momomomom

“Pirates of the Caribbean”

It’s really hard for me to go out and enjoy myself because my world revolves around my daughter (unhealthily, some might say). Anxiety and panic sets in when I step away from her just to use the restroom. We are ALWAYS together.

Last night was the first official “mommy’s night out” and guess what??? I went out with my friends without my daughter in tow. We caught a movie together then sat in the theater lobby afterwards to do some catching up, it felt good.

I took a risk of putting myself in an extremely uncomfortable position but ended up enjoying myself. Don’t get me wrong, during the movie all I could think about was my sweet daughter and it unfortunately, made an otherwise enjoyable movie seem lengthy. So many times did I want to get up and leave (I kept glancing over at the emergency door) but I stayed and decided that I’d leave immediately after the movie. When the movie ended we headed to the lobby, sat down at a table, had conversations, and took photos and not once did I feel any distress. Not once did I look toward the exits. Not once did I say I needed to leave.

I. Felt. Fine. For the first time in forever!*

When I got home there was my baby(alive and well) lying next to her dad. She survived the night without me and I survived without her. I missed my baby. I didn’t even bother transferring her to her crib. I just wanted to crawl into bed next to her and cuddle the night away, and that is what we did. Being away from her for the few hours made me miss her and want to love her even more. When she woke up this morning she took my face into her two little hands, studied my face and smothered me with kisses and love... She missed me just as much as I did and I’ve never felt more loved.

I needed this outing and I can’t thank my friends enough for making the night easy for me. For never judging my mental wellness and reassuring me that this war I’m having in my head will get better... all I needed was this one night to win the first battle.

xoxo

-Sherie

I’ve always, ALWAYS wanted to blog and I’m finally doing it! There were so many factors as to why I’ve never gotten started; from mental health to fear of judgment and to the ever so infamous “I’ll do it tomorrow.”

I’ll do it tomorrow.

I can’t help but imagine how far in life I would be if that sentence did not exist... but it’s okay. I could not be happier with where my life is at right now.