Just Real Shitty Characters

A pact of the chain warlock, or a ranger, or a wizard, just anyone with a familiar.  Name the familiar after your DM but pronounced just slightly differently.

A warforged anything who can transform into a vehicle.  unfortunately, your size is still medium so the vehicle could fit one person max.  also your speed is still just 30 so, like, why?

A gnoll that looks suspiciously like a great dane.  Investigator rogue but terrified of everything, especially supernatural things.  Bonus points if you can get a friend to play a druid who is your character’s best friend and also terrified of everything.

Human Artificer - Dextonius of Labratonia.  You have red hair and you complain a lot about your sister, Deirdre.  She bothered you all the time as a child, constantly ruining your experiments.  Your mother calls her DeeDee and you think that’s absurd and childish.

A classic, angsty, “I lost my spouse” type of character.  Absolutely hell bent on taking revenge on the character who made you lose your spouse.  And then get a letter from your spouse.  When everyone is confused just be like “well I found them eventually.  but it was HORRIBLE the two days they were lost.”  Everyone will hate you.

Be your group’s friendly neighborhood cryptid.  Describe yourself too vaguely for them to really be sure of your race and when they ask about your class just go on a long-winded speech about your backstory and why you chose the path you did, but never actually name that path.  If it seems like your DM is about to mention it, accuse them of meta-gaming.  Try to make it a multiclass so one day you’re turning into a giant badger and they think they have you pegged but the next day you cast eldritch blast and they’re so confused.

A dragonborn, any class, but just convinced you are a dragon.  Walk on all fours, horde things, talk about yourself like Smaug.  Make the party think you were raised by dragons even if the DM says you can’t be.  You think they’re dragons too.  First time you meet an actual dragon claim it looks odd for a dragon and must be a rare subspecies.

Literally whatever the frack Brennan Lee Mulligan was up to in Naddpod.  Gunslinger/Assassin Rogue overpowered bullshit, except you spend every second before the first fight bemoaning the fact that you’re very useless in combat.  To sell it you have to criticize everyone else after the fight.  “I thought I was useless!”  Just absolutely make the most op combination of insanity without warning your DM or any of the party.  This one really does have to be revenge for killing your last character.  For one, you’ll need to be a decently high level, for another, they really need to have earned this kind of treatment.

An incubus/sucubus bard that is just a kpop star.  Never admit it.  Just describe your backstory as exactly the life of a k-idol.  Bonus points if your group eventually figures it out.  More bonus points if you pick a specific k-idol and they still somehow don’t figure it out.

A tortle monk named “Botticelli.”  Constantly talk about the party you used to hang with, four other tortles and a rat folk.  Call the other tortles “Leo,” “Don,” “Mike,” and “Rafi.”

A tiefling paladin who is convinced they are actually an aasimar.  Constantly refuse to take advantage of traits that are just tiefling traits; insist that you do not speak infernal, and try to speak celestial all the time.