The Gremlin Cave

The last one (acquired sometime in 2012) finally died, so it was time for a replacement. The new model 105 is the cheapest one they make but by golly it's an upgrade in every conceivable way.

However.

The startup/unpacking procedure has changed. Where, before, you just charged the thing for 8 hours then turned it on... now you gotta configure it:

download the app

create an account & login

connect Roomba to the app/internet

use the app to configure Roomba

use the app to designate "forbidden" areas

use the app to schedule Roomba's start/stop times

Etcetera. Upon unboxing it I was >this< close to returning it, because nowhere was it stated on the web store that the app was REQUIRED to utilize the small floor cleaning robot.

But then I had an idea.

I set New Roomba down and pressed the Power button, without installing any apps or connecting it to wifi. And you know what?

IT STARTED CLEANING

It bumbled around the house mapping everything itself and did a marvelous job, without my having to do any of the recommended crap in the Quick Startup instructions. And without configuring its wifi there's no way it's sending data to iRobot's servers. Yayy.

I have installed exactly none of these apps, and have connected exactly zero of these appliances to the wifi.

They all work fine.

Like seriously 99% of my dishwasher cycles are "auto" and the remaining 1% are "express", neither of which I need an app for. Allegedly the app can tell me when the dishwasher needs more rinse aid but so does the little red light on the display. Which is handier than the app because the rinse aid lives in the cabinet next to the dishwasher and so when I see the little light I fill the rinse aid and am done, instead of an alert on my phone stressing me out everywhere and impinging on my brain.

The washer? 95% of what I was is cold water on the colors cycle. The rest is towels in hot water or delicates in cold water. Sometimes I get fancy and delay the towels an hour so it's not competing with the dishwasher or the shower for hot water. None of that needs the app. Allegedly the app can tell me when the washer is done but so can a timer I set to the wash time handily displayed when I start the washer, and that doesn't send any data to the manufacturer.

Honestly I don't even know what the stove app does because I can do fancy things like "turn the oven on in 3 hours" without it.

Yes, it is incredibly shitty that these all have apps now and that some features are app-only and that we are all pushed to give up more and more of our control and privacy in order to feed the gaping maw of corporate "profit". HOWEVER. Sometimes you can still just not.

So Omnipod is a brand of wireless insulin pumps. You fill a pod with insulin, stick it on a suitable site (stomach, leg, arm, lower back), and then you use the accompanying PDM (it looks a bit like a phone) to put the tube under your skin. You use the PDM to calculate bolus and change background insulin levels and ratios, which is then sent to the pod via bluetooth.

I've had an Omnipod of some variety since 2018 after Animas went out of business and it's been great. The Omnipod Dash was a particular favourite of mine, it worked really well. Then I was told last year that the Dash was being discontinued and that I MUST switch to the Omnipod 5.

The 5 is garbage. They decided that instead of having the user plug the PDM into a computer and upload results for your team to look at, that they would have it use internet (wifi or 5G) to continuously send results to your chosen hospital team. You need an Omnipod account to do this (something that I was forced to get after they changed the pod delivery website and I hated that). It seems more convenient, but the problem is that being continuously connected to the internet drains the battery something fierce. The Dash PDM had three solid days of battery life, whereas I am lucky to get one day with the 5. I literally charged it to full last night and it is on 44% at 2pm the next day. I will need to charge it before it hits 30% because the battery will just completely drain to nothing once it hits that threshold, and then it takes 15 minutes to be charged enough from 0% for me to turn it back on.

The thing lags. A lot. Trying to get to any of the menus takes a solid 5-10 seconds to load, and god forbid any of the data changes, because then you have to wait another 10 seconds for it to tell you that your insulin values have expired before you can go back in and take your insulin. It also takes another 5 seconds to register that I've pressed anything at all. I hate the thing.

Also, for those that use a continuous glucose monitor on a closed loop system (where the CGM tells the PDM what your blood glucose is so it can change insulin doses with minimal input), you have to use the app version of the Dexcom or Freestyle readers. Both brands of CGM have their own readers and their sole job is to read the current blood glucose of the user. But no. Because of "convenience" they made an app on your phone that's supposed to do it for you, but I had to demand one of the physical readers because good GOD.

You need an account for the app. The app lags. The readings are overall less accurate because your phone is also doing phone things, so guess what would happen if you were on a closed loop: too much or too little insulin. Sometimes the bluetooth could not find my CGM at all even though it was a fresh one, so I had to waste medical equipment constantly and beg my pharmacy for more (we're not allowed to order stuff if it's "too early" after our last order).

The last one (acquired sometime in 2012) finally died, so it was time for a replacement. The new model 105 is the cheapest one they make but by golly it's an upgrade in every conceivable way.

However.

The startup/unpacking procedure has changed. Where, before, you just charged the thing for 8 hours then turned it on... now you gotta configure it:

download the app

create an account & login

connect Roomba to the app/internet

use the app to configure Roomba

use the app to designate "forbidden" areas

use the app to schedule Roomba's start/stop times

Etcetera. Upon unboxing it I was >this< close to returning it, because nowhere was it stated on the web store that the app was REQUIRED to utilize the small floor cleaning robot.

But then I had an idea.

I set New Roomba down and pressed the Power button, without installing any apps or connecting it to wifi. And you know what?

IT STARTED CLEANING

It bumbled around the house mapping everything itself and did a marvelous job, without my having to do any of the recommended crap in the Quick Startup instructions. And without configuring its wifi there's no way it's sending data to iRobot's servers. Yayy.

I have installed exactly none of these apps, and have connected exactly zero of these appliances to the wifi.

They all work fine.

Like seriously 99% of my dishwasher cycles are "auto" and the remaining 1% are "express", neither of which I need an app for. Allegedly the app can tell me when the dishwasher needs more rinse aid but so does the little red light on the display. Which is handier than the app because the rinse aid lives in the cabinet next to the dishwasher and so when I see the little light I fill the rinse aid and am done, instead of an alert on my phone stressing me out everywhere and impinging on my brain.

The washer? 95% of what I was is cold water on the colors cycle. The rest is towels in hot water or delicates in cold water. Sometimes I get fancy and delay the towels an hour so it's not competing with the dishwasher or the shower for hot water. None of that needs the app. Allegedly the app can tell me when the washer is done but so can a timer I set to the wash time handily displayed when I start the washer, and that doesn't send any data to the manufacturer.

Honestly I don't even know what the stove app does because I can do fancy things like "turn the oven on in 3 hours" without it.

Yes, it is incredibly shitty that these all have apps now and that some features are app-only and that we are all pushed to give up more and more of our control and privacy in order to feed the gaping maw of corporate "profit". HOWEVER. Sometimes you can still just not.

I was inspired and manipulated (I’m kidding) to do a fucking fanedit of one of my wives.

Idk what possessed me but I had like several moments of realisation wash over me and then I looked back in. So