Things you might have been told as a child that aren't okay
Sometimes, grown ups aren't perfect, they might say things that aren't okay. But just know that if you heard any of these it wasn't your fault, and it wasn't okay.
"Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about!"
Crying is healthy and okay. This phrase discourages people from expressing their feelings by shame and threats. As a child, it was your guardian's job to help you develop emotional regulation skills, not to shame you. This is why so many grown ups struggle with their emotions.
"Boo hoo!" "Cry me a river" "You're too sensitive!"
Once again, shaming children for having emotions is NOT okay!
"I buy all your clothes, food, and put a roof over your head, you should be grateful no mater what!"
This phrase might have been used to justify abuse, get you to do something you weren't comfortable with, take on responsibilities that were too big for you, or to silence you out of speaking up for yourself. Your guardians chose to have a child or take care of you. Food, water, clothing, and transportation are bare minimum expectations. Providing extra things such as toys, electronics, paying for activities you are in, or spending quality time with you also does not justify abuse.
"You're so easy/self sufficient! I barely have to care for you!" "You take on so many responsibilities for your age!"
This may sound like a complement, but it is a red flag. Some kids struggle more than others, but it is always the guardian's responsibility to take care of a child's physical and emotional needs. While learning emotional regulation skills, kids will sometimes act out or throw tantrums. This is normal. Focusing on a child being "easy" can lead to them internalizing emotions which is not healthy.
"I brought you into this world, I can take you out of it!"
This is a threat. Even if you did something wrong, your guardians should NOT be threatening you like this!
"You're interested in that!? But that's so weird/childish/annoying!"
Grown ups and children often have different interests. This is okay. It is your guardian's job to support you so long as you are not doing anything dangerous or unhealthy. Shaming you for your interests is not okay.
"You can't wear/like that! It's for boys/girls!"
It is okay to like things that aren't meant for your gender. It is okay wear clothes or have your hair in ways that "look like the a different gender." It is okay to be transgender or queer. It is okay to be cisgender or transgender and still like things for the "opposite gender". None of this hurts anyone.
"Why can't you be more like (insert friend, sibling, or other person's name"
Because you are you. You are special and valuable for being who you are. Your guardian should know that more than anybody.
Any other phrase that makes fun of or demeans you, puts an inappropriate level of responsibility on you, or makes you feel like a burden.
Not everyone is fit to take care of children, and that is okay, but by choosing to have or take after a child, you are choosing to take on a big set of responsibilities. You are opting in for the possibility of a disabled child, a mentally ill child, a queer child, or a child who has different interests or life plans than you hoped. You are agreeing to love and take care of this kid unconditionally. You are also agreeing to take care of the child's physical and emotional needs. Parenting is tough, and it will be difficult. It is okay to admit that it is difficult, but it is not okay make a child feel like a burden, abuse, or neglect a child. If you aren't fit to care for a child, make decisions that lead to either not having a child, or placing them in the care of someone who can take care of them.
