Ok im not even sure what to do anymore. I just hate myself so much and when ever i try to fix that my family brings me back down to that place i don’t want to be. I can’t even look at my sister anymore without brimming with hate and remembering every single shitty thing she has ever said to me. I’m filled with so much hate that I can;t stand it. My hate is seeping towards my friends and I can’t let that happen. I’m so scared that I’ll never just feel ok, I don’t even want to be happy anymore I just want to be ok.
I’m so worried about my friends, all my friends online or not. I can’t do anything for them even though they’re all working so hard, so much more than me. It’s depressing. I constantly worry all I do is worry, I’m so scared and terrified and angry and I want to cry and this isn;t something an adult like me should be feeling. But no one told me about how the real world worked and brushed me aside believing that I can do everything and bring me down when I cant.
I...yeah thats it, I already made it final I want nothing to do with my mother or my sister anymore. I can’t do it, I dont want the stress, thats all they do. I dont want to hate them but it’s far too late way too damn late. My mother yelled at me for the most stupid and mundane things because she prioritized her boyfriend instead of her own children. My sister takes out her stress on everyone and aspects everyone to do the same amount of work and more she does. She complains noone helps her even when I’m right in front of her jumping through barrels helping her kids. She stole money from me and brushed it off yet yells at me when I forget the littlest things when Im tired and focusing on school
I don’t want to be around them anymore, never again, I can’t do it I refuse to do it I rather be dead or in the streets or burned alived than ever being involved with them I can’t do it.
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