The Med-School Diaries

I really had high hopes for my second year. On multiple occasions during first year I’d mention how excited I was to start “the real medicine”, to FINALLY get to do what I’ve dreamt of doing for years. I knew anatomy would be rough; BUT THIS BAD??? W.t.f.

I almost want to just skip over the second year stories but I don’t know if I should, given that it was such an important year. Literally the make it or break it year for med students (so far).

First year is such a blur at this point, I took a lot more subjects than I had anticipated, and to be honest they weren’t really medically related. I took physics, chemistry, animal, plant and environmental studies minues the plants and environment, I also took psychology, sociology (related to a healthcare context) and a half-year course comprising of health system dynamics, medical terminology and critical thinking. 

Health system dynamics was one of the most difficult subjects I had ever studied, at first, but once I really practiced it and put more time into it, it soon became one my favourite subjects. It had to do with a lot of systems modelling, like an inflow and outflow and how it affects a certain level, once we started using it to understand the clearance of a drug in the body, it sparked my interest. 

The other subjects were not that bad, chemistry became a little daunting once we began organic chemistry which I suppose we need a background in for pharmacology which is a third year subject. 

So yeah, perhaps we’re already at the end of 2019 but lets jump back to the stale 2017 tea for a second. Like I said, there I was, free; no responsibilities, no day-to-day stress, just an entire year of waiting. An entire year of hoping that this wouldn’t the biggest mistake. I won’t lie to you, I did worry about that a lot, not everyday, because a year is a long time. I worried a lot at the start, and towards the end.

Isn’t it funny how consuming our own thoughts can be, like we’re doing that, WE’RE hurting ourselves. Anyways, people always ask me what I did during my gap year and to be honest, not that much. You’d think I’d say something like “Oh uh I attended a pastry school and I learnt sign language and I ended global warming,” judging by all the time and “youth” I had. I was just so focused on getting to the end of the year to find out what would happen, that I completely wasted all that time along the way. Looking back, I genuinely don’t even remember much about 2017 at all.

Clearly I still haven’t decided whether this blog is strictly educational or like for comic relief oorrrrr just a stream of consciousness, judging by how all over the place I am.

However, I might as well just mention that I did rewrite my NBT around July, mostly because I was losing my mind by having no current “objectives” to achieve. The registrar I spoke to did tell me it COULD help but its not necessary to rewrite. Well I’m glad I did because I could prepare so much more the second time around and managed to do MUCH better, which would obviously help during the admittance process even more than before (even though technically the registrar told me that I would get in regardless), but it just made me feel more secured.

I used this website, Advantage Learn, they have en entire course on the NBT. That website is a GOD SEND, sure it’s a bit pricey to get the program but it is WORTH IT. I tried out the purple pepper booklets too but I didn’t find them as helpful, as the standard of difficulty is a lot higher than the actual test, also it was just a bunch of practice questions rather than the GOLD techniques that advantage learn provides. #NotSpons.

So, my best friend recently brought up the topic of personal blogs, and I had a sudden realization that I too once had a dream of writing my own blog about my university experience that I completely, totally and utterly abandoned.

Let’s recap, in the last post I mentioned explaining how I got into medicine (for those who would do anything to get in ~South African students specifically~ and also just any of my three followers that are interested!)

Basically as I had mentioned, my initial approach to getting into the degree my heart yearned for, was the GEMP route; GEMP stands for Graduate Entry Medical Programme. It’s similar to how medical schools in other parts of the world operate (pun intended) where you study an undergraduate degree or a “pre-med” degree then apply for medicine, write a long ass exam then sacrifice your first born to the #CardioGods. Sadly, I couldn’t handle the pressure!!1!

The pressure and anxiety surrounding having to live through a three year degree thats closely related to medicine (but really isn’t) only to have to compete for a spot in medicine (AGAIN) against like thousands of other furious and caffeinated undergrads was not on for me. I always tell the story about how I walked into a sociology lecture, sat down and then immediately decided that I was over it, I deregistered then and there... without even telling my parents first!

I was free, but I was also currently regarded as unemployed and at a secondary level of education. I just sat there with my phone in my hand, my friend’s mouth was hanging wide open from witnessing what I just did, and all I could think to say was “see ya never bitch, peace out” and then I proceeded to stay for the rest of the lecture because I wasn’t in the mood to give everyone in the row a lap dance as I struggled out of my seat and out the door.

A lot of ‘set your house on fire to drown out the voices’ kinda thoughts hit me, all at once. What was I to do next? What was my plan? Did I just make a HUGE, idiotic and irrational decision that might ruin any chances of me ACHIEVING MY GOALS AND ASPIRATIONS AND DREAMS AND?? More importantly, what time does McDonald’s stop selling breakfast foods? Find out in the next episode of, DRAGON BALL-Z...

Okay so, uhm, hi. I guess the prospects of having my own blog wasn’t incentive enough for me to keep writing about my journey; but I’m back! And better than ever.

Lets see, the last time I was here, I had been explaining the entire waitlist process and the whole GEMP fiasco. At this point I’m way too lazy to bring up this part of my story again; besides, I’ve verbalized this part of my experience an uncountable amount of times.

I will, however, give the jist of how I went about actually getting in to med-school, seeing as I’d like to think that it’ll help atleast ONE person in the future, on their own passion-driven escapade.

After going through a day or two of just binge eating everything in sight and laying sullenly on my couch, not even using my cellphone or watching something on the TV, I was just there. Existing.

In my heart I still had the tiniest fraction of hope that I could still get in, but I would not allow myself to let that hope grow, because it would only lead to an equivalent level of disappointment if my luck didn’t turn out in my favour.

My parents decided that we should drive up to the university (which is about three hours away from our home), to talk to someone in charge and let them know how desperate I am to get in for this program. So we got there, and I plead my case to the Senior Faculty Officer as my dad’s friend (who’s son has had a similar experience) said that she would be the most helpful to our situation.

We got there and my stomach was in knots, my heart was in my throat and I could not help but already feel that it would not be of any help. However, I set that all aside and just focused on letting this woman know that I exist as this desperate, committed, goal-driven student and not just another applicant with a number (sure, we all are but at the time it seemed to me like I was alone in this situation)

Then, her response, she told me that even though she should not be telling me this, she feels for me. So she explained to me that even though I achieved the sufficient score to get in, and I would have gotten in if it were any other year. However, due to the strikes for #FeesMustFall from the previous year, a lot of students actually failed their first year because so many lectures had been cancelled. Thus, the year that I would have been going to study, was already filled up with students from the previous year, so the number of new applicants that could be accepted was minimal.

Even though this was not the news I wanted to hear, it DEFINITELY made me feel so much better that it was due to a space issue rather than my own fault in terms of my results. The lady then told me that there is a chance, albeit a tiny one, but there is a chance that I could still get in, as I was still on the waiting list and not rejected yet. Again, I did not want to have too much hope. Lastly, before we left, she called me back and told me that this isn’t the first time this has happened (obviously) and that I should consider taking a gap year and reapplying for the following year rather than going into another degree and hoping to get into Medicine from there.

At the time I was just so adamant on getting into medicine that I had already planned to go the GEMP route (I’ll explain later) if I didn’t get in straight away. I didn’t even listen to a word she said, which you’ll learn I later on came to regret.

So here’s the sitch, in South Africa we apply to universities with our 11th grade results initially, which may or may not result in an “early acceptance” known as a provisional acceptance. Of course, it was not that easy-breezy for me. I was not granted provisional acceptance, but then again not many students were so I was cool and collected. Later in the year once your “matric” or 12th grade final results are released, the universities you applied to make a decision regarding offering you a position at their school. I achieved an overall average of 90% in the seven subjects that I did in school (Math, English as a home language, Physics & Chemistry, Accounting, Life Orientation, Biology and Afrikaans as a secondary language) which equates to like a 4.5/5 GPA I think? Not sure because we don’t use that system here but rather just an overall average percentage. Anyways, along with your “matric” results, the university also takes into account your NBT (National Benchmark Test) which is similar to the SAT’s and other entrance exams. I achieved an 80% average in the NBT which ranks at the top as it truly is a difficult set of tests. Since the results from “matric” and the NBT are brought together (carrying equal weight) and averaged, my score that was being used to compete my application against other students was at 85% While I was sure I was on my way to getting in as the lowest score that the university of my choice takes in is 80%, I still had this eminent feeling of doubt, naturally. Since it was my year-end break after graduating from high-school, I didn’t want to constantly worry about whether or not I would be taken in as it only depressed me and spiked my anxiety levels. I tried my best to enjoy my break before the rush of university and the busy years ahead… Alas, I woke up one morning and refreshed my emails as I did every morning, in anticipation of the responses from my universities of choice. There it was “Dear Mr. Hassim, we are pleased to offer you a place in the following programme/s: Bachelor of Health Sciences (Biomedical Science) and Bachelor of Engineering Science in Biomedical Engineering” …My heart sunk, within the span of two sentences I went from being extremely excited and overjoyed to being confused and disappointed. There was no mention of my application to the Bachelor of Medicine and Surgery whatsoever. I began to panick and the wildest thoughts were going through my head; “Did I accidentally forget to apply for medicine?” “Did I accidentally apply for the wrong degree?” “Is this some kind of mistake or does it just mean that I have not been accepted for medicine??” I was in a state, my anxiety was through the roof, my heartbeat had ceased to exist and my breaths sounded like that of a chainsmoker immediately after a sprint to the mailbox. I proceeded to go onto the universities website and check the “status of my admission,” there it was in bold letters, like a creep standing in the corner of the room; quiet, unwanted, uninvited and staring right at me: “Waitlisted”