Sifa's Mass Effect Fanfiction

(Nate) Shepard: “Conrad Verner is better at being me than you are!”

If everyone dies during the ME2 Suicide Mission, including Shepard, only Joker is left. He’s the one who talks to TIM at the end (”How is my ship, Mister Moreau?” Bloody arse. >:-X). The final shot is interesting…Joker is the one who stares up from the Reaper information on the pad into space, and his face looks equally pissed off and badass.

“I’m gonna do this for, Shepard, dammit. Not for The Illusive Man, not for Cerberus, not for the Alliance. For Shepard.”

What if you could import that ending into ME3 and play as Joker instead Shepard? The guy with brittle bones saves the galaxy and kicks the Reapers into the next galaxy. (Look, I know it isn’t possible, but roll with me a bit here…)

So who’s left to be on Joker’s hypothetical team? The Vimire Survivor (either Kaidan or Ashley), James Vega, Samantha Traynor. Liara T’Soni. “Eve” (aka Bakara Urdnot). Captain/Major Kirrahe (if he survived Virmire). Maybe Kolyat Krios. EDI. Maybe someone like Adrien VIctus. Or Padnot Wiks. (Salarian). Samara’s daughter Falere. Maybe pull Anderson out of retirement/have him resign from the Council and put him back in command of the Normandy. Major Coats (the British SAS guy in London). Have Doctor Michel in the Medical Bay.

Quick sketch of a genderswap! Kai Leng

Kai: in Chinese, could mean “triumphant, victorious” 凯  Kǎi

Leng: in Chinese, could mean “cold, frosty, sarcastic  冷  Lěng

Darth Tali’Zorah

(with her evil TechDrone, worse than an Intelligence Probe…)

Her Sith costume based on her ‘regular’ outfit. I have it headcanoned that she wears the mask as part of her battle gear, but she can remove it, if she wanted. She just chooses not to. Only three people have seen her without her mask, and two of those three are dead. (A Renegade!Sith Shepard might be the only one still living.)

Ethan Shepard (ME3)

Adept (Earthborn/Ruthless)

Blond hair, blue-green eyes, 6′1 (~185 cm)

Born in London, England. 40/60 Paragon/Renegade

Ethan’s early life was anything but easy. He doesn’t remember his parents at all. His first memory is living in an orphanage in the Whitechapel district of London. Restless and bored, he ran away from the orphanage and joined the street gangs. His tactical sense and biotic abilities helped him rise to the number two spot in his group, but it also made him a prime target for rivals.

He and several fellow gang members were finally cornered in a warehouse just off the Thames. Gunfire caused a gas leak in the building, and moments later, it went sky high. Ethan was the only survivor, thanks to his biotics, but he wore burn scars on his chest and back. (Cerberus later erased those scars, much to his anger and irritation).

He enlisted in the Alliance military when he was 16 (lied about his age) and received training in using his biotics. As the years went by, he earned the reputation of being a hard but fair officer, who didn’t hesitate to use any means to get the job done. Everyone serving under his command respect him…but also fear him somewhat.

Ethan’s not a fan of Cerberus and hated the fact that he was forced to work with them during ME2. He and Miranda Lawson butted heads on almost every issue. Ironically, he became good friends with Thane Krios and Jack. Jack dubbed him ‘The A**hole Adept’ during a heated argument, and the name stuck. Nowadays, though, Jack uses it as a term of endearment rather than an insult.

Unfortunately, Ethan had the dubious honor of meeting Kai Leng during his year with Cerberus. The two are now deadly enemies. Kai Leng taunts him that ‘you have family, but you wouldn’t even recognize them even if your life depended on it’.

My first pass at Garrus (as Archangel on Omega)

Right after he takes off her mask…

…she pounces on him.

“Everybody knows

A little place called Kokomo.

That’s where I wanna go

to get away from it all…

way down in Kokomo…

Aruba, Jamaica,

ooh, I wanna take ya

to Bermuda, Bahamas

C’mon, pretty mama,

Key Largo, Montego,

Baby, why don’t we go

down to Kokomo.

We’ll get there fast and then

we’ll take it slow

That’s where we wanna go

way down to Kokomo.”

****

“Dammit, Shepard, what the hell song are you humming?!”

“Oh…sorry, Zaeed. You might want to ask Joker later. He’ll probably get the reference…”

“Everybody knows

A little place called Kokomo.

That’s where I wanna go

to get away from it all…

way down in Kokomo…

Aruba, Jamaica,

ooh, I wanna take ya

to Bermuda, Bahamas

C’mon, pretty mama,

Key Largo, Montego,

Baby, why don’t we go

down to Kokomo.

We’ll get there fast and then

we’ll take it slow

That’s where we wanna go

way down to Kokomo.”

****

“Dammit, Shepard, what the hell song are you humming?!”

“Oh…sorry, Zaeed. You might want to ask Joker later. He’ll probably get the reference…”

Beska) Shepard: “Not many mercs would take a suicide mission for the pay.”

Two hard-headed guns-for-hire who would do anything to get the job done. For Zaeed, it’s like looking into a mirror.

Mass Effect FanFiction Writers’ Drabble Challenge: Take the character of your choice and swap their story with another character’s. Bonus points if your scene involves both swapped characters.

Note: Check out the art by @juleshawke! Link is at the end of the fic! 

Shepard blinked at the Spectre who walked through the airlock. He was nothing like she had expected. She glanced at the Turian executive officer, Garrus Vakarian. Garrus seemed nonplussed as usual, but Shepard caught the slight flare of his mandibles.

She bit her lip to keep from laughing. The Spectre looked nothing like the picture in his file. Average height, bright blue eyes, full beard, And wearing a ridiculous cap that happened to feature the Normandy’s designation: SR-1.

But the quiet ones tended to be the most dangerous. Shepard knew that. The infectious charm rolled off him; even Garrus seemed to relax just a little.

“Spectre Moreau, I presume?” Garrus asked.

“That’s right.” He sketched a lazy salute. “Spectre Jeff ‘Joker’ Moreau at your service, sir.”

“'Joker’?”

“Yeah. I love to make little children laugh.”

Shepard’s mouth went up in a sarcastic smile. “I was just thinking how much you remind me of Santa Claus.”

“Ha, ha. Good one. Flight Lieutenant Shepard? Heard you’re the best damn pilot in the Alliance.”

She tensed up at the casual tone. “Damn straight…sir. Worked my ass off to get this spot. Top of my class in flight school.”

Joker chuckled and shook his head. “Good. We’re gonna need someone awesome to fly us through this mission.” He sobered. “I take it the ship’s captain got caught up with Council stuff?”

“Unfortunately, yes.” Garrus straightened. “I can take you to the conference room, sir.”

“Knock off the ‘sir’. It’s Moreau if you want to be formal; Joker if you want to be informal.” He nodded at Shepard. “I’ll talk to you later, Flight Lieutenant Shepard.”

“Looking forward to it…Joker.”

He chuckled again and followed Garrus out of the pilot’s cabin. She couldn’t help but grin when she heard Joker’s voice float behind him. “Yeah…I tend to call the Council up and hang up on ‘em…for old time’s sake. Ask Sparatus about it…on second thought, don’t. It just pisses him off.”

Yeah, Shepard figured she and the Spectre would get along just fine.

*****

From Juleshawke: I love these switches, especially when Joker is involved.  Nice one, I even have the picture to go with it ;)

http://juleshawke.deviantart.com/art/Commander-Moreau-434649748

*****

OMG, that pic is AWESOME! And it was mostly how I imagined Joker as a N7.

Centurion: “Holy shit, that’s Shepard!”

(Beska) Shepard: “Hell yeah. Put more of the stuff in the…the thing more stuff goes in.”

After three shots of the green stuff (and yes, as a Trek fan I got that joke), some uncut Batarian ale and some ryncol, Beska’s about to party.

This comes directly out of a discussion with the husband this morning over pancakes. Don’t blame me for this one, blame him. And apologies to all Krogan everywhere.

Crack!fic. Not meant to be serious. At all. Mostly. Anyway…

Takes place sometime during ME3.

Raucous laughter echoed from the main dining table. Vee Shepard frowned as she saw Garrus, Wrex, Grunt and Kaidan huddled around a data pad in Joker’s hand. Somehow Jack and Kasumi had somehow wedged themselves in between the two Krogans to see the screen.

Vee glanced over her shoulder at a bemused James Vega. He raised his eyebrows and answered her unspoken question. “No lo sé, Lola.”

She approached the group at the table and said, “Sounds like you guys are having a party. What are you reading?”

Garrus gave her a wide smile, about as wide as a Turian could, anyway. He slid a hand over hers and pulled her to his side. “Just something in the Citadel rags, Shepard. They must’ve had a really slow day at the rumor mill.”

“”Uh oh.” She squeezed in next to him and rested her hip on the edge of the table. “Should I be worried?”

“It’s not about you, Shepard. Not directly, anyway,” Kasumi chirped merrily. “Well, sort of. But it’s something good. Mostly.”

“Okay, now I’m worried.” Vee sighed and stuck out her hand. Joker carefully placed the pad in it. You could see the headline a mile away:

ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT THWARTED BY TRAINED BIOTIC HAMSTER

“What. The. Hell?” asked James. The Marine tried to hold back his laughter and failed miserably.

Vee read the article aloud. “The body of a former Krogan mercenary was found in the airlock to Docking Bay 24 early yesterday morning. Citadel Security examined the body to find surprising evidence of small teeth marks on the mercenary’s face and neck. Forensic pathologists identified traces of element zero in the Krogan’s skin, a tell-tale sign of a biotic attack.”

“Docking Bay 24. Our berth?” James asked.

“Speculations as to the identity of the attacker run rampant throughout C-Sec. Possible suspects include a miniaturized probe filled with eezo, an extra-small rachni, a new strain of duct rat or spider, and a biotically trained attack hamster.”

Vee doubled over laughing. “Attack hamster.”

“Seriously, Shepard. Have you trained Cheezit to attack on sight? Should I be worried?” Garrus choked.

Wrex glanced at Shepard and rumbled, “No self-respecting Krogan would allow himself to be massacred by a small rodent. That was no true Krogan.”

Jack chortled, “Yeah, that would look bad on a Krogan’s obituary, wouldn’t it.”

Vee rolled her eyes and went on, “Citadel Entertainment dug deeper into the files and discovered an important clue in the store receipts of Citadel Souvenirs. Shopkeeper Delaia Sanassi confirmed the purchase of one space hamster by Commander Shepard, almost exactly one year ago. Sanassi denied speculation of possibly exposing the rodent to element zero, insisting “Sometimes a hamster is just a hamster.”

“And sometimes a cigar is just a cigar,” Kaidan remarked under his breath. Vee couldn’t help but giggle at the humor in her friend’s tone.

“That isn’t the worst thing.” Grunt pointed out the tiny hyperlink under the article and the even tinier print. “They got footage.”

“Oh, shit, they do?” James narrowed his eyes as Shepard magnified the print. Warning: Images may be disturbing to certain members of our audience, such as small children and embarrassed Krogan. Viewer discretion is advised.

The so-called footage was gray and grainy, as if taken with a home vid-camera, but the audio came straight from a C-rated horror movie. Krogan bellows nearly overwhelmed by outraged screams by a highly pissed-off rodent, and the little scritch-scratch of ninja claws. A familiar blue halo outlined the poor outmatched assassin as it fell heavily on its back, its hands flailing wildly at something at its throat.

“The Blasto movie has better visual than that,” Joker muttered.

Vee rolled her eyes and handed the pad back to him. “And this qualifies as true investigative reporting in the Citadel’s columns?”

“Hey, it’s entertaining,” Kaidan pointed out. He grinned and added, “Having a hamster bodyguard is a good thing, Shepard. Definitely would put my mind at ease.”

“Well, if Cheezit starts glaring at me, I’m gonna be worried,” Garrus objected.

“Don’t worry, I’ll protect you from my hamster,” Vee reassured him with a smile. She sighed and shook her head. “If this is the best Citadel Entertainment can come up with, maybe they ought to tight-beam a free subscription to the Reapers.”

“We can shoot ‘em down while they roll laughing,”Joker agreed. “And then we can start a Biotic Cheezit Fan Club.”

Vee rolled her eyes and got to her feet. “All right, I’m off to the CIC, and if there are any updates on this investigation–”

“–you’ll be the first to know, Captain.”