I'm not an addict, I'm a user

You can call me Shezza (he/him). I struggle with AuDHD and SUD. I identify with Sherlock, because I struggle with similar issues as he does.

I post about drug use and addiction, so if that bothers you, time to leave. If you're a minor, don't proceed on this blog. I don't encourage or glorify drug use. I'm discouraging from it, because addiction is shit, and that's what I rant about. I won't post explicit drug use. If you want to avoid my posts about drugs, filter "cw drugs". I post Sherlock content as well.

But then every. damn. time. something upsetting or triggering happens

Instead of taking less drugs i end up taking more just to cope with shit

Does fate not want me to get sober?

And then im sitting on my bed watching youtube or reading fanfics till 6 AM.

Why am i like this? Why cant i just stop watching, brush my teeth and go to bed?

Is it my addiction? Is it my ADHD?

Probably both. When i think ill go to sleep ill do small redoses to not wake up feeling too ill. But then i stay awake and 5 hours passed again and ill have to do a full redose. This cycle just continues.

When watching youtube i tell myself this is the last video. But then i click another one and another one. Until suddenly an hour passed. The video recommendations entrap me.

I feel like such a failure. I cant even succeed in going to sleep.

Thank you. Im not doing so good emotionally atm. Some things are tough rn. But it could be worse.