i pour my feelings here

-got desired romantically by two men (first time being given male validation and im so happy about it, it feels my greatest achievement and i know some feminists will want to crucify me for this)

-made 2 very important friends who both live veey far away

-spent 4 months in a different country

-made my worst mistake yet (made someone feel unsafe). I hate this.

-wore lots of pretty clothes

-had a first date? For the first time?

-spoke to a youtuber who raised me and told me she means the world to me.

-talked to my school friends about my love life for the first time (i have never ever done this before) Speaking out my feelings and experiences helped.

-opened up to a person I used to be smitten with and finally felt the years of heaviness leave my chest

-got a crush on a man

-sewed my first pride-themed patch on my overalls

-became more independent

-indirectly came out to one (1) school friend. (this was huge for me. I felt dirty after)

-studied hard and also not so hard

-passed finals!

I felt i was head over heels for him and I kept seeing signs that he likes me also. But today I saw he had a little vampirebite on his neck. He is dating one person that I have also met. They did look pretty hot when they were dancing and I was like, yeah that makes sense I kinda ship it.

But it did sting pretty bad when I saw them holding hands and kissing good-bye. I truly felt like this man was made for me.

0. The 'oh' moment

1. The beginning