6:30 AM: THE OFFICIAL AWAKENING
The morning it happened was like any on the livestream. The maids in their red dresses and white aprons entered the inner chamber of the château at seven oâclock sharp. They performed their duties with the ticking movements of a cuckoo clock, and their heels clacked against the floor like the changing of the guard. They dusted the furniture and polished its handles. They fluffed the pillows and swept the floors. They reduced the tint of the skylight and removed the red crepe from the chandeliers and candelabras. Then, with all the solemn air expected of their duty, they stepped forward and opened the drapes on the four-poster bed.
The presidentâs penis sat up against the pillows and stretched its head side to side, filled with the morning pulse of the nation.











