Something Old and Something New (Part 1)
Something Borrowed (Part 2)
Something Blue (part 3 coming soon)
A Crown fit for a God (Series in Progress)
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Eddie Munson
Third Love
Prologue ~ El Musico
Ch 1 ~ La Dama
Ch 2 ~ La Maceta
Ch 3 ~ El Boracho
Ch 4 ~ El Soldado
Ch 5 ~ La Rosa
Ch 6 ~ El Cotorro
Ch 7 ~ El Catrin
Ch 8 ( In Drafts)
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Twenty years ago, you left Velaris with no intention of ever returning.
When Rhysand's wedding invitation arrives, you convince yourself you can endure one night beneath familiar stars. One night among old friends. One night in the same room as the male you spent centuries loving and decades trying to forget.
You were dead wrong.
Returning home had not been on your bingo card.
When you had left Velaris all those years ago, you had done so with every intention of ensuring it would be a very long, very merciful stretch of time before you ever set foot in the City of Starlight again. Not because you hated it. If anything, that had been the cruelest part. Velaris had never been the sort of place one could hate easily, not when its river caught the stars each night as though the sky itself had spilled into the Sidra, not when music drifted from open windows in the Rainbow and laughter carried through streets that had once known your footsteps better than any road in the world. Velaris had been beautiful. Velaris had been safe. Velaris had been home in a way no court, no palace, no kingdom across the sea had ever managed to become after you left.
And home, unfortunately, had teeth.
It was not the city itself that had driven you away, though for years you had allowed people to believe that because it was easier than explaining the truth. It was easier to let them imagine wanderlust, ambition, restlessness, politicsâanything other than the fact that you had crossed oceans because remaining here had begun to feel like pressing your fingers into an open wound and pretending you did not bleed every time you saw him.
Azriel.
Even thinking his name after all this time felt like reaching toward a flame you had once mistaken for warmth.
When Rhysandâs wedding invitation had arrived several weeks ago, sealed in dark wax and marked with the crest of the Night Court, you had stared at it for nearly an hour before gathering the courage to open it. You had known, even before reading the elegant words written inside, that you would come. Rhys was your friend, one of the oldest and dearest pieces of a life you had tried so desperately to fold away, and if he had found the sort of happiness people wrote songs about and built legends around, then you would stand beneath whatever sky he chose and smile for him. You would be glad. You were glad. Truly, painfully glad.
Yet the moment your fingers had brushed the parchment, something had stirred beneath your skin.
Lightning.
It had gathered at your fingertips in thin, restless threads, a quiet pulse of silver-white heat crawling over your knuckles as though your power had recognized the danger before your mind had allowed itself to name it. You had closed your fist until your nails bit into your palm and forced the storm back into the hollow spaces of your bones, but even then, even months ago, some part of you had understood that returning to Velaris would not be a simple act of friendship. It would be an excavation. A reopening. A walking willingly into a room full of ghosts and pretending none of them still knew your name.
Now, standing on one of the House of Windâs marble terraces with the wedding celebration glowing behind you and the whole city stretched beneath you in impossible beauty, you wished you had listened to whatever warning your magic had tried to give.
Nothing had changed.
That was what made it unbearable.
The Sidra still shimmered below, winding through Velaris like liquid starlight. Lanterns still glowed along the streets. Music still rose from the celebration behind you, soft and warm and full of joy, mingling with the murmur of voices and the occasional burst of laughter from guests who had no idea that you were gripping the balcony railing as though it were the only thing keeping you from splitting apart. The mountains still stood dark and eternal beyond the city, cradling it in their ancient arms, and above them the stars burned with the same devastating brilliance you remembered from a hundred nights spent telling yourself you would leave soon, that you would stop waiting soon, that one day loving Azriel would become something distant and survivable.
It should have comforted you to find Velaris unchanged.
Instead, it made your chest ache with a grief so sharp it felt almost humiliating.
Because the city had remained exactly as it was while you had spent twenty years learning how to exist without it.
Without him.
âGods, you look like youâre about to throw yourself into the Sidra.â
Dorianâs voice slid into the quiet beside you, smooth and amused and far too aware, and you turned your head just enough to glare at him.
He only smiled, stepping closer until his shoulder nearly brushed yours, the moonlight catching the elegant lines of his face and the dark sweep of his hair. There had been a time, years ago, when Dorianâs smile had made you forget how much you hurt. There had even been a time when both of you had tried to believe that friendship might become something easier, something safer, something that did not involve bleeding out over a male half a world away. It had not worked, of course, because Dorian had been too clever and you had been too haunted, and eventually you had both laughed about the failure over too much wine and settled into something far rarer than romance.
He knew you.
Worse, he understood you.
âIt is a wedding,â he reminded you, leaning his forearms against the railing as though the sight of the city was merely pleasant and not currently carving you open. âA happy event, from what I have gathered. People do occasionally smile at those.â
âI am smiling.â
âYou look like youâre attending a funeral.â
You rolled your eyes, though the gesture lacked any real force. âI brought you here as moral support, not as commentary.â
âI can multitask.â
You glared at him, then smiled with all your teeth, "That's better."
"It wasn't a smile."
"It was close enough."
Despite yourself, the corner of your mouth twitched.
Dorian immediately pointed.
"There she is."
"Shut up."
His laughter echoed softly between you.
His shoulder bumped yours lightly, and the familiarity of it loosened something in your chest for half a breath before the pressure beneath your skin surged again. Dorian must have felt it, because his amusement faded just enough for concern to slip through. The air around the terrace had begun to shift, the warmth of the evening sharpening with the electric promise of a storm not yet visible in the sky. You hated that he noticed. You hated that anyone could notice, but your magic had always been the most honest thing about you, even when you wished it would learn the value of silence.
Storms gathered easiest when your emotions escaped your control.
Anger, fear, grief, longingâyour power did not care which wound had been touched. It answered all of them the same way. Lightning in your veins. Pressure in the air. Clouds drawn over clear skies like curtains pulled across a stage. You had spent centuries mastering it, had learned how to call thunder with a flick of your wrist and split battlefields apart with a single raised hand. Men had trembled before that power. Courts had whispered about it. There were kings beyond the sea who still spoke your name like a warning.
Yet for all your strength, you had never fully mastered the curse hidden inside it.
You could hide your thoughts. You could school your face into perfect indifference. You could lie so sweetly that even ancient creatures believed you.
But the sky always knew.
And tonight, the sky was listening far too closely.
Dorianâs hand found yours beneath the fall of your sleeve, his fingers warm around your cold ones, his thumb brushing slow circles over your knuckles with the steady patience of someone coaxing a frightened animal back from the edge of flight. âBreathe,â he murmured, low enough that only you could hear.
You looked away from him, toward the city, because his kindness made the ache worse. âIâm fine.â
âNo, youâre not.â
âYouâre annoying.â
âYes, but correct.â
Despite yourself, your mouth twitched, and Dorianâs smile returned faintly, though it did not reach his eyes this time. âIf you want to leave, we can leave. Iâll offend someone important on our way out if you need a convincing reason.â
The offer settled between you with surprising heaviness.
Leave.
For a heartbeat, the temptation was so strong you nearly turned toward the door.
You could leave before the ceremony became the reception, before the old faces found you, before Rhys pulled you into a hug and made you feel guilty for staying away, before Mor cried and Cassian shouted your name across a room, before Amren looked you over and said something dreadful and accurate. You could leave before the true danger found you.
Because while Rhysandâs wedding was the reason you had returned to Velaris, it was not the reason your hands would not stop shaking.
Dorian knew it.
You knew it.
And if anyone from your old life looked at you closely enough tonight, they would know it too.
Your gaze drifted to the stars above the terrace, and the sight of them almost undid you. You had forgotten, somehow, how Velaris made the sky feel close enough to touch. Across the sea, there had been beautiful places, glittering courts and ancient cities and ports where the sun bled gold into the water every evening, but none of them had ever managed to make the stars feel like old friends. Here, they seemed to look back at you. Here, they remembered.
Gods, you had missed them.
That was the first betrayal of the night.
The second came when you realized that missing Velaris still felt painfully similar to missing him.
The ceremony itself was beautiful, which was almost cruel.
Rhys had never looked happier. You had known him through arrogance and grief and war, had seen him wearing power like armor and sorrow like a second skin, yet nothing in all your years of friendship had prepared you for the expression on his face when Feyre walked toward him. It softened him completely. Not weakened him, never that, but changed him. He looked like a male who had finally found a place to set down the weight of centuries, and Feyre, radiant beneath the glow of lanterns and starlight, looked at him as though she had no intention of letting him carry it alone ever again.
You had smiled for them.
You had meant it.
Yet beneath the happiness, beneath the warmth spreading through the gathered court as vows were spoken and rings were exchanged, something old shifted inside you with slow, aching cruelty. Once, a very long time ago, before pride and silence and cowardice had turned wanting into a weapon, you had imagined what it might be like to be looked at that way. Not by just anyone. You had not wanted just anyone. That had always been the problem.
By the time the celebration moved fully into the night and guests spilled across the terrace with glasses of wine and laughter bright on their tongues, your nerves had become a living thing beneath your skin. You turned toward Dorian, intending to say something sharp enough to distract yourself from the hollow place behind your ribs, and then the world stopped.
Not poetically.
Not gently.
It simply stopped.
Because across the terrace, half-hidden between a cluster of guests and a spill of golden faelight, stood Azriel.
Your body recognized him before your mind could protect you.
The betrayal was immediate and total.
Your breath caught so sharply that it hurt. Your fingers tightened around your glass until the stem nearly cracked. Every sound around you dulled at once, the music and laughter and conversation falling away as though the entire celebration had been plunged beneath water, and suddenly there was only the impossible distance between you and the male you had spent twenty years trying not to love.
He looked exactly as you remembered him.
No, worse.
He looked like memory had been kind to you, and reality had arrived to punish you for surviving it.
Time had sharpened him, carving new edges into a face already too beautiful for mercy. A scar you did not recognize cut faintly above one dark brow, pale against the warm brown of his skin. His hair was longer than it had been when you left, falling with careless elegance over his forehead, and he was not wearing his leathers tonight, not the familiar armor that had always made him look like something forged for violence. The dark formal jacket he wore instead should have softened him.
It did not.
If anything, it made the sight of him more devastating.
He still wore his siphons.
The blue stones gleamed faintly at his hands, and for one breathâone foolish, impossible breathâyou thought they flared when his eyes found yours.
Azriel went utterly still.
Not simply paused.
Stilled.
As though every muscle in his body had forgotten its purpose.
His expression did not change at first, and perhaps that was what hurt the most, because you knew that face. You knew the mask he wore when feeling too much would be dangerous. You knew the quiet, controlled nothingness he offered the world when something inside him had moved too violently to be trusted in public. But then, beneath that restraint, something flickered. Shock first. Not surprise. Shock. A raw, unguarded fracture in the careful lines of his face. Then relief, so brief and terrible that it made your heart twist. Then something deeper, something that disappeared so quickly you almost convinced yourself it had never been there at all.
Longing.
The word formed in your mind before you could stop it.
You hated yourself for it.
Hated the way your heart stumbled toward him, stupid and loyal and apparently untouched by the passing of decades. Hated the warmth that spread through your chest at the sight of him alive and whole and looking at you as though you had stepped out of some dream he had never admitted to having. Hated the small, traitorous part of you that whispered that perhaps time had been cruel to him too. That perhaps you had not been the only one who carried the ghost of what might have been.
Twenty years, and still your body reacted to him as though no time had passed at all.
That was the third betrayal.
Azriel had not moved.
Neither had you.
The crowd flowed between you, laughing and brushing past with glasses of wine and bright wedding smiles, but the two of you remained caught in a silence that felt separate from the rest of the world. His gaze traveled over your face with such careful intensity that it almost felt like touch. Not polite observation. Not casual recognition. He looked at you as though he were trying to reconcile memory with reality, as though he had imagined this moment often enough to know exactly how it would ruin him and still found himself unprepared.
You wondered if he could hear your heart.
Because you could feel it everywhere.
In your throat.
In your wrists.
In the restless lightning gathering beneath your skin.
A distant rumble rolled across the mountains.
Dorian, standing beside you, followed your gaze and went quiet in a way he almost never did. For once, he did not immediately make a joke. He simply studied Azriel for a long moment, then leaned closer and murmured, âI assume that is him.â
You could not answer.
Dorian glanced at the sky as another low growl of thunder moved over the city. âRight,â he said softly, and though there was still a trace of humor in his voice, it had gentled around the edges. âIâll take that as a yes.â
You should have looked away.
You did not.
Across the terrace, Azriel finally moved.
A single step.
Then another.
Slow.
Deliberate.
Not rushed enough to betray eagerness, not hesitant enough to suggest doubt. He crossed the space between you with the same controlled grace you remembered from battlefields and council rooms and quiet hallways long after midnight, but the closer he came, the more you saw the truth beneath the calm. His shadows had gone unnervingly still around him. Not absent. Not quite. They hovered at his shoulders and wrists like creatures holding their breath.
Your stomach dropped.
You had imagined seeing him again more times than you cared to admit. In some versions, you were cold. In others, cruel. Sometimes you said everything you had swallowed twenty years ago. Sometimes he apologized. Sometimes he did not. Sometimes you left before he could speak at all.
Not one of those imagined conversations survived the sight of him walking toward you.
Beside you, Dorian shifted, his hand still loosely holding yours. âIf you need me to fake an illness, I can collapse beautifully.â
The absurdity of it should not have made you laugh.
It did.
Only briefly. Only softly. But the sound escaped before you could catch it, and unfortunately, Azriel arrived close enough to hear.
His gaze snapped to your mouth.
To the fading curve of your smile.
Something darkened in his eyes.
Not anger. Not exactly.
Something older and uglier and far more possessive than he had any right to feel.
The silence that followed stretched until even Dorian seemed to sense that joking now would be unwise.
Up close, the years became both kinder and crueler. You could see the faint lines at the corners of Azrielâs eyes, the new scars, the subtle silver threading near his temples, the way the shadows curled tighter against him as though they knew something their master refused to say. He was older. Harder, perhaps. More tired in ways only someone who had once known him well would notice.
And still, devastatingly, Azriel.
Your chest ached so fiercely that for a moment you feared your magic would answer it.
His eyes did not leave your face.
As though he were afraid that if he looked away, even for a heartbeat, you would disappear again.
âHi,â he said at last.
One word.
So simple it should not have undone you.
But his voice was rougher than you remembered, lower somehow, and there was something caught inside it that made every careful defense you had built over the years shift uneasily.
You swallowed. âHi, Azriel.â
His name felt dangerous on your tongue.
Familiar in the worst possible way.
It summoned too much. Every argument that had not truly been an argument. Every glance held a moment too long. Every near-confession buried beneath duty or fear or pride. Every Solstice night, every training ring, every brush of his shadows against your wrist when he thought you were not paying attention. Memory rushed through you so quickly that you almost swayed beneath it.
Azriel noticed, of course he did.
Nothing had ever escaped him, least of all you.
His eyes softened by a fraction, and the softness hurt more than indifference would have. âI wasnât sure you would come.â
There were too many things hidden beneath the words.
I looked for you. I wondered. I hoped. I was afraid you wouldnât.
You heard all of them and trusted none of them.
âOf course I came,â you replied, forcing your voice to remain even. âItâs Rhys.â
For a moment, Azriel said nothing.
His gaze stayed on yours, steady and unreadable, but something tightened near his jaw.
As though that had not been the answer he wanted.
As though there had been another answer he had hoped for, one neither of you had earned the right to say aloud.
Dorian cleared his throat gently, not because he was uncomfortable, you realized, but because he could feel the pressure thickening in the air. The storm had gathered faster than you intended. Somewhere above the House of Wind, clouds were beginning to smother the stars.
Right.
Dorian.
You dragged yourself back to the present and glanced between them, suddenly aware of Dorianâs hand still loosely around yours. âAzriel, this is Dorian.â
Azrielâs gaze lowered.
Not dramatically.
Not openly.
But enough.
His attention landed on the place where Dorianâs fingers touched yours, and something in the space around him sharpened. The shadows at his shoulders stirred for the first time since he had crossed the terrace. One slid down his arm like spilled ink, vanishing before it reached his hand, but not before you saw the slight flare of his siphons.
There.
A crack.
Small enough that anyone else might miss it.
Large enough to make your heart twist with cruel satisfaction.
âAzriel,â he said, extending a hand.
Dorian accepted it easily, his expression open and pleasant in the way it became when he had already learned everything he needed to know from a single glance. âDorian.â
Azrielâs grip looked controlled.
Too controlled.
âPrince,â he said, and though the word was perfectly polite, you knew Azriel well enough to hear the blade hidden beneath it.
Dorian only chuckled, either unaware or deliberately pretending to be. âJust Dorian is fine. I try not to lead with the title unless I need someone intimidated, impressed, or deeply bored.â
Azriel did not smile.
Dorian did.
You nearly loved him for it.
The atmosphere grew heavier anyway, the air pressing against your lungs as though the storm above had begun descending toward the terrace. Dorian glanced upward, then back at you with the faintest raise of his brow. âYou know, in most courts, this would be considered a weather concern.â
Before you could answer, movement behind Azriel caught your eye.
A female approached through the crowd, and your stomach sank before you could understand why.
She was beautiful in the sort of effortless way that felt unfair. Not dazzling. Not striking. Simply beautiful. The kind of beauty people trusted immediately. Long chestnut hair cascaded over her shoulders, and laughter still lingered in her eyes from whatever conversation she had just left behind.
She looked kind.
Gods, that almost made it worse.
Because she didn't carry herself like someone trying to impress Azriel.
She carried herself like someone who already knew she belonged near him.
That, more than anything, was what struck you first.
Not her beauty.
Not the way people turned slightly as she passed.
The ease.
The familiarity.
Azriel sensed her before she reached him.
You saw it happen.
A slight turn of his head.
A subtle shift in his stance.
Not much.
Never much with him.
But enough to tell you that he had expected her presence, or at least was no longer surprised by it.
Something cold moved through you.
The female smiled at him first, bright and gentle, then looked to you with curiosity blooming across her face. She seemed kind. That was the worst part. There was nothing sharp or cruel in her expression, no calculation, no triumph. Only interest and warmth and a faint excitement that made you feel suddenly, viciously ashamed of the bitterness already rising in your throat.
Azriel looked between you, and for the first time all evening, he seemed uncertain.
Not outwardly.
Not enough for Dorian to notice, perhaps.
But you noticed.
You noticed everything about him, even now, especially now.
âY/N,â Azriel said carefully, and the caution in his voice made the cold inside you spread. âThis is Selene.â
The pause before he continued was brief.
Tiny.
Almost nothing.
It wounded you anyway.
âSelene, this is Y/N.â
Selene's face lit with recognition. âOh,â she breathed, stepping closer before you had time to prepare yourself. âIâve heard so much about you.â
The words struck with ridiculous force.
Heard so much about you.
You looked at Azriel before you could stop yourself.
What had he told her?
What version of you had survived twenty years inside his mouth?
Had he told her you were an old friend?
A former ally?
A mistake?
A woman who had once been stupid enough to refuse a necklace because accepting it would have meant admitting she wanted more than he was ready to give?
The questions rose like thorns, but Selene had already reached for your hands with a smile so genuine that you forced yourself to meet it. Her fingers were warm around yours, her delight painfully sincere, and you hated that your first instinct was to search her face for evidence of things she had not done to you.
None of this was her fault.
You knew that.
The knowledge did not soften the ache.
âIâm glad to finally meet you,â she said, still smiling. âAzriel never says much, but when he does, people tend to listen.â
You could not help the faint, humorless curve of your mouth. âThat sounds like him.â
Azrielâs attention flicked to you, swift and sharp.
For a heartbeat, something like memory passed between you.
Then your gaze dropped.
Not intentionally.
Not meaning to find anything.
But it did.
The delicate chain rested against Selene's throat like a secret made visible, the stone at its center catching a sliver of faelight and throwing it back in a soft, familiar gleam.
Your entire body went still.
No.
For a moment, your mind refused to understand what your eyes had already recognized.
The shape.
The setting.
The small, almost hidden detail at the clasp that you had once touched with trembling fingers beneath Solstice lights, staring at the gift Azriel had placed before you with that careful, guarded expression that had made you want to cry even then.
The necklace.
Your necklace.
No.
Not yours.
That was the cruelty of it, wasnât it?
It had never been yours.
You had not taken it.
You had looked at the beautiful thing he offered you and seen every unspoken word between you reflected in the stone, every possibility, every danger, every reason accepting it might shatter whatever fragile thing you had been pretending not to feel. So you had pushed it back toward him with a smile you still remembered hating and told him it was too much.
You had meant: I am terrified of what this means.
He had heard: I do not want it.
And now it rested against Selene's skin as though it belonged there.
As though it had found a home after you refused to be one.
The terrace tilted beneath your feet.
Or perhaps you did.
Dorianâs hand tightened around yours.
Azriel saw exactly where you were looking.
You knew the moment he realized.
It happened quickly, but not quickly enough. His face changed, the mask slipping in a way so brief and devastating that you almost wished it had not happened at all. Regret flashed across his features first, naked and immediate. Then pain. Then something that looked dangerously close to panic.
Too late.
The thought arrived with such quiet cruelty that it nearly made you laugh.
Too late, Azriel.
Because there it was.
The answer to a question you had spent twenty years pretending you were not still asking.
You had been stupid.
Unbelievably, humiliatingly stupid.
Some secret, stubborn part of you had come back to Velaris believing that perhaps distance had lied. That perhaps the years had not buried everything. That perhaps, when you saw him again, there might be something left between you worth aching over.
And perhaps there was.
Perhaps that was the worst part.
Because Azriel was looking at you as though you had just found the knife he had forgotten was still buried in your chest.
His mouth parted. âY/Nââ
âNo.â
The word left you softly.
Too softly.
Not angry. Not sharp.
Worse.
Calm.
Painfully calm.
The sort of calm that never truly meant peace. The sort that arrived when the clouds had already gathered and the storm was only deciding where to strike first.
Selene glanced between you, confusion dimming some of the brightness in her eyes, and guilt lanced through you so quickly you almost flinched. She did not deserve this. She did not deserve the storm gathering above your head or the venom sitting beneath your tongue. Whatever Azriel had done, whatever history had led to this moment, she had merely walked into a wound she had not known existed.
So you smiled at her.
Truly smiled, even if it cost you something.
âItâs lovely to meet you.â
Her answering smile was smaller now, uncertain but kind. âYou too.â
Then you looked at Azriel.
Really looked at him.
At the male you had loved too long and hated too poorly.
At the shadows curling anxiously near his wrists.
At the siphons glowing faintly again, betraying what his face was desperately trying to conceal.
At the regret in his eyes, deep and immediate and useless.
Your smile did not falter.
âNice necklace.â
The words were polite.
Pleasant, even.
Anyone listening might have mistaken them for a compliment.
Azriel heard the funeral.
You saw it in his face, in the way something behind his eyes went utterly still, in the tiny, helpless movement of his hand as though he meant to reach for you and had finally remembered he no longer had the right.
Dorian moved before you had to ask.
His fingers laced with yours properly this time, not possessive, not performative, simply steady, and you let him guide you back toward the open doors where light and music spilled from the celebration inside. You did not look away from Azriel as you passed him. Not once. You held his gaze with every shard of anger and misery and old love still burning inside you, because if he was going to watch you walk away again, then you wanted him to understand exactly what he had placed around another femaleâs neck.
Behind you, the first crack of lightning split the sky over Velaris.
The thunder followed a heartbeat later, violent enough to silence the terrace.
And when the storm finally broke above the House of Wind, you did not need to turn around to know that Azriel was still standing exactly where you had left him.
---
A/n : well well well, the ansgt is BACK !!
I loved writing this part, I had this idea for such a long time ! Hope you enjoyed it đ
I pictured our sweet Dorian from TOG, so just think of his face here đ¤Ş
I don't know if I'll turn in into a serie yet, let me know !
pairing : garrett graham x reader
rating : nsfw
warnings : unrequited love, angst, sexual descriptions
wc : 5.1k (edited)
part I part II
You werenât the luckiest when it came to your love life. Or rather, your lack thereof.Â
It was as though you were hardwired to fall for the worst of the worst, bypassing and ignoring all the bright red flags they waved in your face. You were colourblind, it seemed.Â
It was a routine of sorts. Meet, fuck, fall in love, fuck some more, get dumped, cry about it, repeat. There was never a point in that routine where an actual relationship existed and that deeply hurt you. You felt as though you werenât worth loving, just good enough to sleep with.
You were academically gifted, but when it came to matters of the heart, you were as slow as a sloth in the cold. So slow in fact, that you decided that messing around and crushing on Dean Di Laurentis was going to not end as badly as it did. For you at least.
You watched from the other end of the living room as Dean grinded on a gorgeous girl adorning a bold green dress that told you she dressed as Jennifer Lopez. Your jaw clenched as your throat closed up. As the tears welled in your eyes, you turned away and rushed out of the house. You accidentally bumped into your friendâs shoulder, making her follow you after noticing the scene before that prompted such a reaction from you.
âHey, hey, sweetie, itâs okay,â she said, pulling you into her arms as you began sobbing.Â
âWhy does this always happen to me?â you asked through the tears.
All your friend could say was âIâm sorryâ as she caressed your head and led you to your car. She took the keys and drove you back home.Â
As you calmed down, guilt settled in as you realised that you ruined your friendâs night. Mentally cursing yourself, you took your friendâs free hand and kissed it.
âIâm so sorry, we can go back if you want. Weâre not far yet,â you said.
âGo back? No, letâs go home and have a little girls night,â she said with a small smile.
âBut you were really looking forward to this party,â you countered, âI can handle myself. Come on, letâs go back.â
âYou sure?â she asked hesitantly.
âOf course, Iâm a big girl.â
She glanced at you momentarily before muttering âokayâ and turning the car around. Thankfully, the parking spot youâd left was still empty and the both of you were back in the house in no time.Â
You managed to find a chair in the living room, where you sat nursing a beer. You noticed that Dean wasnât with the green dress girl anymore, but had another girl on his arm. It irked you to no end that he could so freely flaunt his endless roster in front of you and youâd feel every negative emotion imginable, but if you were to do the same with any guy, he would likely not even notice.
Suddenly one beer turned into five and your inhibitions had been lost. You were on the dancefloor with your friend â you didnât even know where she had spawned from â and the music fuelled the adrenaline pumping through you.Â
You felt a large presence behind you. You wondered if you had caught the attention of the only man that mattered to you. You turned around and to your surprise, it was none other than his best friend instead. Garrett Graham.
Your bodies kept moving in unison. He smirked down at you and in your haze, you flirtatiously smiled back. He didnât know you, or at least it seemed like he didnât. You werenât sure whether it stung that you werenât even worth mentioning to his best friend but you werenât given enough time to think about it.
âWhatâs your name, gorgeous?â he asked. You responded with a sultry tone brought upon by your semi-drunken state.
âPretty name for a pretty girl.â
âReally? I thought a guy like you would have more game than that?â you teased.
âA guy like me? How do you know me?â
âEveryone knows you,â you stated matter-of-factly.
âAh. Then I should let you know that I have game where it matters.â
âOh yeah? And where is that?â
âI can show you if youâd like.â You hadnât noticed how close you were until his breath hit your lips, almost like a request to proceed. There was a tension brewing in the middle, one that you broke by reaching up and connecting your lips.
âShow me then,â you breathed out in the second your lips left each other.
He took you hand in his and led you upstairs into a random room. The door had barely shut and he was on you already. You didnât know if it was the buzz of the alcohol but you heated up fast as he kissed you slow and deep.
His hand roamed your body before lifting you top over your head. He gently pushed you back onto the bed, removing your skirt and knee high boots, leaving you only in your underwear.Â
He looked at you with a prowess that sent chills down your back to your core. He removed his clothes before joining you in the bed and getting back to the kissing program.
You felt his hand move down your torso, stopping between your legs. You opened them further as an invitation to continue, which he took.Â
Pushing your underwear to the side, his slender fingers rubbed your wet lips achingly slowly, purposely avoiding your throbbing nub.
âStop teasing me and actually do something,â you said firmly, growing more wanting.
âI am doing something,â he smirked.
âThen do more,â you bit back, âor I can just find some willing to.â
That seemed to have done the trick as his fingers quickly entered you, finding your sweet spot in no time. He stroked it fiercely. You moaned loudly. Neither of you cared about being heard.Â
You clenched around his fingers, signaling to him that you were close. Like the tease he was showing to be, he pulled his fingers out.
You looked at him shocked. âWhat the hell?â
He didnât respond. Only rolled off of you, removed his boxers to reveal his erect shaft and laid back.
âGet on,â he instructed.
âSuch a gentleman,â you grumbled sarcastically, but straddled him all the same. You sank down on him, moaning softly as you adjusted to him.Â
âYou always make the ladies do the work?â You asked.
âOnly the more mouthy ones,â he responded wittily.
As you began slowly moving up and down on him, one of his hands made its way to your covered breast and the other to your hip. His eyes flickered between your face to where your bodies joined.
He bit his lip at the sensual sight of your hips rolling against him, your jaw slacked and head tilted back. You looked even more astonishing.
Your legs grew weaker and weaker as you felt yourself get closer to the edge. Your movements began to slow, so he flipped you onto your back to let you ârestâ and enjoy the ride as he set a faster pace.
âFuckâ he moaned, pressing his forehead against yours. He took a hold of your legs and placed them over his shoulders. His eyes focused on you as your eyes rolled back. He was determined to prove himself to you.
His hand slid in between your bodies to your clit. He rubbed it rapidly, watching, pleased, as you lost yourself even further. Your eyes were squeezed shut so you missed the shit-eating grin on his face as he looked down at you.
Your moans grew louder as you felt that familiar pressure building up in your gut. As his movements grew sloppier, you knew he was close too. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head, thighs trembling and toes curled as you reached your climax.Â
Right on time for him as he pulled out not wanting to finish in you, and stroked himself before releasing onto the sheets beneath you.
You both heaved as you came down from both your highs. You sobered up as you looked at Garrett who now laid beside you.Â
Oh no.
Regret was a feeling you were most definitely familiar with. Actually it happened more often than you would like to admit but that never stopped you from getting into situations that would make you feel it again. You got dressed and rushed out of the room with Garrett stunned quiet watching you leave without another word.
Questions raced in your head. Did Dean see you with his friend? Did he get jealous? Will Garrett talk about it to him?
Fuck! You probably ruined what you had with Dean by sleeping with his friend.
You grabbed your friend, who fortunately didnât drink on account of being the designated driver, and left.
The drive home was quiet as you decided to pretend to sleep the whole way to avoid being questioned. Soon enough you were in bed with your thoughts and struggling to sleep.
â-
Standing in front of his house felt pathetic. You stood there, staring at the door, pondering if you should go in or not.Â
With a deep breath and a count of five seconds of bravery, you went in. John Logan and a couple of other guys sat on the sofa playing some hockey game.
âHey Logan,â you called out, âWhereâs Dean?âÂ
âHis room,â Logan responded without looking at you.
You made your way upstairs to his room. You knocked on his door, and entered after hearing a soft âcome inâ from the other side.Â
Dean was laying on his bed, smiling at his phone. Your heart tightened as you thought that he was likely texting another girl.
âHeyâŚâ Dean greeted with his brow arched inquisitively.
âHey,â you breathed out. Your hands began to sweat and your heart raced so fast that you could feel it in your throat.
âWhat are you doing here?â He set his phone aside, giving you his full attention. That action made you even more nervous.
âI wanted to talk to you,â you responded meekly, still standing awkwardly by the door.
âAbout what?â
âUs.âÂ
He crunched his face in confusion. âUs?â He asked.
âYes, us.â
âOkay, go onâŚâ he trailed off.
You cleared your throat trying to recall the speech you had practiced for hours the night before.
âI really like you, Dean,â you began. You noticed he wanted to interrupt you but you stopped him. âI really, really like you. I know this was meant to be casual and everything, but I thought Iâd be doing myself a disservice if I didnât at least try to see if youâd be up for something more between us.â
âFuck,â Dean muttered. You looked at him dejected as he slowly made his way to you. He took your hands in his and you looked up at him as he seemed to struggle to find words to respond. âLook Y/N. I like you too but Iâm not really a relationship guy. You know this. Plus, I thought you were seeing Garrett.â
âIt was once and it was casual,â you said defensively, âI-I⌠I really want to be with you.â
âIâm sorry, but I canât.â
âWe can try ââ
âY/NâŚâ he sighed.Â
You didnât realise you had started crying until his thumb swiped away the tears that youâd spilled. The feeling of humiliation washed over you like a wave. You burst out of his room and rushed back to your car. He called out to you from the hallway, not even bothering to follow you outside. Once in your car, you burst into loud sobs. You leaned against the steering wheel and cried your heart out.Â
You really did it to yourself. The never-ending cycle of heartbreak that you submitted yourself to every few months was pushing you to the edge of your wits. You truly believed that you were unlovable. Fuckable, for sure, but not more than that.Â
You were startled out of your weeping by a knock on your window. Much to your dismay and embarrassment, it was none other than Garrett. You hurriedly wiped your face before opening your window to Garrettâs concerned face.
âHey, are you okay? Whatâs wrong?â He asked, leaning against your car door.
âIâm fine,â you feigned a smile.
âYou donât look fine.â
âI need to go. Bye Garrett,â you said, starting your car.
âHey, no, wait,â he stopped you, âhow about we go to Maloneâs and grab something to eatâŚor drink?â
âLook Garrett ââ
âPlease?â He insisted. You sighed before nodding and motioning him to hop into your car.
The drive was awkward. You knew Garrett wanted to ask why you had been crying, but you appreciated that he didnât.Â
The pair of you sat in a booth in a corner, silently waiting for your orders. The air was heavy, loaded with a question that ached to be asked. When your food arrived, you nibbled on it, not really having the appetite to indulge.Â
âThis is really good,â Garrett said with his mouth full, slicing through the tense silence between you. You just nodded in response.
âAre you feeling better?â He asked, to which you nodded again. âWanna talk about what happened?â You shook your head.
You had a feeling he knew. You didnât know why, but you had an inkling considering the context clues he already had. You zoned out thinking about Dean and what had happened. You cursed yourself for sleeping with Garrett in that moment of weakness. It likely cost you a relationship with the man you truly loved.Â
âWhat are you thinking about?â His voice pulled you away from your thoughts.Â
âYou ask a lot of questions,â you responded very straightforwardly.
âIâm a curious guy,â he shrugged.
âSome people might call it nosy, actually,â you retorted.
âSame difference.â
âLook, I donât want you to think that what happened is ââ
âI know it doesnât mean anything. I just figured youâd want some company,â he clarified, much to your relief as you werenât sure how youâd word out that you didnât want anything with him.
âGreat! Yeah⌠umâ you stumbled through your words.
âI donât wanna seem mean or anything, but as a quick word of advice, Dean isnât a serious relationship guy. Heâs a cool dude, for sure, but the sooner you realise that itâs really just sex for him, the better off youâll be.â
You stared at him agape. The numbness that had settled in your chest began throbbing into an ache again.Â
âI know that now,â you croaked. âUm⌠Iâm gonna leave now⌠uhâŚthanks for theâ this, I guess.â You gather your things, abandoning the barely eaten food on your plate.Â
âHey, I didnât ââ
âPlease stop. I get it okay. Iâm not worth a relationship.â You got up and left the diner, not even thinking about how Garrett was going to get back.Â
Unfortunately for you, the man was persistent, so he followed you out. You expected him to call out to you, or do something to stop you but no. He followed in silence and got into your car with you.
You looked at him, shocked at his audacity.
âSo? Are you gonna drive or?â He asked.
âIâm going to my dorm,â you said.
âCool,â he responded.
âIâm not really in the mood to detour.â
âThatâs fine. We can go to your dorm.â
Rolling your eyes, you decided you were too drained to argue with him so you just drove to your dorm. You werenât even surprised when he followed you out of your car, into the building and all the way to your room. Kimmy was away, thank goodness. You didnât want to have to explain Garrettâs presence.
âOkay, youâve made it this far. Can you leave now?â You asked plopping down on your bed, taking your shoes off.
âNope,â he said, sitting next to you. You groaned as you hopped to get a nap in.
âWhat do you want?â You asked. He stared back, his eyes telling a tale you werenât sure you wanted to hear, but your body reacted before you could stop it.
You lurched onto him, fiercely kissing him. It was clumsy, messy and desperate. Before you knew it, clothes were flying off.Â
You straddled him, slowly grinding on his erecting shaft. His hands rested on your hips, guiding your movements and squeezed every now and then. His lips left yours, trailing down to your neck and gently sucking on it. The tenderness of the area drew a moan out of you. His hands trailed up your body to your breasts, playing with your erect nipples.Â
You could feel yourself growing wetter by the second. You grinded your hips harder against him. Both of your moans filled the air, your head falling back as you felt a tension brew at the pit of your stomach. You moved faster, desperate to reach your peak, subconsciously arching your back which pushed your breasts into Garrettâs face. He took the opportunity, taking your right nipple into his mouth. He sucked, bit and flicked it.Â
Your mind drifted off to your time with Dean, comparing the two. When Dean had found out how aroused you got when your breasts were played with, it was game over for you. It did take him longer to figure it out than Garrett though.
âIâm close,â you whined.Â
Without warning, Garrett flipped you over onto your back and nestled himself between your legs. Like the gentleman he was, he quickly lowered his head between your legs and dug into you like a starved man.
Your hands found themselves in his hair as his tongue slithered through your lower lips. You felt his finger breach your entrance that was already soaked in anticipation. Again, you couldnât help but compare how the two were quite similar in their methods but Garrett had a subtle aggression, or rather, passion.
Back arching off the bed, legs shaking around his head. You were unraveling. You took deep breaths, trying to ground yourself from the high. Shame and guilt settled in as you thought of Dean again, and what you just did with his best friend.
âFuck!â You groaned feeling tears sting your eyes. All of a sudden you felt more exposed, and you tried to quickly and fully cover yourself with your blankets. You couldnât bear to look at Garrett.
âOh shit, did I do something wrong?â he sounded panicked and no doubt looked at it as well.
âNo, it wasnât you. Can you please leave now?â you cried.
âY/N, please talk to me,â he pleaded.
âI donât want to. Just leave,â you all but screamed at him.
âWhat did Dean do?â
You went quiet for a second. âNothing.â
âDonât lie to me.â
âWhy do you care? I donât even know you,â you spat quite aggressively, growing tired of his persistent presence.
âWell, you know me well enough to fuck me,â he countered.
âOh please,â you threw the blanket from over your head to look at the now half-dressed man. âLike you havenât fucked a bunch of girls and dumped them without even knowing their last names! You guys are all the fucking same. You use girls and then dump them like nothing.â
âI donât ââ He began but stopped mid-sentence at the look you gave that screamed âdonât bother lying to meâ.
âFine, but they know itâs casual too, so itâs not like Iâm going around hurting them.â
âYou donât know that, do you? Maybe they want more but they know you wouldnât give them a chance so they just settle for what youâll give them.â
âIf I donât know that then what can I do? I make shit clear from my side, they should do the same. Itâs not my fault they want something more and wonât tell me,â he said defensively.Â
âAnd youâd say yes if one of them did?â you asked with a hint of skepticism.
âUhâŚI,â he stuttered. You rolled your eyes at him.
âExactly.â
âWait,â he said with wide eyes. You knew from the look on his face that you had given yourself away but you couldnât bring yourself to care. You just wanted him away from you.
âIs that why youâre upset? You told Dean how you felt and he rejected you?â You felt your cheeks flush in embarrassment but nodded nonetheless.Â
âOh,â he said dejectedly.
âLook Garrett, we canât do this again, okay? It doesnât feel right, especially since Dean knows,â you say in a much softer tone.
âRightâŚâ he trailed off. âYeah, um, cool. Iâll leave then.â
âThanks, and I truly am sorry for⌠um⌠I donât know, Iâm just sorry, okay?â You said rubbing your eyes. Garrett quickly got dressed and left your room but not without looking at your sad laying figure one more time.
You waited to hear the main door open and close, but it never did. Furrowing your brows, you got out of bed and as you reach for your door handle, it bursts open revealing Garrett, the man who didnât leave.
âWhat are you still doing here?â you whined.
âDo you wanna go to the movies with me on Friday?â he said almost breathlessly.
âWhat?â You were confused at the very random request.
âDo you wanna go to the movies with me? On Friday? It actually doesnât have to be the movies. We can go anywhere really but likeâŚdo you want to?â
âGarrett,â you sighed.
âPlease?â You looked into his eyes, feeling bad for pulling him into your emotional wreckage. âSure.â
âGreat!â he cheered. âIâll let you know the details tomorrow, cool?â You nodded with little to no enthusiasm.Â
âNice! Iâll leave now.â he quickly pecked your cheek before skipping out of your dorm.
â
Friday arrived quicker than you wanted. You had confirmed with Garrett to go out in the evening to watch a play on campus and then grab something to eat. You hoped it wouldnât be at Maloneâs since thatâs where everyone usually hangs out but you didnât ask further, so all you could do was wait.
Garrett was going to pick you up from your dorm. You were finishing up with the final getting ready touches with your friend lying on your bed, trying to make sense of the situation.
âIâm so lost right now,â she said for the umpteeth time.
âGirl, so am I,â you sighed.
âSo like? At the party where you literally cried over Dean, you also happened to have slept with his best friend?â she questioned. Again. You cringed at the thought as you did recognise that it didnât sound good at all. âThen three days ago you decided to confess your feelings to Dean and when he rejected you, you again messed around with his friend? Babe, you know how fucked up this sound, right?â
You groaned, pulling at your hair as you did so.
âYes, I do. But like, it wasnât my fault! Heâs the one who keeps coming to me!â you squeal defensively.
âYou can literally just say no,â she backfired. âI think you want to make Dean jealous, but babe, let me tell you now, you wonât. He could care less as youâve seen and youâre messing around with his best friend now.â
âI was exhausted when I said yes to going out with him, but this will be the last time. The less Iâm around him and Dean and anything related to them, the better,â you said with finality.
âExcept, you probably already like Garrettâs attention and soon enough youâll fall for him too. You do this all the time. Mess with a guy, fall for him, get rejected and monkey branch to the next. Itâs not healthy and though I know you really want a relationship, you need to focus on yourself for a bit.â
Her words stung but they were true. You did have a habit getting with a new guy right without giving yourself the time to rest and heal from the last.
You got a text from Garrett saying he was outside. The sight of it filled you with shame as you took in your friendâs words.
âBabe, Iâm not here to tell you how to like your life. Matter of fact, Iâd love it if you were in the streets with the intention of being in the streets, not to find love. Just be careful, okay?â she got up to hug you from behind and left your room.
Unable to wait any longer, you responded to Garretâs text, grabbed your things and out the door you went.Â
You werenât in the best mood with your friendâs musings weighing down on you but there wasnât much you could do. It wouldâve been extremely rude of you to cancel right when he was outside and youâd feel guilty over it.
âHey,â Garrett smiled as he got out of his Jeep to open the passenger door for you.
âHi,â you responded softly, with a small smile.
âHowâre you doing?â He asked, hopping into the driverâs seat.
âGood and you?â
âGreat.â
You made small talk on the way to the movies. You both decided on watching Frankenstein. You opted to share a large popcorn since you didnât want to ruin your appetite for the dinner afterwards.Â
You felt a bit awkward, and you wondered if Garret felt the same. Soon you got your answer as Garrettâs fingers grazed yours as though to ask for permission to hold your hand. The action was cute and brought a fuzzy feeling in your stomach, nothing like Dean had ever done.Â
You softly intertwined your fingers into his, your eyes stuck to the big screen but you could sense with glazing at you.
Throughout the movie, you shared small gestures of affection. You leaned your head on his shoulder, he caressed the back of your hand with his thumb. You felt like a real couple as the discomfort you felt over the situation faded.
You only let his hand go when you were in the car, driving to the restaurant he had picked out. And even then, his hand was glued to your thigh.
It was a slightly fancier restaurant with great food. You thanked yourself for having the foresight to not eat too much popcorn as you were looking forward to indulging in the meal you had ordered.
âSo then, I there like âdude, the actual fuck?â and heâs just looking at me like a fucking idiot half-naked in the middle of the backyard,â Garrett said, recounting a funny story of his and his friendsâ adventures.
Your cheeks hurt from how much you were laughing. You were really enjoying Garrettâs company. Unfortunately, the moment of ease didnât last and Garrettâs phone buzzed on the table, signalling that he had gotten a message. You both look down at it to see none other than Deanâs name pop up on the screen.
Your smile dropped instantly and you felt a grey cloud hover over you. He ignored the text and turned his phone over, but he noticed the shift in your mood.
This was going to be the last time.
âDonât worry about him,â Garret said, taking your hand in his.
âI feel horrible,â you confessed.
âDonât. He doesnât mind. Probably doesnât even care,â he tried comforting you but it felt worse to hear that.
âBut I do. Itâs not nice to sleep with the friend of the guy you like.â
âWhat if that friend actually likes you?â he asked. You looked at him shocked. He liked you?
âDo you?â You responded, still somewhat stunned.
âIâve wanted to ask you out for a while now actually. Um⌠thatâs actually why Dean kinda just stopped⌠um⌠seeing you,â he grimaced.
âOh? Oh!â
âI didnât know you were with him though until after the party. When I was telling the guys that I got with you and he mentioned that you guys were casually seeing each other, but that he noticed that I was constantly staring at you andâŚâ he rambled on to the point of awkwardness.
âOh.â
âPlease say something other than that,â he begged.
âIsnât it, like, against bro code or something like that?â You asked, still trying to make sense of the mess the situation had become.
âUh, no?â
âSo Dean knows?â
âYes.â
âAnd he doesnât mind?â
âNope.â
âI donât think Iâd be able to go further though,â you said, looking away from Garrett. âItâs really not you. I just feel that I need time to sort myself out.â
âI get that. Really I understand. Take whatever time you need and if you still donât want to see where this goes, again, itâs completely fine with me.â Your heart warmed at his maturity and understanding.
âThank you,â you said softly.
The rest of the night went with the pair of you trying to get back to the carefree vibes you had going on. You couldnât quite get them back but it was a good night regardless.Â
Being the gentleman he was, Garrett walked you up to your dorm room. You lingered there for a bit, thinking about what to say after tonightâs revelations.
âUm⌠I had lots of fun tonight,â you said meekly, âI wouldnât mind hanging out every now and again.â
âI had lots of fun too,â he smiled, âand I will definitely hit you up to go out some more.â
âAs friends though,â you quickly added.
âYes,â he chuckled, âas friends.â
âThanks again,â you said.
âNo need to.â
You felt that the night would end perfectly if a kiss was shared to wrap it all up in a pretty bow, but no. You didnât want to dive head first into your doom again, so friends youâd remain for now. You reached up to peck his cheek just to not feel incomplete, and giggled a bit at the hue of red on his face.
You went into your room, thanking the universe that your friend wasnât in to interrogate you. Once you were in bed, your thoughts kept you up but not in an entirely bad way. You felt a bit giddy, but still, there was some guilt mixed in.
You finally had someone who wanted you, but you didnât really want him back. You were willing to get to know him but you wondered if it was your desperation for a relationship pushing you or if it was a genuine desire to pursue things with Garrett.Â
Your phone buzzed next to your head. You picked it up to see a text from the new man that plagued your mind.Â
Garrett: Good night and sleep tight <3
You smiled. Dean never really bothered with these sorts of things. I mean, it was casual so why should he send you goodnight texts. You figured it wouldnât hurt to build a friendship with Garrett for the time being and just let it flow naturally.
pairing : garrett graham x reader
rating : nsfw
warnings : sexual descriptions ; mutual pining ; anxiety
wc : 3.2k (edited)
part I part II
âWhat do you mean you canât ride a bike?â Garrett asked. Youâd think you just told him that you step on baby turtles as a hobby.Â
âI mean, I donât know how to ride a bike. I never learned,â you state flatly.Â
âBut, like, everyone knows how to ride a bike,â he flung his hands up dramatically, âItâs literally just a bike.â
âGarrett, sweetie, it being just a bike doesnât miraculously make me know how to ride it,â you retorted, before taking a sip of your energy drink.
âLooks like we know what weâre doing this weekend,â he grinned. You rolled your eyes knowing exactly what he meant.
âPlease no, Iâm too old to be falling off bikes. Like I might actually die or something,â you groaned.
âFirst of all, youâre not even twenty-five yet, and second of all, that drink will kill you before a bike ever does,â he pointed at the can in your hand.
âWell, if I have to choose my poison then this is how I go,â you said, shaking your half-empty can, to which he chuckled.
âSo Saturday at the park around 11? We can take some snacks and chill there too,â he offered.
âItâs not like youâd let me say no,â you responded.
âAh, youâre learning.â
You and Garrett had been spending quite a bit of time together lately. You were growing used to his presence around you but just when you thought you were ready to move further with him, doubt crept in and shut you up.
You always hung around campus, your dorm or a third-space. Never his place because you still didnât find it in yourself to face Dean without wanting the ground to open up and swallow you whole. You never told Garrett this but you figured he had connected the dots by now.
Your friend seemed to like Garrett as well, much to your relief. So much so that she had started talking about how cute of a couple youâd be. You couldnât help feeling slightly irked at her change of tune. When you were all over Dean she never said things like this, and though your feelings for him had dwindled, you mourned not having this type of support when you wanted it most.
Resistance wasnât really your forte, so the âjust friendsâ thing immediately turned into a âjust friends with benefitsâ thing. You werenât proud of the lack of restraint you showed but you were literally just a girl in the world. What could you do? The man did say he had game where it mattered.
Saturday rolled around quick enough, but then again you were basically glued by the hips now so it wasnât like you had to wait to see him.
You were surprised at how gentle and patient he was as a teacher. Especially with a chronic klutz as his student.
âDonât let go, Garrett!â you squealed as you struggled to keep the bike upright. Garrett held onto the back of the seat and one of the handles, guiding you forward.
As silly as it looked, it was terrifying. Your palms were sweating and your heart pounding as though you were aboard a rollercoaster â another thing you hated but knew better than to tell Garrett.
âDonât worry, I got you,â he laughed.
âDonât laugh!â
âOkay, jeez, Iâm sorry,â he said, now stifling his laughter.
It took you an hour to successfully ride the bike on your own and you couldnât stop. Garrett stared at you and cheered you on as you giggled your way around him. You could see the hype around it. It felt so liberating, almost exhilarating but maybe that was your inner child speaking.
âThere you go!â He cheered on.
When you finally decided to get off the bike, you both laid down on the blanket you had spread out with a few snacks and drinks. You munched on your chips as you chatted about nothing and everything.Â
âYou know, Iâm really glad youâre a persistent person,â you said.
âYeah?â
âMhmâŚâ you nodded.
You stared at each other. Both of you quietly absorbing what your words meant. Your eyes drifted to his lips, that looked more enticing than usual, but you turned away hoping he didnât notice.
âHey,â he called out.
You turned your head back to him, only to be caught by surprise by his lips on yours. They moved with a sensual slowness, not too deep or forceful, and with just the right amount of want in it.
When you separated, the air between you was calm. There was an ease that youâd never felt before, yet somehow felt familiar. You knew he felt it too as you smiled shyly at each other.
âThat was nice,â you whispered, breaking the silence.
âIt was,â he whispered back, leaning back in for another.
âGarrett! My man!â you pull apart startled by the familiar voice shouting out from a distance. Your eyes widened as you saw Dean and Beau making their way towards you as you sat up.Â
âSup guys?â Dean said as he stood over you. You were sure you looked as uncomfortable as you felt but he didnât seem to mind.
âUh, weâre good. Whatâre you guys doing here?â Garrett asked.
âJust passing by when we saw you guys and came to say hi,â Beau responded.
âRight.â
âHey Y/N, long time no see,â Dean said casually. You couldnât tell if he was mocking you or being genuine but his demeanor alluded to the latter.
âYeah, how have you been?â You asked, hoping the tension you felt didnât appear in your voice.
âAll good around here,â he smiled.Â
âGood.â
With your very abrupt answer, an awkward silence settled.
âAnd by the way, donât forget that Tuckerâs wants us all home for his dinner party today,â Dean snapped his fingers and pointed at Garrett.
âOh shit! Yeah, thanks for reminding me, I actually forgot about that,â Garrett said with a slight cringe.
âY/N, you should join us. Meet the rest of the guys and all,â Dean suggested.
âUm, I donât think Iâll be able to ââ You began brewing up an excuse.
âOh come on. It will be fun,â he insisted.
âShe canât, dude,â Garrett interjected. âMaybe next time.â
âFine. But next time for sure though, okay?â
You pursed your lips and nodded.
âCool, weâll leave you lovebirds alone now then,â Dean teased before he and Beau left.
âSorry about them,â Garrett apologised.
âItâs no issue really,â you shook your head.
âBut the offer still stands, if you change your mind and want to come over. Tucker is probably the best cook on campus.â
âIâll think about it,â you said with a smile, hoping it didnât come out fake.
âThatâs good enough for me.â
â
âYou should totally go,â your friend said.Â
Your face was deep in your pillow as you tried to drown out her voice.
âCome on, if not for yourself then for Garrett,â you felt her lay her head on your back. âHeâs been amazing to you, and I think it would mean a lot to him if you went over and met his friends.â
âFuck, youâre right,â you muttered miserably.
âOf course I am,â she snorted. âNow go get ready and let Garrett know youâre going.â
A snail could move faster than you with how you dragged yourself up. You texted Garrett letting him know that youâd show up and threw your phone to the side before he answered. You took a deep breath already regretting sending it but now you really had to commit.
You opted for a cute floral dress and kept your makeup to a minimum. It was silly how nervous you were to go, and though you recognised that you held all the tension and awkwardness, you couldnât help but feel a bit icky at the fact that youâd be sitting at a table with two guys youâve slept with and developed feelings for. May this be a lesson to add distance between your men.
It was weird how Garrett AND Dean didnât seem to mind that you had slept with both of them. Multiple times at that. But you did appreciate that Garret was more than willing to overlook it, considering you were âseeing where things would goâ.
You had been sitting in your car for ten minutes trying to calm your jittery stomach, when a knock on your window startled you. These damn men and knocking on your car, jeez.Â
John Logan stood on the other side.
âCan I help you?â You asked as soon as you rolled down your window.
âCan I? Youâve been sitting here for some time now?â He chuckled.
âShit, you guys noticed?â you panicked.
âWell yes, weâve been waiting for you to come in for a while now.â
âOh. Yeah, I just needed to, um⌠uhâŚyeah, anyway, letâs go in,â you stammered trying to think of an excuse before ultimately giving up.
Logan opened the door and helped you out . Not that it was needed but still a sweet gesture that you thanked him for.Â
âSo, Garrettâs girlfriend, huh? Howâd you manage to lock him down?â Logan joked as you walked up the stairs.
âOh no! Weâre not dating,â you chuckled awkwardly.
âAh, I see.â
You entered and were immediately fit with the warm delicious scent of the meal that was being cooked.
âY/N! Hey!â Dean, who was sitting at the couch with Beau and another girl you didnât recognise, yelled out. âI see you decided to join us.âÂ
He smiled brightly at you as your gaze flickered between him and the girl. Shocking yourself, you didnât feel the jealousy you usually did whenever this happened but you still found the situation weird even if it seemed like it was only you feeling it.Â
âYeah, couldnât miss out on a meal by the best cook on campus as I was told,â you responded with a meek smile.
âYou are in for the dining experience of your life. Thereâs truly nothing like it,â he said with an exaggerated tone of adoration.
âFuck you, man,â Tucker yelled from the kitchen.
âWhat? Iâm literally complimenting your godlike skills in the kitchen.â
âI canât deny that, actually,â Tucker shrugged. âHey Y/N, how are you?â
âHi Tucker, Iâm good and you? This all smells amazing by the way,â you complimented, eyeing the dishes on the kitchen island.
âThank you, thank you,â he bowed dramatically. âAnd Iâm glad you were able to join us.â
âThanks for having me.â
âGarrett is in his room by the way if you wanna go up and check up on him,â Tucker said, âDinner will be ready in about ten.â
âCool, Iâll go to him then,â you said, making your way to the stairs. âWhich one is his room?â
âThe one next to mine,â Dean answered. You cringed at the fact that you knew exactly where he meant.Â
Tucker and Logan looked like they were ready to choke on their stifled laughs and Dean smiled âinnocentlyâ at you. Well, isnât that helpful?
âGreat, thanks.â
âNo problem.â
You rolled your eyes and made your way to Garrettâs room. You knocked on his door and waited for the muffled âcome inâ to enter.
A wet Garrett stood by his dresser, picking out a t-shirt with a towel wrapped around his waist. He looked up at you and smiled instantly as you closed the door behind you.
âY/NâŚâ he said.
Your eyes roamed over his damp body as though youâd never seen it before. Looking glorious as ever.
âHi,â you bit your lip.
âEnjoying the view?â he teased.
âYep,â you responded bashfully to which he grinned.
You sat on his bed, taking in his bedroom. It was neater than what you expected from a college jock.
âI like your decor,â you mused.
âOf course you do. I have great taste,â he retorted.
âA very basic taste,â you backfired.
âGood taste nonetheless.â
âArenât you a cocky little thing,â you rolled your eyes.
âI am cocky but not a âlittle thingâ. You know that,â he smirked, making his way to stand hovering you. Your face was near his groin, and you knew exactly where this was going.
âIâm not blowing you with your friends right downstairs,â you looked up at him.
âI never asked you to. Please they wouldnât care,â he snickered, turning away from you and getting dressed.
âI think dinner should be ready by now,â you said.
âYeah, we can go down now,â he said as he finished getting dressed. âAnd thanks for coming tonight. It means a lot to me.â
You smiled at him. He took your hand and you both went down stairs where everyone was already seated at the table. You and Garret took your seats, with you sitting in front of the only other girl.Â
âI didnât introduce myself, Iâm Amy by the way,â the girl smiled at you.
âY/N, nice to meet you,â you smiled back.
She seemed nice, and you were glad that you didnât prematurely judge her as you would, had it been the âyouâ from three months ago.
âHere we are, my dear friends. Honey and orange roasted duck with creamy mashed potatoes and cucumber salad with dill.â he announced, proudly setting the last of the food dishes on the table.
âOh my goodness, Tucker,â you awed, âthis looks spectacular.â
âRight? I donât remember the last time I had a homemade meal this elaborate,â Amy added.
âFeast away, my friends!â
There was no need to tell you twice as you all dug into the meal in front of you. It was truly mouth-watering but the cozy atmosphere was what really tied it all together.
Jokes and lighthearted teasing bounced around the table, funny stories being shared and laughter filling the room. You almost forgot that you didnât want to come in the first place, and you definitely forgot the feeling of unease you carried in as you interacted with the people at the table as friends. Including Dean, who you wouldâve once given your heart to.
With you and Amy being the only girls, you broke into girl chat on the side. The more you spoke to her the more you liked her. You noticed Dean glancing at her every now and again. He looked at her the same way Garrett looked at you.Â
As soon as the thought rang in your head you looked to your side, to see Garrett also looking back at you. His hand rested on your thigh, softly caressing it.
âAll good?â he mouthed. You nodded, smiling at him. You reached for his hand and squeezed it before turning back to Amy.Â
The eating and chattering continued until you moved to the sofa with an apple pie for dessert and some beers and juices. Soon enough, time passed without you noticing, and by Garretâs invitation you decided to sleep over.
âThat was really fun,â you whispered. The room was dark, you laid on Garrettâs chest wearing one of his t-shirts as he traced circles on your arm. Very much not âjust friendsâ of you.
âIt was,â he agreed.
âThanks for inviting me.â
âThanks for coming. Despite, you knowâŚâ
âI didnât mind it as much as I thought I would actually. Barely even thought about it,â you confessed.
âThatâs good.â
âYeah, I was more focused on you instead,â you said, hoping he caught what you meant.
âMe?â You could hear the grin in his tone. You turned up your head to see his pearly whites smiling down at you.
âYes, you.â You reached up to peck his lips, but Garrett being Garrett couldnât leave it at that, and deepened the initially quick and innocent kiss. You didnât mind it though.
You shifted so that you were partially on top of him. His hand trailed down your side, stopping on your lower stomach and he gently turned you over on your back. Moving further down to your core, he slipped his hand into your underwear and gently rubbed your clit before pushing two fingers past your wet entrance.Â
You whimpered and whined as his fingers went in and out of you. You pressed your lips harder against his in an effort to muffle the noises you were desperate to make. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head, thighs trembling and toes curled. He kept thrusting his fingers as you lost yourself in the high. You came down as he slowed and pulled his fingers out.
âYou liked that?â
âLoved it,â you giggled.
You pushed onto his back and got between his legs, smiling seductively at him as you pulled down his boxers to reveal his hardening shaft. You bit your lip, firmly but slowly stroking him as you lowered your mouth to his tip. Your eyes glued to his hazy ones. Lust and desire swirling in them like a storm.
Your tongue caressed his tip, savouring the salty taste of it a bit before you sucked on it as you continued stroking him.Garret whimpered at the feeling, fighting the urge to close his eyes, not wanting to break eye contact.
You stopped moving your hands to take him further into your mouth and bobbed your head slowly, finding a rhythm. His hand made its way to the back of your head and he began to gently thrust his hips upwards. He went deeper and deeper until he reached the back of your throat and easily slid beyond.
âFuck, I donât think Iâll ever get tired of your mouth,â he moaned lowly, conscious of the people in the house. He had a way of stroking your ego. His praise went straight to your head as you put in more effort in your task.Â
You felt yourself grow wetter and you squeezed your legs together for some relief. As his thrusts grew sloppier, he abruptly pulled you off of him leaving a string of saliva connecting his cock to your lips. The sight ensnared him. He held your face in his hand and let a thumb slide across your soft bottom lip.
He flipped you onto your back, positioning himself between your legs. He took a hold of his shaft and guided it towards your entrance.Â
âAh,â you moaned.Â
He let his head fall into the nook of your neck and peppered it with kisses. He picked up the pace of his thrusts. Each one of them hitting the perfect spot. He whispered sweet praises in your each, each of them going down to your core. The familiar pressure had begun building up and as his movements grew sloppier. Soon you reached your climax with a moan announcing your arrival.
A few more uncoordinated thrusts and Garrett, too, groaned as came. You didnât even care that you werenât wearing any protection as you savoured the moment. He gently rolled himself off of you. The pair of you lay on your backs with the only sound in the room being your pants.Â
Garrett pulled you back into his chest, holding you tight as you comfortably snuggled in.Â
âWhat do you think about being boyfriend and girlfriend?â You asked shyly against his chest.
âDo you want to be boyfriend and girlfriend?â
You nodded weakly.
âIâd also like that,â he said.
You tried to suppress the bright grin fighting to break out as you snuggled closer into him.
He chuckled, tightening his grip, but still making sure it was comfortable.
âOkay then. Goodnight, boyfriend,â you said bashfully.
âGoodnight, girlfriend.â
Look at you, you thought, finally having a boyfriend. And a hot one at that!
Ö´ÖśÖ¸. .ŕźŕźŕż PAIRING. garrett graham x inexperienced! reader
SYNOPSIS. you lose your virginity to the Garrett Graham.
Ö´ÖśÖ¸. .ŕźŕźŕż WARNINGS. 18+ smut
⤡ ËËË authors note, my obsession for garrett and off campus is growing every second. i need s2 so bad. ALSO this is one of my fav things iâve written so far so i hope you guys enjoy! leave reqs in my inbox! i love hearing your thoughts :)
Garrett hovered above you, his hazel eyes full of laughter and want, while you lay on the mattress, breathing quickly and trembling. "Still sure about this, baby?" he murmured in a low, husky voice as his fingertips brushed your naked side. His hands were on either side of your head, imprisoning you and making you feel small and owned. "Because once I'm inside you- there's no going back."
Biting your lip, you nodded. "Garrett, I want you. I want it to be you.â
He grinned darkly and contentedly at that. His tongue glided into your mouth as he moved in to give you a slow, deep kiss. Even if you hadn't said it yet, he owned every aspect of you.
You gasped as he proceeded slowly and deliberately down your body, pressing kisses to your throat, down your chest, and sucking at the skin just above your breast. Beneath him, you were shivering, nude, and softly squeezed your thighs together. However, he had already tasted everything. touched every single thing. "You're fuckin' perfect," he whispered as he ran his fingers over your hips after tasting it. âIâve been waiting to fuck this tight little virgin pussy."
Your heart was pounding as you writhed. You said, "I need you, Gâ
He begins kissing your collar bone, which is visible through your shirt. He began putting small kisses on top of dark, bruised hickies that were all over your neck and chest. Garrett was able to comprehend what you needed since you continued to tighten your thighs. He kissed all the way down your stomach until he reached the top of your pajamas. When he gazed directly into your eyes, you nodded and pulled him in the direction of your tender spot.
Your underwear was still on when he took off your shorts. He dropped to his knees, moved your legs to either side of his shoulders, and looked directly into your eyes. He moved in closer and began kissing the inside of your thighs. When you made a quiet sound, he looked down and noticed the wet spot on your panties, which motivated him to assist you in solving your issue more quickly.
He began caressing your underpants in gentle circles. You muttered, "More please." He smiled at your condition; you're already drenched and he hasn't done much. "Whatever you need, baby." As he began to pull off your underwear, he said.
Garrett didn't spend any time. He took one hand away from you long enough to fumble at his belt, his fingers sloppy with urgency as he pulled it free. âI promise iâm going to take care of you. Iâll be gentleâ he reassures you.
He didn't ease you into it or give you the typical easy slide in. As soon as he set himself free, he began to draw you in, aligning himself more out of need than patience. His breath caught as soon as he saw you, then he suddenly pushed in.
Your body clamped around him as the sudden, full stretch hit, causing you to cry out. Garrettâs head dipped forward as if the sensation had pushed the rest of him loose, and he moaned at the feel of it.
"Shi-"
The phrase cracked into something rougher in your throat.
Before your body could adjust or catch up, his hands grabbed your hips and began moving you once more. As he brought you into action, his hands clamped onto you, fingers digging in.
Garrett pulled out and in once more, barely an inch, but the blow was as forceful as the first. Your body tightened around him as if it couldn't decide whether to push him out or take him, and your hands shot to his shoulders, squeezing in as another cry escaped you.
He sensed it right away.
His hands gripped you more firmly, stabilizing, grounding, and preventing you from pushing away. "You're doing so good for me," he continued, his words harsh with admiration, his head lowering slightly so that his voice didn't have to travel far when he spoke. "You can take it. I'm sure you can. Just be relaxed, iâm right here with youâ
You were aware that Garrett's comments were intended to be helpful, but that didn't stop the thoughts from hitting where it hurt the most.
No matter how tight the stretch grew, he continued to push in, inch by inch, never actually pausing or giving any of it backâjust that constant pressure that kept growing. As your body struggled to take him, to open around something that still felt too much, you bit your lip and dug your fingernails into his shoulders.
"I'm sorry, baby," he whispered against your skin, the words slipping out even as he continued. His mouth found your neck and stayed there, kissing, sucking, working at the same spot as if he knew exactly what it took to get you through this part and was doing it without letting you think too hard about anything else. "I'm almost there... you're taking me just right, just like that.."
At last, he pushed himself all the way in.
The stretch flared and calmed, and the sound that emerged from both of you followed. His sound was deeper and rougher, drawn directly from his chest as he fully filled you, while yours was intense and breathless.
At first, Garrett moved slowly, barely pulling out before pushing back in, as if he was allowing your body to acclimate to him while he remained heavy and deep. However, it was short-lived.
His hips drove into yours with greater power and intent as his rhythm quickened, each thrust coming a bit faster and harder.
It couldn't be anything else because of his size.
Your body drew in as if it didn't want to give up any of him; every push drove all the way in, and every time he pulled out, you immediately felt the loss of it, that abrupt, too obvious emptiness. Then he was within you once more, deep enough to cause the pain to resurface. It didn't end.
Every time he drove into you, his body moved over yours with only heat and weight, pushing you further into the sheets. The harsh sound of it filled the room next to you, and its intensity never lessened, each movement landing hard enough to keep your breath catching and shattering.
Your body was absorbing every inch of him as if it didn't know how to handle it, and the stretch and fullness were still too intense.
Even so, he felt incredibly amazing.
The sounds you were making no longer even attempted to make sense. Every time he pushed into you, they emerged uneven and strangled, catching somewhere between his name and something rougher and more broken that was pulled out of you repeatedly.
"That's it," he uttered in a low, strained voice, pausing between breaths as he observed you disintegrate beneath him. "Feels so good... you feel so good for me."
He moved onto one forearm, getting nearer and positioning himself just enough to grab your hand.
His fingers encircled it and then guided it lower, pressing your hand into your stomach at the exact spot where each of his thrusts struck.
Without warning, your body constricted around him, and as the pressure continued to rise, your breath caught again as it became heavier, sharper, and too much to ignore.
"Perfect for me," Garrett said, pressing your palm farther into it as he held you against it.
The words quickly overwhelmed you, causing your body to collapse around them. Your voice broke as it tore from you, and it was loud and unsteady. At the sensation, Garrett let out a low groan. His pace faltered for a brief moment before he continued to push through and drive into you as you broke apart beneath him.
Garrett leaned in and kissed you once more. His own breathing was harsh against your lips as his body pursued it, and he kissed you through every sound and aftershock that tore through you.
It struck all at once, a strong pulse that pushed him deeper into you, instantly warming you from the inside out.
All of it was felt by you.
The warmth. The weight of it. The way he remained there with it.
"You're perfect," he whispered against your lips, planting another kiss there as if he truly meant it. "You did so good, baby..." he said, his mouth sliding against yours as his voice became low and steady once more.
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description: youâre Hopperâs daughter, which means one thing: no dating. ever. unfortunately for Eleven, that also means she canât date either, unless you do first. cue Mike and Dustin coming up with the worst (best) idea possible: paying Eddie to take you out. too bad youâre the last person in Hawkins whoâd ever fall for it⌠right?
pairing: eddie x you (fem!reader)
tags: hoppers daughter! reader, enemies to lovers (or something like that...), punk x menace, you hate everyone but him (eventually), he falls first, persistent idiot x guarded girl, sibling dynamic with el, soft eddie munson, we love a mean girl with a soft center, slight angst
TW: deception/manipulation, mild angst
WC: 12.2k (sorry not sorry)
A/N: i just re-watched 10 Things I Hate About You for the millionth time and immediately caught inspo. it's taking everything out of me to not make this a series but i stay doing that to myself. reblogs are always appreciated :) enjoy!!!! <3
The road is quiet in that late-afternoon way Hawkins always seems to settle into, golden light stretching across the pavement, your window cracked just enough for the wind to tug at your hair and carry in the faint smell of something burning from someoneâs backyard.Â
Youâre halfway through a cigarette you probably shouldnât be smoking when you see them up ahead, two figures walking a little too close together to be accidental.
You donât even have to squint to recognize Eleven in that oversized flannel she stole from your closet three weeks ago and never gave back.
You slow the car just slightly, not enough to be obvious, just enough to take it in. Sheâs looking up at Mike like he hung the goddamn moon, and heâs talking with his hands like he always does when heâs nervous, their shoulders brushing every few steps like itâs something theyâre still getting used to but donât want to stop.
Itâs⌠harmless, objectively. Soft, even. The kind of thing most people would smile at.
You donât.
You flick the ash out the window, press your foot back on the gas, and drive right past them without so much as a glance in their direction, because whatever this is, itâs not your problem. Not yet.
By the time you get home, Hopperâs truck isnât in the driveway, which means youâve got a small window of peace before the nightly interrogation disguised as dinner.
You take it without hesitation, tossing your keys on the counter and kicking your shoes off like the house belongs to you, because in every way that matters, it does.
El walks in about twenty minutes later.
You hear the door before you see her, the soft creak, the careful steps like sheâs trying not to be noticed, which is almost funny considering the fact that she is, quite literally, impossible to ignore.
Youâre leaning against the counter, flipping through some old magazine you found under a stack of mail, when she finally steps into the kitchen, pausing when she realizes youâre there.
Like a deer caught in headlights that doesnât quite understand what a car is yet, but knows it should probably be afraid of it.
You donât look up.
âYou walk home?â you ask, voice casual in a way thatâs almost too deliberate.
âYes.â
You hum, turning a page. âMustâve been a long walk.â
She doesnât answer that, and for a second, you think sheâs going to drop it, retreat, let it go the way you just did out on the road. But then she shifts, something in her posture tightening, like sheâs bracing herself.
âI was with Mike.â
You glance up finally, one slow look that says everything youâre not bothering to put into words, and she lifts her chin just slightly under it, defiant in that quiet way of hers that almost makes you respect it.
âCongrats,â you say flatly, tossing the magazine back onto the counter. âWant a medal or are you just sharing?â
Her brows pull together. âYou saw.â
âYeah,â you shrug, reaching for the fridge like this conversation couldnât matter less. âHard to miss the whole hand-holding, walking-like-youâre-in-a-romance-movie thing.â
âIt is not a movie,â she says, sharper now, stepping closer. âIt is real.â
You close the fridge a little harder than necessary, turning to face her fully now, leaning back against the counter like youâve got all the time in the world.Â
âThen maybe you should be smarter about it.â
Her eyes narrow. âYou think you are smarter?â
âI know I am.â
You can see it in the way her jaw sets, the way her hands curl at her sides like sheâs resisting the urge to do something sheâll regret.
âYou donât understand,â she says, voice tight. âYou donât even try.â
You let out a small laugh, not kind, not cruel, just dismissive. âOh, I understand plenty. I just donât care.â
Thatâs the wrong thing to say.
You know it the second her expression shifts, something hurt flashing across her face before it hardens into something else. Something a little more calculated, a little more familiar to you than youâd like.
âYou are alone,â she says quietly. âYou push everyone away.â
You go still.
âAnd now you want me to be alone too.â
Thereâs a moment where you could back off, could soften it, could remind her that you won't say anything to Hopper.
âIf you end up alone,â you say, voice even, âit wonât be because of me.â
The front door opens before she can respond.
Hopper fills the doorway like he always does, presence first, everything else second, shrugging off his jacket and glancing between the two of you like he already knows he walked into something he doesnât have the patience for.
âWhy do I feel like I missed a fight?â he mutters, heading toward the kitchen.
You push off the counter, grabbing your keys again. âBecause you did.â
âHeyââ
âIâm going out,â you cut him off, already moving past him. âDonât wait up.â
âDinnerâs in twentyââ
âThen eat it without me.â
Youâre halfway out the door when Elâs voice cuts through the air, quiet but deliberate.
âI was with Mike.â
Slowly, you turn back.
Hopper frowns. âYou were what?â
El doesnât look at you. She keeps her eyes on him.
You watch it unfold like a car crash you couldâve prevented but chose not to. Something almost detached settles over you as Hopper starts pacing, running a hand over his face.
He's already gearing up for a lecture thatâs going to last longer than either of you has the patience for.
âI told you, no dating,â he says, voice rising. âYouâre too young, youâre notâthis is not happening.â
Elâs gaze flickers, just briefly, toward you.
And then, like sheâs made a decision. âJust because she does not date doesnât mean I donât want to.â
You let out a short, humorless laugh. âYeah, because I donât want to.â
Hopper looks between the two of you, something clicking into place in that stubborn, overprotective brain of his, and you can actually see the moment the worst possible idea forms.
ââŚFine,â he says.
âIf she wants to date,â he continues, pointing at El, âthen the rule changes.â
âDadââ
âNo dating,â he says firmly, eyes locking onto yours now, âuntil you do.â
Silence. You stare at him, and he stares right back.
And then you laugh, full and sharp, like this is the funniest thing youâve ever heard.
âThatâs not a rule, thatâs a death sentence for El.â
âAnd why would that be?âÂ
You roll your eyes. âPlease. I would never date the neanderthals in this school if they were the last living organisms on earth.â
Hopper crosses his arms, satisfied. âThen I guess nobodyâs dating.â
Elâs lips press together, trying and failing to hide the smallest hint of disappointment.
You point at her. âThis is on you.â
The next morning feels heavier for her in a way she canât quite name.
Hawkins High hums the same as it always does, lockers slamming, voices overlapping, sneakers squeaking against the tile.
Eleven moves through it like something slightly out of place, like the rhythm doesnât quite match her steps.Â
People notice her before she notices them, and then they look away just as quickly, conversations dipping, shoulders angling.
A group of girls by the lockers goes quiet when she passes. One of them mutters something under her breath, not loud enough to repeat, just loud enough to land.
El doesnât react outwardly, but her jaw tightens, her hands curling into the sleeves of her sweater as she keeps walking, eyes forward, because sheâs learned that looking back only makes it worse.
She doesnât understand all of it, but she understands enough.
She finds Mike and Dustin near their usual table, both of them mid-conversation, Dustin animated as always, Mike nodding along like heâs only half paying attention until he spots her.
His whole face changes. âHey,â he says quickly, standing up like he always does, like itâs instinct now. âHi.â
El slows when she reaches them, glancing briefly at Dustin before looking back at Mike.
âHi.â
Dustin leans forward immediately, eyes flicking between them. âOkay, so, I feel like something happened because you look like you just came back from, like, emotional warfareââ
âEl, did you get in troubleââ Mike starts, already bracing.
âIt is worse,â El cuts in.
Mikeâs brows pull together. âWorse than what?â
âHopper made a new rule.â
Dustin groans immediately. âOh, thatâs never good. Last time there was a new rule I wasnât allowed in your house for, like, a monthââ
âHe says I cannot date,â she continues, voice steady but tight, âuntil she does.â
Mike blinks. âUntil⌠who does?â
El doesnât have to say it. Their heads both turn slightly, almost in sync, scanning the cafeteria like they expect to spot you immediately.
Mike runs a hand through his hair, already stressed. âThat doesnât make any sense. Thatâs not even fair.â
âIt is not fair,â El agrees, sharper now. âIt is stupid.â
Dustin nods emphatically. âSuper stupid. Like, impressively stupid. Like, I didnât even know you could make a rule that stupidââ
Mike cuts him off. âOkay, okayâwait.â He looks back at El. âWhy would he do that?â
Elâs expression shifts, something more complicated flickering there. âBecause she does not date.â
ââŚAt all?â Dustin asks.
El shakes her head. âShe said she would ânever date the neanderthals in this school.ââ
Dustin lets out a low whistle. âWow. Thatâs⌠harsh. I mean, not entirely inaccurate for some of the male population here, but still. Harsh.â
Mike doesnât laugh; heâs busy thinking.
âI want to be with you,â she says quietly. âNot in secret. Not like⌠like something bad.â
Mike looks at her, and whatever frustration he had a second ago shifts into something more determined. âYeah. I know. I want that too.â
Dustin straightens, eyes lighting up just a little, that familiar spark of an idea forming, whether anyone asked for it or not. âOkay, wait. Wait, wait, wait.â
Mike groans. âDustinââ
âNo, hear me out,â he insists, pointing between them. âIf the rule is that she has to date someone, then all we have to do⌠is make that happen.â
Mike stares at him. âYou say that like itâs easy.â
Dustin leans in, lowering his voice like heâs about to propose something highly illegal, which, in his mind, is probably half the appeal.
âWe find someone whoâs willing to go out with her.â
Mike blinks. âAnd why would anyone do that?â
Dustin pauses, considers. Then slowly, a grin spreads across his face, the kind that usually means trouble. ââŚIncentive.â
Mikeâs eyes widen. âOh no. No, absolutely notââ
âIt could work!â Dustin presses. âThink about it, man. We just need one guy, right? One guy whoâs not completely terrified of herââ
âThatâs already a short list,â Mike mutters.
ââand who doesnât care about her whole⌠thing,â Dustin continues, gesturing vaguely. âSomeone whoâd do it for the right price.â
El watches them, confusion knitting her brows. âYou want to pay someone to date my sister?â
Mike winces. âWhen you say it like thatââ
âThat is what you are saying.â
Dustin shrugs. âI mean⌠yeah. But itâs not, like, real dating. Itâs justâŚstrategic.â
El looks between them, uncertainty flickering, but underneath it is something stronger.Â
âIf it works,â she says slowly, âthe rule will change.â
Mike hesitates, then nods. âIf it works⌠yeah.â
Dustin claps his hands together once, already scanning the cafeteria like heâs picking from a lineup.
âOkay. So. Who do we know thatâs got a high tolerance for danger, questionable decision-making skills, and absolutely nothing to lose?â
Thereâs a pause. And then, almost simultaneously, both boys have the exact same thought.
Across the room, at a table that feels more like its own territory than part of the cafeteria, sits Eddie, boots up on the bench, laughing too loud at something one of the Hellfire guys just said, completely unaware that somewhere behind him, a very bad idea has just found its target.
They donât move right away.
For a second, both of them just stand there, watching from a distance like theyâre about to approach a wild animal that might be friendly but could just as easily bite.
Dustin shifts his weight from foot to foot while Mike very clearly considers abandoning the plan entirely.
âThis is a terrible idea,â Mike mutters under his breath.
Dustin doesnât disagree. âYeah. Yeah, it is. But itâs also the only idea.â
Mike glances back at Eleven, still standing by the table, watching them with that quiet, unwavering expectation that makes it very hard to say no to her.
He sighs. ââŚFine.â
The Hellfire table is loud in a way the rest of the cafeteria isnât.
âWheeler. Henderson,â Eddie drawls, leaning back slightly, a grin already forming like he can smell trouble from a mile away.Â
âTo what do I owe the pleasure? You here to finally admit my campaign last night was amazing, orââ
âWe need a favor,â Dustin blurts, cutting him off.
That gets his attention.
Eddieâs brows lift, interest piqued, grin sharpening into something more curious as he slowly lowers his boots from the chair.
âA favor,â he repeats. âFrom me.â
Mike crosses his arms, trying to look more confident than he feels. âYeah.â
Eddie glances between them, taking in the tension, the way neither of them looks entirely sure about what theyâre about to say, and it only makes him more entertained.
âThis should be good,â he says, gesturing lazily. âGo on. Enlighten me.â
Dustin steps forward like heâs presenting a business proposal. âOkay, so. Hypotheticallyââ
âOh, weâre starting with hypotheticals,â Eddie hums.
ââif someone,â Dustin continues, ignoring him, âneeded you to, I donât know, go out with someoneââ
Eddie snorts. âHenderson, youâre gonna have to narrow it down. My dance card is shockingly empty.â
Mike cuts in, faster this time. âWeâll pay you.â
Eddie goes still for half a second, definitely caught off guard, like he wasnât expecting them to skip straight to that part.
ââŚYouâll what?â he says, slower now.
Dustin nods, serious. âPay you.â
Eddie lets out a short laugh, dragging a hand down his face as he leans forward onto the table, eyes flicking between them like heâs trying to figure out if this is a joke he hasnât been let in on yet.
âYouâre offering me money,â he says carefully, âto go on a date.â
âYes,â Mike says.
âWith who?â Eddie asks, already half amused again.
Mike hesitates.
Dustin doesnât.
âHopperâs daughter.â
Eddie leans back in his seat, something thoughtful creeping into his expression now.
ââŚThat Hopperâs daughter,â he repeats.
Mike nods. Eddieâs gaze drifts, almost unconsciously, across the cafeteria. It doesnât take long to find you.
Youâre not hard to spot, not because youâre loud or attention-seeking, but because people give you space without meaning to, a quiet radius that forms around you wherever you sit.Â
Youâre leaning back in your chair, one leg crossed over the other, completely uninterested in anything happening around you.
Like the entire room is background noise youâve already tuned out. Heâs never talked to you, not once. But he knows you. Everyone does.
The attitude. The sharp tongue. The way you look at people like youâve already decided exactly what they are and found it lacking.
He watches you for a second longer than necessary, then looks back at them.
ââŚYou want me,â he says slowly, âto go out with her.â
âYes,â Dustin says again, like repetition might make it sound less insane.
Eddie exhales through his nose, shaking his head slightly as he leans back, running his tongue over his teeth in thought.
âYou guys have a death wish or something? I mean, Iâve seen the way she looks at people. Iâm pretty sure Iâd burst into flames on contact.â
âYou wonât,â Mike says quickly. âProbably.â
Eddie shoots him a look. âReassuring.â
Dustin leans in. âLook, it doesnât have to be real. You just have to take her out a couple times, make it believable, and thatâs it.â
âWhy?â he asks.
Mike hesitates. El answers from behind them.
âBecause I want to be with him.â
All three of them turn.
El stands a few steps closer now, her gaze steady as it moves from Mike to Eddie, something earnest and unfiltered sitting right at its center.
âHopper says I cannot date until she does,â she continues. âSo she must.â
Eddieâs expression shifts, just slightly, and he glances back at you again. You havenât noticed him. Or maybe you have, and you just donât care.
Either way, it does something strange in his chest, something he doesnât quite have a name for. He looks back at Dustin and Mike.
ââŚAnd youâre paying me,â he says.
Dustin nods eagerly. âYes.â
Eddie taps his fingers against the table, thinking.
âYou do realize,â he says after a moment, âthis is gonna blow up in your faces, right? Like, spectacularly. Possibly with casualties.â
âProbably,â Mike admits.
Eddie huffs out a quiet laugh. Then, almost absently, his eyes flick back to you one more time, alone at your table.
He tilts his head, something like a grin pulling at the corner of his mouth.
ââŚAlright,â he says.
Mike blinks. âWaitâseriously?â
Eddie shrugs, pushing himself up from the chair, grabbing his jacket like heâs already halfway committed before heâs even finished deciding.
âWhat can I say? Iâm a sucker for a good cause.â
Dustin grins. âAnd the money.â
Eddie points at him. âAnd the money.â
Then he glances back at you, eyes narrowing just slightly, like heâs studying something he doesnât quite understand yet but very much intends to.
ââŚPlus,â he adds, almost to himself, âIâve never met a dragon I didnât want to try and charm.â
Mike groans. âPlease donât call her that to her face.â
Eddieâs grin widens. âNo promises.â
The bell cuts through the cafeteria, sharp and final, and the room shifts all at once, chairs scraping, conversations breaking, bodies funneling toward the exits in a familiar, restless wave.
You donât rush, you never do.
You take your time gathering your things, sliding your bag over your shoulder, letting the crowd thin just enough that you donât have to fight your way through it.
You donât notice him at first, not until heâs already there.
Falling into step beside you like itâs the most natural thing in the world, like this isnât the first time heâs ever willingly placed himself in your orbit.
âHey,â Eddie says easily, turning slightly so heâs walking half backward just to catch your eye, a crooked grin already in place. âHopper, right?â
You donât stop, you donât even look at him.
âDo I know you?â you ask flatly, eyes fixed ahead.
He presses a hand dramatically to his chest, as if youâve wounded him. âWow. Thatâs cold. Iâm hurt.â
âTragic.â
He snorts, clearly entertained, and then, without missing a beat, sticks his hand out between you like heâs introducing himself at a business meeting.Â
âEddie. Munson. Local celebrity, part-time academic menace, full-time delight. Pleasure to finally make your acquaintance.â
You glance down at his hand. Then back up at him. And just⌠stare.
He holds it there a second longer than most people would, grin twitching slightly at the edges as he realizes exactly whatâs happening, and then he exhales a quiet laugh, dropping it back to his side.
âAlright, tough crowd,â he mutters, half to himself.
You keep walking.
âSo,â he continues, undeterred, falling back into step beside you like heâs decided this is a long game. âI was thinking, dangerous, I know, but maybe you and I couldââ
âNo.â
He blinks. âI didnât even finish the sentence.â
âI didnât need you to.â
That earns a laugh, low and surprised, like he wasnât expecting you to shut him down that fast but heâs not exactly mad about it either.
âOkay, fair,â he concedes, nodding like youâve made a solid point. âBut hypothetically, if I had finished the sentenceââ
âYou shouldnât.â
You cut around a group of people blocking the hallway, not slowing, not adjusting your pace to make room for him.
He sidesteps neatly back into place beside you, hands slipping into his jacket pockets, glancing at you from the corner of his eye like heâs studying a puzzle he hasnât quite figured out yet.
âYou always this friendly,â he asks, âor am I just special?â
You let out a quiet, humorless breath. âYouâre not special.â
âOuch,â he says, though thereâs no real sting to it, just amusement. âGonna have to try harder, I see.â
You stop at your locker, spinning the dial without acknowledging him, and he leans casually against the one next to yours like heâs got nowhere else to be.
âI mean, come on,â he goes on, softer now, less performative, more coaxing. âYou havenât even heard my pitch.â
âI donât care about your pitch.â
âNot even a little curious?â
You glance at him then, finally, just a flick of your eyes.
ââŚNo.â
He grins, like thatâs the answer he wanted.
âSee, thatâs where I think youâre wrong,â he says, pushing off the locker, stepping just a little closer. âBecause if you were really not curious, you wouldâve told me to shut up and left already.â
You slam your locker shut. âIâm telling you to shut up now.â
He laughs, full and unbothered. âThere she is.â
You sling your bag back over your shoulder, turning to walk away again, and he falls into step beside you immediately, like this is just how things are now.
âJust one shot,â he says, holding up a finger. âOne sentence. If you hate it, Iâll disappear, never bother you again, you can go back to your regularly scheduled broodingââ
âYouâre already bothering me.â
ââbut if you donât hate it,â he continues smoothly, ignoring that, âyou hear me out.â
You stop again, slowly.
ââŚYou have one sentence,â you say.
His grin comes back, slower this time, a little more careful.
âGo out with me.â
Silence. You stare at him, and he holds it, waiting.
And then you let out a short laugh, like heâs just confirmed exactly what you thought about him the second he opened his mouth.
âAbsolutely not.â And just like that, you turn and walk away, not even giving him the chance to respond this time.
Behind you, Eddie just watches you go, something thoughtful settling in behind the amusement. Then he huffs out a quiet laugh, dragging a hand through his hair as he falls back a step.
ââŚAlright,â he mutters to himself, a crooked smile pulling at his mouth again. âChallenge accepted.â
By the time the plan reaches its next phase, it already feels like something thatâs gotten out of hand. Not that that stops them.
The cabin is quiet when they get there. Late afternoon light spills through the windows, warm and low, dust floating lazily in the air like the place is holding its breath, and Eleven pushes the door open without hesitation.
The boys follow more cautiously.
Mike lingers just inside the doorway, already tense, eyes darting around like Hopper might materialize out of thin air, while Dustin closes the door behind them with a soft click, lowering his voice instinctively.
âThis feels illegal,â Eddie whispers.
âIt is not illegal,â El says, already moving toward the hallway. âIt is necessary.â
Mike runs a hand through his hair. âWeâre going through her stuff.â
El pauses, glancing back at him. âWe are learning.â
âThatâs worse.â
They find your room easily.
The doorâs half-open, like you never bothered to shut it fully, and thereâs something about that alone that makes all four of them hesitate for a second.
Dustin pushes it open anyway.
âOkay,â he says under his breath, stepping inside. âRecon mission.â
The room is exactly what Eddie expected. And not at all.
Itâs not messy, not really, but itâs not polished either, not curated in that way some peopleâs rooms are.
Yours feels lived in, real. Clothes draped over the back of a chair, books stacked unevenly on your nightstand, a jacket tossed carelessly across the end of your bed like youâll come back for it later.
There are posters on the wall, and not the ones people expect. Not pop stars or clean-cut bands, but darker, louder things, edges curling slightly at the corners, ink-heavy designs that feel more like statements than decoration.
Eddie steps further in, slower than the others, gaze dragging across the details, taking it in piece by piece like heâs reading something written in a language he almost understands.
ââŚHuh,â he says quietly.
Dustinâs already at your shelf, flipping through a stack of vinyls with growing enthusiasm. âOh, this is gold. This is goldâsheâs got good taste, Iâll give her that.â
Mikeâs still hovering, arms crossed. âCan we not touch everything?â
âWeâre not touching everything,â Dustin argues. âWeâre strategically observing.â
âYouâre holding it.â
âThatâs part of observing.â
El moves toward your desk, fingers brushing lightly over the surface, pausing on a notebook left half-open, but she doesnât flip through it. Not that.
Even she seems to recognize thereâs a line somewhere.
Eddie, meanwhile, drifts closer to your wall. He studies the posters more carefully now, head tilting slightly, eyes narrowing just a bit as something clicks into place.
ââŚSheâs not just mean,â he says, almost absently.
Mike glances over. âWhat?â
Eddie gestures vaguely at the wall. âThis stuffâthis isnât random. Sheâs got a whole thing going on. Itâs likeâŚâ He trails off, searching for the word, then shrugs. âCurated chaos.â
Dustin snorts. âThatâs not a thing.â
âIt is now,â Eddie shoots back, though his attentionâs already shifted again, scanning the room like heâs trying to piece together a person out of fragments.
Thereâs something quieter in him now. Less show, more interest.
He doesnât say it out loud, doesnât need to, but itâs there in the way he lingers, the way he notices things the others donât, the way his gaze softens just slightly when it lands on something small, something personal.
On your nightstand. A folded piece of paper sticks out from under a book, worn at the edges like itâs been handled more than once, and Dustin, of course, zeroes in on it immediately.
âOoh, whatâs thisââ
âDonât,â Mike says quickly.
Too late. Dustin pulls it free, unfolding it with zero hesitation, eyes scanning over it before lighting up.
âNo way.â
âWhat?â Mike asks, stepping closer despite himself.
Dustin turns it so they can see. Tickets. Two of them. Worn slightly at the corners, like theyâve been sitting there for a while, waiting.
âTo a show,â Dustin says, unnecessarily.
Eddie steps in closer, eyes dropping to the print, and something in his expression shifts again, sharper this time, recognition sparking.
ââŚYouâre kidding me,â he murmurs.
El tilts her head. âWhat is it?â
Eddie reaches out, not taking the tickets, just brushing his fingers lightly against the edge like he needs to confirm theyâre real. âThis isââ
He lets out a short, disbelieving laugh. ââThe Misfits,â he finishes.
Dustin blinks. âIs that⌠good?â
Eddie looks at him like he just asked if oxygen is optional.
âIs that good? Henderson, thatâs not just good, thatâsââ He cuts himself off, shaking his head, still half smiling. âThatâs not exactly mainstream around here, alright? Thatâs⌠specific.â
Mike frowns slightly. âSo she likes them?â
Eddie exhales, glancing around the room again, like everything suddenly makes a little more sense. âYeah,â he says. âYeah, she does.â
Dustinâs grin creeps back in, slow and deliberate. âOkay. So. We use that.â
Mike hesitates. âUse it how?â
Dustin gestures with the tickets. âConversation piece.â
Eddie doesnât answer right away. Heâs still looking at the tickets, at your room. At the pieces of you scattered around it like clues he didnât expect to care about.
ââŚThatâs not a terrible idea,â he admits finally, quieter than before.
Mike stares at him. âYouâre actually considering this.â
Eddie glances at him, one corner of his mouth lifting slightly. âI told you. I like a challenge.â
But itâs not just that anymore.
ââŚGuess Iâve got my opening line.â
The bell above the door gives a soft, tired jingle when it opens, the kind thatâs been rung a thousand times and stopped caring somewhere around the five hundredth. You donât look up right away.
The record store is slow this time of day, the low hum of music drifting through the speakers, something scratchy and familiar playing from behind the counter as you flip through a stack of new arrivals, reorganizing them more out of habit than necessity.
âAfternoon,â you say flatly, still not looking.
âYeah, Iâm hoping it gets better from here.â
You freeze for half a second. Then slowly, you lift your head.
Eddie stands just inside the doorway, hands shoved into his jacket pockets, looking entirely too comfortable for someone who very much does not belong here.
Your eyes narrow instantly. ââŚYouâve got to be kidding me.â
He grins like thatâs exactly the reaction he was hoping for. âMiss me?â
âNo.â
âCold,â he hums, stepping further inside, gaze drifting lazily over the shelves like heâs browsing. âI was in the neighborhood.â
âYou werenât.â
âOkay, no,â he concedes easily. âI wasnât.â
You go back to what you were doing, dismissing him with the same efficiency you would anyone else you donât care to deal with.
âThen leave.â
He doesnât. Instead, he wanders closer to the counter, fingers brushing along the edge of a display, scanning the titles like heâs genuinely interested. Even though the slight tilt of his mouth says heâs enjoying this far more than he should.
âSo,â he starts casually, like youâre in the middle of a normal conversation. âYou got any Misfits vinyls in stock, or am I gonna have to take my business elsewhere?â
That stops you.
ââŚYou like the Misfits?â you ask, tone edged with suspicion more than curiosity.
He catches it immediately, doesnât flinch. Just shrugs one shoulder, like itâs no big deal.
âYeah. Shocking, I know. Dude in a leather jacket listens to loud, obnoxious music. Real plot twist.â
You step closer, bracing your hands on the counter, gaze locking onto his like youâre trying to catch him in something.
âName three songs.â
He blinks once. Then huffs a quiet laugh, dragging a hand through his hair. âWow. Okay. Gatekeeping. Love that for you.â
âName them,â you repeat, unmoved.
He studies you for a second, something amused flickering in his eyes, like heâs enjoying this far more than he should.
ââŚâLast Caress,â âHybrid Moments,â âWhere Eagles Dare,ââ he says easily, ticking them off on his fingers. âWant me to keep going orâ?â
You hold his gaze a second longer. Then lean back slightly, crossing your arms.
ââŚLucky guesses.â
âOuch,â he says, though heâs smiling again, a little softer this time, like heâs pleased he got under your skin even a fraction. âYou wound me.â
You turn, gesturing vaguely toward the back. âThird crate. Donât touch anything youâre not buying.â
âYes, maâam.â
He finds the crate easily, crouching down to flip through it, but he doesnât speak right away this time.
But, after a moment: âMinor Threat, huh?â
You donât turn around. âWhat about them?â
He glances up at you from where heâs crouched, one brow lifting. âDidnât peg you for the straight-edge type.â
âIâm not.â
He hums, flipping to the next record. âBad Brains.â
You go still. ââŚYouâre just naming bands now?â
âDescendents,â he adds, like he didnât hear you.
âHow do you know that?â you ask, voice quieter now.
Eddie doesnât answer right away.
He stands, dusting his hands off on his jeans, expression shifting just slightly, and meets your gaze.
âI pay attention,â he says simply.
You search his face, like youâre trying to find the angle, the trick, the punchline that hasnât landed yet.
ââŚThatâs creepy,â you decide finally.
He exhales a soft laugh, nodding like heâll take that. âYeah. Little bit.â
You shake your head, turning away again, but itâs not the same dismissal as before. Thereâs something else under it now, something you donât quite like.
âYouâre not getting a discount.â
âWouldnât dream of it.â
âSo,â he tries again, a little lighter now, easing back into that easy charm like he never left it. âYou work here often, or is this a special occasion thing?â
You donât miss a beat. âIâm here every day.â
âGood,â he says.
That makes you look at him again. ââŚWhy?â
He shrugs, picking a record from the crate, holding it up like thatâs his whole answer.
âMakes it easier to come back.â
You stare at him longer this time. Trying to decide if heâs serious. Trying to decide if you care.
ââŚBuy something or leave,â you say finally, turning back toward the counter, but your voice isnât quite as sharp as it was when he walked in.
Behind you, Eddie just smiles to himself, something thoughtful tucked behind it as he glances down at the vinyl in his hands.
Hook set, whether you realize it or not. The next day, the idea finds him again before he can talk himself out of it.
Youâre at your locker when he spots you.
Same as yesterday. Same hallway, same noise, same carefully maintained distance people keep from you like itâs second nature.
Youâre leaning slightly into the metal, spinning the dial with that absent, disinterested look like none of this matters, like none of them matter.
He watches you for a second, then pushes off the wall and heads over.
âHey, sweetheart,â Eddie Munson calls lightly as he approaches, like this is already a routine between you. Like you didnât shut him down less than twenty-four hours ago.
You donât even look up. âWrong person.â
He grins. âDebatable.â
You slam your locker shut, finally turning to face him, unimpressed as ever. âWhat do you want, Munson?â
âNo hello?â he hums. âNo, âhowâve you been, Eddie, light of my life, bane of my existenceâ?â
âI donât have time for this.â
âGood,â he says easily. âThisâll be quick.â
That makes you pause, just slightly.
âThereâs a party tonight,â he continues, casual, like itâs nothing, like heâs not watching your reaction a little too closely. âAt Nancy Wheelerâs place. Parents are out of town, whole suburban rebellion thing, you know the drill.â
You blink once. ââŚAnd?â
âAnd,â he says, stepping a little closer, not enough to crowd you, just enough to keep your attention, âyou should come.â
Then you laugh.
âIâd rather die.â
He winces theatrically. âJesus. You always go straight to homicide, or is that just me?â
You shoulder your bag, already turning away. âFind someone else to bother.â
âI did,â he calls after you. âDidnât take.â
That slows you down. You glance back, eyes narrowing. ââŚWhat.â
He shrugs, like itâs nothing, like this isnât the entire point. âFigured Iâd aim higher.â
You stare at him, and he holds it. For once, he doesnât fill the silence with a joke.
ââŚI donât think so,â you say finally.
He tilts his head, considering you, something softer slipping into his expression for half a second before the grin comes back.
âAlright,â he says.
You turn away again, done with it.
âPick you up at eight.â
You stop.
ââŚI didnât say yes.â
âYou also didnât say no,â he shoots back immediately.
You turn, ready to argue, but heâs already walking backward down the hall, hands up in surrender, grin wide and unbothered.
âEight oâclock, sweetheart!â he calls. âWear something scary!â
You watch him go. Annoyed... and something else you refuse to name.
That night, the cabin is quiet. Too quiet.
The kind of quiet that means somethingâs about to go wrong.
Eleven moves carefully, slow steps down the hallway, shoes in her hand, eyes flicking toward the living room like she expects Hopper to appear at any second.
She makes it halfway to the door.
âWhere are you going?â
She freezes. Hopper stands in the doorway, arms crossed, already unimpressed.
ââŚOut,â she says.
âOut,â he repeats flatly. âAt night. Without telling me.â
She hesitates, then lifts her chin slightly. âThere is a party.â
âOh, there is a party,â he echoes. âAnd youâre just gonnaâwhatâsneak out and go to it?â
She doesnât answer, which is answer enough.
Hopper shakes his head, already gearing up.
âNo. Absolutely not. We talked about thisâno dating, no parties, noââ
âShe is going.â
Both of them turn.
Youâre leaning against the hallway wall, arms crossed, already in something that looks like you might leave the house even if you havenât admitted it yet.
Hopper frowns. âShe is notââ
âI am,â El insists, stepping closer. âBecause she is coming with me.â
You scoff immediately. âNo, Iâm not.â
El turns to you. And then, she does it: big eyes, slight tilt of her head.
That quiet, stubborn softness that somehow hits harder than any argument she could make. You stare at her.
ââŚNo,â you repeat.
She doesnât look away. âPlease.â
You exhale sharply, dragging a hand over your face like this is physically painful for you.
âYou donât even know those people.â
âI know Mike.â
Hopper groans. âWe are not doing this againââ
You glance at him, back at her, then at the door.
ââŚFine,â you snap finally. âBut if anything goes wrong, Iâm blaming you.â
Elâs face lights up just slightly. Victory.
Hopper points between the two of you. âNo. No, no, noâhold on, I didnât agree to thisââ
Too late. Thereâs a knock at the door, and all three of you freeze.
You close your eyes briefly.
ââŚYouâve got to be kidding me.â
Hopper squints toward the door. âWho is that?â
Another knock. Louder this time. You push off the wall with a sigh, already heading for it.
âA mistake,â you mutter under your breath.
When you open it, there he is.
Eddie, leaning casually against the frame like heâs been there for a while, like this is perfectly normal, like showing up early to something you never agreed to is just part of his charm.
He looks you up and down once, quick. Then grins.
ââŚEight oâclock felt a little late,â he says. âFigured Iâd get a head start.â
You stare at him. Behind you, Hopper steps closer.
ââŚWhat the hell is this?â he asks.
Eddie straightens, instantly switching gears, hand coming up in an almost too-friendly wave. âEvening, Chief.â
You drag a hand down your face. âThis,â you say flatly, âis exactly why I donât go out.â
The drive is louder than it needs to be.
Not because of conversation, there isnât much of that, but because Eddie keeps the music just a little too high, fingers tapping against the wheel, glancing at you every so often like heâs checking to see if youâre still there.
You sit with your elbow hooked out the window, gaze fixed on the blur of trees and streetlights, cigarette smoke trailing behind you, acting like heâs not there at all.
He doesnât push it, not yet.
The house is already packed by the time you pull up.
Cars line the street, music spilling out through the walls, bass heavy enough to feel in your chest before you even make it to the front door.
El is out of the van the second it stops, practically sprinting toward the house like sheâs been waiting for this all week.
âHeyâdonâtââ you start, but sheâs already gone.
Eddie watches her disappear inside, then looks at you, one brow lifting slightly, a crooked smile tugging at his mouth.
ââŚAfter you.â
You roll your eyes, brushing past him without a word, pushing the door open like you own the place, like youâre not even slightly out of your element.
The noise hits you all at once. Laughter, shouting, music too loud for the speakers itâs coming from, bodies moving through the space in a chaotic, overlapping rhythm. You head straight for the kitchen.
Itâs instinct at this point, find the drinks, find something to do with your hands, something to anchor you in a room you already know you donât want to be in. Eddie follows.
Not hovering exactly, but close enough that youâre aware of him, that steady presence at your side as you weave through people, ignoring the looks, the whispers, the way heads turn just a little too slowly as you pass.
It doesnât take long. âLook who finally decided to show up.â
You donât even have to turn to know the tone, but you do anyway.
A couple of guys leaning against the counter, red cups in hand, smirks already in place like theyâve been waiting for this exact moment.
âThe shrew herself,â one of them adds, louder this time, making sure people nearby can hear.
âBite me,â you say flatly, already reaching past them for a drink like theyâre nothing.
âGod,â Eddie murmurs, just low enough for you to hear, âyouâre terrifying.â
You crack open the drink, not looking at him. âThen why are you still here?â
He shrugs, grabbing one for himself. âIâve got a thing for danger.â
You take a sip, letting the noise of the party settle around you, and for a moment, neither of you says anything.
For Eddie, thatâs new.
Instead, he just stands there, shoulder brushing yours when someone squeezes past, like heâs not entirely sure what to do with the space between you.
You glance up at him.
âWhy did you want me to come, anyway?â you say, nodding toward the crowd. "What's in it for you?"
He looks down at you, like he didnât expect the question. âWhat, I canât invite someone to a party without ulterior motives?â
âYou?â you say, arching a brow. âNo.â
He huffs a quiet laugh, bringing the cup to his lips.
He takes a sip, pauses, then grimaces immediately. ââŚYeah. Okay. Thatâs foul.â
You almost smile, and he catches it.
âWas thatââ he leans in a little, eyes bright, voice dropping like heâs in on a secret, ââwas that a smile?â
âDonât get used to it.â
âToo late,â he says easily. âAlready planning my future around it.â
You shake your head, but thereâs something softer in your expression now. He watches you for a second longer than necessary, then shrugs, a little less guarded this time.
âAnd for the record,â he adds, quieter, âI didnât come for the party.â
You glance at him. âNo?â
âNah.â A small, crooked smile tugs at his mouth. âI came for the part where you show up and pretend you donât hate me for a couple hours.â
That does it. You smile fully, just a little. And he looks like he just won something.
Across the room, the party swells, louder, messier, people spilling into hallways, voices rising, music shifting tracks.Â
But Eddie sticks by your side.
The kitchen settles around you in waves, people rotating in and out, laughter rising and falling, and somehow, without you noticing exactly when it happened, you stop counting the seconds until you can leave. Eddieâs still there.
Leaning back against the counter now, one foot hooked behind the other, drink forgotten in his hand as he talks, like this is easy, like youâre easy, like the whole thing isnât supposed to be an uphill battle.
ââŚand then Henderson swears the dice are cursed,â heâs saying, gesturing with his hands, animated in a way that should be annoying but isnât, not really.
âLike, full conspiracy, thinks the entire campaign is rigged against him personally, whichâhonestlyânot entirely wrong, but still.â
You glance at him, eyebrow lifting slightly. âYou rig your own games?â
âAbsolutely,â he says without hesitation. âIâm a tyrant. A menace. Itâs in the job description.â
âThatâs pathetic.â
He grins. âThatâs leadership.â
You huff out a quiet breath, something thatâs dangerously close to a laugh, and he catches it immediately, eyes lighting up like heâs just hit a milestone.
âThere it is again,â he says, pointing at you. âI knew you had it in you.â
âDonât push it.â
âOh, Iâm gonna push it,â he says easily. âThatâs kind of my whole thing.â
You shake your head, taking another sip of your drink, but you donât shut him down. He seems to clock that too, something softer settling into his expression for a second before he covers it with another smirk.
âSo what,â he goes on, nudging your shoulder lightly with his own, testing the boundary. âYou just sit around all day, scaring small children and rejecting perfectly charming invitations, orââ
âChildren scare easily.â
âYeah, Iâm starting to see why.â
You glance at him again, like youâre trying to figure out what his angle is and coming up short.
ââŚYou talk a lot,â you say.
âIâve been told itâs one of my many endearing qualities.â
âItâs not.â
âAgree to disagree.â
Thereâs a pause. Then, before you can stop it, you laugh.
It slips out of you like you didnât mean for it to, like it caught you off guard just as much as it does him.
Eddie goes quiet, like he doesnât want to ruin it.
âWow,â he says after a second, softer now, something genuine threading through the usual humor. âOkay. Thatâ that was worth the price of admission.â
You roll your eyes immediately, the moment passing just as quickly as it came. âDonât get sentimental on me.â
âWouldnât dream of it.â
But heâs still smiling. Not the loud, performative grin from earlier.
âHeyââ You both turn.
Nancy stands a few steps away, red cup in hand, looking pleasantly surprised, like she almost didnât believe it when she heard you were here.
âHi,â she says, a little breathless from weaving through the crowd. âI wasnât sure youâd actually come.â
You shrug, already bracing for whatever commentâs coming next. âI didnât plan on it.â
Nancyâs eyes flick briefly to Eddie, then back to you, something knowing in her expression that you immediately donât trust.
âWell,â she says, smiling slightly, âIâm glad you did. Itâs⌠nice to see you out of your shell.â
You stare at her. âI donât have a shell.â
Eddie snorts into his drink.
Nancy laughs softly, unfazed. âYou know what I mean.â
âI donât.â
She just shakes her head, still smiling, like sheâs decided not to push it, and takes a step back. âJustâhave fun, okay?â
He glances at you, one brow lifting. âOut of your shell, huh.â
âSay one more word, and Iâm leaving.â
He holds his hands up immediately. âHey, heyâzip it. Noted.â
Then, quieter, âFor what itâs worth,â he adds, nudging your shoulder again, gentler this time, âI think youâre doing great.â
You donât respond. But you donât pull away, either. And thatâs enough for him.
The Hideout isnât trying to impress anyone.
Dim lights, sticky floors, a stage thatâs seen better decades, the low hum of a crowd that feels more like background noise than the main event.
Itâs exactly the kind of place youâd expect Eddie to bring someone.
Itâs not the kind of place you expected to like. And yetâŚ
Youâre sitting across from him in a cracked vinyl booth, one leg tucked under you, drink sweating in your hand as he tells stories.
Dumb ones, mostly, about Hellfire campaigns and arguments over rules and how Henderson once tried to âunionize the party,â whatever that means.
You donât fully understand half of it, but you listen anyway.
ââŚand then he goes, âyou canât just kill my character because I questioned your authority,ââ Eddie finishes, shaking his head, clearly still entertained by it. âAnd Iâm like, âwatch me.ââ
You huff out a laugh, shaking your head. âYouâre unbelievable.â
âThank you,â he says, like itâs a compliment.
You take a sip of your drink, studying him over the rim of the glass, something quieter settling in your chest, something unfamiliar and a little unsettling. Because heâs not what you expected, not entirely.
Heâs loud, yeah. Annoying. Persistent in a way that should get under your skin more than it does. But heâs also gentle, in strange, fleeting ways.
Like the way he slid into the booth first, so you wouldnât have to squeeze past anyone. The way he asked what you wanted before ordering, like it mattered. The way he listens when you do speak, even if you only give him scraps.
Itâs disarming. You donât like that.
ââŚWhat,â he says suddenly, catching your gaze, one corner of his mouth lifting. âWhy are you looking at me like that?â
âIâm not.â
âYou are.â
You roll your eyes, looking away. âYouâre imagining things.â
âAm I,â he hums, leaning forward just slightly, like heâs trying to catch your eye again. âBecause Iâm pretty sure that was a nice look.â
âDonât push it.â
He grins, softer this time. âWouldnât dream of it.â
Then he reaches across the table, not touching you, just tapping his fingers lightly against the surface like heâs resisting the urge to close the distance.
âIâm glad you came,â he says.
Simple, no joke attached. You donât answer right away.
ââŚMe too,â you admit, quieter.
His expression shifts, just a fraction, something warm flickering there before he looks away, like he needs a second to recover from it.
âCareful,â he says lightly. âYou keep saying stuff like that, Iâm gonna think you actually like me.â
You scoff. âDonât get ahead of yourself.â But thereâs no bite to it, not really.
You donât realize how far youâve let your guard down until you stand up to go to the bathroom and he doesnât follow. You donât expect him to, but you notice it anyway.
The hallwayâs quieter, the music muffled, the buzz of the bar fading just enough that you can hear your own thoughts again, and for a second, you let yourself breathe.
This was a mistake; it has to be. You donât do this. You donât sit in booths and laugh at stupid stories and let people get close enough to matter.
And yet...You push the bathroom door open, splash water on your hands, stare at your reflection for a second longer than necessary, then head back out.
You hear it before you see them.
ââŚIâm just saying, man, you better get your cut.â
You slow, just slightly. Voices from around the corner, familiar in that distant way you recognize but donât care enough to place.
âYeah, seriously,â another one adds. âHow much is Henderson even paying you for going out with Hopperâs daughter again?â
Your stomach drops, cold and sharp. You step around the corner, and there he is.
Eddie, leaning back against the wall, a couple of Hellfire guys clustered around him, laughing like itâs nothing, like itâs a joke that doesnât have a target. Like itâs not you.
He doesnât laugh, not really. But he doesnât shut it down fast enough.
ââŚItâs notââ he starts. Too late.
They notice you, and the laughter dies. Eddieâs head snaps up. And the second his eyes meet yours, he knows.
âHeyââ he says, pushing off the wall immediately, something urgent in his tone now. âItâs not like thatââ
You let out a short, hollow laugh. âWow.â
He stops a few feet in front of you, hands half-raised like heâs approaching something fragile, something that might shatter if he moves too fast. âI can explainââ
âThatâs rich,â you cut him off, voice low and sharp, eyes burning into him. â'Nothing in it for you', huh?â
âI was going to tell you,â he insists, stepping closer. âI justââ
âWhen,â you snap. âAfter you got paid? Or were you waiting on a bonus for sleeping with me?â
âItâs not about the money anymore,â he says quickly, shaking his head. âIt hasnât been for a while.â
You laugh again, harsher this time. âOh, please.â
âI mean it,â he says, more forcefully now, frustration bleeding through. âYeah, it started that way, Iâm not gonna lie to you, but thatâs not what this is nowââ
âYou expect me to believe that,â you cut in, stepping back, putting space between you like you need it to breathe. âYou expect me to believe you suddenly justâwhatâlike me?â
âYes,â he says. No hesitation, no joke. It almost makes it worse.
You shake your head, backing up another step, something tight and ugly twisting in your chest that you refuse to name.
âGod, youâre such an asshole,â you mutter.
âI didnât mean for you to find out like thisââ
âYou didnât mean for me to find out at all,â you correct.
You swallow hard, forcing your expression back into something colder, something safer, something that doesnât let any of that hurt show through.
âDonât follow me,â you say flatly.
Then you turn and walk out. Leaving him standing there, the noise of the bar rushing back in around him, the taste of something good turning bitter in his mouth before he even has time to process how badly he just screwed it up.
The next morning feels different.
Not in the way anyone else would notice, not in the noise or the routine or the way Hawkins High hums along like nothing ever really changes, but in the space around you.
You move through the hallway like you always do, head high, eyes forward, expression locked into something unreadable, but thereâs an edge to it now, something sharper, like youâve sealed something off and thrown away the key.
People still move out of your way; they always do. But this time, you donât even register them.
Eddie is leaning against a row of lockers, mid-conversation with one of the Hellfire guys, but the second you round the corner, his attention shifts completely, like everything else drops out of focus.
He pushes off the wall without thinking. âHeyââ
You donât slow.
âHey,â he tries again, falling into step beside you, voice lower this time, less show, more real. âCan we justââ
âNo.â Not even a glance.
He exhales, quick, frustrated, but keeps pace anyway.
âJust listen for a second, okay? I know youâre pissed, I get that, but Iââ
âIâm not pissed,â you cut in, voice flat. You keep walking. âI just donât care,â you finish.
He hovers there for a second, like heâs been physically pushed back, then jogs a step to catch up again, not ready to let it go.
âThatâs not true,â he says, quieter now, almost like heâs trying not to spook you. âIf you didnât care, you wouldnât beââ
âDonât,â you snap, finally turning to face him, eyes sharp enough to cut. âDonât tell me how I feel.â
He lifts his hands slightly, backing off just a fraction. âIâm notââ
âYou lied,â you say simply.
âI didnât lie about everything,â he pushes, something desperate creeping in now. âI meant what I saidââ
âWhich part?â you cut in. âThe part where you asked me out, or the part where you cashed the check.â
A couple of people nearby slow down, sensing tension, but neither of you notices or cares.
Eddie swallows, jaw tightening. âIt wasnât like that.â
âIt was exactly like that.â
You step back, putting space between you again, shutting it down before he can try to spin it into something softer.
âFind someone else to entertain you,â you say, voice cold. âIâm done.â
And this time, you walk away without stopping. Without looking back. Without giving him anything to hold onto.
He just stands there for a second, staring after you, something tight and frustrated and stuck settling in his chest.
ââŚShit,â he mutters under his breath.
Eddie drops into the seat across from them harder than necessary.
Dustin startles. âJesusââ
âShe wonât talk to me,â Eddie says flatly.
Mike winces immediately. âYeah. That tracks.â
Eddie drags a hand down his face. âNo, likeâwonât. Wonât even look at me. I tried this morning and she justââ
He cuts himself off, shaking his head. âItâs like I donât exist.â
El looks up at that. âYou hurt her.â
Eddie exhales, nodding once. âYeah. I got that part.â
Mike leans forward, lowering his voice. âYou shouldnât have let it go on that long.â
âI didnât let anythingââ Eddie starts, then stops, because he knows how it sounds, because he knows theyâre not wrong. ââŚOkay, yeah. I did. I know.â
Dustin folds his arms. âSo whatâs the plan now?â
Eddie lets out a humorless laugh. âThatâs what Iâm asking you.â
They all look at each other. No immediate answer. Which is⌠not encouraging.
âYou apologize,â Mike says finally.
âI did.â
âNo, likeâactually apologize,â Dustin adds. âNot the whole âIâm sorry but also hereâs why Iâm still kind of rightâ thing you do.â
âI didnât do that,â Eddie argues.
âYou definitely did that,â Mike says.
Eddie groans, dropping his head briefly into his hands. âOkay, fine, whatever, Iâll apologize better. Then what?â
El watches him for a second, quiet, thoughtful. âYou tell the truth,â she says.
He looks up at her. âI did.â
She shakes her head slightly. âNot just about the money. About⌠everything.â
Eddie leans back in his seat, staring at the table like it might give him an answer he doesnât already know.
ââŚShe doesnât believe me,â he admits, quieter now. âEven if I say it, sheâs just gonna think itâs another lie.â
âThen donât make it sound like one,â Dustin says.
Eddie snorts. âHelpful.â
âIâm serious,â Dustin insists. âYou canât just charm your way out of this one, man. Thatâs likeâyour whole thing. Sheâs not gonna buy it.â
Mike nods. âYou need to⌠prove it.â
Eddie glances between them. âHow.â
El speaks again. âDo something for her,â she says simply.
He frowns. âLike what.â
She shrugs, small, but certain. âSomething she would know is real.â
Your room feels smaller than it usually does. Not physically, nothingâs changed.
Same half-made bed, same stack of books by the nightstand, same records leaning against the wall like you meant to put them away and never did.
But itâs quieter in a way that presses in on you, like the airâs heavier, like everythingâs waiting for you to do something youâre not going to do.
Youâre stretched out on your bed, a book open in your hands, eyes moving over the same paragraph for the third time without actually reading a word of it.
Itâs stupid, all of it. You knew better. You always know better.
A knock breaks the silence. You donât look up.
âGo away.â
A pause. Then, softer, âPlease.â
You close your eyes briefly, irritation flickering up fast and familiar.
âI said go away, El.â
The handle rattles, and you hear her try it once. Twice. Then: a quiet click.
Your head snaps up just as the door pushes open. Anger hits first.
You sit up fast, book forgotten as you swing your legs over the side of the bed, already moving.
âI told you not to do that anymore,â you snap, voice rising as you step toward the door. âWhat part of that is confusing to you, you littleââ
You stop. Because itâs not just Eleven standing there. Sheâs off to the side, watching.
And in the doorway, Eddie. The anger doesnât disappear. If anything, it sharpens.
âWhat the hell is this,â you say, colder now, folding your arms like thatâs enough to hold yourself together. âYou recruiting now?â
El looks between the two of you.
âHe wants to talk,â she says.
âI donât.â
Eddie doesnât move. Doesnât try to push into the room, doesnât lean, doesnât grin. He just stands there, hands empty, like heâs not sure what heâs allowed to do.
âYeah,â he says quietly. âI figured.â
You scoff, looking away. âThen what are you doing here.â
âI gave it back,â he says.
You glance at him. ââŚWhat.â
âThe money,â he clarifies, swallowing once. âI gave it back to Henderson. All of it. Told him Iâm out.â
You stare at him, searching. For the angle, the lie, the performance.
ââŚWhy.â
He lets out a breath, dragging a hand briefly through his hair before dropping it again, like he doesnât want to hide behind the motion.
âBecause itâs not what I want,â he says.
You donât react.
âWasnât at first,â he adds, honest in a way that almost makes you more irritated than if heâd tried to sugarcoat it. âIâm not gonna pretend it was. But somewhere in there, it stopped being about that.â
You shake your head slightly, a bitter laugh slipping out. âAnd Iâm supposed to just believe that.â
âNo,â he says immediately.
âI donât expect you to believe anything I say,â he continues, voice steady, even if thereâs something tight underneath it. âI just⌠needed to say it.â
El shifts slightly by the door, unsure, watching both of you like sheâs waiting for something to break.
You look at Eddie again. No grin, no attitude, no bullshit.
ââŚYou shouldâve told me,â you say, quieter now, but no less sharp.
âI know.â
âBefore.â
âI know.â
âYou let me sit there,â you continue, stepping a little closer, not soft, in your anger now, âand actually think youââ You cut yourself off, jaw tightening.
He doesnât fill the space.
âThat part wasnât fake,â he says instead, softer.
You laugh, but itâs weaker this time. âThatâs convenient.â
âI liked you,â he says. âI like you. That didnât start with the money and it didnât end when I gave it back.â
You shake your head again, but thereâs less certainty in it now, less bite.
âYouâre such an idiot,â you mutter.
âYeah,â he says, a little breath of a laugh slipping through. âBeen hearing that a lot lately.â
âIâm not asking you to forgive me,â he adds.
Your eyes flick back up to his.
âIâm not asking you to go out with me again,â he continues. âOr even talk to me after this.â
âI just didnât want you thinking it was all fake,â he finishes. âBecause it wasnât.â
You donât move, and you donât respond.
Just stand there, caught somewhere between the version of him you decided on and the one standing in front of you now.
Behind him, El watches, quiet, hopeful in a way sheâs trying not to show.
You exhale slowly, dragging a hand over your face.
ââŚYouâre still an asshole,â you say finally.
He nods. âYeah.â
âAnd you showed up to my house uninvited.â
He glances at El. ââŚYeah.â
âAnd she broke into my room.â
âShe did.â
You look at him for another second. Then, ââŚBut you gave the money back.â
Itâs not a question. He shakes his head.
âDidnât feel right keeping it.â
ââŚThat was stupid,â you decide.
A corner of his mouth lifts slightly. âYeah?â
âYeah,â you say, softer now, something shifting under the surface whether you like it or not. âYou couldâve at least kept it.â
He huffs a quiet laugh. âThought about it.â
ââŚYou still owe me a real date,â you say.
His head tilts, like heâs not entirely sure he heard you right. ââŚI do?â
You roll your eyes immediately, looking away like you already regret it. âDonât make it weird.â
A slow, careful smile spreads across his face. Not big. Not cocky. âWouldnât dream of it.â
You cross your arms again, trying to regain some control over the situation. âAnd if you screw it up again, Iâm not giving you another chance.â
âFair.â
âAnd youâre not picking me up early this time.â
He nods, serious. âEight oâclock.â
âEight oâclock,â you confirm.
Behind him, Elâs face brightens just slightly, relief slipping through before she quickly tries to hide it. You catch it anyway.
âGet out,â you tell her flatly. She doesnât argue this time. Just turns and disappears down the hallway.
You look back at Eddie. He lingers in the doorway for a second longer, like heâs making sure this is real, like you didnât just shut the door on him again.
ââŚIâll see you at eight,â he says. You donât answer, but you donât tell him to leave, either. And when he finally does, the room doesnât feel quite as small.
You stare at your closet like it personally offended you. Nothing looks right. Everything looks like you, which is the problem.
You tug a shirt off a hanger, hold it up, hesitate, toss it onto your bed with a quiet huff.
Your reflection stares back at you from the mirror across the room, arms crossed, expression already halfway to annoyed, like youâre judging yourself for even trying.
Itâs just a date. A real date.
You roll your eyes at the thought, dragging a hand through your hair before turning back to the mess youâve made.
After a second, you pull something else out. Simpler. Still you, just⌠softer around the edges. Something that doesnât scream donât talk to me quite as loudly.
You hesitate, then change anyway. When you step back in front of the mirror, you donât smile. But you donât hate it either.
ââŚShut up,â you mutter to your reflection, grabbing your jacket.
The knock comes right at eight.
You freeze for half a second in the hallway, like your body needs to catch up with the fact that this is actually happening. Then you force yourself forward, pushing past it before you can overthink your way out of the entire night.
Hopper gets to the door first.
âStay,â he says over his shoulder, already reaching for the handle like youâre a dog he doesnât trust to bolt.
You scowl but donât argue, lingering just behind him as he opens the door.
Eddie's standing on the porch like heâs been there for a while, hands shoved into his jacket pockets, posture just a little straighter than usual, like heâs aware of exactly whose house heâs standing in.
âEvening, Chief,â he says, lifting a hand in a small wave.
Hopper eyes him up and down.
âI know you,â he says.
Eddie nods once. âYeah. Munson.â
âI knew your dad,â Hopper adds, like that explains everything.
Eddie winces slightly. âThat canât be good.â
Hopperâs mouth twitches, not quite a smile. âDepends on the day.â
Then Hopper steps out onto the porch, pulling the door halfway closed behind him so youâre left just inside, listening whether you want to or not.
You lean slightly, just enough to catch it.
âYouâre taking her out,â Hopper says, voice lower now.
âYes, sir.â
Hopper studies him for another second, something shifting in his expression. Like he knows the reputation, but heâs also seen enough of the kid underneath it to not write him off completely.
âI donât care what people say about you,â Hopper continues, steady. âI care how you treat her.â
Eddie nods immediately. âFair.â
âIf she asks, you bring her home. No questions.â
âOf course.â
âAnd if she looks even a little unhappyââ
âI wonât let that happen,â Eddie cuts in.
That pauses Hopper, just for a second. He looks at him again, sharper this time, like heâs trying to decide if that confidence is arrogance or something else.
ââŚAlright,â he says finally.
He steps back, pushing the door open again. âDonât make me regret it.â
Eddie gives a small nod. âWouldnât dream of it.â
Youâre already there when he steps back inside.
Leaning against the wall like you havenât been eavesdropping, like you didnât hear a single word of that. Eddie looks at you and stops, just for a second.
His eyes flick over you, quick but not careless, taking in the change, the effort, the fact that you showed up to this night differently than before.
Something soft crosses his face.
ââŚWow,â he says quietly.
You immediately cross your arms. âDonât.â
âI didnât even say anything.â
âYou were about to.â
He huffs a small laugh, shaking his head. âYou look nice.â
You roll your eyes, pushing past him toward the door. âLetâs go before I change my mind.â
âYes, maâam.â
The drive is different this time.
ââŚSo,â you say after a while, glancing at him. âWhere are we going.â
He glances over, a hint of a grin tugging at his mouth. âYouâll see.â
âI hate surprises.â
âI figured.â
âThen whyââ
âBecause this oneâs good,â he cuts in, softer this time.
You study him for a second, then look back out the window.
ââŚIt better be.â
The venue isnât in Hawkins. Small, a little rundown, lights buzzing faintly above the entrance, a line already forming outside, people packed close, voices loud, energy crackling in the air.
You step out of the van and stop, recognition hitting instantly.
ââŚNo way.â
Eddie leans against the door, watching your reaction, something almost nervous flickering behind the usual confidence.
âYeah,â he says. âThought you might like it.â
You look at the sign again. At the crowd. At him.
ââŚDescendents?â
He nods once. âFigured Iâd start strong.â
âYou got tickets.â
âHad to pull some strings,â he admits. âAlmost sold my soul, but, you know. Worth it.â
You huff out a quiet laugh, shaking your head slightly as something warm settles in your chest before you can stop it.
ââŚYouâre unbelievable,â you say.
âYeah,â he grins. âBeen told.â
ââŚThank you,â you add, quieter.
That hits him in a different way; you can see it. The way he stills for just a second before nodding, like he doesnât trust himself to make a joke out of it this time.
âYeah,â he says. âCourse.â
He pushes off the van, stepping closer, not crowding you, just enough to fall into step beside you as the two of you move toward the line together.
The crowd spills out of the venue in loose waves, people shouting over each other, laughing, reliving moments that already feel bigger than they probably were.
You step out with them, breath catching slightly as the quiet starts to settle back in.
ââŚOkay,â you admit, pushing your hair back from your face, still a little flushed from the heat inside. âThat wasââ
You stop, like you donât want to give it to him.
Eddie watches you, already grinning, hands shoved into his jacket pockets like he knows exactly where this is going.
âGo on,â he says. âFinish the sentence.â
You narrow your eyes at him. âDonât ruin it.â
âIâm not ruining anything, Iâm encouraging honesty.â
You scoff, starting down the sidewalk, and he falls into step beside you immediately, like he always does now, like thereâs no question about it.
ââŚIt was good,â you say finally, quieter this time, like it costs you something.
His grin widens. âGood?â
âDonât push it.â
âIâm just saying, I expected at least a âlife-changing experienceâ or a tearful confessionââ
âI said donât push it.â
He laughs, softer this time, not trying to get a rise out of you, just simply enjoying it.
âAlright, alright,â he concedes, nudging your shoulder lightly as you walk. âBut for the record, I think I deserve more credit here.â
âFor what,â you ask, glancing at him.
âFor broadening your horizons,â he says easily.
You blink at him. âYou took me to a band I already like.â
âYeah,â he nods. âBut I picked the right band.â
You roll your eyes, but thereâs no bite to it.
ââŚThey were better live,â you admit after a second.
That catches him.
âYeah?â he asks, a little surprised.
You nod slightly. âYeah.â
He huffs out a quiet laugh, shaking his head. âAlright, Iâll give you that one.â
You glance at him again, brow lifting. âYou didnât think they were good?â
âI thought they were fine,â he says carefully. âLike, solid. Respectable.â
You scoff. âRespectable.â
âHey, Iâve got a reputation to maintain,â he shoots back. âCanât just go around admitting I enjoyed something that much.â
You bump your shoulder into his, a little harder this time. âYouâre ridiculous.â
âYeah,â he grins. âBut youâre still here.â
You donât respond. But you donât move away, either.
Thereâs a moment as you walk, the noise of the crowd fading behind you, replaced by the quiet stretch of road, the hum of distant cars, the lingering echo of music in your chest.
And then, his arm comes up. Slow. Careful.
Not like he expects it, not like heâs claiming anything, just resting across your shoulders, light enough that you could shrug it off if you wanted to.
You feel it immediately; the warmth, the weight. You tense, just for a second. He feels it too and starts to pull back.
âSorry, I didnâtââ
But you donât move away. You donât shrug him off. Instead, you pull his hand around the rest of the way.
You lean into him just slightly, your shoulder fitting more comfortably under his arm like it makes sense there.
Like itâs allowed. He goes quiet.
ââŚYouâre quiet,â he says after a moment, softer now.
âSo are you.â
âYeah, well,â he glances down at you briefly, something warm in his expression, âI donât want to mess this up.â
You huff out a small laugh, shaking your head. âYouâve already done that once.â
âYeah,â he admits. âTrying not to make it a pattern.â
ââŚYouâre doing alright so far,â you say. Itâs quiet, almost lost to the night. But he hears it.
âIâll take that,â he says.
You glance up at him for a second, catching the way heâs looking ahead, not at you, like heâs giving you space even now.
The van comes into view at the end of the lot, headlights dim, the night settling in around it like a quiet pause between moments.
Neither of you rushes toward it. Neither of you breaks the space between you.
And as you walk, side by side, his arm still draped over your shoulders, your weight just barely leaning into him; it doesn't feel fake. It doesn't feel forced. Just easy in a way you're a little scared to name.
The ride home feels softer than the one there.
The windows are cracked just enough to let the night air in, cool against your skin, the kind that keeps you awake in a way thatâs not exhausting.
The music is lower this time, something steady humming through the speakers while the road stretches out in long, quiet lines ahead of you.
Youâve got your elbow hooked out the window again.
Heâs got one hand on the wheel, the other tapping lightly against his thigh, like heâs still half in the rhythm of the show.
ââŚSo,â he says after a while, glancing over at you. âBe honest.â
You donât look at him. âI am always honest.â
He snorts. âThatâs terrifying, but not what I meant.â
You finally turn your head, brow lifting. âWhat did you mean.â
âScale of one to ten,â he says. âHow good was it.â
You consider it for a second, dragging it out just to annoy him.
ââŚSeven.â
He scoffs immediately. âSeven?â
âDonât get greedy.â
âThat was at least an eight,â he argues. âMinimum.â
âSeven,â you repeat.
He shakes his head, like heâs deeply disappointed. âUnbelievable. I pour my heart and soul into planning the perfect nightââ
âYou bought tickets,â you cut in.
ââand this is the thanks I get,â he finishes anyway.
You roll your eyes, but thereâs a smile tugging at your mouth again, one you donât bother hiding this time.
ââŚOkay,â you say after a second. âEight.â
He glances at you, quick. âYeah?â
âDonât make me take it back.â
âIâm just saying,â he grins, settling back into his seat a little, âI might be good at this.â
âAt what.â
âDating you.â
You let out a quiet laugh, shaking your head. âYouâve had one successful outing. Donât get ahead of yourself.â
âOne and a half,â he corrects. âYou didnât hate the first one until the whole⌠you know.â He gestures vaguely.
You exhale through your nose. âDonât ruin the moment.â
âRight. Sorry.â He nods once. âMoment preserved.â
ââŚYouâre not as bad as I thought you were,â you admit.
It slips out before you can stop it. The car goes quiet. He looks at you, like heâs trying to decide if youâre messing with him.
ââŚWow,â he says softly. âHigh praise.â
âDonât let it go to your head.â
âToo late,â he murmurs.
You turn back toward the window, but your shoulder brushes his arm for a second when the car shifts, and neither of you pulls away right away.
By the time you pull up to the cabin, the nightâs settled in fully.
He cuts the engine, the sudden silence almost too loud after everything else, and for a second, neither of you moves.
ââŚHome sweet home,â he says lightly.
âDonât say that.â
âWhat, you donât like it?â
âItâs weird.â
He huffs a small laugh. âNoted.â
You reach for the door. Heâs already out of the van by the time you step onto the gravel, circling around without thinking, falling into step beside you like itâs automatic now.
The walk to the door is short, too short. You notice that, annoyingly.
Neither of you says much, the quiet stretching out again, not uncomfortable, just full of something neither of you is naming.
You stop at the door, turn. Heâs already looking at you.
For once, he doesnât have a line ready. Just that same careful, steady look heâs had all night, like heâs trying not to mess this up.
ââŚI had a good time,â he says.
You nod once. âYeah.â
ââŚEight,â you add.
His mouth twitches. âIâll take it.â
You should go inside, you know that. You always know when to end things. Clean. Simple. No room for anything to get complicated.
But instead, you step forward. He barely has time to register it before your hand catches lightly on his jacket, pulling him just enough, and you kiss him.
Itâs quick, but not hesitant. Not soft enough to be mistaken for anything else.
You pull back just as fast, like youâve already decided thatâs all heâs getting, like if you linger, you might rethink it.
He stares at you. Completely caught off guard.
ââŚWow,â he breathes.
You roll your eyes immediately, stepping back toward the door.
âDonât make it weird.â
âIâm notââ he starts, then stops, because he is a little stunned, because that definitely wasnât what he expected.
You reach for the handle, pause, then glance back at him over your shoulder.
ââŚGoodnight, Munson.â
A slow, slightly dazed smile spreads across his face.
âYeah,â he says. âYeah. Goodnight.â
You disappear inside before he can say anything else.
And for a second, he just stands there on the porch, staring at the door like it might open again. Like, he didnât just imagine that.
Then he lets out a quiet, disbelieving laugh, dragging a hand through his hair as he turns back toward the van.
ââŚEight,â he mutters to himself, still smiling.
AGHAHGDHHS okay here it is. i hope you all enjoyed :3
Summary: Malachi is obsessed, but no longer with Olivia, but with her, the woman he met by chance on the street, a young beautiful woman, everything could be perfect if it weren't for Olivia Vize, his foster sister.
CW: English isn't my first language,Stalking, obsessive behavior, mentions of death, blood, Olivia Vize, mentions of incest
A/N: I haven't seen a Malachi Vice ff anywhere, so I have to change that! Omg I LOVE Malachi so much. He deserves so much better, and here we are, showering our favorite boy with love!
Silence, darkness, and despair. That was all Malachi Vize had ever felt before meeting her. Even with Olivia, he never felt as complete as he did with her. She appeared to him like a shining butterfly that had flown through a spider's dark web, she appeared to him in the dark web of his problems and illuminated his world with her mere existence.
Olivia, noticing this, developed a strong jealousy toward this girl. Why does Malachi only look at her? Why does he have her as his background? And why does he smile like a madman when she texts him? The relationship between her and Malachi fell apart until it was in pieces. And the girl? She's been subjected to Olivia's constant bullying. She has no joy at school because Olivia spreads nasty rumors about her. "Did you know she was sleeping with Mr. XXX to get her a good grade?".
It got to the point where she had to settle the school, on her last day he stood in front of the school, like a knight in dark armor, Malachi Vize. Malachi's gaze pierced her before Olivia threw herself at him. But Malachi ignored her, his gaze fixed on the sad eyes of the girl he adored so much. His blood boiled when he learned what Olivia had done; he ensured she received private tutoring to earn her degree.
He spent much more time with her, his foster parents were happy that Malachi had given up his obsession with his foster sister and welcomed the girl into their family. She was charming, so grateful for everything, she always thanked with a gentle smile and knew sign language perfectly. She also often stayed overnight with Malachi, he couldn't help but claim and mark her for himself.
Men didn't dare approach her since she was with him, because Malachi was known for beating men bloody who looked at her for too long. Until that night, she was alone, and three men came too close to her, much too close for Malachi's liking. How did he know? He was always there to protect her. And before she realized that three men were stalking her, they had already disappeared into the realm of the dead.
His heart melted when she showed him the tarantula she'd gotten, like Malachi had. Now they were a little family, weren't they? Well, Malachi wouldn't mind having a real child with her either. Not a single night went by without him showing her his love again and again with gestures or actions; her neck was no longer an untouched place but a canvas decorated with his hickeys. She knew about his dark side, she swore to heal him, to pick up his broken soul one by one and to cleanse every splinter with her love and put it back together with her devotion.
Until the day her life collapsed, Malachi went to prison because of Olivia. And her? She sat at home while a life grew inside her, her and Malachi's child. She visited him every day, and when the day came that he was released, their bond was stronger than ever.
heâd sit with you on the playground if you were upset
heâd let you have the oreo in his lunchable if you wanted it (and after a while, heâd just give it to you)
heâd let you hog the TV and watch any âgirlyâ princess movies you wanted (he lowkey found them entertaining)
it would excite him when you showed any interest in his toys or hobbies
heâd protect you against any bullies, even if he was bullied himself
in small ways heâd always try and match with you somehow (like if you wore blue, heâd wear something blue too or heâd wear the same accessory as you just in black, etc)
heâd practice sign language with you sitting criss cross on the floor
heâd share stuffed animals with you (heâd always pierce their ears)
he learned how to braid your hair and loved doing it for you, especially before bed (he let you make small braids in his hair too) (and he secretly loved it and avoided them while brushing his hair to keep them in longer)
heâd LOVE building pillow forts with you (itâd be a quiet, calm, safe space)
heâd always bring you random little gifts (rocks, dandelions, pretty leaves, etc)
heâd love coloring in silence with you (and giving them to you as gifts for your wall)
What about Azriel and a size kink? I feel like this is usually written for Cassian, but I can totally see Azriel with it too? It doesnât have to be spicy, maybe a little suggestive? Idk.. Iâm gonna leave the interpretation to you hehe đđ
i was thinking about this exact thing yesterday 𤤠hope you enjoy :) warnings: size kink, suggestive
Azriel was⌠bigger than any male youâd been with before.
What they said about wingspan hadnât been a lie, and you found that out the first time you tried to have sex.
âHoly fucking shitâŚâ You said, staring down at the massive erection staring back at you.
He let out an awkward chuckle, eyes still roaming over your body, as his palm slid slowly against his hard cock.
âYou expect me to fit all of that, inside here?â You point to your lower abdomen.
You knew there had been a dramatic size difference between the two of you. You were on the smaller side for a female fae, and Azriel was⌠well, an Illyrian.
But looking at him fully erect and standing before you with nothing else onâ you werenât sure how anyone would be able to take that.
âLet me stretch you out,â Azriel says, reaching to touch your hips gently.
He had you standing against the bed, the backs of your thighs pressing up against the mattress. The cold wood sent a shiver down your spine as you looked up at him.
âAre you sure?â You ask, your voice trembling.
Itâs not like you expected him to be small, by any means. Illyrian males are known to be larger than regular males in all respects, due to the fighting and protecting aspect of their nature. In fact, you prepared to be sore for a day or two. Maybe take a few warm baths, take it easy at training tomorrow.
But this⌠this might take you down for a full week.
You didnât totally hate the idea of it, though.
âItâll take some work, but weâll get there.â Azriel reassures you, moving to place a gentle kiss on your temple. âWe donât have to do anything tonight, if you donât want to.â
âNo, I want to.â You say quickly, looking up him with those beautiful wide eyes.
He smiles and runs his fingers over your delicate skin, bending down to graze your lips gently.
âJust tell me if you change your mind, sweet girl.â
Summary: you were young when you were mated to one of your best friends and without realizing you accepted the mating bond at fifteen. Now centuries later you and your mate keep your promise of being just friends but when you need someone and try to go somewhere else, your mate will not have that.
Warnings: oblivious!azriel, sad reader, smut, p in v, choking (not in a sexual way)
Authors note: this is in the universe of deal breaker but can be read as a standalone! I just loved the concept of something like this when I wrote deal breaker.
Main Masterlist:
Deal Breaker:
âââ§ââââ§ââââ§ââ
A century.
A full century of pretending it didnât matter.
You and Azriel had made the decision when you were only fifteenâtoo young, too overwhelmed, too afraid of what the bond meant.
Friends.
Just friends.
Even if the bond thrummed quietly between you.
Even if your heart had never listened.
You had loved him long before that day. Since you were thirteen, when he was still quieter, still more guardedâbut softer with you than anyone else.
And when the bond snapped into place?
You knew.
You knew he didnât feel it the same way.
So you buried it.
Locked it away so deeply that even you almost believed it was gone.
âââ§ââââ§ââââ§ââ
âYou are insufferable,â Mor groaned, dragging you further into the crowded bar.
âIâm just observing,â you shot back, though your eyes flickered nervously around the room.
âYouâve been âobservingâ for a hundred years,â Mor muttered.
From beside her, Amren sipped her drink, unimpressed. âAt this point, itâs just sad.â
You rolled your eyes, grabbing a drink from the bar just to have something to do with your hands.
âIâm fine,â you insisted.
Mor snorted. âYouâre over a hundred and stillââ
âDonât finish that sentence,â you warned.
Amren raised a brow. âVirgin?â
You groaned, dropping your head. âI hate both of you.â
Mor only grinned, nudging you sharply. âThen fix it.â
âIâm not just going toââ you started, but her grip tightened on your arm.
âLook,â she whispered, tilting her head subtly.
Across the bar, a male sat watching you.
Not in a crude way.
Not like the others who let their gazes linger too long or too boldly.
Noâhis expression was soft. Curious. Almost⌠patient.
Your stomach flipped.
âHeâs been looking at you all night,â Mor added.
âIâm not going over there,â you said immediately.
Amren sighed. âThen sit here and waste another century pining after someone who refuses to act.â
Your chest tightened at thatâbut before you could snap backâ
A drink slid onto the bar in front of you.
You blinked.
The bartender nodded toward the male.
âHe sent it.â
Morâs grin turned wicked. âWell?â
You hesitated.
Your mind screamed donât.
Your heart whispered why not?
And Azrielâ
Azriel wasnât here.
You didnât remember crossing the room.
Only that suddenly you were there, standing in front of him.
âHi,â you said, offering a small smile as you took the seat beside him.
His answering smile was warm. Easy.
âHi.â
âThank you for the drink.â
âSeemed like you needed it.â
You huffed a quiet laugh. âIs it that obvious?â
âOnly if youâre paying attention.â
His name was Jonah.
And somehow, talking to him felt⌠simple.
There was no weight. No history. No bond humming beneath your skin reminding you of everything you werenât supposed to want.
You laughed more than you expected.
Relaxed more than you had in years.
And when the night stretched on, neither of you seemed eager for it to end.
âI can walk you home,â Jonah offered as you stepped out into the cool night air.
You hesitatedâjust for a moment.
Then nodded.
âOkay.â
The walk was quiet in the best way.
Comfortable.
When you reached your apartment, you turned toward him, heart poundingânot with fear, but with something unfamiliar.
Something new.
âYou donât have toââ he started.
You didnât let him finish.
You leaned in.
Your lips met his.
Soft at first.
Testing.
Then he respondedâmore certain, more groundedâand your breath hitched as something inside you finally⌠gave.
Finally let go.
Your fingers curled into his shirt as the kiss deepenedânot rushed, not frantic, just real.
Different.
When you pulled back, your hand found his, tugging gently.
âCome inside,â you murmured.
He followed.
The door barely closed before your back met it again, his lips finding yours with more certainty now.
Your pulse raced, hands slightly unsteady as you guided him down the hall toward your bedroom.
Every step felt surreal.
Like you were crossing a line you had avoided your entire life.
When you reached the bed, you pushed him back gently, your breath uneven as you climbed over him, your fingers brushing along his jaw.
There was no bond here.
No expectations.
No history.
Just you.
Just him.
Just a choice.
For onceâ
You chose yourself.
âââ§ââââ§ââââ§ââ
Morning came slowly.
Too slowly.
You shifted beneath your blankets, a soft groan leaving your lips as a dull soreness settled deep in your bodyâunfamiliar, but not entirely unwelcome. For a moment, you stayed there, eyes still closed, letting yourself feel it.
Last night.
It had actually happened.
You inhaled, your chest risingâand thenâ
A sound.
A strained, choking groan from your living room.
Your eyes snapped open.
Every sense went on high alert.
You scrambled out of bed, grabbing your robe and tying it quickly around you as you moved toward the door, heart pounding for an entirely different reason now.
âHello?â you called, voice tight.
Another sound.
Closer.
You yanked the door openâ
And froze.
Azriel stood in your living room.
Wings flared.
Shadows raging.
And his handâ
His hand was wrapped tightly around Jonahâs throat, pinning him against the wall near the door, lifting him just enough that his feet barely touched the ground.
Jonahâs face was turning red, his hands clawing weakly at Azrielâs wrist.
âAzriel!â you shouted.
His name cracked through the room like a whip.
Instantlyâ
His head turned.
And the fury in his eyes softened the second they landed on you.
âDo you know this male?â he asked, voice low but controlled in a way that made it even more dangerous.
You swallowed, nodding. âY-yesââ
His brows furrowed.
Confusion flickered.
Thenâ
His gaze dropped.
Slowly.
Taking you in.
Your robe. Your bare legs. The marks along your skin.
The scent.
His entire body went still.
Because he could smell it.
Another male.
On you.
Azrielâs jaw tightened, something dark and primal flashing across his face before he turned back to Jonah, who was now barely conscious.
âGet. Out.â he growled.
The command wasnât loud.
But it was absolute.
Jonah nodded frantically, his hands still gripping Azrielâs arm.
Azriel released him.
Jonah collapsed forward, coughing harshly as he stumbled toward the door, fumbling with the handle before finally wrenching it open.
He paused just long enough to glance back at you, eyes wide.
âYou didnât tell me you were mated,â he rasped.
Your mouth openedâ
But before you could say a wordâ
The door slammed shut.
Azriel had already moved.
Locked it.
The click echoed in the silence.
And suddenlyâ
The room felt very, very small.
He didnât turn around immediately.
His back faced you, wings still slightly spread, shadows coiling tight like they were barely being held in place.
When he finally didâ
His expression wasnât anger.
Not fully.
It was something worse.
Hurt.
Confusion.
Something raw and unguarded that you had never seen directed at you before.
His voice, when he spoke, was quieter now.
But it shook.
ââŚYou slept with him?â
You nodded.
Slowly. Honestly.
And that seemed to break something in Azriel.
He stalked closer, each step deliberate, controlledâbut barely. âWhy?â he murmured, voice low, strained in a way that made your chest tighten.
You swallowed. âBecause⌠you wouldnât.â
The words hung between you.
Heavy.
Azriel let out a quiet, disbelieving chuckle, shaking his head as he reached you. His hand came up, gentler than you expected, brushing your hair back from your faceâhis fingers stilling when he noticed the faint marks along your neck.
His jaw tightened.
âYou never asked me, love,â he said softly.
Your brows pulled together. âWe agreed to be friends.â
His hand shifted, tilting your chin up so you had no choice but to meet his gaze.
âI am your mate,â he said, voice deepening, something ancient and unyielding threading through it. âBefore anything else.â
Your breath caught.
âYou needed someone,â he continued, quieter now but no less intense. âYou come to me.â
Guilt flickered through you. âIâm sorryââ
âNo.â His thumb brushed lightly along your jaw, stopping you. âDonât say that. If anything⌠I should be.â
That softnessâthat honestyâundid you more than anything else.
He hesitated then, just slightly, his gaze searching yours.
âCan I kiss you?â
Your answer came without thought.
âPlease.â
That was all he needed.
Azriel leaned in, closing the distance slowly this timeâgiving you the chance to pull away.
You didnât.
His lips met yours, soft at first, careful⌠like he was relearning you.
âNever have to beg for me,â he murmured against your lips. âIâll always be what you need.â
Your fingers curled into his shirt, grounding yourself as you nodded, your lips finding his again.
The kiss deepenedânot rushed, not overwhelming, but filled with everything you had both been holding back for far too long.
His arms slid around you, lifting you effortlessly until your legs wrapped around his waist. You gasped softly, instinctively holding onto him as he moved, carrying you back toward your bedroom.
âI felt it,â he admitted quietly against your lips. âYour pleasure⌠and then how sore you were after. I needed to check on you.â
Your breath hitched.
âAnd then I found another male in my mateâs bed.â
The edge in his voice sent a shiver down your spineânot fear, but something deeper. Something that made your heart race.
He set you down on the bed, not rough, not carelessâjust firm enough to make your pulse spike.
For a moment, he just looked at you.
Really looked.
Like he was finally allowing himself to see you as more than just his friend.
His mate.
His voice, when he spoke again, was quieter. Grounded.
âNext time you need anything,â he said, brushing his fingers gently along your arm, âyou donât go looking somewhere else.â
His gaze lifted to yours.
âYou come to me.â
Your fingers tremble as you tug at the buckles of Azrielâs leathers, the worn material giving way with a soft *snap* that makes his breath hitch. He growls against your lips, the sound rough and hungry, before his hands find the tie of your robe. The fabric slithers open, pooling at your feet, and Azrielâs gaze darkens as he takes in the sight of youânaked, flushed, and trembling.
"Gods," he mutters against your mouth, his voice rough. "Iâm gonna need to mark you all over to get rid of that maleâs stink."
You giggle, breathless, before his mouth crashes back onto yours, his tongue sweeping inside like heâs claiming every inch of you. His hands grip your hips, pulling you flush against him, and you can feel the hard ridge of his cock pressing into your stomach. A shiver runs down your spine, and you moan into the kiss.
Then heâs dropping to his knees.
His breath is hot against your inner thighs before his tongue drags up your slit, slow and deliberate. You gasp, your fingers tangling in his hair as he licks you like heâs savoring something exquisite. Youâve never been eaten out beforeâhell, you never even came last night, not even when Jonah clumsily tried to fuck you into oblivion.
Azriel groans against your pussy, the vibration sending a jolt straight to your core. His fingers dig into your thighs as he feasts on you, his tongue circling your clit before he sucks it between his lips. Pleasure coils tight in your belly, and when you feel yourself teetering on the edge, you cry out, your hips jerking forward as you come on his face. He groans, lapping at you like heâs starving for it, his tongue dipping inside to lap up every drop of your release.
When he finally rises, his lips glistening, youâre still trembling from the aftershocks. He kisses you deeply, letting you taste yourself on his tongue, and you whimper when your hand drifts down between his legs.
"Fuck," you gasp, wrapping your fingers around his thick cock. "Azriel, itâsâholy shit, itâs huge."
He hums against your neck, his hips bucking slightly into your grip. "Weâll make it fit, baby."
You bite your lip, still stroking him. "Azriel⌠I just⌠I lost my virginity last night. To Jonah."
His body goes rigid for a second before he pulls back, his eyes wide. "What?"
You nod, hating the way his expression shutters. "Iâm sorry."
Azriel whines, his forehead pressing against yours. "Oh, baby, Iâm sorry. Iâm so fucking sorry you felt like you couldnât come to me."
You shake your head. "I wish I did. He couldnât even make me come."
A slow, wicked smirk curls his lips. "Oh, we canât have that."
His cock twitches in your hand, and before you can say another word, heâs lifting you effortlessly, pressing you against the wall. His mouth finds your nipple, sucking it hard as he lines himself up, the thick head of his cock teasing your entrance.
"You ready, baby?" he growls.
You nod, breathless, and when he pushes inside, itâs with a groan that rips from his chest. Youâre so tight, so fucking wet, and the stretch is almost too muchâalmostâbut then he bottoms out, and you both let out a broken moan.
"Fuck," he hisses, his fingers digging into your ass as he pulls back and slams into you again. "You feel too good."
You wrap your legs around his waist, meeting him thrust for thrust, the wet slap of skin filling the room. His mouth crashes back onto yours, his tongue fucking into your mouth just like his cock is fucking into your pussy, and youâre lost in itâlost in *him*.
His fingers find your clit, rubbing in tight circles as he pistons into you, and when you come again, itâs with his name on your lips, your walls clenching around him so tight he groans, his own release spilling inside you with a shuddering moan.
When he finally pulls out, youâre a trembling, well-fucked mess, and Azriel presses a possessive kiss to your shoulder. "Mine," he growls, nipping at your skin.
You smirk, breathless. "Yours."
And damn if that doesnât sound like the hottest thing heâs ever said.
Something in his expression shifted at thatâlike the word meant more to him than he was ready to admit.
He leaned in again, brushing another soft kiss against your lips before gently pulling the blankets over you, tucking them around your body with surprising care.
âIâll be right back,â he murmured.
You barely had time to respond before he slipped away, returning moments later with a warm cloth. His movements were quiet, carefulâalmost reverentâas he helped you settle, making sure you were comfortable.
It wasnât rushed.
It wasnât distant.
It was⌠intimate in a completely different way.
When he finished, you caught his wrist lightly.
âWill you stay?â you asked, voice small despite everything.
Azriel didnât hesitate.
He leaned down, pressing a kiss to your head. âNever leaving you, love.â
And for onceâ
You believed him.
He slipped into bed beside you, pulling you gently into his chest, his wings shifting just enough to curl slightly around you like a shield.
Safe.
Warm.
Yours.
You let yourself melt into him, your fingers resting lightly against his chest.
âWhat happens now?â you whispered.
For a moment, he didnât answer.
You felt itâthe hesitation. The way his body stilled just slightly beneath your touch.
Thenâ
âWe stay friends,â he said quietly. âBut⌠we donât ignore what we are. The bond comes first.â
Your chest tightened.
You nodded anyway.
Because that was what you had always done.
Accepted what he was willing to give.
But this timeâ
It hurt more.
A lot more.
Azriel shifted slightly, pressing his face into the curve of your neck, placing soft, lingering kisses there like he was trying to reassure you⌠or maybe himself.
You swallowed hard, staring ahead as your fingers curled faintly in the blanket.
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Summary:Â Azriel had still been hung up on Elain when you first met, hopeful that the teetering relationship would last. But time passed, and while their relationship did not withstand the test of that time, Azriel found joy somewhere else. He fell in love with you. Slowly. Purposefully. Wholly. He was happy. You were happy. Time is funny that way. It doesnât always make sense.Â
Word count:Â 1.5k
Warnings:Â Angst, injury, memory loss/time travel, yearning, ANGST I'll say it again
a/n:Â Shorter chapter this time but I promise to post a longer one in the veryyy near future ;) Love youuuu hehehe
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4
Main Masterlist âĄ
~~
You worried your bottom lip, pacing the length of the window for the hundredth time. Mor had given up on words to settle you, and Cassian and Feyre had left the room altogether after youâd insisted, several times, that you would feel better waiting alone. Your nerves were permeating the space. Mor refused to leave.Â
âMaybe we should go outside for a while,â Mor urged, her forced smile making you feel worse.Â
Your friend meant well. She always did. Still, nothing would helpânot taking a walk or sitting down or talking about your worries. Maybe Azriel would help, but Azriel was gone.Â
âIâm fine here,â you mumbled, chewing on your thumbnail to give your lip a break.Â
âYouâre not,â Mor noted. âAnd pacing a hole into the floor isnât going to help anything.â You went to roll your eyes at her, but then you found Morâs concerned gaze, the way her fingers fidgeted in her lap, and you sat down beside her with a gentle huff.Â
The clock by the door ticked minutes away, and you pulled at the skin around your nail. Rhysand and Azriel had been gone for approximately an hour and a halfâyouâd counted. That felt too long; winnowing there would have hardly taken a minute.Â
âTheyâll be okay,â Mor tried again, a gentle hand on your shoulder. âThey both will. In⌠both times. Or however this is working.âÂ
A humorless laugh escaped you. âYou canât know that.âÂ
âWellâWell, we can. Sort of. If the future now is going well, doesnât that mean the past hasnât changed?âÂ
You furrowed your brows, confusion jarring enough to pull you out of misery. âWhat?âÂ
Mor jumped on the opening, nodding quickly as you stared at her. âRight. That makes sense, right? If Azriel really did get swapped with a version of himself from the past, then how weâre living now proves that, eventually, we figure everything out.âÂ
âI guess. ButâNo, that doesnât make sense. Because then Azriel would already know about me when we return him to his time.âÂ
âHuh,â Mor hummed, sinking back in her seat. âOr⌠maybe it doesnât work like that? Maybe this Azriel isnât directly from the past.âÂ
âYouâre making my head hurt.âÂ
âThatâs better than the pacing.âÂ
A more meaningful laugh that time. You pressed your hand to your forehead and slumped back along with Mor. âThis is so messed up.âÂ
âIt is.âÂ
âI havenât gone to my shop in days. Everyone is going to think itâs closed.âÂ
âAz wonât be happy about that,â Mor sang out. âYou know he hates it when you neglect the things you enjoy.âÂ
âYes, well, I think I get a pass due to current circumstances,â you shot back. âI donât even know if I could go in there, anyway. I canât be in our room at the House. I canât be anywhere that reminds me of him.â
Suddenly, the front door slammed open, and Rhysand was in the doorway. âAzriel died!â Rhysand screamed. âHe is dead.âÂ
âWhat :(â you said, frowning obviously.Â
âYeah :/â Rhysand cried, and he was also frowning, obviously.Â
Summary:Â Azriel had still been hung up on Elain when you first met, hopeful that the teetering relationship would last. But time passed, and while their relationship did not withstand the test of that time, Azriel found joy somewhere else. He fell in love with you. Slowly. Purposefully. Wholly. He was happy. You were happy. Time is funny that way. It doesnât always make sense.Â
Word count:Â 2.7k
Warnings:Â Angst, injury, memory loss/time travel, yearning, ANGST I'll say it again
a/n:Â Weee part 4 :) I'm not kidding I let this tiktok play on repeat the entire time I was writing this update SO if you would like the full effect I would suggest doing the same <3 ILY THANK YOU FOR READING!!
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3
Main Masterlist âĄ
~~
The world felt off its kilter with the news of your Azriel. Before, your heartache and confusion were most prevalent; Azriel was here, and although he did not love you and there were no clear reasons why, he was here. Maybe he didnât look at you the same or remember your history, but there was a piece of his mind that could still be unlocked. You were in there, somewhere.Â
But now, you knew none of that to be true. There was nothing to be found of you in Azrielâs mind. You didnât existânot to him, not yet. He had said he felt some primal urge to care for you, but in the end, you were alone. Alone, with your mate in some unreachable place.Â
The worst part was your bond not entirely understanding the differences. It called to this past Azriel, unsure why there was no response. He would enter rooms, and the thread would glow, eager after so much isolation, but that warmth would deplete when Azriel had no flicker of the feeling cross his face.Â
You were alone, but your body was tricking you.Â
Three days after youâd lost him, Azriel sat with you on one of the porches of the Riverhouse. Youâd had trouble in the House of Wind recentlyâtoo many reminders and wrong turns. Rhys and Feyre had been kind enough to let you stay with them despite your many objections. They thought some distance would be good, but Azriel clearly did not understand your reason for staying away.Â
He stared incessantly. He focused and furrowed his brows and asked you questions as if you would elicit some memory that would prove he was right, that he was meant to be in this time and the answer was just lost in his mind. But you looked at him and knew that wasnât true. You looked at him, and the bond chaffed.Â
You couldnât understand it. All of the effort he was putting into this did not make sense.Â
After an entire dayâs worth of questions, you voiced your confusion. âWhy are you doing this?â you softly whispered, gaze out at the Sidra. You tucked the blanket Feyre had draped over you an hour ago closer to your body. âWhat purpose could this possibly serve?âÂ
âI want to remember,â Azriel responded, voice low and intense, arms resting on his thighs as he tried to engage you.Â
You shook your head at nothing. âItâs not there, Azriel. You heard Rhysâyour memories are not locked away, they donât exist.âÂ
âThey could.âÂ
âNo, they couldnât,â you finalized. You turned to look at him, finally. It hurt. âA few days ago, I was nothing more than Morâs friend to you. Nothing has changed.âÂ
âEverything has changed,â Azriel refuted, expression pinched. âYou are my mate. Everything has changed.âÂ
âI do not become your mate for another year, Azriel. Weâwe grow to know each other. We loved each other before the bond, and it took time. This sense of obligation you feel for me has only been brought on by the promise of a bond you donât even feel.âÂ
âIt is not a sense of obligation.âÂ
âIs it not? What else could it be? That first night, you wanted nothing to do with me. Now Iâm suddenly the only important thing in this time. But that isnât even true, is it?âÂ
Azrielâs face morphed into confusion. You werenât being fair again. None of this was fair. You turned back to the Sidra, blanket falling into your lap.Â
âWe will find a way to get you back to your time,â you offered, softer. âThis will all settle. It will all make sense again.âÂ
âAnd Iâm just supposed to go back to a time before you?âÂ
âWhat?âÂ
âHow am I meant to go back and pretend I donât know about you? Pretend I donât know that we are destined for this grand future togetherâwhere you would throw yourself into the mouth of the unknown just to ensure that I am safe? Where you look at me likeââÂ
You felt yourself fracture, clutching the blanket on your knees. The wool was in large, chunky knots, and it gave you something to press into. Tears were burning your eyes again. You were tired of crying. He sounded like your Azriel.Â
âYou donât even know me,â you whispered, braving a look directly into his eyes. You found glassy hazel.Â
âI want to.âÂ
âIt doesnât happen like this. You love me without knowing. You love me because you want to, not because of a bond.âÂ
Azriel hesitated, looking to the Sidra before hanging his head. His scarred hands interlaced between his knees, and you traced the patterns on his skin with your eyes. The sound of the water lapping against a far shore echoed against the slats of wood on your High Ladyâs home. There was nothing Azriel could say to that. He knew about the bond. He knew that was irreversible.Â
You spoke again. âIt will be better for you to go back. You have things there that you love. It would make more sense for you.âÂ
âRight,â Azriel gruffly replied.
You sighed, the sound getting lost in the gentle lapping of water. You opened your mouth to speak again, maybe to offer another reassurance, another hard truth, but the door to the patio opened, and your attention was drawn away from your rambling.Â
âY/n? I was hoping to get your opinion onââÂ
Azriel rose from his seat in an instant, his expression becoming open, his mouth parting. You looked over your shoulder at the change, both devastated and unsurprised to see Elain in the doorway with a bowl resting on her hip. Azriel stepped forward and reached out a hand, instinct driving him to do⌠something. You bit into your cheek, hard, and turned your chin down.Â
âOh,â Elain flushed. You saw her edge the bowl away in your peripheral. âHello. I thought y/n was alone out here. I wanted her toây/n, would you like to join me in the kitchen, maybe?âÂ
âDo you need help?â Azriel inquired, gaze still fixed on Elain.Â
You tasted blood on your tongue and tried to relax your jaw. Pain felt better than crying. Your cheek continued to bleed.
âWell, no,â Elain edged out, speaking slowly. If you looked, you would have seen her tilting her head toward you in a meaningful way. âI was just wanting her opinion. We often bake together. I was making a tart.â
Azriel nodded, opening his stance until he was between you and Elain. You looked back when your name was called once more, this time falling from Elainâs lips with a hint of anguished sympathy. It was a mistake to look at Azriel, you knew that, but you couldnât help it. A quick pass over his face found him analyzing every inch of Elainâs, lost in the sight of her. His hands twitched, and you wished you had missed that, too.Â
âCome to the kitchen with me,â Elain prompted, tilting her head to catch your attention. âItâs getting too cold out here.âÂ
You swallowed and righted yourself, nodding jerkily before rising from the chair. Youâd been sitting for too long, and your legs protested, but Azriel was still staring at Elain, and so you moved past the pain. Elain gave you a kind smile as the blanket bunched up in your seat; you focused on that as you tried to walk past Azriel. As his fingers circled your wrist and gave a gentle tug.Â
Your eyes fluttered shut, but he tugged you again, and you had no choice but to turn and look at him. Conflict raged on his face. His fingers spasmed around your wrist and he looked angry and sad and rife with uncertainty.Â
âIâm sorry. I didnâtââÂ
He couldnât finish. He kept opening his mouth, his shadows pulsing out and then returning to a cling around his shoulders, but no more sound came out. You reached for his hand, unwinding his fingers until your wrist was bare.Â
âThere are things you loveâpeople. None of them are me.âÂ
Azrielâs shoulders heaved as he took in your words. âI could love you.âÂ
And you believed he wanted to so badly. But not for the right reasons. He had jumped up when Elain entered, completely forgotten about you or how he had just begged you to give him a chance to stay. Azrielâthis Azriel of the pastâwanted a mate. He wanted sure love. What heâd had with Elain had always been rocky and uncertain, but that was something you both had come to terms with. Over time. Over months.Â
âOur love has never worked that way.âÂ
Elain was waiting for you when you turned around.Â
~~
âShe isnât going to like that.âÂ
âShe isnât exactly at liberty to make decisions about this right now.âÂ
âAnd we are just going to trust that she wonât follow you?âÂ
âShe wonât know. We wonât tell her until after.âÂ
âRhys, that isnât entirely fair.âÂ
âWould you rather she be in danger?âÂ
You huffed out an exasperated breath, pushing open the door to the High Lordâs study. The three people in the room stood frozen, staring at your entrance with wide, unblinking eyes.Â
âDone talking about me?â you accused, brow raised. âOr shall I leave while you discuss my mental state a little more?âÂ
Feyre was the first to break the silence. âIt wasnât like that,â she shook her head. âWe were discussing possibilities.âÂ
âAnd realities,â Rhysand offered. âLike the one where you will put yourself in unnecessary danger to get Azriel back.âÂ
âUnnecessary,â you quipped back, stomping past Cassian to stand at the High Lordâs desk. âThis is Azriel. How canâhow can you call anything to do with this unnecessary?âÂ
âHey, not what he meant,â Cassian calmed. He moved forward and set a placating hand on your shoulder, squeezing it. He looked over your head. âJust tell her the plan. Easier that way.âÂ
Rhysand sighed, itching his jaw. âI want to bring Az to the rift again, just him and me. There was nothing in his memory about the switchâonly a bright light before he woke up on the border. I think if I were to get close enough, I might be able to feel Azrielâour Azrielâsâmind and reach out to him. Helion doesnât have any information on what this could be. Thereâs no literature, and Amren is stumped, too. Proximity may be our only solution.âÂ
âOkay, fine,â you nodded, waving a hand in the air. âLetâs go then. I would be useful. If the bond started to feel closer, we would know it was really him.âÂ
Rhysand was already shaking his head. âBring you to the thing youâve said you want to jump into?âÂ
âYes. Yes, Rhys. If this were Feyre, you would have already gone in. But you donât have any restrictions, do you? Youâre the High Lord, so you donât have to listen to anyone but yourself. Other people are in danger, and itâs still your wordââ
Cassain said your name gently, softly, shaking your shoulder and bringing you to reason. You knew, again, that you werenât being fair. The second you caught even a glimpse of the bond, you would nosedive into that rift, and your family wanted you safe. But you didnât care about safe. You didnât care about precautions.Â
âLet them go alone first,â Feyre spoke from the other side of the room. âLet them feel around. Once they have a better understanding, you can go. I promise you that as High Lady. I wonât let anyone stop you if you promise not to go alone.âÂ
You weighed your options, suddenly very aware of the several tactics your family could implement to keep you grounded. There was a very real possibility that they would lock you away to keep you from becoming a flight risk, and although you knew how to winnow, your magic was thready on bad days. And every day was a bad day recently.Â
You caught Rhysandâs eyes. âYou will tell me everything you find?â you probed. âEven if itâs not good news.â
A hint of surprise flickered on Rhysandâs face. He quickly glanced at Feyre before nodding. âYes. Everything.âÂ
âAnd⌠if you reach himâyouâll tell him I love him?âÂ
Rhysandâs shoulders fell from their defensive posture. Cassian squeezed your shoulder once more. âYes,â the High Lord nodded. âOf course I will.âÂ
âAnd tell him that I wanted to come, but you wouldnât let me.âÂ
âAzriel would be irate with me if you were there, you know that.âÂ
You felt your mouth twitch into a fleeting smile, remembering the times Azriel had been irate with Rhysand. Several involved you in places you shouldnât be, doing things that the Shadowsinger was yanking you away from in an instant. Your smile vanished as you remembered that the Azriel you had now had moved just as fast upon Elain entering a room.Â
âJust⌠make sure he knows Iâm here. Waiting for him.âÂ
âIâm sure heâs already painfully aware.âÂ
You moved quickly, whipping your head around to find Azriel now in the room. His expression was placated by the kind of calm he used after long missions, and youâd only seen that expression a few times. It usually dissolved the moment he saw you, his body melting into your greeting. But now, this Azriel was using it around you. Because of you.Â
âAzriel,â Feyre called. âYouââÂ
âI was listening, yes.â The Shadowsinger finally tore his eyes from you. âWhen are we going?âÂ
You felt your body tense, fingers curling into your palms.Â
âIn a few hours, if youâre up for it. I need to inform Helion that weâll be on the border, but that shouldnât take long.â
âAnyone else going?âÂ
Something kept you glued to Azriel, taking in every twitch of his muscle, every blink. He looked younger, you thought. You hadnât noticed before. There was more sleep pressed into the crevices of his face, less sun along his cheeks. Maybe you were imagining things; six years were nothing to fae.Â
âNo,â Rhysand responded, shuffling things around his desk. âBetter for just us to go. Less noise and less worry.âÂ
Azriel swallowed. âOkay. Come get me when itâs time.âÂ
He turned, left the room, and you were following him out before you could stop yourself. You got to the hall, unsure where you were going or how long you would trail after him, but Azriel decided that for you. He stopped mid-way down the hall, his shoulders lowering just a fraction, his head shaking imperceptibly.Â
âDo not ask me again. I donât know if I can say no.âÂ
Your hand, which had been outstretched without your knowing, lowered to your side. âI wasnât going to ask anything.âÂ
Your mateâsoon-to-be-mateâturned his head just far enough to see you. âYou think I do not know you, but I knew you were going to ask to comeâfor him. I know you enough in my bones to hear you ask even when you did not.âÂ
Your lashes fluttered, a feeling working up your spine and caving in your chest. You pressed your lips together and rolled your eyes up to the ceiling in a desperate attempt to quell the pressure. It did not work.Â
âAzriel.â You addressed him with finality, sure that after this conversation, you would need to lock yourself in a room until you heard of their return. There was no other way to stop yourself from following them.Â
Hazel eyes met yours then, head on and searching.Â
âBe careful,â you urged. âPlease. I canâtââÂ
âDonât worry.â A sad upturn of his mouth. âI wouldnât do anything to jeopardize this future.âÂ
As he turned and left, the sound of him echoing, the pressure crushed into you, sending you to the wall, and then to the ground. You pressed your hand to your sternum and let your legs tent up, staring at the ceiling and praying to the Mother, the Cauldron, to anything. But there was no answer. There never was.
Summary:Â Azriel had still been hung up on Elain when you first met, hopeful that the teetering relationship would last. But time passed, and while their relationship did not withstand the test of that time, Azriel found joy somewhere else. He fell in love with you. Slowly. Purposefully. Wholly. He was happy. You were happy. Time is funny that way. It doesnât always make sense.Â
Word count:Â 2.8k
Warnings:Â Angst, injury, memory loss, yearning, ANGST I'll say it again
a/n: Okay I'm thinking there will be 6-7 parts and I'll leave my guestimate to that for now. Also sorry if there are typos this was written while I was supposed to be working lolll but thank you for reading!! :) I love the angst and I love you đŤľ
Part 1, Part 2
Main Masterlist âĄ
~~
Azriel was staring at you. You could feel his eyes boring a hole into the side of your face as you sat beside Mor and pretended to listen to her rehashing news from Cassian. She was repeating herself to fill the space, and you were grateful; distraction was difficult with the state you were in.Â
You picked at your sleeve as Azriel continued to stare. Rhys would be in soon, and then you would have answersâanswers, but nothing fixed. Probably. You had considered staying in your room this morning, but then reason seeped into the doubt in your brain, and you backtracked on that decision.Â
Last night, after Feyre had removed the glass from your clumsy feet and calmed you, she shared the plan. Rhys was going to delve further into Azrielâs mind after contacting Helion. Your mate had been on a small peninsula between the coasts of Day and Night to investigate conflicting reports from the dwindling population settled there. It had all been very official; an organized contract was written up between the courts, with Azriel as the linchpin. He was to go to the sliver of land and collect information, and then report back to both High Lords.Â
He had missed the check-in with Helion.Â
You never knew what Azirel was doing when he went off for long stretches. He told you as little as possible to satisfy your worries. He never wanted you involved in court politics or spying or anything that could lead to danger.Â
Elain probably knew more than you.Â
You shook the thought away. It had become so easy for you to revert to old habits, to compare yourself to Elain and measure all of your shortcomings. You supposed everything would start to feel as it used to. Your relationship with Azriel certainly fell backwardârife with insecurity and uncertainty.Â
It was neither of their faults. You picked at the skin of your thumb and took in steady breaths as you reminded yourself that this was all a fluke. This wasnât evidence of your shortcomings or of betrayal. This was a situation with a solution, with a cause.Â
âMor,â Azriel gently warned, his gaze still fixed on you. Mor had started a new story, you vaguely recognized, and the distraction had stopped working about five minutes ago. From the corner of your eye, you saw the pair share a look. Azriel shook his head softly.Â
Mor blew out a breath and sank back in her seat. âWell, if Rhys would hurry up,â she muttered under her breath.Â
âItâs a long way to Day,â you hummed, looking back down at your fingers. âProbably a lot to talk about.âÂ
âHeâll be back soon. I believe it would be difficult to side-track him right now,â Azriel reassured.Â
You raised your brows at his explanation. To him, you needed the context. To him, you hardly knew the High Lord. You let the redundancy simmer low in your chest and reminded yourself that staying back had been difficult for Azriel, too. His knee was shaking, and heâd had to stay home while his High Lord gathered intel.Â
None of this was right.
âRight, of course,â was all you uttered back.Â
You still stared down at your hands. Azriel still stared over at you.Â
Azrielâs shadows created a faint hum in the room. You usually couldnât hear them, but they were lingering around your shoulders and refused to abide by their masterâs incessant calls to return. You could see each tick of his head that went unanswered and felt a small sense of satisfaction that at least something was choosing you. Even if that was childish. Even if it was unwarranted.Â
Rhysand returned to the House without much fanfare, his collar loose and his hair mussed. Feyre was quick in her step behind him, looking more determined than her mate. The energy in the room perked up in a dreary way as Cassian stomped in soon after.Â
He clapped, startling the shadows until they wrapped you closer. âEveryone here?â Cassian assessed.Â
âEveryone that needs to be,â Mor huffed out, sitting straighter. She was unwavering in her place next to you, Azriel in the chair across the room.Â
âGreat,â Cassian grinned. âSo, thatâs not Azriel.âÂ
A pause. The humming stopped. You could hear Feyre let out a delicate sigh and barely caught how she pinched the bridge of her nose, but you felt frozen. Azriel himself was frozen, unmoving.Â
âI do not recall that being the way we were going to deliver the information, Cassian,â Rhysand chastised.Â
âBetter to get it out all at once.âÂ
âWhat?â Azriel hissed out, rising from his seat. You stared after him once his back was turned, analyzing every inch of his shoulders and wings and his hair. It looked like him. It wasâ âAre you accusing me of being a spy against you? A fake?âÂ
Cassian raised his hands. âNoâWell, not exactly. Itâs different.âÂ
âItâs entirely different. Which is why you should stop talking,â Rhysand directed, rubbing his hand over his jaw. He let his gaze trail over you before he spread his fingers out and curled them into his palms. âThat is Azriel. You are. But you justâor itâs Helionâs theory thatâyou are not our Azriel.âÂ
âAnd whose Azriel is he then?â Mor scoffed, an air of concern washing over the contempt. She had risen from her spot beside you.
âThat gets complicated,â Feyre offered. âAzriel was gathering intel on disappearances in the peninsula, but it wasnât just that. The citizens were saying that people were going missing, but also that sometimes they would return⌠different. Maybe from poison or contamination. It seemed like a farce because of the recent unrest in the area. They want more resources from both Rhys and Helion since theyâre technically on the border, so making up a lie for funds to investigate a fake issue wouldnât be unusual.âÂ
âSo you sent Az to look into it,â Mor nodded.Â
âSo we sent Az.â Rhysand sounded defeated. He rubbed at his face again. âTurns out it was an actual issue.âÂ
âPoison?â you murmured, the only one sitting in the room. Several eyes turned to you. You clutched the cushion beneath your legs. âHow does thatâI donâtââÂ
You kept your gaze locked on the ground, but within that line, you saw Azriel move. He took a step back, heel clicking towards you, but then he stayed.Â
âExplain it.âÂ
Azriel sounded defensive already, brimming with assurance that he could refute any points made. Rhysand cleared his throat, and Cassian leaned a shoulder against the wall.Â
âThereâs a riftâa split between Day and Night. The locals have said it feeds things in and spits them out. That itâs a warped tear in the sky that clashes and makes the ocean thrash when itâs open,â Rhysand recounted, eyes hazy as if recalling exact memories.Â
âSounds like a story to scare the local children into listening,â Mor quipped.Â
âI thought the same. But we saw it,â Rhysand shook his head. âOr I saw it. From one of their minds. And when they were explaining how people came back from the rift, it soundedââÂ
Cassian jerked his head towards Azriel. âSounded like you.âÂ
You finally looked up, fingers aching from your grip on the couch. Azriel was stiff and unrelenting as he stood before the group, but he was deflating, slowly, his head making the smallest movements. Everyone watched him as if he were going to implode, and you watched him as if you couldnât remember the last time anything made sense.Â
âSo you think he entered this rift?â you quietly asked. Azrielâs chin jerked to the side when you spoke, but he didnât turn completely.Â
âYes,â Feyre nodded. âWhen Rhys checked his mind, there was nothing about the mission or⌠anything from the past few years. Not even anything hinting at locked-away memories. Or missing memories.â
âIt was like there was a gap. But that gap wasnât supposed to be filled yet,â Rhys finished.Â
âWhere am I supposed to be then?â Azriel bit out, rough now, maybe scared. âWhatâs the theory?âÂ
âYouâre supposed to be in the past. You were switched.âÂ
Rhysandâs words were an echo, and then they were a raucous clanging in your mind. Azrielâyour mindful, cautious Azrielâseemed actually to implode, his shadows bursting from your shoulders and clinging to their master. They swirled around him and coated his skin, blocking him and surrounding him and protecting him from words.Â
âSwitched?â Azriel breathed out. âI was not. I am notâan incorrect version of myself.âÂ
âThatâs not what weâre saying,â Feyre comforted.Â
âIt is.âÂ
âAz, take a moment and think aboutââÂ
âNo, Cassian.â Azriel shot his hand through the air. âIâm notâthis is something inside of my mind. I know it is. I can pinpoint it.âÂ
âCan you?â Rhysand asked, braving a step towards the agitated Shadowsinger. âHow?âÂ
Azriel paused, his shoulders heaving. He didnât have an answer, and Rhysand knew that. The High Lord looked to you, then, conveying something with his eyes that might have spelled an apology. You attempted to parse out the meaning, but too much was happening. Too much, and also not enough.Â
Rhysand said your name. Attention turned to you. âWhen you feel the bondâwhen you look at Azriel, does it feel how itâs supposed to?âÂ
You wet your lips and blinked. âSupposed to?âÂ
âDoes it feel complete when you look at him? Alive?âÂ
âIt doesnât feel broken, if thatâs what you mean.â You furrowed your brows and searched inward. A directive question actually felt nice, even though it was making you focus on something you had tried hard to push to the side. âIt feels distant. Far away.âÂ
âFar away?â Mor repeated, breathless. âWhat does that mean?âÂ
Rhysand turned to Azriel. âAnd what do you feel?â
âHe doesnât feel anything,â you answered for him, disconnecting from the crushing feeling that accompanied the words. âHe told me last night.âÂ
Azriel was quick to refute. âThatâs not true,â he said, staring at you. He looked to Rhys next. âThatâs not true. I feel⌠I feel like Iâm supposed to feel something for her. Protect her.âÂ
Rhysand nodded softly. âYou feel drawn to her. You know very little about her, but something is bringing you in.âÂ
âYes. So it is there.âÂ
âNo, Az. Thatâs the before. Before the bond is realized.âÂ
Azrielâs hand flew to his chest, his head turning down. He looked searching, maybe hoping that he would find the bond, because that would prove he was who he wanted to be. That he belonged in the now. But you knew he didnât, because he felt far; Rhys made you aware that Azriel felt far away, and there was a man in front of you who looked just like him, but he didnât look at you like he loved you. Not yet.
âWhere is he?â you whispered, feeling your eyes burn. Tears fell as you searched for Rhys, for Feyre, for the people who seemed to know how to get him back. âIf he was switched, where is our Azriel? Is he okay?â
âHe was likely sent to the past,â Feyre explained. She was the soft one in this, offering gentle truths while Rhysand conveyed the big ones. The hard ones. âHeâs probably in the same situation we are in now. Trying to figure this out.âÂ
âHow can we bring him back?â you panicked. âWhat if he doesnât know how to get himself back?âÂ
âHey, weâre going to figure this out,â Cassian tried to comfort. He moved to calm you, but Azriel stepped in his path.Â
You stood from the couch and paced around the length of the carpet before stopping in front of Rhysand. âYou can send me to the rift. I can go and get him and explain. He doesnât have as much context as we do. He would need me.âÂ
âYouâre not going to throw yourself into that thing,â Azriel growled from behind you. âIt would make sense for me to go back through it. To undo it.âÂ
âNo!â you stressed, grabbing Rhysandâs arm. The High Lord covered your hand with his and tried to speak, but you were too heightened, too afraid. âIt might not work. I should go.âÂ
Rhysand lowered his head, voice calm. âAnd then we might lose you, too.âÂ
âThat doesnât matter!âÂ
Mor shot out your name in a gasping breath, but you kept your gaze unyielding on Rhysand. âIt could switch me, yes, but that would be better. I could tell Azriel whatâs happening and bring him back safely.âÂ
âWhat if thatâs not what happens? What if you are just gone? Lost?âÂ
You reared back, hand covering your mouth. âDonât say that. Donâtâbecause then you think Azriel could be lost, and heâs not.âÂ
âWe wouldnât chance it,â Rhysand affirmed, shaking his head, putting his foot down. âWe wouldnât want to lose you both.âÂ
You turned your attention to Azrielâan Azriel. Maybe not yours, but he said he felt something for you. Your Azriel would give you anything; this one could be the same.Â
You spun on your heel and charged at the Shadowsinger, capturing his arms in your hold and not caring that it didnât feel right. âYou came from there. You could take me back,â you beseeched him. âTake me. You donât want to be here, I know it.âÂ
Azriel took you in, brows furrowing as he scanned every corner of your face. The muscles of his arms jumped beneath your fingers, and he didnât mirror your desperation, but something flickered on his face that you couldnât place. It had been too long since youâd seen it.Â
âI wonât put you in danger,â he seemed to wince. âI won't.âÂ
âI wouldnât be in danger. He would find me. He would protect me.âÂ
Azriel knocked your hands from his arms and held the sides of your head, capturing your attention and forcing you to ground. âI am right here. No version of me would let my mate throw herself into the unknown. How am I supposed to have a life with you if youâre gone?âÂ
âYou donât want me,â you whispered, eyes flashing between each of his.Â
Azriel struggled to find words. He kept searching your face, holding you steady, his expression pressed into a near-permanent wince. You thought you might have felt his thumb brush against your temple, but too many thoughts were roaring in your head for you to notice it.Â
âLet me go,â you urged.Â
But Azriel was already shaking his head. âI canât.âÂ
Your breath came out as a hopeless, anguished sound. Knowing where your mate was and not being able to get to him, to fix this, was enough to make your chest pound with an uncomfortable weight. You pressed back from Azriel and tried to reconcile how you were so close to him, and yet, he was further away than heâd ever been. Azrielâs hands dropped to his sides as you left him.Â
His gaze went over your head. âYou must have some form of a plan.âÂ
Rhysand was still staring after you as Azriel spoke, conflict raging on his face. His head tilted to the side, and he rolled his shoulders back. âHelion is looking into it more. Iâd also like to search your memories more for the moment the switch happenedâif it was a switch. See if there are any leads.âÂ
Your breathing was becoming erratic, your chest heavier. You squeezed your eyes shut and pressed your hand to your ribs, tears continuing to fall. They hadnât stopped.Â
âDone,â Azriel confirmed. âWhat else?âÂ
âThatâs it. For now,â Rhysand said. His voice felt distorted.Â
You leaned over as your head began to spin, hands on your thighs. Immediately, Azriel had you in his hold again. You felt fingers cover yours. He came down to his knee and stared up at your face. He was blurry. Everything was blurry.Â
âItâs okay,â Azriel softly assured.Â
âItâs not,â you got out. âHeâsââÂ
Your mateânot your mateâgave you a sad upturn of his mouth. âI know,â he whispered. âI know.â
azriel fucking you so good and being so filthy every single time that you canât help feeling shy afterwards and he gets so confused by it lmao
come join my acotar party!
--
Your brain had stopped working for several minutes after your third orgasm of the night, and you're surprised it's regaining any function at all. But it is, and with each memory of you and Azriel ravaging each other for the night you're hit with another wave of mortification.
Do you really moan like that?
Well, you can't really blame yourself for that one. Azriel is a... passionate lover, and you're not sure you could ever stop yourself from expressing just how crazy he makes you. He makes you feel things you've never felt before, in places you didn't know you could feel them. But still, the memories of you yanking his hair to get him closer to your cunt, the way you'd stroked the inside edges of his wings until he'd lost control and jackhammered into you at a pace strong enough to slam the headboard into the wall, the way you'd held your mouth open and slack for him to use as he pleased-
You turn over, burying your burning face into the pillow.
"Love," Azriel calls worriedly from the bathroom, wet washcloth in hand as he approaches the foot of the bed. He's cleaned himself up quickly, but despite going first he always offers you the courtesy of bedside assistance, "I don't think you can breathe well like that."
"I don't want to," You groan into the pillowcase, "I'm- Azriel, please don't look at me."
It's not because you're naked, it's because you're overwhelmed and humiliated. But he's confused, considering he'd just been inside of you for the better part of two hours- he's not really sure how much closer and more personal he could have gotten with you.
"Okay," He hums kindly, eyes now glancing up at the ceiling, "I still need to clean you up, though."
He hears you move, but he's following orders and not looking while you do it. When you pluck the washcloth from his hands he has to flail blindly to catch your shoulders, wrestling you down onto the mattress where you try fleeing to the bathroom.
"Don't walk yet," He tells you, voice firmer, though still kind, "Can I ask what's got you running away now?"
"I was really loud." You muse, after just a long enough period of silence for it to be awkward, "I- It probably sounded like we were watching porn in here."
He has to bite his lips not to smirk, but he does it out of courtesy, "No, I bet it sounded like we were having sex. That's what porn is, if you've forgotten."
"Yeah, but only porn stars moan like that," You gush, your cheeks aflame, "I- you said crazy stuff to me, you know that?"
"I remember," Azriel hums, eyes still locked onto a spot on the ceiling, fingers moist from the washcloth, "And I also remember the way you reacted to them."
"That's why you can't look at me," You whine, scraping the wet washcloth along the sensitive skin of your soaked thighs, "That's- that was insane, Azriel."
"That's what sex is like," He scoffs defeatedly, "It's really difficult to have sex without doing things that make you blush."
"That's what sex with you is like," You insist, and at a hiss of pleasure-pain as you press the washcloth to your abused core, Azriel reaches blindly once more for you. He knows your body inside and out, and is soon dragging a washcloth-draped finger through your cunt to collect what he'd left behind.
"Well," He drawls, even his own cheeks pinkening slightly, "You're gonna have to get used to that. I don't intend to disappoint you."
"You couldn't." You decide, leaning into his touch even though you're still warm-cheeked from the embarrassment of being that pliant for him, "Just- promise me you won't look me in the eyes until you forget the sound of my porn-star moan?"
"No deal." He shakes his head, finally dropping his eyes to your own and watching you squirm at the intensity of his hazel gaze, "I've already memorized it, and I'm not forgoing eye contact for the rest of our lives."
Best friends reader and Az finally confessing her feelings to him drunk saying she doesnât want to just be friends anymore!!!!
Pairing:Â Azriel x Reader
Word count: 750
Warnings: Some angst because this is my world and I do what I want
a/n: Drabble masterlist can be found here. Thank youu for the request hehehehe ily <3
____________________________________________
Azriel blinked and shook his head harshly, deeply regretting his decision to give in to you and drink that night. He spotted you sitting alone at their private table, the rest of your group happily sprawled out across the dance floor as your face glittered with tears. He should be sober. You were crying and alone, and he should be sober.
When he reached the booth, your tears were not sullen sobs but slow, meaningful tracks that pooled at the glitter on your neck. You didn't notice him when he arrived, your gaze outcast and far hazier than Azriel's, but you focused on him as soon as he kneeled at your feet. You blinked to clear your vision, and more tears came.
"What happened?" Azriel almost cooed, a hand resting on your knee. If it weren't for the bumping music, he would have practically whispered the words to you.
You shook your head, lips pressing into a line.
Azriel felt his expression fall against his will, another sign of the alcohol in his system. He grabbed your hand instead of your knee, rubbing the knuckles. You bit the inside of your cheek and squeezed your eyes shut.
"You won't tell me?" Azriel asked, hurt seeping through. You told him everything. Especially when you were drunk. Your hair was a mess, and you were coated in sparkles and remnants of starfall, and you always told him everything. You were his best friend.
"Will you let me take you home?" he asked instead of prying. He wanted to pry.
You shook your head again, and a deep sigh escaped him. He waited a beat, and when you opened your eyes, your gaze shot to his neck. Something burned right where you were looking. He couldn't remember why.
"Iâ" you started, and Azriel perked up. "I don't want to be friends anymore."
A strange sound escaped Azriel's throat. He jutted back as if you'd pushed him and gripped your hand tighter as if on instinct. You weren't crying anymore, a look of determination now rigid in your expression, and he hated that he wished you might start crying again. He could comfort you; he knew how to do that. He did not know how to be pushed out of your life.
"You don'tâ" he began, unsure what he was even going to say next. But you cut him off again, tears still wet on your cheeks as you straightened your posture.
"I don't want to be friends with you anymore, Azriel."
"You don't mean that," came his immediate reply. "You're drunk. What have IâHave I done something to upset you?"
"Yes, you have," you slurred, swaying as your determination fought against your balance. "You were... You were dancing with that woman. Her lipstain is on your neckâdid you know? You've upset me a great deal."
He should definitely be sober. Azriel reached up to swipe at his neck and came away with a sickeningly pink hue. He had barely remembered that happening. It must have been when he spotted you walking back to the table.
"I-I'm sorry," he stammered out, wiping the offending substance on his pant leg. "Do you know her? I didn't meanâ"
"I don't want you dancing with any woman. Whether or not I know her. It'sâIt's unacceptable!"
You were crying again, and Azriel wanted to wipe the tears as they fell, but he was still reeling over the notion that you wanted nothing to do with him. That, and he didn't think you would let him touch you with his now clean fingers, the reminder of the lipstain still so prevalent.
"I apologize. I won't do it again. You're right, I should have just stayed with you, but you seemed like you were having a good time and I didn't want toâ"
"I said I don't want to be friends. Aren't you hearing me?"
Azriel swallowed, the action hurting him. He flinched and dropped your hand, wiping his palms down the front of his thighs. He nodded, and then nodded again, but you let out a disgruntled sound and jerked his face up in unsteady hands. It was only a second later, and your lips were on his, equally as unsteady, clearly a drunken kiss, but then you pulled away, and your eyes looked clear.
"As in, I want more. So no more dancing with other women, is that clear?"
With stars in his eyes, Azriel breathed out, "Nothing has ever been clearer."
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Summary:Â Azriel had still been hung up on Elain when you first met, hopeful that the teetering relationship would last. But time passed, and while their relationship did not withstand the test of that time, Azriel found joy somewhere else. He fell in love with you. Slowly. Purposefully. Wholly. He was happy. You were happy. Time is funny that way. It doesnât always make sense.Â
Word count:Â 2.8k
Warnings:Â Angst, injury, memory loss, ANGST I'll say it again
a/n:Â Yayy part 2 :) I hope you enjoy all the angst! I'm still not sure exactly how many parts this will be, but I think maybe 4-5? Anyways love you thanks for reading <33
Part 1
Main Masterlist âĄ
~~
Wind whipped at your face as you stood on the precipice of the cliff, vaguely aware that you were somewhere between Day and Dawn. Your emotions had led the winnow. Without agency over your mind, you had guided yourself to a place unknown, though you were sure Azriel had mentioned it to you before. He loved to tell you about the beautiful places he saw while away from home.Â
As you stood and stared out at the thrashing sea, arms tight around your middle, you wondered if that was some sort of game for himâa ploy in this years-long deceit.Â
Tears were still welling in your eyes, made undetectable by the ocean spray. It was all rather dramatic, reallyâyou winnowing to a cliff with the howling wind as your only companion. Perhaps this was why Azriel described his beautiful places with such precision; he was giving you options for when he broke your heart.Â
The scene was a blur in your mind. You distantly remembered the empty way your mate looked at you, how his eyes barely grazed past before honing in on her. On Elain. You used to feel licks of jealousy each time you came into contact with the female, but those feelings had long gone. Even now, with your heart beating from your chest, a numbness coating your skin from the cold, you didnât feel jealousy. You werenât sure what feeling consumed you.Â
Come back.Â
Rhysandâs voice was a weak echo in the back of your head. You werenât far enough from Velaris, apparently.Â
We need to talk. Come back.Â
And then a pause.Â
Please.Â
You didnât feel the need to talk about anything. Your mouth was dry despite the tepid air, your throat aching.Â
Itâs not what you think.
You fought the urge to slam a wall down in your mind, well aware that Rhysand could break through if he truly wanted to. Your magic had never been very strong. That was probably why Azriel was still in love with Elain. He wanted an equal and had grown tired of spinning pretty lies for you.Â
When your feet began to ache from the ragged rocks on the cliffside, you retreated into the dismal-looking forest. The trees were withered with the season and lashed by the unquelled ocean, providing little cover from the wind. It didnât matter. You slumped against the sturdiest one you could find and sank to the ground, knees by your chin.Â
Feyreâs voice would come soon, your High Lady always eager to calm. To fix. You plucked at the material of your dress as it soaked into your knees, considering what it would take for this to be fixed.Â
He said he loved her. He held her. You hadnât had to witness him holding her in years.Â
Your love was supposed to be assured, stable. He loved you before the bond, and you loved him even before he fully realized the depth of you. Just before his mission, he had kissed you and promised so many things, as he always did before he left. You knocked your head back against the wavering tree and tried to remember exactly what he had promised all those weeks ago. Maybe a gift from the sea? Or trinkets from Helionâs personal collection? It was impossible to remember; the conversation had felt so commonplace then.Â
Some of the anger came next. You found yourself cursing the day you met him, pushing your head further into the soaked bark. If you hadnât been working that day, perhaps you wouldnât be feeling this pain now. If he hadnât walked through the doors to your shop all those years ago, maybe he wouldnât have felt the need to play this game with you.Â
Most people never met their mate.Â
You hadnât been so lucky.Â
âOh, y/n, youâre drenched.â When Feyreâs voice finally sounded off, it was closer than Rhysandâs. More clear. âCome. Please. At least let me take you somewhere dry.âÂ
It took another moment for you to realize that Feyre was there, directly in front of you. You winced as you rocked up and met her eyes, your head throbbing from the day.Â
Feyre took in the pathetic picture you were sure you displayed. She dropped to her knees in front of you and made a sound that got lost in the wind. âI know,â she hummed, sad. âIâm sorry. Let me take you home.âÂ
âI donât want to go back there,â you croaked back. âI canâtââÂ
When you couldnât finish your thought, Feyre considered. She leaned back to sit on her heels and rested her hands in her lap, her hair whistling in the gusts of air. Rain pattered and was consumed by waves. There was nothing she could say. Nothing, except, âHe doesnât know what year it is.âÂ
~~
âAgain.âÂ
âIt is six years past the date you remember, Azriel. You were sent on a mission last month and were supposed to return today. To Morâs housewarming party. Your mate informed you of it before you left. You spoke to me yesterday through the connection. You confirmed your mission was completed and that you would be home for the party.âÂ
âMy mate?â Azriel breathed out, hands in a prayer over his mouth. You watched him from the crack in the door, how he puffed out a breath and leaned back in the chair, his wings splaying.Â
Rhysand remained patient. He rested his elbows on his knees. âYes.âÂ
âNot Elain?âÂ
âNot Elain. I meant what I said before. It has been years since youâve been with Elain.âÂ
âThe woman who left,â Azriel began, your hands twitching at your sides at his mention of you. âSheâs Morâs friend. She owns the shop by the rainbow.âÂ
Your gaze flickered to Rhysand. He eyed the door briefly before raising his brows. âShe is. And she does.âÂ
âMy shadows call for her. Theyâtheyâre very⌠upset,â Azriel revealed, his face pressed into near-permanent confusion.Â
Rhyand offered a hum in response, but Azriel had always been more perceptive than the rest, more clever. You watched his head shake slightly, his fingers curled as they rested in fists on his knees.Â
âItâs her, isnât it? Sheâs my mate.âÂ
You left then, unwilling to face his reaction to the news. You werenât supposed to be listening, anyway. Feyre only allowed your trip through the House so you could get a glass of water. She had been hovering, otherwise, obviously cautious with Azriel in the same building.Â
She shouldnât have brought you here.Â
You should have stayed on the side of that bleak cliff.Â
It became clear why she brought you the moment you set foot inside, the calm that washed over you healing some of the ache. Traitorous mating bonds didnât quite care when your life was falling apart, only that you were near to each other. That calm was just about undone now; the conflict raging on Azrielâs face was enough to make you sick.
You pressed down the hall with your water shaking in your hand, taking slow steps to have some time to yourself. Azriel had not betrayed you. He did love Elain, but he did not betray you. The two were not mutually exclusive to your tender heart, even with the state your mate was inâif he was still your mate. The bond echoed in your chest, not feeling closed, but feeling incomplete. If you focused on it too hard, the feeling caused you to hyperventilate.
He loved Elain. He did not love you. He did not even remember you.Â
Sickness edged its way into your throat.Â
Six years ago, Azriel had only barely met you. It was another year before the two of you fell in love, and then another year and a half before the bond appeared. Those years had been filled with joy and the feeling of falling, but they had also been rife with insecurities and a back-and-forth pull. Azrielâs feelings for Elain had not simply disappeared when he met you, and you had not been ready for a relationship with an unsure man.Â
None of that mattered now. All of that progress, the years of loving him, were all⌠gone.Â
Rhys⌠he hasnât looked yet. After we calmed Az down enough to figure out what was going on, he went into the surface of his mindâwhat he usually keeps open for us to seeâand he said it was static. Like he wasnât conscious. He didnât want to look further without knowing more. And then we asked him for the date andâŚÂ
You mulled over Feyreâs explanation from earlier. Everyone had been so angry at Azriel, yelling at him and demanding explanations from a man with only a half-conscious brain. Elain had gently pushed him away the moment you left the party, expecting her own set of explanations. You missed that part. In your memory, she had melted into him, eager for his touch.Â
Apparently, neither you nor Azriel had reliable memories.Â
âExcuse me?âÂ
You startled, the cup slipping from your fingers. Shattering glass and splashes of water followed. Your flinch was more exaggerated than anticipated, the sound of Azrielâs voice sending you into a panic. You stepped back and jolted, hearing crunching and then a rushed warning that you didnât have time to follow. You turned, and there he was.Â
Azriel had his hand raised, his mouth parted from his call. He was staring down at your feet, but remained rooted in place despite the worry that flickered across his features. When his eyes flashed up to meet yours, a chill overtook you. You looked at him, and there was no connection. You loved him, yes, but the bond was stunted. Looking at him hurt.Â
âAre you alright?â he asked.
Were you alright? What a question to ask you. After he witnessed your breakdown just hours prior, you almost considered that he might be mocking you.Â
âUm, yes,â you eventually stammered out, hands clutching at the nightgown Feyre had wrapped you in.Â
âYour feet,â Azriel pointed out. âYouâre bleeding. Let me help.âÂ
He took a step forward, and you took one back.Â
âWait, don't!âÂ
It was too late. Again. More broken glass was crushed beneath your feet, the feeling of it barely registering. That was probably a bad sign. You were too focused on getting away from the husk of your mating bond to care.Â
âOh,â you breathed, staring down at the wet crimson staining the marbled floors.Â
Azriel let out a hurried sound that barely rose above the ringing in your ears. You had begun to feel lightheaded as you looked down, blinking harshly to clear your mind. It didnât work.Â
âHere,â Azriel offered. You caught his hand reaching out in your blurred peripheral. âStep over. I canââÂ
He stopped when you finally found the stability to look up. Your eyes were wet again, craters of shallow water that you couldnât control. It hurt to look at him.Â
Azriel stared back with intentionality. He seemed to flinch, glancing again at your feet, before wetting his lips and nodding towards his outstretched hand. âLet me help you.âÂ
âI canâI can do it,â you whispered. He probably thought you were insane. He had no memory of you, and now you were bleeding and whispering in the hallway.Â
âPlease,â Azriel pressed, speaking so softly you could let the tears fall.Â
You couldnât meet his eye as you took his hand, instead focusing down at the mess you had created. Azriel guided you past the broken glass and began to assess. He took in a breath and leaned back to look at you, but when his shadows only swarmed your feet, he nodded to himself, glancing up to meet your gaze. You had already been staring. Memorizing him, maybe, unsure when you would be this close again.Â
âWe should get you sitting down. There could be glass in your feet, and it shouldnât heal over like that.âÂ
You bit the inside of your cheek, willing the tears to remain in your waterline. âFeyre couldââÂ
âIâd like to be the one to help you,â Azriel interrupted, eyes roving over the planes of your face.Â
âWhy?â you whispered back.Â
He flinched again, tilting his head as if searching for something. Some of the numbness had left you, a dull throb echoing in your heel. You bit harder into your cheek, and Azriel caught it. He reached down to your hands and placed them on his shoulders, giving you the chance to redistribute your weight. You took it, desperate to touch him.Â
âI thoughtâI thought maybe I would feel it. If we were close,â Azriel said into the space between you. He furrowed his brows, and his head shook so slightly. âBut I donât. I donâtâIâm sorry. Were you toldââÂ
âThat you donât remember me?â you finished for him. âYes.âÂ
âI do remember you. I do. But from before. You only just met Mor. Iâve only spoken to you twice.âÂ
You shifted your jaw to accommodate the burning in your nose, tears finally escaping down your cheeks. You clutched at Azrielâs leathers and stared up at the ceiling. âRight,â you affirmed. âThatâs alright.âÂ
âIâm sorry.âÂ
âDonât be. Itâs not your fault.âÂ
âRhys is going to try⌠to fix it.âÂ
You pressed your lips together and shut your eyes for a moment. âDo you want to fix it?âÂ
âOf courseââ
âOr do you want Elain?âÂ
A pause. An ugly one. That wasnât fair, but anger was mingling with the sorrow within you, and you kept seeing him hold her. You had been through all of this already, had similar conversations with Azriel years ago when you were still learning about each other. It was a cruel joke that met you today, watching Azrielâs expression shift into a yearning that wasnât meant for you.Â
âYou have to understand,â he breathed out, gaze tracking out. âTo me, we areâweâre together. IâI love her.âÂ
The admittance was like a knife to the heart. He had been talking to Rhys when he said it before. Now, he was talking to you, telling you that he was in love with another. It didnât matter that he was living in the past; your mate was standing before you, telling you that he did not know you. That he did not love you.Â
You nodded as more tears fell, your throat closing from the emotion. âI understand completely. I was there the first time. I know your relationship quite well.âÂ
Azriel tsked, expression pinched. âShe told me that it isnât like that anymore. When you left earlier, she told me that she doesnât love me. She told me and I stillââÂ
You couldnât listen to this. Azriel was distraught in his consideration, mulling through the discrepancies of his memory and the current. A sob worked its way up your throat, and you covered your mouth with your fingers, falling back on your injured feet to create distance. You couldnât listen to this.Â
âWait, Iâm sorry,â Azriel shook his head, reaching for you again as you stepped away. âLet me help you, still. I shouldnât haveâI donât know how to do this. Please forgive me.âÂ
âI canâtââ you choked out, pulling and tugging at the empty space within you. âI canât be around you. I need toâI have to leave.âÂ
âNo, Iâll stop. I wonât talk about her. Your feet. You canât walk,â Azriel rushed out, taking careful steps to match each of your backtracks.Â
But he wanted to talk about her. It was his instinct. The conversation had led so easily to the woman he loved, and that hadnât been you. For the first time in years, it hadnât been you. Another sob ripped from your throat, your feet crying out as you quickened your pace and went to turn down the hall.Â
âPleaseââ
Azrielâs call was interrupted, Feyre gasping as she rounded the corner. She took hurried steps towards the scene, glancing down at the glass and vanishing it with a flick of her wrist. She looked to your feet next, the way you were tinted with tears. Feyre gathered your face in her hands and shook her head as you cried.Â
âWhat happened?â she worried. âI thought you went to the kitchen?âÂ
You couldnât talk anymore, all words wasted on the shadowsinger at your back. You watched Feyre send a searching look over your shoulder, and she shook her head again, this time with more resolve. Your High Lady gathered you into her side and cooed reassurances that you didnât hear. You felt her magic wrap around your feet, and the hallway remained silent as she guided you away.Â
Summary:Â Azriel had still been hung up on Elain when you first met, hopeful that the teetering relationship would last. But time passed, and while their relationship did not withstand the test of that time, Azriel found joy somewhere else. He fell in love with you. Slowly. Purposefully. Wholly. He was happy. You were happy. Time is funny that way. It doesnât always make sense.Â
Word count:Â 2.2k
Warnings:Â Sooo much angst! I don't want to give anything away yet so just focus on the angst!!
a/n:Â This will be about 3 parts I think? Hehehe enjoyyy I'll add more warnings as they become relevant :) ily you thank you for reading <3
Main Masterlist âĄ
~~
Loving Azriel was easy. So, so easy.Â
In the years you had waited to find your partner in life, you had never envisioned such a relationship. He listened. He cared. He revered you as an equal and treasured you, it seemed, with each breath he took. You made him better, and he ignited the same passion within you.Â
It hadnât always been quite so easy. Azriel had been in love with Elain when you first met. But, no, he would tell you that wasnât the caseâthat he had thought he was in love with her, yes, but that he had thought wrong. He had never truly known love before you. He had lamented as much at your mating ceremony and affirmed that he would never know anything of equal value for as long as he should live.Â
Azriel was a sap, sentimental in his love for you. You adored it. Your family found it rather sickening at times.Â
âDo try to keep your hands to yourself,â Mor droned on, plucking a bouquet from the market stall. âThis is a housewarming party. My housewarming party. And I would prefer not to vomit in my mouth, please.âÂ
âYou are always so cruel,â you teased back, appraising the flowers she chose. You plucked a matching set of carnations to display in her kitchen. âWe are not that bad. You exaggerate.âÂ
âI wish I exaggerated. Everyone figured you would calm with time, but Azriel is too obsessed with you to allow us the reprieve.âÂ
The busy market street hustled around the two of you, and you clutched your netted shoulder bag closer to your body to make space. Mor had invited you along to buy the necessary items for the gathering in her new home, but it seemed she had an ulterior motive for this outing. The blonde sent you a look as she dropped coin on the vendorâs counter and collected her flowers. You offered a long roll of your eyes.Â
âEnough of this. I promise to keep my hands to myself.âÂ
Mor hummed, moving on to the spice stall. âYour hands are never the real issue, surprisingly enough. Az was never one for public displays before he met you. Though you could rein in the loving looks across the room.âÂ
âYou want me not to look at him?â you scoffed out.Â
âI want you to look at him⌠normally. With less intensity. Can you manage that?âÂ
âPerhaps you should have us in separate rooms for the duration of the night. You can let me know when itâs my turn to eat dinner, and then Az can spend some time on your new balcony. How does that sound?â you quipped sarcastically.Â
âTetchy,â Mor smirked, dropping a bundle of thyme into your bag. âWhatâs the matter? Too much distance?âÂ
You knew Mor was only joking, and there was a lingering humor beneath each of your words, but the distance had been rather grating. Azriel was only supposed to be away on his mission for a few days, but those few days had extended into a few weeks, and the small sparks sent along the mating bond were not cutting it anymore. You missed him desperately. He was finally set to return tonight, Morâs housewarming party the backdrop to your reunion.Â
So, her requests were substantiated. If it were completely up to you, you would spend the night in your own home, wrapped up in Azrielâs arms. It was not completely up to you, however; Mor was incessant when she wanted to throw a party.Â
At your lack of reply, Mor tsked, linking her arm with yours and guiding you down the street. âYou mates are always so on edge. He will return tonight, and then we can go back to discussing the curtains I want to put in the guest room.â
~~
Morâs new home was beautifully warm. You had helped her choose most of the decor, the splashes of color coinciding with the softness of muted tones and mixed textures. She was ecstatic to have a space that was wholly hers, and you were ecstatic to have helped make it feel like home. The two of you had been fast friends upon your introduction to the Inner Circle. You always cherished the relationship and the ease of its roots.Â
As you welcomed another member of the family into Morâs sitting room, you sent a pulse down the bond, eager for Azriel to return home. It had been quiet all day today, but the last days of Azrielâs missions were often quiet, your mate needing the space to tie things up wherever he was. You were pretty sure he had gone to Day this time, or perhaps it was Dawn? He couldnât always tell you the specifics.Â
Your attempt was not met, but you didnât let it bother you. Soon, the others surrounded you, eating merrily and appreciating the space. They brought gifts that Mor opened and placed around her house, and you sidled up beside Cassian on the couch to watch from there. Nesta spoke over her mateâs lap as the night went on, engaging you in conversation as things ebbed and flowed.Â
âHas Azriel not deigned to make an appearance?â Nesta asked, eyeing the front door. âI thought he was going to be back in time for dinner. He missed it.âÂ
âNo, not yet. Probably still caught up,â you replied casually, though the reminder sent something stirring in you. You rubbed your thumbnail against your palm and tugged on the bond again. He did not respond.Â
Sensing your restlessness, Nesta flicked her hand in the air. âYou know how he gets. Heâs probably on his way now. He loves to make an entrance.âÂ
You let out a nervous laugh that met the air strangely, your chest feeling hollow. You should change the subject. You were feeling okay before this. âNesta, I wonder ifââÂ
The unsettled air around you zapped to life as the front door opened, and you turned to find Azriel looking around in confusion. He stepped back slightly to peer up at the front door hinge, and then craned his neck to get a better view of the sitting room where everyone remained. A wave of relief washed through your chest at the sight of him, but when that wave continued to fill empty space, panic lingered.Â
âAz?â you called out, offering a soft smile as you rose from the couch.Â
Your mate turned at the sound of his name, but he only furrowed his brows further when he looked at you. Panic turned into alarm bells when he did not smile, when his gaze didnât soften as he met your eye. You didnât step towards him. Instead, you called his name again.Â
He searched your face for another moment. His gaze left you too quickly. âMor?â he asked. âMor, is this your house?âÂ
The room had gone silent, any lingering joy snuffed out by wary concern. Azrielâs reaction to you had made everyone uneasy, and his lost look as he glanced around at the walls and counters was heightening that worry.Â
âAzriel, you feeling alright?â Cassian asked, now perched on the edge of the couch.
Azriel closed his eyes for a moment, shaking his head. âI feel fine, I justâMor? I was led here. To your house?âÂ
From the corner of the room, Mor stood with parted lips. Her gaze lingered on you, her eyes only tearing from your face when her head was fully turned towards Azrielâs question. âYes, Az. This is my housewarming party, remember? Y/n told you about it before you left.âÂ
âY/n?â Azriel whispered to himself, darting his eyes towards you for the briefest moment.
âDid something happen on the border?â Rhys asked, the first in the room to take steps towards the staggering Illyrian.Â
Azriel looked to his High Lord, gaze empty for a moment before he replied, âNo. Everything went smoothly. I have the intel. I thinkâIâve just been turned around. Too many nights of no sleep.âÂ
Even with the explanation, unease became solid in your gut. Azriel was looking around the room still, passing over everyoneâs faces but yours. The bond was nothing but empty wind within you, and he still looked so lost, as if the answer to his unspoken question was somewhere else. As if he knew something that no one was picking up on.Â
âWhere isââÂ
Feyre cut him off. âPerhaps you should go home, Azriel. Sleep for a while.âÂ
âMy shadows led me here,â Azriel repeated as if that were an answer. âShe is here.âÂ
Eyes fell to you then. You clasped your hands together in front of your waist and squeezed in discomfort, unsure about your mate for the first time in years. You took two steps forward before Azriel looked at you again, but it still felt as though he wasnât seeing you. Your hand twitched as you reached out to him.Â
âLetâs go home, yeah?â you offered softly. The dropping feeling in your stomach became heavier. âFeyreâs right. You need to sleep. You can give your report to Rhys after, and Mor wouldnât mindââÂ
Air pushed from Azrielâs chest, his shoulders slumping in a picture of relief. You watched as his lashes fluttered and something indecipherable flickered across his faceâlike how he looked at you, but not. Like love and adoration, but not. Your mouth sealed shut from the incongruence.Â
âThere you are,â Azriel breathed out, pushing past your outstretched hand. You turned your head to follow him as he moved towards the stairs. Towards where Elain was returning from.Â
Your feet remained rooted in the ground as you watched him. Your body felt like lead and your heart like a brand as your mate pressed forward. He raised his hands to cup Elainâs face, and something was crushing your windpipe. The air was too thin to breatheâit had to be that.
To your abject horror, he moved his forehead to touch hers, his eyes closing in peace. Elain stumbled a bit, catching herself with her heel against the bottom step, but Azriel had her in place quickly, apparently eager to keep her close.Â
The air was too thin, but it was also crushing, sending tears cascading down your cheeks in an instant. You hadnât even felt the urge to cry, your eyes only burning after the wetness marred your face. You hadnât even felt a full range of emotions before your body reacted.Â
There was nothing to say. Nothing to do. You hadnât seen Azriel seek Elain out in years. Hadnât seen him find comfort in anyone but you since you committed yourselves to each other.Â
Ugly thoughts came after the tears.Â
How long had this been going on? Was it always her? Had anything ever been real with him? Why would he choose now to flaunt this in your face?Â
The overwhelming urge to throw up replaced the crushing weight on your body, but that urge was interrupted by Rhysâs voice once more.Â
âAzriel?â he said evenly. âWhat are you doing?âÂ
The muscle in Azrielâs jaw jumped. He pulled away from Elain but kept her face within his hands. âIâve told you, Rhys,â Azriel began. Heâs told him? Did everyone know about this betrayal but you? âYou cannot keep me away from her. This ends now.âÂ
You felt Rhys look at you briefly, but your gaze remained on Elainâs faceâon Azrielâs hands softly holding her. You tried to close your mouth, to ground yourself to the present, but tears kept flowing and you felt as if you were choking. He was still holding her. He held her so gently.Â
âKeep you from her?â Rhys echoed. He spoke slowly, calmly, as if approaching a frightened animal. âIt was⌠all of our understanding that your relationship with Elain ended, what, a little over five years ago?â
Confusion marred Azrielâs face once more. He reared back at the thought. âAnd why would you think that? I love her, Rhys. Everyone knows that I love her. I will continue to persist even when you all think me foolish because this is real. Nothing has ever felt more real.âÂ
And at thatâat the last few words from your mateâs mouthâanything holding you up crumbled. Literally and figuratively. Your knees shook as your vision became too blurry to see, a buzzing in your ears making all words moot.Â
Nothing has ever felt more real.Â
You took unsteady steps towards what you thought was the door, your sense of direction escaping you. Blinking hard, you tried to make out the furniture, but this was a new room to you, so you tripped over the corner of a table and were met with steadying arms.Â
Your name was repeated. Several times. It only echoed within the dark precincts of your mind.
Cassianâs face soon came into view, concerned and searching, but not helpful at the moment. You pushed out of his arms to make it to the door and heard mumbled voices and footsteps, but the buzzing persisted, rising to a ringing that made your head throb.Â
He was holding her. You had seen it. It felt real with her, he had said. You pushed past more hands reaching for you until you finally felt the air of the outside streets. And then you winnowed, unsure of the destination.
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