She's Not Afraid

I’m so uncomfortable and miserable and also just anxious.

That feels like a lifetime ago but we just celebrated 6 years married, so it was not that long ago.

In our defense, we did not mean to have so many kids — but we think we’ll keep them 😉

To the one who wakes up early and makes breakfast for our kids. The one who insists on doing bathtime and making it as messy and chaotic and fun as possible. To the one who sits with our son and talks about his feelings and tells him it’s okay to cry. The one who our daughter waits in the window for to see you come home. The one who will sleep on a tiny bed you don’t fit next to our littlest when she has a bad dream.

To the one who gives the best pep talks and never raises his voice. The one who gets down on their level and helps them breathe through a meltdown. The one who sings to my stomach every night. The one who coaches me patiently when I’m fed up and overwhelmed.

To the one who told me we should soak in the covid time with our kids, because we’ll never get that much time with them again. And who was absolutely right.

To the one who does all the voices while reading, and who always keeps good snacks in the house for movie time. To the one who teaches all our kids what we love about sports, and also plays musical soundtracks in the car. To the one who always told me I’d be a good mom, and who tells me everyday I’m a good mom — even when I’m not.

To the one who has always been my equal partner and had my back. The one who has done everything around the house while working full time and also handling the kids activities now that things are open these past couple of weeks because I’m struggling in this heat and carrying these babies. The one who lets me cry when I’m feeling anxious and does whatever he can to relieve my pain and discomfort (carrying twins is not easy)

To the one who I’m so grateful to see in all our babies, because they got the very best of who you are.

They are so lucky to be loved and supported and taught by you.

I’m so lucky to be loved and supported and taught by you.

You are the better parent, but you make me better everyday.

I can’t wait to see you with two more little humans to love.

And to all moms, in all forms, happy Mother’s Day.

This year, particularly in its isolation, made me realized how much I lean on so many people. It truly takes a village. Thank you to my village for forging and supporting me in motherhood.

Protect Black women.

That’s what you should take from Meghans interview.

I was at least 6 months along with my others.

And when I woke up, he said “hey this is our 10th Valentine’s Day together.”

And I said “I forgot. I’m such a bad wife.”

And he said, “fuck Valentine’s Day. I don’t need a day, I have a whole life.”

And then he let me take the longest bath ever. And then he took care of all the meals. And cleaned up all the messes. And handled all the mini crises. And then he did bath time and bed time.

All while I basically did nothing today. This has been a reoccurring theme the last couple of months. And he just does it. And I’m so lucky.

And then after the kids were in bed, he brought me a new book for me to read in bed. And I let put his arm around me while we read and watched tv (this hasn’t happened lately because I’m moody and uncomfortable and I get antsy and hot easily.)

When I was young I thought what I wanted for Valentine’s Day was fancy crazy romantic surprises. Turns out, I just wanted this.

Fuck Valentine’s Day, I got a whole life.