flow gurgles, roars, straining to be heard over the crumbling rock. "Why are you so surprised? This is your home, your nature...or it will be soon, if you allow it. Yes, the surface is colorful, bright, blessed with wind and water. But no one would have a place to sit and enjoy it all without a strong foundation. And that is what I provide. Too many believe the underground is still, dull, simply a place to dispose of the dead. But so much is created down here. You point and stare in awe at volcanoes, but millions of years of work built up to them. "Oh, don't worry, your situation won't take quite so long. But it WILL take slow, steady work. A building (or rebuilding) from the ground up. And the results will not be instant either. But they are meant to last this time. And the reward is not meant to be for you alone. This is the kind of work that will benefit those around you as well, either your immediate family or your community, whatever that means to you. Some of you in particular are pursuing a particular sort of calling--healthcare, the service industry, education. Take heart that what you do matters/will matter, even if others do not notice."

***

Pile Three 🧨

Wandering through the center of a busy city...or as busy as it can be, given the dazzling day. The sky is cloudless, the sun relentless. Heat radiates off brick and asphalt in wavy shimmers. On almost every corner, from countless windows, air conditioners and electric fans hum and whirr. In spite of the apparent heatwave, droves of people travel up and down the sidewalks, seeking whatever relief or distractions they can. Down one street, a fire hydrant's been wrenched open, shooting a geyser of cool water into the air. The jingle of an ice cream truck calls to passersby. As you turn another corner, you come across a neighborhood park buzzing with a block party. But the most shocking thing? You were expecting anger, impatience, rage. Instead everyone you've run into has been friendly, even excited to see the newcomer to their city. Growing exhausted, you trudge into the park and find a bench in the shade. The music from the block party is blasting, but you still hear a clear voice, as if the sunlight itself is speaking...

Among other events going on in my life, I was wracking my brain trying to figure out what kinds of readings I could offer this wonderful community, especially for my very 1st PAC. Then I got "inspired" by a weird run of bad storms we had a couple of weeks ago. But what struck me most was the first clear day after. How fresh it felt outside, how clean it smelled...that's life, right? So this is for those who're in their own raincloud right now--and more importantly, what'll you find once the weather clears.

Please choose which stone calls to you. Not necessarily what looks the prettiest, but which one calls to you the loudest.

(Left to right -- Pile 1, Pile 2, Pile 3)

Decks used: Dante's Inferno, Angelarium, Reiki Inspirationals

***

🌩️Pile One:

Grove of Lamentations, Binah, Trust

The Clouds: For most of those who chose this pile, you may be dealing with an event that shattered your confidence. For a few of you this might have been a romantic rejection, but for others, I feel this is more about pursuing a path that you believed would've improved your standing in life in some way. You may have applied for a dream job/internship, entered a competition, or showed off a project/business plan to someone who may've been in a position to take it to the next level. You may've also psyched yourself up into thinking this was your one big chance. But for whatever reasons (and not the ones you may be thinking!) you didn't get the response you wished for, and unfortunately it's doing a number on your self-esteem. You're wondering, was all that effort really worth it?

The Umbrella You Carry: But be cautious, Pile One. In asking yourself that, you're falling into the trap of equating the acceptance of others with your self worth. With Binah, I was drawn more to the image itself: this entity reaching into/through their chest and offering up the light/power within. "From the heart" is what I heard. What's important here is not anybody else's 'yes' or 'no', but the passion you demonstrate to yourself and others when you do what you love. "The act itself, not the applause (or silence) that follows." For quite a few of you, this is speaking specifically to a hobby or creative pursuit, maybe something you're trying to build into a career or side-hustle, and so there's also a message here of believing in your authenticity, the thing only YOU can express...which, can I say, in this day and age (*cough*AI*cough*) we really really need right now.

And When the Clouds Clear...: Through this storm you will learn about trust. Trusting in yourself, your abilities, trusting that the right partner (romantic or otherwise) will come along, and above all trusting in divine timing. For sure, hearing 'no' hurts, but please believe there are plenty more opportunities and people coming your way. However, you must also be willing to recognize them when they show up, and not let them pass you by out of fear. It might also help to take a break (yes, you are allowed to do that! You're not wasting time in doing so!), and reconsider what success would actually mean for you, and re-evaluate whose opinion really matters. Yes, that includes yours!

***

🌦️Pile Two:

Sowers of Discord, Shateiel, Light

The Clouds: This pile immediately gave me "group effort" energy. The problem is, the group may not be putting in as much effort as you'd like them to! The first card says it all: your storm is a storm of dysfunction. Now, how this is manifesting may differ by person. Mutual friends may not be getting along, or someone new has come along and shaken up the old dynamic. There might be disagreements among your family members (only take it if it applies, but I'm specifically hearing female family/siblings being the main instigators). In your workplace, or at school/university, there may be a collaborative project or presentation that NEEDS to get done soon, but either the egos of others are getting in the way, or there's somebody who refuses to show up to class/do the research/make the damn slideshow. I'm also picking up on some major jealousy for some. One side of the conflict (or you yourself) is perceived as the right one, the lucky one, and the other side either wants to bring them down, or buddy up to them (or you) for their own gain.

The Umbrella You Carry: HUSH UP. Shateiel just sits there, silent as the snow, "staying in their lane" as they say. (Showing my age...lol) And you'd be wise to do the same. Of course, if someone close to you needs comfort, support or protection, and you are able to, give it to them--but do it within reason, and not in a way that depletes you or puts you in danger. Little to none of the chaos swirling around you has anything to do with you personally, even though some of those involved might try to convince you it does. Simply put, you can't play referee/diplomat anymore. You have things you want to achieve, and you can't be dragged down by the pettiness. For now, just observe. Let the real issues rise to the surface. Let people be grown (or not). But in the meantime, only handle what is in your power to control. By doing this, you also avoid being used, and no one can accuse you of doing anything you have not done or said (or if they already are, they can't back it up).

And When the Clouds Clear...: Clarity. A lightness of being. To put it bluntly, a weight will be dropped, if it hasn't already. By staying impartial, whoever is truly responsible for this discord will eventually cross the line, lose track of their lies, and expose themselves for who they really are. For others in this Pile, keeping silent will give someone else in your circle the opportunity to step up and take charge of the problem, and you may just find an unexpected ally to lean on from this point forward, someone who'll actually make your life easier.

***

🌤️Pile Three

Beast of Corruption, Phanuel, Waiting

The Clouds: Shuffling for this Pile was VERY quick and all over the place, cards spilling out and all! So even without getting into the cards themselves, I wonder if many who chose this Pile are either impatient, or they're being rushed to make a decision. A lot of you might be younger, or have a childlike energy to you. With the Beast of Corruption, it's more likely that this is someone else. For most I'm picking up on an authority figure(s) such as a parent, guardian, teacher/mentor, but it may also simply be a spouse/partner or someone you look up to. What makes Pile Three's storm tricky is that on the surface, it doesn't LOOK bad. There's a decision coming up, a big one, and whoever else is involved wants you to make up your mind NOW. On the one hand, you really want to be sure this is what you want, but on the other, you feel you've already paid your dues, put in the work, SO LET'S GO ALREADY!!

The Umbrella You Carry: Some of you may not want to hear this, but YOU. HAVE. TO. SLOW. DOWN. AND. THINK. I know it says "Angel of Truth", but to hear the truth, you have to sit still and let it in. See Phanuel? They're just chilling, in a meditative position, contemplating the flame. They are not letting the flame consume them. They are the one holding it, they are the one in control of it. Not everything quick is for you, and not everything slow is bad. I'm not necessarily saying it's bad if you accept, but this applies to your life as a whole. And whose truth are you listening to? Is it your truth, or are you only doing it because it sounds good coming from someone who you believe has the power to change your life?

I can never do anything in order! Though maybe that's a good thing...?

I was all set on sharing my crystals next, and just looking forward to chatting about them in general. Admittedly, stones/crystals are my first loves (sorry cards!), including pendulums, though I usually used them for the purposes of meditation and healing, more so when I took my Reiki courses. Strangely, the idea of doing divination with crystals never really occurred to me.

I think part of the issue is that I have this overwhelming need for structure. Cards let me latch onto symbolism and words/pictures, reading and interpreting, so I just went what I was comfortable with.

But as you all may know, the Universe will throw strict structure out the window. However, this need not be bad, and may lead to a new passion. One evening I attended a local psychic fair, and one particular reader snatched my attention, mostly because she had an unreal setup. It was a gigantic metal "bowl" (not actually a bowl but I don't know how else to describe; if I remember right she salvaged it from some decommissioned place). Before she read for her clients, she'd have them "call" into the bowl--which resonated real nicely!--then put a cloth with symbols inside so the crystals wouldn't just slide into the center. Of course! Build your own foundation! But also of course, life happened. More specifically, depression happened, and I disconnected from everything. Only in the last 5 or so years have I been reconnecting, and it's not been smooth. LONG STORY SHORT, recently I've gotten back into art, but then I swung by my local thrift shop and found this...round wood piece? Maybe it used to be a tabletop? But I was led to turn it into something beautiful, my own casting board!

In my room I have this laminated "sky map" of the major constellations, which I copied to the best of my ability. At first I only intended to do the 12 zodiac signs, but it turned out I had more space than I thought, so I would twirl the map and add constellations I felt a connection to (and those I had space to add!) I also added a couple of other areas (near Taurus is the Pleiades cluster, and above Aquarius is the Summer Triangle of Deneb, Vega, and Altair). Then around the edge are the symbols of the Sun, Moon, the planets/Pluto, and Chiron. My main hope is that the layers of hard gloss spray won't get dented to hell by the crystals, or that the stars get knocked off. But I'm happy with it, and more importantly, I'm already planning to make another one!

So I thought Part 4 would be the final part for quite some time, at least until I really got back into the swing of things and got more comfortable with this blog. But as it so happened, I picked up this deck as a belated birthday present to myself! Sometimes Tarot/oracle decks really do be like chips...in the most respectful way, of course. :)

Not only did I feel this would be a nice complement to the Angelarium deck (kinda got a celestial/infernal theme going), but I'm a bit of a total literary nerd, and for the longest time one of my favorite works has been The Divine Comedy by Dante Aligheri. This deck focuses exclusively on the first portion--and undoubtedly the most famous--of the Comedy, "Inferno". In this part, he's basically going through a midlife crisis of faith, and with the help of the ancient Roman poet Virgil, descend deeper and deeper into Hell, showcasing how those who've "sinned" are punished in heavily ironic ways. Again, I'm not a Christian, but I've always found certain aspects of demons/angels and how people interpret the afterlife immensely fascinating. Other than the gorgeous artwork, however, I also liked how the booklet lets the owner know that reading these cards can essentially go two ways. Much like the poem itself, the querent may have found themselves stuck in a hell of their own and can find insight to find a way out of their suffering (or at the very least make it a little less painful), or they can simply be passing through, like Dante, and discover new depths/strengths to themselves. In other words, a tough-love deck, lol.

Okay, so I feel a little torn about the idea of having favorites, but in terms of giving readings and energetic connection, this deck has been real potent. And I've been equally excited to talk about it on this blog, which will be the last "Meet My Deck" for a while (until another deck springs up that calls to me, ofc).

A lot of my love for this deck ("Angelarium: Oracle of Emanations", text by Eli Minaya) has to do with Peter Mohrbacher's artwork, which I came across after I began working with angels, which was/is a whole journey in and of itself.

I was raised Christian, but thank the stars, my mom never made me go to church, instead encouraging discussion and the use of my intuition; apparently we have a whole family history of precognitive dreams and such. But there was still an uneasiness, especially in the first years of Mom's own personal zigzagging through denominations. I distinctly remember being vehemently anti-religion in high school, though looking back I believe that was mostly from the severe depression I was going through at the time. I don't know if I've entirely made peace with it, but one thing I've always been obsessed with regardless of belief is angels. To me they offered a gentle "easing in" to an Ultimate Divinity I strove to understand...not a male God, per se, but not a Goddess either. A total Encompassment. An "All".

I was especially struck by the idea of "biblically accurate" angels, though I believe that's been misconstrued somewhat. Of course they're more than just really pretty humans with wings, but some have leaned a little too hard into the "eldritch monstrosity" meme. I think it's more of a psychic translation error--mortal minds incapable of interpreting energies beyond our dimension, lending them symbols whose meanings are both intensely personal and easier to cope with.

The story of this deck is quite an interesting one, for a couple of reasons. First and foremost, this is the only deck I've ever been GIFTED. I'd heard other people talking about gifted decks before and debating the significance of it, but I had a very hard time with the idea of the Universe working that way. What, the universe cooperating with the energy I put out into it, with no heavily invested stakes, instead of being an unrelentless indifferent taskmaster with an axe to grind? Suuuuure. Anyway, one day I attended a fair and had a reading with a lovely lady...actually, now that I'm remembering this, what was even odder was that these weren't even the cards she was using for my reading. She had them set off to the side of her table with her other decks, and as we got to talking (which is a HUGE sign I'm comfortable with someone, let alone a Tarot reader, because almost any other time I'm as quiet as a cotton ball rolling across carpet), she let me look at them, explaining that the deck(s) she used for each client depended on a number of different factors...what people these days would probably just sum up as vibes, or "you're giving this oracle".

Apologies for the weird lighting; it really doesn't do these cards justice!

So this deck (The Gilded Tarot, illustrated by Ciro Marchetti) represents an interesting step in my journey. I first came across it when I got a reading done by someone else, and this was the deck he used. While I don't remember the details of the reading itself, the experience stuck with me because I instantly became OBSESSED with this deck. Not just a casual "ooh, pretty cards", or "wow that's cool"; the attraction was INTENSE, and I wasn't used to that!

Before this, I was working with the Cardcaptor Sakura cards I showed in Part One, but around my senior year of high school, I switched to the traditional Rider-Waite. I mostly used them as teaching tools, but I think a part of me also got caught up in the "shoulds". Like, what respectable tarot reader uses ANIME CARDS, right? /sarcasm

So coming across the Gilded Deck, I eventually came to realize, taught me a huge lesson in energy and in self-acceptance. There's a reason tarot and oracle decks come in so many flavors, art styles, themes! We are all unique souls, strengthened and gladdened by different things. And some ways that are "traditional" might bore the hell out of us. And that's FINE. As long as your methods and tools don't cause harm, if it keeps the fire of your passion alive, you don't have to justify shit. Not even your Cardcaptor Sakura cards. And of course this reveals itself when you provide your service to others. It's all an energy exchange here. If there isn't a connection, a respect, a love between you and your cards, you're only depleting/stagnating your energy, and the client WILL feel it, and nobody wins.

My first post! Exciting! Exciting and nerve-wracking.

First let me say I've never been good with social media, even though my old ass remembers when Facebook was brand-spanking new. However, I've never been an IRL people person either. Introducing myself always felt like a gamble. A gamble I was sure to lose. So I've kept to myself, especially with my...interests. Tarot. Crystals. Astrology. You know, subjects that, depending on where you live and with whom, you can't get anyone to talk about without them whacking you with Scripture (though to be VERY clear, I have nothing against anyone else's beliefs. Only with those who insist on staking you through the heart with it).

But I've kept up a practice of sorts through the years, though there have been months where I didn't even want to look at an oracle deck. And then I'd drown in that typical wave of guilt: I must not be "in tune" with my spirit enough. I should meditate more, or stare harder at my crystals, or cleanse myself somehow. Which is crap, of course. There is no true experience without testing, and everyone has their moments.

Anyway, so now tumblr comes along, and I love it! I want to be a part of it! And eventually, I'd love to offer my services in some capacity. But how to make that first introduction, in a way that felt fun and authentic?

Soooo...I'd like for you to meet the first deck I ever got!

Yes, you're seeing right. The Clow from Cardcaptor Sakura. I ordered these WAY back in the tenth grade (*mumble* over 20 years ago *mumble*) and I remember being so geeked when they came in the mail.

I love these because they always remind me of that first excitement of starting on this path, and also because it's not the kind of deck you often see. Of course they're not explicitly marketed as oracle cards, but we connected, and the readings I gave for other students usually flowed. I also never read them reversed; I let the cards themselves tell me what their meaning was for that specific person that day (which helped a LOT when I went on to more "conventional" decks like Rider-Waite). As I got older, a little fear did set in because I though people would see this deck as childish, but by the time I was in my mid-20s, I made peace with that. Had to make peace with a LOT of shit in my mid-20s. Still peacemaking, actually...

They also remind me of the strength I sometimes forget I have, and a promise I kept to myself. In ninth grade I survived a suicide attempt, and spent most of high school wondering what to do with a future I didn't expect to have. But Japanese culture always remained a comfort through it all. "You know what'd be neat? If I saw Tokyo one day." And before I graduated, I actually got to go to Japan for two weeks through a statewide academic program.