Terry, I'm in the Middle of Battle

(no beers in) So how do you perceive me in the privacy of your thoughts

What if Mike was short for Micycle

every now and then theres a text post that gets stuck in my damn head. here it is. im never going to be free of micycle

What if bike was short for bichael

lately my kids have been playing Baby Knife, which consists of somebody acting as a baby with knife hands chasing people while going "baby knife baby knife" over and over. is this a thing or are they just insane

we have a new teacher this year who has never had kindergarten before & she rounded em all up & told em No Baby Knife and No Zombies and idk how to tell her that 1. all kindergarten recess games boil down to Give Birth And Kill Each Other and 2. the absurd vaguely inappropriate games they make up are usually better than when they try to play an Actual game like soccer

Baby Knife is straightforward. theres a baby knife. baby knife chases you. thats about it. when they try to play Real Sports every single child is playing by a different set of rules unbeknownst to the others and none of them are playing by the Actual rules. everybody is mad at everybody else and running up to tell on their colleagues for cheating every 3 minutes. this doesnt happen when they play Baby Knife

We were incredibly boring. We played "murder ball" which was just Capture the Flag over the whole school grounds (outdoors only) and violence was permitted using the ball.

we had British Bulldogs which was where one line of kids had to get past another line of kids (and vice versa) and violence was expected, much like we imagine dodgeball to be

We had Tackle Frisbee, which was "throw the frisbee, and then tackle someone". Didn't even have to be the person who got the frisbee.

If these games were happening on my school playground I didn’t notice because I was too busy playing Warrior Cats which despite the name mostly consisted of building a fort out of sticks/the snow depending on season and rolling around on the ground

Slowly eroding my mother's insecurities by reminding her "everyone says we're identical, and *I'm* hot as hell" until she stops talking shit about her appearance

this is going to sound like such a little sibling ass take but i genuinely believe that being a little bit annoying is actually a greater sign of maturity and self awareness than being universally likeable and on good terms with everyone

if some people find me annoying and can't stand me because of how i think and act then that means i'm a fully realized human being with my own personality and opinions and free will and not just a reflective surface for other people's desires, which is in fact a good thing despite what people who want you to just be a reflection of their own opinions and desires will tell you, and why being considered "cringe" or whatever doesn't bother me at all

also it's really funny when you're confident enough in yourself to know that people not liking you isn't always a sign that you're the problem. like there's something undeniably hilarious about being aware your mere existence has the power to piss someone off and ruin their day and i recommend embracing it.

Oh fucking thissss

Imagine how many great, weird, awesome stories would exist if writers actually wrote instead of scrolling on tumblr

u know what i didn't come here to be attacked like this

hey bestie i think ur post might be charmed 'cause you aren't gonna fuckin believe what happened today

i hope you heal so hard that the bare minimum disgusts you.

*experiences joint pain* we are losing the skeleton war

I love the implication that, as Larry is an "unpaid trainee", the dog is paid.

Sex should have a secondary gameplay loop where you build bases, manage resources, and expand your territory

guy currently hurtling toward a migraine at a rate that would impress most astrophysicists: i wonder wgat is happening in my beautiful telephone