s.ophia h.aesoo y.ang in china

The very first blog post I wrote here was when I was still at Gtown, wrapping up sophomore year, and it was titled “Goodbyes lead to… good hi’s?” And now, I’m closing “shyinchina” with an answer to that question in my final written post: 好聚好散。

That basically means, “Good gathering, good dispersion,” and is one of the best ways to describe my last semester in Beijing.

I’m actually currently on the plane, writing this, heading back to my 老家， D.C. I didn’t actually update this blog past the half-way point, and I think you’ll be able to detect the extent of how much my English deteriorated haha. I’m definitely not as fluid nor eloquent as I was before, but I’m hoping that’s just a testament to how much I immersed myself in different languages in China.

I say “languages” rather than “language” because I was spending a majority of my time being surrounded by both Chinese and Japanese. Looking back at these past two undocumented months, my only exposure to English was Youtube, my CIEE class (more about this class in this post), and small talk with English-speaking classmates between classes.

Before I add more about what I was doing these past two months, I want to say that I’m not going to really talking about what I was actually doing… Lol that sounds so contradictory, but what I mean is that I’m only going to talk about my personal growth and deep emotions, rather than just list all the cool places I went to, great food I ate, or fun activities I did. One of the things I appreciate most about study abroad is the anonymity- I love that I’m at such a huge school in such a huge city in such a huge country.

If I were to go back in time and start as a freshman going to PKU, I think the vastness would freak me out, but as a study abroad experience, it was a perfect break away from what often feels like one of the tiniest campuses in the world. I liked that nobody knew me, that nobody knew who I was friends with, nobody knew what I did over the weekend.

I learned so much from being a “nobody.” The basic point being, it means nothing whether people know you or not. Okay, okay, let’s all jump to the “If you want to get a job you have to know somebody” or whatever, but then step back and actually think about how freeing and how enabling being nobody is.

First and foremost, you can be yourself. I feel that I was the most “myself” here in China. I was able to express myself so purely, so freely. I’m so grateful for how much I learned about myself here. This is more difficult to describe, because it’s more about the atmosphere here, and the advantaged position I was in as an international student. Again, I’ll say that if I were my freshman self and going to a place I was nobody, it could have been a very different experience, primarily because I found it so difficult to be myself at that time.

I don’t remember which day I was told that I wouldn’t be receiving a full-time return offer from Citi, but it was probably a few days before/after August 10th.

Today, a girl requested to connect with me on LinkedIn- she had been recommended to reach out to me after being similarly rejected from the same group I had been a part of in Capital Markets.

A year ago, I remember being so confused and hurt and sad that I didn’t even know what to do with myself. I couldn’t really cry, I couldn’t really think straight, and I couldn’t really imagine how I was supposed to go forward. I sat in my bed, genuinely confused. I remember a friend (my current boyfriend) said he’d remotely buy me a drink for my hardships- that he’d Venmo me the price since he wasn’t in the city anymore at that point.

I didn’t actually take him up on that offer....Mainly because I didn’t know what I should do. I remember thinking, “There must be something I should do- something that I can do....What do I do next? What’s the next step?”

But to be honest, even now I don’t know the exact procedure to follow, or that I should have followed. I guess that’s what I learned? Recruiting for the job seemed to have a clear step-by-step manual. But when you don’t succeed in that position and are forced to rethink the goals that you had oriented your life towards? I don’t think that there’s any clear direction to go.

Maybe you’ll be thinking, “Um....forward? Duh.”

Yes, I know that pithy statement would make a lot of sense in response to what I’m saying in a “I’m resilient and strong” way, but what about backwards reflection? What about moping in your sadness and drowning in your distress? What about going on a vacation half-way across the world and spending 24-7 with your friends? That’s what I did....though again, I’m not sure those were the best steps.

This post is losing direction....

What I mean to say is, just a year ago, I was in the same position as this girl who messaged me on LinkedIn and I can suddenly see how different I am today, and how much I have changed. It’s strange and joyful to feel this shock...in a way I can’t even recognize myself.

This past year has been transformative, to say the least. When I see people I haven’t met with in a while, they are constantly noting that I’m not the same anymore. I usually responded with, “Really? How? Don’t worry, I’m the same!” Now, I don’t know how I’ll reply... To them, and also to this girl, since I’m not in an ideal situation for someone who probably wants to hear, “Being rejected was the best thing to happen to me! I’m now employed at the most prestigious firm XXX and am happier than ever!”

I definitely can’t say the second sentence, but I do think I can say the first at least.

여기에서 내 인생을 포스팅하는게 그리워졌어

친한 친구가 나에게 뜬금없이 물었다 - 넌 왜 요새 블로그 안 쓰고있니?

솔직히 난 블로깅 생각을 한지 오랜시간 동안 생각을 안했어

난 계속 힘들고 힘이 들었으니까

근데 난 이제 일년 넘게 지내왔으니 또 포스팅하고 싶은 마음이 다시 생겼다

더 많은 컨텐츠를 올리려고 합니다

무슨 audience없이 ㅎㅎ; 걍 하고 싶어서

And my very last post-

Thanks to these two guys who literally were my summer haha- spent every single weekend with y’all and yet never needed space for either of you.

Leaving New York tomorrow, thought I’d upload a few of my favorite moments from one of the greatest summers of my life. This is set 1!

We had four big birthday parties this summer, all spread throughout the summer. Han + Dan’s respective 21st’s, Glo’s housewarming party that had like five birthday boys n girls, and James’ 23rd (that’s not pictured hahaha).

Said I would do weekly updates so here’s the first of hopefully ten total posts!!

This past week been quite the whirlwind. I love how many things have started, how many new things have become a part of my life. From the huge stand-outs like living in New York and figuring out my career, to more sentimental and subtle movements like creating new friendship and understanding your needs for rest and alone time, I actually can’t believe all that I experienced last week actually occurred in the span of 7 days.

Well, I really should be sleeping considering I only got 2 hours the day before, but alors, I am here.

The past few days have been busy with classes and tours and lectures and working on our final presentations. This photoset is (almost) all of people, rather than landscapes or food... I am planning on posting some food photos later, but wanted to put these few pictures up before I got too lazy and just gave up posting anything (what happened with Beijing).

Hey, you know, the two major cities I write about on here both begin with ‘B’!

Hi! I’m here to write a bit about Barcelona, as well as my semester at Georgetown so far overall!

Well, it’s been quite a while since we last spoke... I’m sorry for saying I would update soon when I never did- maybe one day I will upload all the pictures/write all the journal reflections from my time in China... But, probably not, considering how I’ve failed to make it a priority.

Anyways! I’m currently in Barcelona, Spain!!!! (!!!!!)

I’m here through Georgetown’s Global Business Experience, a required class for the Global Business Fellowship that I’m a part of. A little background on the class: We simultaneously study strategies for multinational corporations, research specific companies our groups (sizes of 4-5 students) were assigned to, and learn about business operations in Barcelona. We’ve come to Barcelona to actually present to managing directors of said-companies, see how those businesses physically operate, take a few classes at ESADE Business School, and obviously enjoy ourselves.

Today was the first day we’ve spent in Barcelona after traveling for a whole day (DC --> Newark --> Barcelona) and it was incredible- I’ve consumed a copious amount of fantastic wines and foods, seen sights like the above photos, and most importantly, by a vast margin, been able to share conversation and jokes with my amazing classmates.

Frankly, taking our class doesn’t really require much interaction/discussion, so I didn’t really know them very well... as in I really didn’t know many people’s names hahahaha but it’s been a quick turnaround after having no choice but to talk to people.... LOL that sounds kind of harsh but what I really mean by that is that I don’t think we would have really intentionally initiated conversation outside of the context of this trip, so I am very grateful that I do have this chance to get to know them and learn about them. I’ve literally learned so so so much already about my classmates and their cultures/backgrounds it’s kind of shocking- like wow, no, I did not know a single thing about Venezuela and its commodity crisis, nor did I know anything about your summer experience at Morgan Stanley, nor about how present the drug cartels in Mexico are in a person’s everyday life. Thank you so much for sharing that with me. I’m so grateful to be surrounded by people I can learn new things from. I hope to continue to see this trip as an infinite source of opportunity to learn and share, and thus love more.

Now, onto the semester so far. This part’s probably going to be a bit longer, definitely going to be a bit darker.

Something that I really enjoyed about studying abroad in Beijing was the constant sense that I needed to reflect and think about what I was doing. That might sound childish in a way because as adults we should be cognizant of ourselves and our actions, but I think when I’m at Georgetown it’s harder for me- like I can’t (or maybe it should rather be “won’t”) have space for myself, really have the ability to separate myself from what’s going on and deeply understand my feelings and desires.

So January was quite literally the busiest month I could have imagined- I already posted a bit on it on my Instagram post on January. It was a lot of professional Sophia, mentor Sophia, friend Sophia, student Sophia, and daughter Sophia. Which was great, but also unfortunate, because it didn’t give space for just plain-old Sophia.

If that sounds a bit abstruse to you, you’re not alone- honestly I’m thinking this out as I write these words. I’m also not too sure what I really mean. I think I mean to say that I kept seeing these things to do, these roles to fill, which just blinded me from seeing what I, as an individual, needed to have before I could take care of all those other things. Things like alone time, exploration time, relaxation time, prayer time, Bible study time- these times aren’t all exclusive spheres, but just represent a few of the personal needs I have that I was failing to address because I was so greedy to do all the things I had the chance to do, so desperate to satisfy all the roles I had “signed up” to play. A strong force driving that desire was my pride in establishing myself as “back at Georgetown,” a now-that-I-look-back, truly strange pride in establishing myself as someone who could handle everything possible at Georgetown and excel.

And because of that, February really was just painful haha. All the repercussions of rejecting self-care rained on me- it wasn’t average pellets of rain, but seriously painful rain, the type that literally hurts as it free falls onto your face, shoulders, arms. This whole effect made it difficult to deal with all the other things in my life; because I didn’t take care of the foundational Sophia, the external events, the demands (all of the roles I sought to fulfill), the stupid mistakes I made- they all felt that much more impossible to address. Which then perpetuated the feeling that I didn’t have the strength to take care of my core needs. Ultimately, I was exhausted, searching for anything to dull my brain, distract myself from what I really needed. Okay, I know that sounds really terrible and I’m sorry if that gave you bad vibes- honestly that’s just how February was for me. But thankfully that’s not where this story ends. I mean, it’s now one week into March, after all haha.

Praise the Lord that I’m not still in that unfortunate, self-imposed cycle- I’m feeling so much better now that I’m doing what I need to do: retreating, praying, reflecting, repositioning, and resting. I don’t want anyone to think you need to go to a far, expensive destination to feel better, but I do think going to a new location is super helpful in pushing you to both rethink your point of view and refresh yourself. Also, obviously, SPRING BREAK. I’m not stuck in the same daily patterns that have consumed my life for the past two months, and I have control over my time. I mean right now it’s 2 a.m. here in Barcelona and I should probably be asleep considering we have an early start (8 a.m.) to a v. long day tomorrow, but it’s not like I’m sitting in Lau studying for a class I haven’t done the past month’s readings for, knowing I have to go to class and study more the next day. Rather, I’m lying on this surprisingly comfortable bed, listening to TLOP, writing this post that substantially helped me organize my thoughts. I’ve been reminded of how important giving yourself space and time is. I have much to look forward to- both tomorrow and for eternity. 

Okay that was so long, I highly doubt anyone will ever read to this last line, but thank God that He listens to and knows my heart hahaha GOOD NIGHT FRIENDS!!!! Love you a ton, and hope you go listen to “30 Hours” and take a nice walk or something to take care of yourself.

Heeeeeelllo~

So I’ve crossed over into the second half of my time in Beijing and it’s been making me pretty uncomfortable haha. Thinking about leaving PKU is far from a good feeling.

I might want to leave the air pollution that gives me a perpetual cough, and the annoyingly inconsistent wi-fi…. but otherwise, I wish I had more time to soak in Beijing, travel across China, IMPROVE MY CHINESE, eat really cheap but delicious food, deepen my relationships with my classmates and program-mates and dance team, etc, etc. There’s definitely a pink-tinted viewpoint that comes from being an international student who doesn’t have to worry about grades, but really, my abroad experience so far has left me with exceedingly more positive than negative memories.

What has happened during these past two and a half weeks? Well I’ve been spending a lotttt of time with my dance crew! It’s helped my speaking ability tremendously, considering the one language that we all share (many students in the crew are international, from Japan, Thailand, Korea, etc) is Chinese, and more importantly, given me opportunities to hang out with different people with different interests. Through these friends, I’ve been able to go to a Japanese fashion sample sale, watch a college dance competition, eat at new restaurants, explore new cafés, and party at a Halloween music festival! It’s been awesome.

Another super highlight from the past two weeks was making takoyaki with my Japanese classmates! First of all, I absolutely love spending time with my Japanese classmates- they are so lovely and interesting and friendly and welcoming! I love that I can see how our friendships have grown since the first day of class. But yeah, so last Sunday, we all went over to one classmate’s dorm and made takoyaki and drank and played games! It was such a sweet time. Will upload pics later! Ooh, also, they gave me a Japanese name, based on my Korean name’s foundational Chinese characters! Ryo Megumi! Idk how to write it yet haha but seeing them spend a whole class (2 hours total) discussing what kind of name would best fit the meaning of my Chinese characters… It made me feel so grateful for such thoughtful friends.

Hmmm and what else…. I’ve been really passionate about improving my dance skills. I really really love locking, and I actually want to continue dancing when I get back to Gtown!

Oh!! And I’ve also been really enjoying tutoring! I love that I’m able to have some kind of positive impact on other students while earning cash monies!

Some more pics from the Great Wall trip- I still have a bunch I want to post of the villagers themselves.... Will post them eventually haha....

The first photoset from the Great Wall trip last month- we went to a remote part of the wall, where a lot of the steps had yet to be “renovated”! It was actually a ridiculously difficult hike but it was so worth the beautiful sights.

After our day of hiking, we stayed with rural villagers, sleeping in their actual homes, eating their home-cooked food, playing games with their children. Genuinely one of the best experiences in my life- I saw shooting stars in an insanely star-studded sky, got to step into restricted areas of the Great Wall, and even woke up at 4 a.m. to go hiking on the Great Wall in the pitch-dark, up a route created by the villagers themselves.

Will upload more pictures from the trip soon!

To wrap up last last week’s craziness after Golden Week and then this past week’s general intensity, “deeper relationships” answers most questions.

What I’ve been investing my time in, what I’ve been thinking about the most, what has been keeping me busy, what has been stressing me out.... the answer is the growing depth of my relationships with my friends, professors, and classmates here at 北大 (PKU).

So for one, I’ve actually started tutoring three people here! It was really quite surprising how each opportunity came so easily, since I hadn’t expected to have any sort of income while studying abroad. I teach one of my classmates, a Korean citizen who has graduated but is also currently studying Chinese, one of my professor’s friend’s child, an eleven year-old, whose English skill astounds me, and I’m actually meeting the last student tomorrow for the first time! Wish me luck haha. It’s been so nice to spend time with these people, taking a break from my own studies, and focusing on theirs.

I’ve also been deepening my relationships with my program mates- although we had formed a group very quickly, going out and drinking and partying together, it’s really different actually getting to know more about them. Been spending a lot more 1-1, quality time with them, which has been extremely rewarding. Getting Western-style brunch, exploring nice restaurants and cafes, spending Tuesday nights at bars, sitting in bed chatting... I’m very happy that we’ve all grown closer.

Third, I’ve been getting closer to my classmates! Striking conversations with them and making efforts to hang out with them has been honestly difficult, but worthwhile! One of my highlights from the past week was celebrating a Japanese classmate’s birthday- because we aren’t in the same group outside of class (she is here with many other classmates from her university in Japan) I went over to her room and shared a slice of her home-made cake. We were able to talk more freely and I even got to say hi to her boyfriend back in Japan via cellphone video chat haha.

And last, but definitely not least, my relationships with my club members has proved to be one of my greatest gems so far at PKU. So I actually auditioned and made it into PKU’s dance club, specifically the hip hop and locking crews, and have been spending most of my previously free time with the other members. The pictures in this post (excuse the quality) are from the first locking dance practice. It was such a good time! But even more fun than that was the spontaneous hanging-out after. We went off-campus to a pub and hung out for hours, getting to know each other, playing drinking games, drinking tons of beer, and munching on late-night Chinese snacks, like wontons, fried tofu, lamb skewers. My favorite part was when the club president brought out his speakers and we had a dance cypher for over half an hour, just dancing, hooting and hollering in the parking lot of the pub. It is such a sweet, sweet memory right now. I also loved when we went back home, because the locking crew leader took me back on his motorbike and the night air was so fresh. It’s hard to describe how free it felt to be with other friends on bikes, rushing through the empty streets. We’ve all been spending a lot of time together since that first practice, and I love it. It makes me so happy and proud to be a part of this student organization.

Something I haven’t posted much about is the food I’ve been eating since coming to China- here’s a small look at one of the street-side stands within campus!

Food on campus is so cheap- the jianbing I got pictured above was about 1 USD. It’s also super delicious- I grab one of those at least once a week for a quick, filling, and warm bite.

The other few pictures are of the school library, which is massive and beautiful. It’s also super quiet- people don’t go there to hang out, there go there to sit and actually get work done. That’s basically how most public spaces in PKU are- students take their studies very seriously! But of course, the social areas are extremely lively and bursting with sound.

Hi guys! I’m currently in Hangzhou, a city a little ways out from Shanghai with friends! I’ve been updating my Instagram a bit more throughout Golden Week if you want to check that out.

Right now I’m looking out at the morning sky of Hangzhou from my Genting Star hostel room, with terrible skin from lack of sleep and stress from traveling, in bed with a friend whom I talked with until 2:30 a.m. about Japanese culture.... I’m present & I’m happy.

This past week has been a true whirlwind- it’s the first time in my life I’ve traveled with friends like this, riding China’s high-speed rail, booking Air BNBs (well, actually, that was more Sean- thank you again for doing that for us all), organizing schedules... It’s so joyful to be here. I’m really grateful to my friends here who have been making this whole experience what it is. My favorite part of the trip so far was the weekend in Shanghai, sharing a spacious yet homey apartment flat by the French Concession with 4 other friends. It was so cozy and conducive to small moments of bonding, like struggling over ordering late-night McDonald’s (which didn’t actually happen because it was too hard), watching Jurassic World (which was exactly what the trailers made it seem like- aka not great), and getting ready to go out alongside two other friends, in a bathroom with only one mirror (which made for great feedback on make-up). It was a more than perfect way to turn 20.

Yeah, so btw, I’m 20! 10.02.1995 --> 10.02.2015! It was a... nice and weird feeling to say I was 20 when someone asked at the music festival on Saturday. When I think back to all the times I’ve told someone my age, as in back to when I was in grade school, high school, freshman year of college... It’s interesting to see how disparate each of the situations in which I’ve been asked my age are, and how each of them fit the age I answered with.

When I was very young, and very surrounded by my mother’s friends at church, when I was confused and forcedly-confident at my first “job interview” at Bon Chon, when I was called a baby by my floor-mates back on New South 3 and felt uncomfortable in my own dorm room because I hadn’t tried in the slightest to actually decorate it...  And the last time I was asked my age, when I was in line for beer at Budweiser’s Storm Music Festival in Shanghai.

I’ve been watching this Korean drama called “두번째 스무살,” or “Twenty Again,” and though I’m actually considered 21 in Korea, I really enjoy how it emphasizes doing everything you can when you’re at the age when you can do anything. It reminds me of Ecclesiastes 3, which states that there is a time for everything in your life (but ultimately you’re going to die and be judged by God). That’s what I’ve been meditating and ruminating over lately.

There have been moments when I go on Facebook and see what’s going on back at Georgetown, and other places I’m not, and there are definitely times when I feel nervous, or regretful, about just that fact- that I’m not somewhere else.

But it has encouraged me to recall how great it is to be present, to be living in the time that I’m living in, to believe that today is the best day of my life because today is the day I’m living in. It’s easy to forget this, I know, but I encourage you to also recall what it means to be present, and how that mindset could make today, this moment, much more rich and flavorful.