like flowers in a storm

2020 is almost over

coronashit fucked up almost the whole year, but can't say it was a bad year either. i think i drew more in these quarentine days than in the last three years together lmao

promised i wouldn't change jobs this year(last year changed job three times) too, but changed again this month lol

somehow i think it was the year i most talked with people too, after starting streaming and discord stuff. it was pretty fun, and i have a ton to thank everyone, even though im pretty much an asshole most of the time

but i'm still having quite of a trouble dealing with lows, and i'm aware thats a normal artists thing, but i feel awfully worse when i feel it's "leaking out" on other people. thats not cool. and negativity is contagious af.

so i decided to take a year break from drawing(in theory, because i still need to draw at work lol)

gonna try to rewire my brain to fix personal stuff before tackling on drawings again? think all these years since i started to draw, i've been trying to juggle everything i could get my hands on so i could keep going somewhere, and as a result everything is just a huge mess. couldn't get better at drawing efficiently without sacrificing sleep while struggling to pay bills/afford decent food added with a shitty mental state.

and all these years i spent more time thinking how to kill myself without dirtying my apartment than planning goals for a future.

but im doing good now! i'll try to focus my low energy to fix bad habits and look for therapy like some people have been recommending. and try to eat better.

feels quite lonelier than i was before meeting people, and sometimes i think it'd be better if i never started all of that, but it can't be helped, probably. that's the price of knowing "warmth"

i'll prob get back to drawing p soon tho; even though i'm not sure if i like drawing, that's still the only thing that makes me feel like exploding(?) and also the only thing i'm decent/mediocre at.

enough emoblogger

i'll work hard

and really hope you all the best