I'm not happy.

In fact I hate life.

I tried to be happy. 

But I always end up messing it up somehow. I wind up alone typing out my thoughts to a computer because I don't have anyone in my life that I can talk to.

I was fine before. I was alone and miserable and I hated life. So I was living dangerously and carelessly. Nothing bothered me because I was already dead inside.

But then I started caring. I put everything I had into someone who didn't feel the same way.

I felt like it was meant to be and that maybe someday I'd finally feel like someone legitimately cared about me and loved me. 

But just because I cared doesn't mean I'd changed. 

I was careless and dumb.

I ruined the best thing in my life.

Then I ruined it again by letting myself have regrets instead of forcing myself to move on.

So I've ended up here. Talking to a computer. Writing down my thoughts and feelings once again because I don't know what else to do or where else to go.

Get so tired of people's bullshit you start thinking the world would be better off if we just skipped waiting for them to grow up and we just blasted them into the sun?