bitchy beta

“Well, I used to think it was, but now I’m not so sure,” he counters. Sam doesn’t think badly of himself all the time, he knows he’s done some good and he does try which is more than many people do, but all things considered, he doesn’t think he is a good example. “You see, every time I am selfish, something bad happens and unfortunately, it’s usually not something I can fully fix. Whenever I screw up, people die. Whenever I think only of myself, I hurt people and that’s on me. And I care too much to ignore it; I can’t pretend I don’t care about the consequences of me wanting something. I have too much that I regret, I don’t know how much more I can store.”

It used to be easier when he was younger, and probably more naive - or more stupid - because he thought he could handle everything and that there was only one apparent way out, then he had to push through even if it wasn’t morally too correct. Now, he thinks more, he muls over things and runs every possible scenario through his head. Maybe it’s because he’s older, because he’s seen way more and gone through hell and back (quite literally too)

“I don’t have time to think about what I want. Besides, it doesn’t really matter what I want. The world is upside down and if we don’t do something about it, the light at the end of the tunnel my brother says I still see, is gonna end up being a train to run us all over.” Sam is rarely the pessimist, but he hasn’t been having enough positives to counter the countless negatives. If he could go back to being his old self, without the weakened body and the constant fading in and out of conscience would be a good start, but he also needs to know there’s something he can do.

“I guess I want what everyone wants. Plant a tree, write a book, have a child?” he says, quoting the famous line. He is a legacy himself, but he wonders if can ever leave one. “I don’t know, actually get my law degree would be great. Not sure if that’s ever happening though. I think the ideal of a normal life kind of got lost in translation somewhere along the line for me.”

She could feel for him, which was a bit unusual. Coming to Devil Hills hadn’t really broken her general principle to say something mean to get people to leave her alone and move on. It sounded rough to never get to put yourself first because the consequences seemed pretty dire. “You clearly have a big heart... and despite that, no matter what you do you’re probably always going to be the villain in somebody’s story. People can be quick to judge and even quicker to play victim. It’s unfortunate that the consequences of our actions can get people killed, rather than just piss them off.”

Her mind went to the time she had nearly gotten Jake killed during the attack from the army of vampires. At the time, she hadn’t particularly cared about what happened to her and she figured he felt about the same and that was why he stepped in. Despite lashing out at him afterwards, she had felt responsible. If she had communicated and not tried to do something on her own than he wouldn’t have had a chance to throw himself into the line of danger.

“You can still take little moments to yourself, despite everything being to shit right now. We’ll either figure it out or we won’t. Then none of it will matter. But we’ve got a lot of things running around that know it is in their best interest to fight for life to continue on, human or not.” Her sense of hope had left long ago, she tried not to let herself be hopeful in any situation that wasn’t obviously going to work out. Leah doubted she could take much more disappointment before she cracked open again.

“Law? What were you going to go into?” Leah had decided on law after a long time assuming that she could go into nursing in her mother’s footsteps. With her dad gone, she still felt a duty toward her tribe and had hoped to protect them with her degree, but she hadn’t gotten very far before demons and other monsters pulled her toward a life of protecting the lives of more than her people. “I could help you plant a tree if that would seriously get your rocks off. Seems like the most achievable out of that list around here.” 

(text) can you think of a better drinking partner though? (text) what (text) ok i didn’t need to read that. also please (text) please (text) step . away . from . the . elder

          ❝ personally, i became bitter. and he didn’t even die. i’m probably not the best to come to for advice on coping mechanisms. ❞ she felt for others that were in situations somewhat similar to hers, hence she came so hard at bella. not to mention she could basically feel his pain firsthand as she heard his every thought whenever they were both phased. those that hunted? they lost their lovers, their friends, anyone they cared about all the time it seemed. impossible to keep others safe when someone became hellbent on revenge and adding some supernatural abilities into that mix only made it worse.

       leah couldn’t remember the last time the word friend had been tossed her way. of course, she was on good terms with all of the boys in jake’s pack and the cullens, but she had remained relatively solitary.  ❝ you have a low bar for friendship if all it takes is a girl resetting her bones in front of you. ❞ maybe her walls weren’t as down as she had pretended they were. jake and the others may have torn past them a bit, but the idea of having friends rather than cautious allies hadn’t crossed her mind since coming to devil hills. it certainly hadn’t been on her mind when she decided to come here. 

     ❝ -- no i think i’m good. not much into gore, believe it or not. you need help, patching anything up? ❞ she probably wasn’t the best to come to for that, considering broken bones fully healed within a matter of an hour for her, setting wrong easily within fifteen minutes. sometimes she wondered how many lives she could save if she could somehow transfer that ability, despite knowing that wasn’t possible.

To say that the last seven years and change didn’t take a toll on Sam would be lying, but even more would be putting those years in a box and singling them out to pretend that even before that his life was all rainbows and sunshine. It wasn’t. He can count on one hand the years that he spent truly happy or at least satisfied with himself, but that is not a matter he can discuss with his family – namely, Dean. He doesn’t blame his brother for always getting angry over the fact that when Sam mentions happy memories, there aren’t a lot where his family is a part of. He is guilty of feeling like that as well and feels terrible for thinking so (for feeling so). It’s not Dean’s fault and he is a part of a lot of happy memories and moments he will cherish forever, but Sam can’t help it. 

He was happier when he stopped hunting. He wasn’t perfect – the damage was already there – and he still had to be careful and wonder if anything would come up for him in the dead of the night, but he didn’t have to worry about the apocalypse and angels falling, demons being yanked out of hell.

“I miss being selfish”, he blurts, certain that is sounds as bad said out loud as it did in his head, but he misses only having to worry about grades and due dates for college papers. Sure enough, he won’t be going into details, especially with someone he’s known for a few days, but he’s seen her more than once, and somehow, she doesn’t look happy either, so maybe that’s what compels him to speak.      He huffs at the thought and considers the second possibility though, just to humour her. “I’m more into anonymity, so Beyoncé seems a bit much to hope for, but thank you for letting me know that’s who you’d go for. Maybe in your next life, who knows.”

“Being a little selfish is an easy thing to fix. And putting yourself first isn’t a bad thing even if some people want you to believe that. Don’t overdo it or ignore what people say about you because their opinions don’t really matter.” She had spent a long time being overshadowed by the reputation she had created herself. Hating herself more than the others did for reasons they either didn’t know or try to understand. Since joining Jake’s pack she had at least felt secure enough to open up a tad and not push everyone away as hard as she could from the get-go.

She may not see herself as a monster but she still harbored a lot of guilt over her final fight with her dad. Other than that? Those that needed to understood why she had continually lashed out at them and those that didn’t understand weren’t much of her concern. 

“What’s something you want to do for yourself? Anything. Options around here or limited at the moment, but I would still go for it. You deserve your happiness as much as anyone else. I mean as long as what makes you happy isn’t taking a kid’s Halloween candy or punching an old granny in the face.” She didn’t know him well, but she believed as long as the only people being hurt by his actions were those that wished their wishes and feelings were put before his own, he deserved to do it.

“Life in the spotlight isn’t for everybody. But a day in the life of Beyonce is far more glamorous than I could ever hope for. Or want, if I’m being honest. At times, the power and adoring fans do seem appealing, I have to admit.” This life was enough for her. More than reincarnation, she simply hoped she would be able to see her dad again and tell him how sorry she was.

✂︎ ━━

perhaps there’s a flex of jaw beneath that mask. some people might think the older winchester sibling had a bunch of rocks inside his head, but he’s not so distracted by the pigs-in-blankets that he misses it…

human analogy???

“which means - you ain’t.”

human.   reading a little more into it.  bitch analogy?  two things spring to mind immediately ( with a whole host of backup possibilities jostling for position immediately behind them ).

“werewolf or skinwalker?”

not the worst.  not the best.  but of all the ‘monsters’ the winchesters had encountered there had been a few who hadn’t exactly conformed to the trope… ( most notable ‘Lucky’- weird.  a little stalkerish and creepy… but he wanted to protect his ‘family’… even against others of his own kind ).  either way - buffet aside, dean is pretty surprised that regina ( his new mental name for his current company ) came right on out with it.

“that a confession?”

a slight quirk of brow.  because lets be honest, he’s not at any kind of advantage in a room likely swarming with things very ‘not-human’.  and some of them liked to brag.  the whole ‘bond villain’ speech before revealing their dastardly plan to dispatch the hero ( technically him - after all, he is batman… ).  he doesn’t think so though.  ‘bored regina’ seemed about as enamoured as he was with the whole ‘party’.  besides - if she IS a were or a walker - then she sure as hell will be able to smell that he’s human.  might even know that his utility belt contained a few choice repellants for different kinds of ‘non-humans’.  so if she’s calculating that he’s human… possibly hunter… then why be so straight up about it?

“if anyone was thinkin’ of chowing down, i’m a pretty bitter pill to swallow.”

a shrug.  not cocky.  just honest.  perhaps most humans were just the next convenient target on the radar.  the next snack to pick off the smorgasbord.  creatures tended not to expect ( for the most part ) their lunch to fight back.  with silver… or holy water… or iron…

“but if i’m on the menu… then newsflash… so are you, regina.  there are things with bigger teeth.  and if they ain’t here already… then they’re comin’.  a few bodies is a tragic footnote compared to the next biblical event…  so enjoy the freebies while you can.”

it was still ingrained in her to keep her true identity a secret. it was important for the pack to not let humans know about them because plenty of them wouldn’t care that they were working for the safety of people, rather that they were stronger and not fully human with a stronger potential to kill. that lesson only continued to ring true in the sparse conversations she’d had with hunters. 

“i did mean the bitch analogy literally. but i’m not technically either as far as i can tell. my tribe found a unique way to protect themselves.”

she didn’t pause too long in telling him the truth, however. despite her snide comment, she wanted to hope that she could convince him that she was here to protect and not a threat to anyone but the monsters loitering around the massive ballroom.

“we stop the ones with fangs, primarily. no instincts to kill. we eat human food, lots of it. when i found out about demons and other monsters -- i decided it would be selfish not to help out.”

she couldn’t say objectively with a clear conscience that she had never killed an innocent, because in her mind she had. so she steered clear of those words. there had to be better ways to convince him that she wasn’t a threat, but an ally with a smart mouth. as long as he didn’t want to kill her, she considered it a win.

“the only thing i’m interested in killing are the ones that are killing innocents. hope you’re the same? batman’s gotta be a bit open minded about justice, doesn’t he?”

she doubted she was on the menu for any of the vampires. they’d kill her but they wouldn’t want to eat her. him and the other humans in the room were far more enticing to whatever else was around. she still had her questions about the one dressed up as a woodland fairy. she had no idea what the woman was but could tell that she was extremely powerful. despite how uncomfortable she was here she planned on staying until the humans were all off the premises for their own safety. at the very least, she might eb able to grab onto one of them as she lead them away from the danger.

@shecrumbled​ asked: ‘ I’m gonna go eat a knife. ’

“  okay  !!  okay  .  uh  -  great  plan  !  very  creative  .  violent  ,  even  .  how  about  i  propose  an  alternative  ??  how  about  you  …  don’t  eat  the  knife  !!  we  can  get  some  lunch  instead  ??  ”  charlie  tapped  her  fingers  together  anxiously  ,  offering  a  nervous  grin  . 

     of course she knew that she needed to find whoever it was killing people, but that didn’t stop her from rolling her eyes at her comment. “yes, well believe it or not – whoever’s doing this is quite good at covering their tracks. & as for what i do in my free time – that’s truly none of your concern. however, i assure you – murdering innocents is not something i’ve made a habit of.” jane knew better & she knew very well if she were to go around murdering innocents – she’d be next on the volturi’s chopping block. “boredom,” she commented with a wicked smile.