I Simp for Stories

Brought to you by @bengiyo and @shortpplfedup, The Conversation is a podcast all about Asian BL/GL/QL (and sometimes other queer media), coming at you from a film crit perspective. We swan in every other week-ish to shoot the shit on faves, flops and trends, artistry and industry nerdery, and also crack and simping, because we contain multitudes.

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the thing that really gave it away for me was the last scene in episode 1, but honestly i think tanrak was tipping his hand that whole episode. he's presented as this model student, the father's golden child, practically a priest in training. and yet despite the fact that the father asked him to perform his duties as the good catholic and look after barth - the foreigner in their land as mentioned in the beginning of the episode - tanrak doesn't really do that. in fact the absolute bare minimum, holds barth at arm's length as much as possible, pretends not to see. and that doesn't jive with the impression we're supposed to have of tanrak, which is kind and jovial and easy going and above all else, obedient. and yet he's almost cold with barth, all but abandons him to fend for himself. yes, we the audience see the conflict in him over it (bc tanrak is, ultimately, kind) and yes he comes around in the end but the reality is that he still acted out of character, still wanders into the murky grey zone of not disobeying the father but not exacrly doing as he tells him either. still turned his back on barth when he was all alone, even if he did hesitate. even if barth didn't see him turn away.

a character like tanrak is not going to behave like that for no reason (especially not when contrasted with how we see him behaving in ep 2, and even at the end of ep 1). he clearly values his faith above all else at this point in the narrative - and yet the way he treats barth initially does not honour that faith. why? well, because tanrak knows temptation when he sees it. (what is it he said about the painting? 'along the path beasts devour sinful humans and tempt people off the path?')

but maybe even more importantly than even that is the fact that tanrak can see barth being othered. and he knows the good, christian thing to do would be to step in, protect the foreigner in his land, defend the weak and the fatherless, uphold the cause of the poor and the oppressed - that's what's expected and asked of him (hence why the father is so harsh with him in ep 2 - not just because he handled the situation 'badly', but bc he shouldn't have allowed it to even get to that point in the first place). he's supposed to stand with barth, and yet he turns away. because tanrak is smart, and more importantly he's self aware. he knows what he is. he knows his hands are not clean. and he knows the last thing he needs is to bring undue attention to himself, or to stand out to his peers in any way - especially not to defend the new violent queer kid.

if the attention is on him and people look too closely or ask too many questions, then they're more likely to notice the thing tanrak is trying so desperately to hide.

the last scene of episode 1 is what really gave him a way. episode 2 confirmed that tanrak isn't particularly afraid about getting into trouble, or adverse to breaking some rules. and yet he had such a big reaction when they were caught in that last scene - you could literally feel the panic building and the walls closing in on tanrak. dread was written all over his face. but he didn't have that reaction bc he was caught and might get in trouble. it was because he was caught with barth. alone together and had been all night. he knows how that looks. he knows what people might think, what they might say. because tanrak, who on some level is already aware that he's gay, is hyperaware of that perception of him. and now, after trying so hard for so long to be good, he thinks he's been caught out.

of course, he hasn't been. not yet. but the guilt of allowing them both to end up in that position in the first place all but ties him to barth after that (and it's unwarranted guilt yes, but understandable too. he didn't do what was asked of him by the father. he didn't behave as a good catholic in the way he treated barth. and because he was trying so hard to protect himself, he dishonoured god and barth ended up hurt. of course he's gonna prey for redemption for that). he has been entrusted with barth's care. he will look after him. and he will not be pulled off the path in the process, but rather pull barth to him. but in order to do that, he has to let barth in, at least a little bit. and that's an awfully slippery slope. now he's lying for barth. now he's opening up to him. now he's playing along, getting in more trouble, allowing himself to be touched. to touch. shoulders, fingertips. thighs. in the dark, behind people's backs.

we all know how it ends. i think tanrak knew how it was going to end, too, deep down. it's why he allowed himself to act out of character in order to keep barth at arm's length. it's why he prays the rosary, asks for redemption in advance. when asked what for, he looks up at barth and it's an answer. lust means letting desire control us. what if you can't stop it? then you fight it. but the tree of the knowledge of good and evil is extending a branch, offers temptation, says come on, just a bite. tanrak couldn't even bring himself to touch barth in that scene, did you notice? he pushed his arm away with the end of his pen. fighting it.

but the tree says, i'll help you up. says, next time i can come here with you. says, why fight it?

so at the beginning of every catholic mass, you say your opening prayers, which include the penitential act (acto penitencial).

the penitential act/prayer is short but it goes like this (putting it in spanish cuz that's how i know it):

"Yo confieso ante Dios todopoderoso, y ante ustedes, hermanos, que he pecado mucho de pensamiento, palabra, obra y omisión.

Por mi culpa,

por mi culpa,

por mi gran culpa.

Por eso ruego a Santa María, siempre Virgen, a los ángeles, a los santos y a ustedes, hermanos, que intercedan por mí ante Dios, nuestro Señor."

so when you say this prayer, at the moment you say "por mi culpa" ("through my fault"), you strike your chest each time, specifically your heart, with your right hand.

SO MY THOUGHT IS:

Tanrak is gonna have to say this prayer the next morning after having given into his desires/temptation :)))

Hi anon!

The answer is and always will be Moonlight Chicken.

Because of the sweat soaking through their shirts, because of the brush of their hands, because of the alleyway swoon and the beautiful moon above, because of Wen seeing Heart and LiMing and knowing, because of Jim fumbling and failing and trying to do right by his nephew the only way he knows how, because of the economics running through the whole thing, threatening to crush them all, because of Papang and First smiling into Earth and Mix's faces and because even though those loves don't last they still linger on, because sadness and grief are survivable, because love is still there to be found.

The line about him saying, "Everyone is Catholic in my community," really stood out to me. That's unusual in Thailand overall, since more than 90% of the country is Buddhist. However, there are a few villages and districts in the northeast where Catholicism became deeply rooted and entire communities are Catholic.

His mother also mentioned that the trip took "eight hours to Bangkok." In the 1990s, an overnight bus ride from rural Isan to Bangkok commonly took around 8–12 hours, depending on the province and road conditions. Catholic missions in northeastern Thailand historically built schools, boarding facilities, and seminaries. For many poor rural families, education through the Church was one of the few paths to social mobility. These communities were also (and often still are) tightly knit and heavily dependent on mutual support networks.

So if I had to place Kong on a map, my ranking would be:

1. Tha Rae (most likely)

2. Another Catholic village in Sakon Nakhon Province

3. A Catholic community in Nakhon Phanom Province near the Laos border

4. Another Isan Catholic settlement connected to French missionary history

Tha Rae, Sakon Nakhon, is especially interesting because it is famous for being the largest Catholic community in Thailand. It was established in the late nineteenth century through the work of French missionaries and Vietnamese Catholic migrants who settled in the area. Even today, it is known for its large Catholic population, historic church, and elaborate Christmas celebrations. In a place like Tha Rae, a boy saying, "Everybody back home is Catholic," would actually sound completely realistic.

The history behind this is fascinating. Catholicism first arrived in Siam during the sixteenth century through Portuguese missionaries who followed early European trade routes into Southeast Asia. Later, French missionaries from the Paris Foreign Missions Society became much more influential. During the nineteenth and early twentieth centuries, they established churches, schools, orphanages, clinics, and seminaries across the region.

The northeast became a particularly important center for Catholicism because of its location along the Mekong River and its connections to Laos and Vietnam. Missionaries worked among Lao-speaking communities in Isan and also among Vietnamese Catholics who migrated into the area, especially during periods of persecution and political instability in Vietnam. Over time, some villages converted collectively, and Catholicism became part of local community identity rather than simply an individual religion. That's why many of Thailand's strongest Catholic communities today are found not in Bangkok, but in provinces such as:

Sakon Nakhon

Nakhon Phanom

Mukdahan

parts of Udon Thani

The poverty detail also feels historically accurate. The line about getting an ID card and a place to study is particularly interesting. If the story is set in 1996, that was before much of rural northeastern Thailand experienced the economic improvements of the 2000s. Many Catholic communities near the Laos border were farming villages where families depended on rice cultivation, seasonal labor, and remittances from relatives working elsewhere.

Church scholarships and boarding schools genuinely changed lives because they could provide:

education

housing

meals

religious training

access to official documents and administrative support

and sometimes a pathway toward the priesthood

Anyway, here are two documentaries that give a bit of an introduction:

one of the hardest things for me as an adult who was raised in catholicism and now chooses not to raise my own children that way is trying to sit with them with the ideas of death and mortality. experiencing this made it so obvious to me why organized religions that focus on the afterlife concept are still so appealing. who wants to accept that it's possible we just stop existing?

when they come to me struggling with this I do my best to give them solace and support and understanding without glossing over what I believe to be true. when they go to relatives or talk with friends who hold christian beliefs and they tell them about heaven, my kids instantly chose to believe that.