Duckie

But you were just making a friend, that’s what you told yourself whenever you swooned a little over his boyish smile or stared a little too adoringingly as he dove into a topic for several minutes. And when he called you a few minutes ago, your heart definitely didn’t skip a beat.

“I just don’t understand why you can’t just buy some precut vegetables. Aren’t you working today?” Spencer asked, there was a teasing edge to his voice.

“Yes and no. I’m on standby for a couple junior writers in case they want eyes on their work but I’ve finished my own for the day,” you told him as you dropped the final potato pieces into ice water.

“Right. So you’re done for the day.”

“Precisely. Which means veggie prep so I can get right to it when Jack and Aaron get home,” you smiled to yourself and plucked an onion from the countertop and onto the cutting board and began to mince.

“It also means you get to talk to me. Which I really enjoy doing,” Spencer said, lowering his voice on the last few words.

You were so startled by the flirtatious tone that his voice had taken that the knife slipped slightly and you cut your finger open. You cursed and the knife clattered onto the counter.

“Y/N?” Spencer asked, concerned, “Are you alright?”

There was almost panic in his voice when he spoke next as you fussed around the kitchen for a dish rag to wrap your wound in.

“Answer me please, is everything alright?” There was a rustling like he was standing or gathering things.

“Yeah,” you finally said through gritted teeth as you pressed onto the wound. “Just cut my finger. Bleeding pretty bad.” You told him and chanced a glance at the wound; it was deep. “Shit, I'll need stitches.”

“Do you want me to call 911?” He offered.

“No need, there’s a MedStar a couple blocks away. I can walk,” you said and tied a knot in the rag with your teeth and unwounded hand.

“More like half a mile,” Spencer offered and the rustling started again. 

“I’ll be okay Spence,” you said slipping on your coat carefully and grabbing your keys as you pressed the phone between your ear and shoulder.

“What if you hit something important?” The concern was back in his voice and you bit back a smile.

“I’ll be sure to let you know if I scraped bone,” you told him making your way out of the building.

“Okay. But if you get Dr. Spring, request someone else. He tried to talk Hotch into surgery when he threw his back out,” he said.

You laughed as the fall breeze nipped at your nose, “Will do. Talk when I get there.” You said before exchanging goodbyes and hanging up. You dipped your head down slightly and pocketed your phone before putting pressure back on and beginning your journey.

_____

Spencer kept tapping his foot.

It was one of his many tells that something was making him nervous. He knew there was no need to be concerned that you’d cut your finger, that’s it. From what you said, it didn’t seem like you’d hit bone, but he couldn’t shake the darkness at the edges of his mind. He kept glancing at the door and willing himself not to get up and dart out of it.

But you were hurt and you had to walk half a mile on your own. Not to mention, he felt like this was partially his fault. He shouldn’t have even been attempting to flirt with you, and when he did, it literally led to disaster. 

Well maybe not disaster but to Spencer it didn’t feel all that far off.

It seemed like no matter how hard he tried to put you in the friend category in his mind, you danced your way into something more. Garcia was his friend, but her laugh didn’t make his heart race. The first time it happened, he thought he was having a panic attack. Then it settled into a flutter that riled up the butterflies in his stomach.

He took another look at the door before forcing his eyes back to the book he was reading, before he decided to call and tell you about it, but suddenly the landscape in Cather’s O Pioneers! wasn’t all that appealing anymore.

Finally, the tapping became too much for Morgan, who’d looked up from his own work to stare at Spencer inquisitively.

Morgan dropped his pen and turned his chair to face the younger man, “Bad phone call?”

Spencer nearly jumped out of his skin.

“No, um, nothing unusual,” Spencer lied.

“Uh, huh. I'd say flirting is pretty unusual for you,” Morgan tossed out off-handedly.

Spencer sputtered, "I-I- w-who was flirting? That was a typical phone call," he flushed and unnecessarily adjusted his cardigan.

"Of course it was, pretty boy." He was clearly not convinced, and he checked his watch. “Oh wow, would you look at the time,” He said dramatically.

Spencer furrowed his brow in question and glanced at the doors again, he realized he couldn’t help it.

“Lunch,” Morgan prompted and sighed when Spencer didn’t seem to take the hint. “I sure would like to go out but I’m swamped.”

“Mhmm,” Spencer said and looked at his own watch, ten minutes since you’d left.

But Morgan had hurled a lightbulb over his head with a raise of his thick eyebrows.

“Oh! Lunch. Yes, I’m going to go out for lunch today,” he finally said and rushed to pack his small satchel and pull on his coat. 

“I’m jealous,” Morgan smiled almost knowingly but Spencer was so worried about you that he chose to worry about that later.

“I’ll just get something quick. Let Hotch know if he asks, please,” Spencer said and nearly sprinted past him.

“You got it,” Morgan said with a slight smile on his face. “That kid is helpless.”

—--

There wasn’t too long of a wait in the ER when you got there. The bleeding had nearly stopped so you were no longer in fear of passing out. You had filled out the initial paperwork in no time and were sat on a curtained off bed for just a few minutes when an older nurse came in with the necessary tools.

You were getting the last of six stitches put in when the curtain pulled open and revealed a slightly rumpled looking Spencer Reid and your heart skipped a beat.

“Spencer!” You said happily, he and the nurse exchanged polite smiles and she quickly wrapped the stitches in a bandage before going to get your discharge papers ready.

“Hi,” he said sheepishly when she pulled the curtain closed once again, “Um sorry, is it weird that I’m here?”

“No, not at all but aren’t you supposed to be working?” You asked moving to stand and pull you coat on. Spencer saw you struggling and took it from you, holding it a bit low so you wouldn’t have to strain yourself.

“I decided to go out for lunch,” he said simply and as you turned around you couldn’t help but smile at him. 

“This seems a bit far from the office,” you teased as you pulled the curtain back and headed toward the discharge station.

Spencer shrugged, “Better company over here.”

You felt heat flood to your cheeks and forced yourself to keep your eyes forward.

When you got there, you found yourself having to wait behind a tall man in a long wool trenchcoat. He was signing his papers quickly, and when he spoke to the nurse about follow-up care, a shudder found its way down your spine before he even turned around to head to the exit behind you.

You wanted to leave before he had the chance to see you but your feet were glued to the floor and you knew Spencer could tell you had grown stiff beside him.

The man stood to his full height and turned around, it was as though everything happened in slow motion.

He was still as handsome as ever with hazel eyes and deep olive skin. His inky black hair was neat, and there wasn’t a single wrinkle or thread on his perfect dark blue suit. 

Recognition flashed in his eyes when his eyes moved from Spencer – who stood only a hair above him – to you. Then he smiled, dazzling and dangerous.

“Y/N, wow, hi how are you?” He asked politely as his eyes raked over your disheveled form. 

Your light grey sweatshirt had a bit of blood on it and you were almost certain there was flour on your leggings from your attempt to make bread from scratch. Your saving grace was that you had put your hair in a perfect ponytail and thrown on concealer for good measure that morning for a video conference.

“Eric,” you breathed. “Hi. I’m good. I see you’re still in town,” you gave a tight smile and inched ever so slightly closer to Spencer. He took hint, angling his body a bit so he was in a place to intervene.

“Yeah, I’m never gone too long. Last I heard you were in San Francisco, back for good?” He asked, giving Spencer a suspicious glance.

You had lived in San Francisco for only a few months a little over a year ago and felt a pit grow in your stomach at the idea of him knowing that.

“No. Just here for work. This is Spencer,” you said, attempting to break the permanent tension to no avail.

Eric extended a polite hand, “Eric Price, DOJ Attorney,” he said and your eyes went wide. They shook hands.

“Spencer, friend of Y/N,” there was an edge to his voice you were unfamiliar with as he dropped his titles and then Eric’s hand.

Friend. Oh. Why did that word make you feel like that?

“No more criminal law?” You asked, trying to get them to stop their poorly masked glares.

“Yes but just not on the side of the criminals anymore,” he smirked.

“Right,” you said and shifted on your feet. “Are you okay?” You couldn’t help asking.

Eric looked confused momentarily and you gestured to the hospital walls around you.

“Ah, yeah, little fender bender but I wanted to get a check up just in case. Cover all my bases, y’know?” He smiled and you remembered that there was a time where that smile was so disarming. You’d let him get away with anything when he smiled at you like that.

“Got it. Just a small cut myself,” you waved your hand pathetically.

Eric let out a small chuckle, “You always were a bit clumsy,” he finished. You were about to defend yourself when the trill ringtone of his phone cut through the conversation. He held up a finger and answered it quickly.

You awkwardly stood there as he exchanged quick words with someone on the other line and hung up.

“I have to run but it was great to see you Y/N. Let’s get dinner before you switch towns again,” He turned to Spencer. “Nice meeting you Sawyer,” he walked off without so much as a backwards glance.

You let yourself heave a heavy sigh before walking forward and asking the nurse behind the desk for your paperwork.

“He seems like a peach,” Spencer said as you signed off.

“That’s one way to put it,” you turned to him and you knew your exhaustion was everything but hidden.

“Pizza and I take you back?” He asked, placing a gentle hand on your bicep.

“Sounds wonderful,” you smiled.

—-

That night, you couldn’t sleep. Seeing Eric again had left you reeling.

But…it also oddly cleared things up about whatever the hell was going on with Spencer. 

You needed to end it. Now. You knew they weren't the same person, but you couldn't put yourself or Aaron through that again.

You rubbed at your eyes and stared up at the dark ceiling. You were doing your best to will that gaze from your mind, but the memories overwhelmed you.

You remembered when you first met Eric, you were young and hopeful after deciding to leave medical school. Aaron had been disappointed when you showed up at his and Haley’s place in DC. It his last year at the prosecutor's office and all of his fellow lawyers decided to throw him a big goodbye party. And that was where you met Eric Price. 

It was supposed to be a passing thing.

He was one of your brother’s closest friends, so even after Aaron had moved on to the BAU, you still saw him often. Eric was — for lack of a better word — perfect. He was tall, handsome, smart, and everything you could have ever wanted in a partner. You spent so much time together, you were practically living in his apartment before you knew it. But your career and relationship had both been young, and so you tried to stay local with your work, limiting long trips to the best of your ability.

Until you couldn’t anymore.

You wrapped your arms around your middle at the memory of him on your first long-term trip. He wouldn’t stop calling and texting, and almost ruined you career. So when you got back two months later, you were ready to end it, then he was at the airport with flowers and apologies.

“I love you,” he whispered affectionately.

You said it back with just as much tenderness.

Then everything was perfect again, or at least that’s what you thought.

But, your prolonged stay also meant you saw fit to invade the personal space of your brother and favorite nephew. Which meant even if he was annoyed at your hovering, you had Jack as your ally, and he could never beat you both. It wasn’t long before you fell into a routine of taking Jack to and from school and bringing him along to all the places you’d write about.

“Bye Jack! Have a good day!” You said as he traded hands from yours to his daycare teacher.

“Bye Auntie Y/N. Pick me up?” He asked, big brown eyes full of hope.

You smiled and leaned down slightly to pinch his cheeks, “Of course, Buddy, I’ll make pancakes for dinner!”

Jack let out a resounding cheer and practically skipped into school. When you got back to your car you were met with several panicked messages from your brother about bringing a file down to Quantico. 

After some light teasing, you agreed and quickly found yourself breezing through security and into the BAU bullpen. 

You were frazzled for a moment as agents moved swiftly around you and you sent another text to Aaron that went unread. Your head turned instantly when a familiar voice called your name and you were greeted with the kind, curious eyes of Spencer Reid.

“Dr. Reid!” You beamed and he returned your smile with a small one of his own.

“Looking for Hotch?” He questioned and you let out a light chuckle.

“Right, I forgot you guys call him that. He said he’d be easy to find but this place is a zoo,” you told him as he pressed gently on your arm to move you out of the way of an agent on a mission.

Spencer dropped his arm but not before you felt the surge of electricity run through you. 

“Yeah it’s a bit of a crisis right now. Everyone is still on edge about New York and this is the bureaucratic aftermath,” he waved his arms unceremoniously .

“That’s one way to put it,” you said frankly and a small chuckle fell past Spencer’s lips.

“Hotch is in a meeting right now but can I get you coffee or tea?” He asked and you met his eyes after spending the last minute flitting your gaze around the room.

“A coffee would be wonderful,” you smiled and followed him to the surprisingly empty break area just outside of the chaos.

He pulled two stately FBI mugs from the cabinets and filled them high with caffeine before bringing them over with cream and sugar. You made your drinks across from each other in a comfortable silence. As you stirred yours, he continued adding sugar carelessly as you took in the doctor’s features. Spencer had an exquisite jaw line, and messy brown hair that just barely touched the collar of his baby blue button-down. 

From his face and the little Aaron had told you about him, you were about the same age. But his eyes were tired and his shoulders hunched with the weight of the world. You were mulling over if everyday was like this for him; full of movement, chatter, and—you let out an audible gasp as he brought his thumb up to his mouth. His tongue slipped out, licked off a drop of coffee that had splashed as he stirred.

You were brought back to reality, closing your slackened jaw as Spencer’s brown eyes met your own. His gaze made your body feel electric and it took all of your willpower to look away. Spencer cleared his throat and spoke up first.

“So, why’d Hotch summon you to the BAU?” He asked.

“Oh! He left a file and practically begged me to bring it over,” you pulled said item from the tote you had placed on the back of your chair and rested it on the table. 

“Hotch leaving a file? You must be throwing him off his game,” Spencer laughed lightly and fear struck  your heart as you relished in the sound. 

This was far too soon to be falling for someone. Especially your brother’s co-worker.

Instead, you tilted your head at his words in confusion.

“I, um, mean that as a good thing of course. Hotch seems really well rested and with this job nothings more important than a decent circadian rhythm. In fact,” he pushed his coffee to the side and leaned in, gesturing with his hands as  he spoke, “most studies have show that when you…” and he continued. Telling you every interesting fact about good sleep. 

You never interrupted, leaning in yourself and asking the occasional question. It wasn’t long before you were lost in each other, words flowing like water as you bonded about how your constant travelling nearly always interrupted perfect rest.

He always had a case to solve, you always had a place to write about.

“So when I came back from Italy,  I was so jet-lagged that–” you began before yet another voice caught you by surprise.

“My ears are burning, I think I heard someone mention my homeland,” Rossi spoke from behind you. You smiled and jumped up to greet the older man.

“Dave!” You hugged and he squeezed you in return, “I heard you were back, how are you?”

“I should be asking you that, you look stunning, my dear. What brings you here?” he gushed and you gave a soft laugh.

“I’m well and here to drop off something for Aaron, have you seen him?”

“We just came out of the same meeting, he should be over soon,” he said and looked at something over your shoulder. “Ah, speak of the devil.”

You turned quickly and were met with the swift stride of your brother nearing your little group.

“Y/N, hi. I’m sorry I didn’t think that would run so long,” he apologized, and you could hear the sincerity in his voice.

“Don’t worry about it I’m pretty free today and here,” you turned to get the file from the table but it was just out of reach. 

Spencer immediately took note and lifted it himself to hand it to you. Your fingers brushed as you took it from his hand. You smiled, ignoring the heat tunning up your hand once again.

“Thank you,” you smiled at him and he nodded in return. You turned back to Dave an Aaron and handed your brother the file.

“I appreciate it,” Aaron said before glancing at him watch. “I have to go but I’ll pick up dinner tonight,” he said and gave you a quick hug and turned to walk away.

"Jack wants pancakes!" You called as he began to walk away. Aaron threw a thumbs up into the air before disappearing through the glass doors.

“Busy as ever,” you spoke.

“You have no idea,” Dave said. “Can we walk you out?” He asked, glancing at Spencer still standing behind you.

“Please,” you smiled and linked your arm through his. The three of you made your way to the elevator and you hit the button.

While you were waiting you turned to Spence.

“Oh! Before I forget, what’s your number?” You asked and Dave’s phone rang, he stepped aside to answer it.

Spencer seemed flustered, “My number?”

“Yeah. We’re going to that event about libraries in the modern age, right?” You asked.

“Yes!” He cleared his throat, “Yes of course. I can, uh, pick you up Sunday morning. Is that alright?” He asked shyly.

You smiled as the elevator door slid open behind you, “It’s a date.” you said as you hit the button and the door closed on his adorable smile as he waved goodbye.

Rossi came back over just as the numbers above the door began to change. 

“Hotch’s sister, eh?” He asked and Reid’s eyes bulged out of his head as he swung his head in his direction violently.

“What!? NO. It’s–it’s not like that. We have similar interests, that’s all.” He argued.

“Yup that’s exactly what brought me and Carolyn together. But for us it was wine instead of libraries,” he admitted.

“Rossi, it’s not like that.” He pressed.

“Yeah, you said that but don’t worry. Your secret is safe with me,” Rossi winked and walked away.

Spencer felt a full-body flush before pressing his face into his hands for a moment. He took a deep breath and pushed your warm laugh and kind eyes into the back of his mind. He finally walked away after one final glance at the elevator you disappeared into.

________

A/N:

———

After that, Hotch mentioned your name as sporadically as any other members of his family.

“Y/N will be here for Christmas, and Jack is excited.”

“I have to mail my sister’s birthday gift or she’ll send me a woeful letter about being abandoned.”

“My sister sent us all food for working late.”

Spencer wasn’t one to pry, so he would always just nod along. Taking in her kindness and tidbits of information, eventually allowing letting it all to fall to the back of his mind. It was months before he heard your name again, when JJ questioned everyone’s weekend plans Wednesday morning as they waited for Hotch to come in and start the briefing.

“This one’s a doozy so, I hope it won’t interrupt your weekend plans,” JJ said as she passed out files around the table.

“I hope not, I just got a new couch and was hoping to break it in with a fine lady or two,” Morgan chimed in with a sly smirk on his face.

Emily grimaced, “Ugh, remind me never to sleep over.”

“C’mon, Em, you know you’re welcome anytime. The more the merrier,” he winked, sending light laughter through the table.

“Pass, I’ll be shopping this weekend — sample sales,” she smiled.

“Oh, count me in. Will’s on a stakeout so I’ve got all the time in the world,” JJ said excitedly.

“Girls day!” Penelope clapped her hands together, “I’ll get an itinerary together while you all are away,” she told them, already tapping on her phone.

“Spence, you wanna come? We’ll be near that new bookstore…” JJ offered before trailing off upon realizing his gaze was focused on the window where they could see Hotch speaking into the receiver of his cell with a smile on his face.

“Reid?” Rossi spoke up from his place, interest finally piqued.

“Yo, pretty boy?” Morgan prompted.

“Have you ever seen Hotch smile so much on the phone?” Spencer asked, ignoring their questioning.

“Only if he’s talking to Hailey,” JJ said.

Rossi nodded before adding his own guess, “Or Jack, maybe. He’s not doing that thing with his hands like when he talks to Hailey.” Eyebrows raised in his direction, “What? I’m good at my job.”

“Oh! Or maybe it’s—“ Peneople began before getting cutoff by Hotch’s catlike entrance at the back door.

“Let’s get started,” he spoke, slipping his cell into this breast pocket.

“Of course but first, any weekend plans sir?” Penelope asked innocently and Hotch blinked at her before taking his seat.

“Yes, my sister is moving to New York City and I’m helping so I’d like to be back by Friday,” he urged, eyes flicking to JJ’s still-standing form in front of the board.

“Right so, this unsub…”

———

Though you were nearby now, Spencer didn’t actually meet you for several years, after the team wrapped up the the terroist case in New York.

You rushed into the hospital while Aaron received his check-up the next morning after things had mostly settled. You woke up startled by your brother’s sudden call from an unknown number, and after living in anxiety with the shootings and bombings, you were happy to hear his voice. You barely dressed, throwing on a pair of wash day sweats and a Planet Hollywood hoodie you swiped from Sean, and whatever slip-ons were closest to the door.

You fussed over him when the nurse left, double-checking his temperature and making sure he wasn’t in too much pain.

“Y/N I’m fine,” Aaron argued, moving to stand but you pushed on his shoulders to keep him in place.

“Fine? Someone tried to blow you up Aar, that’s not fine,” you argued checking him over again, taking in all of the bandages and weary look in his eyes.

You were about to administer a concussion test when the curtain was unceremoniously pulled open by a wide-eyed young man with shoulder length brown hair. He looked between you both, confused.

“Ah, sorry, the nurse told me where you were. I didn’t know I wasn’t your first visitor,” he spoke to Hotch, eyes skating over your features momentarily as he tried to place you.

Hotch took the distraction as a chance to stand and begin to collect his belongings.

“Reid, this is my sister, Y/N. Y/N this is Dr. Spencer Reid, he’s a member of my team,” He spoke working his arms discreetly into his suit jacket.

Spencer gave you a small smile and wave as recognition crossed over his face and you were suddenly very self concious as you waved back. Your cheeks heated under his brown eyes, he was far too attractive to be meeting in a serious situation and dressed like some kind of escapee.

“Nice to meet you, Doctor. No handshake right? I’m assuming you’re here for pick up,” you glared at your bother.

Spencer’s face morphed briefly in surprise, eyes quickly darting between the pair. He has never heard someone talk to Hotch like that—except maybe Rossi and he certainly didn’t expect it from someone who looked as young as himself. Hotch stared back at you, and Spencer glanced at his watch before lightly clearing his throat. You looked at him a beat later, and he quickly thought that your eyes were achingly beautiful with a gaze so intense he had to look at his boss again to refocus.

“Yeah, we have a final debrief at 1PP before we can go,” he explained.

That was enough for Aaron to push past you, “Of course,” he nodded, “And Y/N, I’m fine and I really do need to go.”

After a moments hesitation, you caved, “Fine but listen to the Doctors, Dr. Reid included,” you threw a tiny smile in his direction, “And text the second you’re home.”

“I will.”

“Promise?” You held out your pinky and he didn’t hesitate to interlock his own with yours.

“Promise,” the finality in his tone settled your nerves a bit.

You all walked out of the hospital together. You pulled Aaron into the tightest hug you could and smiled at Spencer once more and gave one last wave.

“Nice meeting you, Dr. Reid. Get him back in one piece for me.”

“Promise,” Spencer found himself saying and a soft chuckle fell past your lips as Aaron looked at the younger man with a question in his eyes.

Spencer didn’t care as his eyes followed you all the way until you took a corner and disappeared. Even as you left his field of vision, he had a feeling he’d never forget you.

-----

—

“I know MJ but it won’t be much longer, I promise,” A pause as Peter waited for a response from the other end. “Yeah, I love you too, see you soon.”

You heard him sigh and a soft click as he placed his phone on the marble countertop of the tower’s kitchen. He must have been exhausted because he hadn’t noticed your presence just beyond the doorway in the slightest.

You collected your racing mind and took a step through the threshold.

“Peter,” you spoke softly and he jumped, turning to face you with a startled look in his eyes.

“Y/N, w-whats—how long— why are you up?” He finally settled on an easy question, tensing as you stepped closer, stopping across from him at the island.

“Insomnia,” you shrugged, “an inherited trait,” you tried to use humor to lighten the obvious tension in the air.

Peter only nodded and neither of you spoke for several moments too long.

You cleared your throat, “Was that MJ?” You asked, curiosity finally winning.

His eyes widened a fraction, “Yeah, um, she was just asking about my plans for next weekend,” you nodded and he took it as a cue to continue his rambling, “Star Wars marathon is coming to the theatre near her house and she wanted to know if I wanted to go because we’ve been so busy lately that I—“

“Peter,” you offered, stopping him in his tracks and giving him a soft, adoring smile, “You’re rambling.”

He chuckled and ran a hand through his hair, “Sorry, I just,” There was obvious hesitation in every part of him from how he leaned gripping the counter and avoiding your eyes. You could see the gears turning as he fought to find the right words.

When he finally spoke, he had nothing but your full attention under the the kitchen’s dim light.

“I can’t do this anymore, Y/N,” he finally admitted, shooting ice straight through your veins. 

“Do what?” You asked, knowing. You needed to hear it even if it would break your heart into pieces.

“This, us” Peter gestured between the two of you and you wrapped your arms around your middle to keep from falling apart.

“I know this isn’t how a relationship should start but what we have is good, right? Special,” you almost sounded like you were begging.

“This isn’t a real relationship. I—“ He paused again, speaking quieter than before, “I’m in a real relationship,” he admitted.

That was all it took before you were falling apart again, you felt yourself heating up as your pyrokinesis threatened to unleash itself. 

“What? With who? MJ?” You asked, holding yourself tighter and laying your heated palms flat against your sides.

“Yes,” Peter confirmed. 

But you didn’t really need the confirmation, you had been fooling yourself for months. Those uncomfortable hugs and occasional light kisses for the camera. You chalked his tension to being nervous. Behind closed doors that lack of affection still existed but you tricked yourself again, saying that he was busy, or tired, or had too much on his mind.

Well, you supposed that last one was true.

“And I’m assuming she’s fed up with seeing her boyfriend on the cover with someone else,” you spoke and felt the pressure behind your eyes as you fought to keep your powers under control.

“Yes,” he repeated.

“So she’s taking you away,” the tears welled up in your eyes now.

“Yes, Y/N but listen I don’t regret this. I’m happy I could help you, especially after everything with Harley but,” he gave a deep sigh and pushed himself off of the island before carding his fingers through his hair, “I can’t keep doing this to her.”

You took a deep breath, squeezing your eyes shut for a moment before you spoke.

“I understand and if I had known, I probably wouldn’t have pushed so hard so for that I’m sorry but—” your voice broke.

“Y/N—“ Peter began, moving around the island and attempting to put a comforting hand on his shoulder before you backed away.

“Let me speak,” you interrupted knowing that you had to say what you needed to before you fell apart in front of him.

“I’ve spent my whole life in the spotlight. My dad and Pepper did their best to shield me but when Harley came along I thought I could do it all myself. He was my first friend, my only friend really before you all. Then when he broke my heart and you were there it was like a dream.

“I know I pushed you, and came on too strong,” you gave a dry chuckle, “hell it might’ve even felt like an ambush so if you hate me then I’m sorry, I’m so sorry my love’s too much for you—“

“Y/N” he tried again, it didn’t stop you.

“But I’m not sorry for loving you,” you finally admitted letting your hands fall and the first of the tears streak down your face. 

Peter froze with a start. You had never told him you loved him, even as a friend but it was true. You had loved him for so long you weren’t sure you could ever stop. He opened his mouth to speak again but you interrupted him, through tears.

“I’m not sorry, I’m angry, and tired, restless, sad. I’m replaying every single moment I thought we had. I wish you would, I don’t know. Chase me? Fight for me? For once, even lie and say—”

“I love you,” Peter finally found his voice and your gaze caught his for the first time all night.

“You do?”

“But not in the way that you want me to,” His own eyes seemed to fill with tears as he reached to wipe a tear from your cheek and you let him. Your head fell heavily into his palm, knowing you’d probably never feel his touch again.

You spoke quietly, “I hate that I fell in love with you.”

His other hand found your face instead of answering. 

“What do I do with this love for you?” You asked, not expecting an answer but he spoke softly anyway.

“Cherish it. I’m still going to be in your life, just not the way you might have needed,” He told you, his perfect brown eyes engulfing your own.

You chuckled with no humor, even breaking your heart he was still kind, “How am I supposed to get over you?”

He didn’t answer, but a single tear slipped from his eyes so you asked him one last question in the dim light.