UPHOLDER ⁽ ᵃᵘᵗᵒᵖˡᵃʸ ⁾

quotes are all taken from various poems and essays by the queen of aesthetes, anne carson. feel free to change pronouns/add things/etc if needed.

‘ you are not a god. ’

‘ we begin in the dark and birth is the death of us. ’

‘ now you’ve crowned yourself one final perfect time. ’

‘ [ name ] was a monster. everything about him was red. ’

‘ what are we made of but hunger and rage? ’

‘ i finally decided that understanding isn’t what grief is about. ’

‘ honey is the sleep of the just. ’

‘ it is perilous to live past the end of your myth. ’

‘ you remember too much. ’

‘ when i desire you a part of me is gone. ’

‘ humans in love are terrible. ’

‘ under the seams runs the pain. ’

‘ men know almost nothing about desire. ’

‘ sex is a substitute, like money or language. ’

‘ what is the holiness of conversation? ’

‘ —you burn me. ’

‘ i ask this one thing: let me go mad in my own way. ’

‘ sometimes i just want to stop seeing. ’

‘ we’re all mortal, you know. ’

‘ i am the shape you made me. filth teaches filth. ’

‘ why does tragedy exist? ’

‘ you’re a beauty. ’

‘ madness and witchery are conditions commonly associated with the female voice. ’

‘ it made me merciless. ’

‘ desire is no light thing. ’

‘ i do not exist. there is nothing left. ’

‘ gods are stubborn. so am i. ’

‘ we had been seduced into thinking that we were immortal. ’

‘ i am someone who did not die when i should have died. ’

‘ why are you so in love with things unbearable? ’

‘ everything can collapse. ’

‘ someone will remember us. even in another time. ’

‘ my mind is burning. ’

‘ each night, about this time, he puts on sadness like a garment and goes on writing. ’

‘ love does not make me gentle or kind. ’

‘ i can give you reasons not do die. ’

‘ passivity is killing her. ’

‘ they are victims of love, many of them. ’

‘ he is a young god. ’

‘ you touch my soul, you pain my mind. ’

‘ it’s something of a cliché to say that we all think we’re monsters. ’

‘ i fear your sorrows make your tongue grow wild. ’

‘ it’s what they call ‘ecstasy’. ’

‘ a man who can’t die is no tragic hero. ’ 

‘ i want everything. ’

‘ it was like a beautiful dance where your partner turns and stabs you to death. ’

‘ to survive you need an edge. ’

‘ girls are cruelest to themselves. ’

‘ we are dust. ’

bonus! further quotations from award-winning poet and author anne carson:

‘ i am a philosopher of sandwiches. ’

‘ pilgrims were people glad to take off their clothing, which was on fire. ’

‘ english is a bitch. ’

guys bein’ dudes!!

         JUST HOLD ON  /  CLOSED!             @shieldbound​

          nyx was as surprised as anyone else when gladiolus had come back unannounced, baring new scars that raised some concern to the glaive. but, he doesn’t fuss about outwardly, the shield wasn’t a child, he didn’t need to be coddled and cared for like one either. but damnit if he didn’t worry, it was in his nature to feel as such, looking at gladiolus as if he were one of the last people to exist on eos. and for the sake of dramatics (especially with all that’s happened), it might as well feel that way. he wants gladiolus safe, unharmed ; it does not befit the role of king’s shield. it aches nyx’s heart from that knowledge –––– but such is LIFE.

          icy-blue eyes say more than what nyx could ever express when he looks at the shield, but not uttering a single syllable. he sees those scars, and he is reminded of the one he has within his left arm, along with both sides of his face, and down his neck. forever permanent, unyielding in it’s consequences of heroism. a reminder of his brashness, his arrogance,his mistakes –––– oh, but he’d do it all over again. if it meant to give a future to those that should be able to see it? he would sacrifice himself a THOUSAND more times. perhaps that is gladiolus’ reasoning ; for scars that are reminders of consequences –– so mistakes are never made again. to become stronger.

          the crew had decided to stick within lestallum for the night, taking rest at the leville (much to noctis’ approval). the town was so beautiful at night –– it was amazing how it all stood together, all by a single meteorite. as to why nyx was still up? well… it was hard to sleep nowadays. too many thoughts that came at once, too many memories that haunted his dreams –– and that damn ARM was giving him trouble again. it wasn’t as frequent as it was within the first week of having it, he supposed that it was fair considering the toll. but now? nyx just wanted some damn peace… and the lucii were giving NONE of that.

          gladiolus had accompanied the glaive not too long ago, looking out into the starry night –– how astonishing it was. he didn’t even realize how close they were until nyx reaches for shield’s hand, careful as to not make anything weird ; it’s his LEFT hand after all. scarred, but it has healed –– mostly, at least. it held a sort of gentleness with all his calouses burned away, feeling over roughened, course knuckles (albeit, barely, nerves are tremendously damaged). he wondered if gladiolus ever felt lonely going out there by himself, if he ever felt fear within the vastness, ever worried about his OWN LIFE. he never asks these questions out loud… they did not need to be expressed, not right now anyway.

          and how good it felt to be close like this, where their eyes were distracted by the sights ; as their hearts are distracted by their touch. fingers whisper unsaid words, nyx’s head turning to finally look away from stars –– and now into eyes that stare back at him. breath is stuck within his throat, finding it hard to say anything when they’re like this. real smooth, ulric –– real smooth. but he does not waver, he does not move away, rather leans in close… his lips twitch, and they haven’t even touched yet.

          no –––– it’s too much. it’s too much and it aches nyx’s heart.

          face is flushed red, going along ears and down neck, his heart thrumming within his chest. it’s too much, and he can’t continue with what he aimed for. it’s too much but he wants –– he craves –– he so desperately needs. perhaps… another day. so he settles to rest his forehead against shield’s chest, where a scar had been embedded into his flesh ; it is a reminder of consequences, of a past life where he had made mistakes. he bares them in reminder to never make these mistakes again, to become stronger for all he protects. nyx can relate to that… that is what TERRIFIES him the most.

          please, don’t let him die. he’d beg to the astrals. do not take him –––– he deserves so much more than what he was told. and he wishes he could say those words to gladiolus.