you must fix your heart

chapter one of two, 10.8k — ao3 here # self-indulgent eroticization of needles, piercing play, pain play, dom/sub, orgasm denial, undefined relationship, intentional scarring

It happens again the next time they’re at Hollander’s Montreal apartment. Ilya remembers the first time he held a sewing needle to someone else’s skin. Ilya’s got two slivers of a scar on his hip. So pale they are barely noticeable, overpowered by the brown smattering of birthmarks. But they’re there, can be felt against a tongue, and he knows that Hollander has tasted them because sometimes as he is taking Ilya into his mouth, Hollander’s thumb will absentmindedly rub over the raised skin. His eyes trained on Ilya, who peers back at him, puts his hand over Hollander’s to keep it there, on the scars. “No one else knows of these,” Ilya tells him, and there it is, that glint of possessiveness in Hollander’s eyes. It makes Ilya’s head reel. And it is why he doesn’t hesitate to say, “I could mark you just like that. If you want.” Hollander moans around him, his hand scrambling to get past the press of his jeans, into his underwear, to get himself off. “Would last longer than bruises,” Ilya continues. “Maybe forever.”