Dracole Waide

“Double bookkeeping is a term introduced by Eugen Bleuler to describe a fundamental feature of schizophrenia where psychotic reality can exist side by side with shared reality even when these realities seem mutually exclusive.”

This is why I can know I’m schizophrenic and still believe my delusions. My psychosis is its own separate reality where everything is possible. Logic doesn’t apply there, I’m unreal, my reality is unreal so unreal things can happen. I know it’s physiologically impossible and implausible, I know it’s a symptom of psychosis and not an experience I share with most of the world, but it’s still real to me

The terms chosen person and equal person refer to the special people a pwNPD have in their life. People with Cluster B disorders may have a “special person” in their life that can mark a difference in the way they have relationships with others. So, much like how pwBPD have their favorite person (FP, for short), pwNPD can have an equal person (EP) or a chosen person (CHP).

But what is the difference?

From what I have seen from other people with NPD, as well as my own experiences, both terms can be chalked up to as this:

Equal person is the person that is equally as important to the narcissist. The EP may be on the same level or close to as the narcissist, hence the name. This is a person that the narcissist cares for, who’s emotions and feelings are acknowledged.

Chosen person is the person that the narcissist values above everybody else. In other words, they are someone worthy of the narcissist’s time. Chosen people may be chosen because they hold a trait or have charcteristics that may interest the narcissist.

Why are these special bonds formed for pwNPD?

Simply put, the traits of our personality disorder may cause us to have rocky relationships with other people. It causes us not to care about other people, see them as inferior/useless, and become distant from some.

Empathy is a struggle for pwNPD, we don’t really have much of it. That is why EPs are special—they are a person the narcissist cares about, and sees close to or on their level.

Some pwNPD may not be all about socialization or having close friends. That is why CHPs are special—the narcissist likes this person a lot, and considers them worthy.

A chosen person can be an equal person, and vice versa. But they are not the same thing.

An equal person can just be an equal person. The narcissist may not have any relationship with them, or consider them a CHP. They are just a person the narcissist sees on their or close to their level.

A chosen person can just be a chosen person. The narcissist may not see their CHP as an equal—they are just someone the narcissist picked.

However, from what I’ve heard and my own personal experience, some pwNPD have CHPs or EPs that are also EPs or CHPs! Whatever they decide to use to describe their person, depends on the narcissist. Some use equal person, others chosen person.

I desperately need you. I ask you to stand by my side in these difficult circumstances for me and my family 🙏

PASSO 1: (EXTREMAMENTE IMPORTANTE) CUSTOMIZE SUA CONTA

O Tumblr tem um sério problema de bot, e a maioria parece com uma conta vazia. Pra evitar q pessoas te bloqueiem pensando q vc é bot, coloque uma foto de perfil, um título, e uma postagem (qualquer coisa)

2. CONFIGURACOES

Aqui na sua conta, tem certas coisas q meio q é necessário pra sua experiência ser boa

2.1 IA E PRIVACIDADE

Eu recomendo que deixe sua visibilidade desse jeito, o primeiro e opcional, mas cópias do Tumblr podem roubar seus posts/artes caso esteja desativado

O segundo e pra evitar q consigam te pesuisar no Google (mesma razão q o primeiro)

O terceiro é pra q vc NAO APARECA nas tags, pesquisa etc. Esse eu deixo desativado pois EU QUERO q pessoas q usem Tumblr POSSAM ver minhas artes

O quarto é OBRIGATÓRIO pois ele proíbe q usem sua arte postada aqui em IAs (mesmo assim recomendo colocar aqueles filtro anti-IA)

2.2: PRIVACIDADE

Na sua página, podem ver seus likes e quem você segue (NAO DA PRA VER A QUANTIDADE DE SEGUIDORES Q UMA PESSOA (sem ser vc mesmo) TEM). Basicamente eles ven ativado esses negócio, ent recomendo deixar assim como tá na imagem

3. PERMISSÕES

Mas o que caralhos é "impulsionamento"?: Basicamente pessoas (QUALQUER PESSOA, até você mesmo) pode pagar pra q algum post seja "recomendado" pra mais pessoas. Não, você n escolhe quem. É aleatório. (Basicamente um negócio q se vc pagar, um post aparece pra mais gente aleatoriamente)

Eu deixo desativado pois tem certos posts q eu NAO QUERO q pagem pra mais pessoas verem

4. REBLOGS

Esse site/app NAO TEM ALGORITMO as coisas aparecem pra gente pois AS PESSOAS REBLOGAM ELAS. E reblogar é bom principalmente pra aumentar visibilidade de artistas e...

...quando voce rebloga, você pode deixar comentários nas "tags". Fale pro artista q vc gostou da arte! Da uma moral! Vá lá. Geitin BR (opcional, mas eu pessoalmente ADORO quando pessoas colocam coisas nas tags quando reblogam minha arte :3)

Esse é o BÁSICO DO BÁSICO de como usar Tumblr. Tem muito mais outras coisas mas com o tempo vocês irão aprender ;) (q nem a nossa..."cultura Tumblr")

Espero q gostem do Tumblr, as pessoas aqui são (geralmente) muito legais, e por fim

I want to add: The demand was to take down accounts that spread fake news during covid and far-right accounts who were using the platform to call to arms the right wings to attempt a violent coup after the 2021 election that ACTUALLY TOOK PLACE [x] (and, luckily, failed). Twitter was also owning us 3.6 Million dollars in fines over a different issue.

Instead of complying, twitter shut down it's Brazilian headquarters, firing ever single worker without notice. Any company providing a service in Brazil must have a brazilian representative to make sure it complies with our law, and twitter no longer does.

Not only that, but Musk himself started to spread fake news about our elections, literally and explicitly accusing our minister of justice of election fraud. The narrativer he is trying to build is that Brazil is in some sort of dictatorship and is against free speech when, again, the issue is people doing online crimes.

He also tagged him and threatening him with jail using an AI picture of him and compared him to Voldemort and Darth Vader in multiple occasions. Musk is, in fact, that pathetic.

Psychosis makes me feel like everything is threatening, even objects

Psychosis feels like everything I think and feel is liquid and blending together, leaving me confused

Psychosis feels like my brain has disappeared and left a big blank space where no thoughts form

Psychosis makes me feel like someone is inside my body, touching and grabbing me underneath my skin

Psychosis feels like being controlled by an outside force

Psychosis feels like reality and you yourself is disintegrating

Psychosis feels like everything is simultaneously fake and more real than usual

Psychosis feels like spiraling through an endless cycle of thoughts

They know more about my schizophrenia than anyone, they've seen me be symptomatic, they've seen me struggle, and they still love me.

I'm so lucky to have someone in my life who I can ask for reality checks, who can recognize my symptoms without me having to tell them, and is willing to take care of me when I can't take care of myself. I love and appreciate them for a million other reasons but I want to stress that they love and accept me fully, schizophrenia included.

So lately I've been feeling quite anxious about life and death and the universe, and I have some hypochondriac tendencies.

"Wow I would think I am going to die! But on the other hand I think I am going to die at least 3 times a week"

And today I thought, could I have ADHD? And I read through the criteria and I realised I do relate to them a lot, it matches. But then I thought: maybe a should actually read a little about the diagnosis I already have which are autism and schizophrenia and suddenly it all clicked!

I had sort of "undiagnosed" myself with schizophrenia because things actually got better, I am on antipsychotic medication which works for me, and the antidepressants help a lot with my mood.

But the thing is, there are 3 categories of schizophrenia symptoms:

Positive symptoms (hallucinations, paranoia, delusions, experiences that are added to the person due to schizophrenia)

Negative symptoms (depression like symptoms, experiences that are taken away from the person due to schizophrenia i.e. the feeling of joy and enjoyment due to anhedonia)

Cognitive symptoms (executive dysfunction, concentration problems, disorganised thinking etc.)

The antipsychotics make the hallucinations and delusions manageable, I am actually not at all bothered by them (remember not everyone will react to medication the same way, and medication is not for everyone but it works for me).

And the antidepressants take away the depression like negative symptoms which I struggled with A LOT.

And I kind of thought 'now I am cured!'

But I absolutely forgot about the cognitive symptoms.

I live in a place where there is understanding staff and everyone here have different issues so it's a very accepting place but I forget that society's outlook on schizophrenia still affects me, without even realising that I was affected. Society views schizophrenic people as dangerous and freaks at worst and as if schizophrenia is ONLY delusions and hallucinations at (in my experience) best. And since I couldn't resonate with either of those views it lead me to 'undiagnose' myself with schizophrenia.

I've been wanting to make a graph like this for awhile, about the overlap between these three disorders. Tagging @auschizm because it's highly related to that blog :D

Text transcribed below the cut because it's long!