__ I needed to read this. I needed to read this. J has been supportive and amazing. I blamed it on my period coming, yes it’s true it’s coming and usually before it comes i get emotional and I think about jerkface. And what’s strange is that we always hang out before my period comes so it’s like....he’s fresh in my mind while I deal with these emotions. And I always think of him. And how he has a baby with someone who isn’t me. And ya know what, I need to let go. J told me that he’s cool with my friendship with jerkface. I took that as a good thing. I still enjoy his friendship, it’s awesome. We can talk about things and I always learn things from him, but I also feel not so great about my life afterwards. I think it’s because he’s doing great things and I’m not there o do these things with him anymore. And it hurts. 091518

___once I think it stops hurting something always reminds me. *sigh*

I'm angry that my mom wants to volunteer there and protect her. And she says "I don't want none of that happening on my watch" and well it did happen on her watch, because I was made fun while she was there and I was made fun of because she was there.

___in the feels

😏😏😏

Him being far away, makes me feel like how I felt with jerkface. I have him but don't really have him. And it's breaking my heart. There were no similarities between the two but now with this situation....there it is. Sigh. My emotions are halting progress, well not really I bought myself a truck. So that's progress. But man I still feel like....shit