...

Some beautiful nubile delicate gullible credulous souls here on tumblr think this is an actual corporate account run by a multinational oil company. It is not

so you’re telling me a worm booked this?

Oh for fucking out loud!

(with tearful, eruptive rage) so that’s pretty cool

(with disdain) sounds like something a 26 year old would say

With my failteam playing failball

What I don’t get about skaters is you’re gonna smoke all that weed and then what you wanna do is get on a skateboard with your impaired vestibular system and heightened nerve sensitivity then crash your skinny unpadded bony ass on the rough hot pavement?

It has been foretold that a mortal of your stature shall bear the brunt of my mysterious, relentless pussy 

Ok but weed is literally just Give you problems juice

*trying to evade my friend’s question about how I’ve just started dating the 37th guy in a row named Dave, coincidentally also the name of my father* guess you can say I’m just living Dave by Dave…

going to my job at burglary and embezzlement

Goimg to my ELECTIVE job where I CHOOSE to work for a living :)

Lady Luck HATES Her: This Girl Is A Total Loser!

Gay mlm love be like let’s get each others warts ^^

PLEASE fart loudly in public bathrooms to raise awareness to ppl with butthole problems ✊

tumblr mobile be like let’s hide notes from daddy :3

The last time I heard from him, he was using language to express ideas and refer to things both abstract and concrete