Every sinner has a future 💞

So, let me just go ahead and say: I've been in some shitty situations, some really shitty relationships, and some really shitty things have happened to me. Who hasn't though, right? Well, as a result of all of this, I have some pretty anxiety.

This will be short and sweet mainly because since I've graduated I'm not too sure how to make my words flow just the way I want them to and it embarrasses me. One day I'll get better with that. It would be really neat to be able to help someone just by them reading my words.

ANYWAY. The purpose of this:

I am in the absolute BEST relationship I've ever been in. Hands down. Guys, it is the COOLEST thing to be dating your best friend. It's up there on my favorite things in this world.

However, as a result of my past, my anxiety still haunts me and although I'm in the best place I've been, it doesn't go away. ALL day, and when I mean all day I mean like, I woke up at 6:30 this morning starting to worry about Joshua. First I was wondering if he was okay and then it transformed into: since I don't have a missed call, he didn't want to talk to me this morning, he forgot about me, and he's probably getting tired of me. Like most people, I get on Facebook to see when he's been active...all that crazy shit. Well, he has been but no good morning, no I miss you, no "hey baby I just woke up but going back to bed I love you." Type stuff. -Nothing-

My relationship is ending and he just doesn't care says my brain. How could I not be the first thing he thinks about when really, hes the one that consumes EVERY one of my thoughts. I was sad. I call him on my way to work.... No answer. WHY ARE YOU STILL SLEEPING. Send him kind of a sassy text message. Because, I'm a shit head and missing him is real and I'm scared. I'm nervous. I'm anxious. I call him a second time. He answers. YAY only, he just woke up and my mind tells me although his just wake up voice is present, it's not that he's just waking up it's that he's upset with you.

ALL evening I've worried. Talked to my friends, almost text him and asked him if he was tired of me ... Yeah. It's bad.

Moving on - he just called me to make sure he said good night because he's driving to a call right now. He was happy to hear my voice, thankful I was still awake, and ready to hear about my day. He informed me he tired to call me this morning but I have bad service so my phone never rang.

All is good in my relationship. My nerves are better. My heart rate is going down.