Being so aware of everything is extremely painful.
I know exactly why I am the way that I am I know my situation I know everything but that doesn’t fix anything.
When I was younger I sought out knowledge thinking that if I knew i would able to fix shit .
But I can’t fix people I can’t control my life so to sooth my self I pretend I am in a movie or a book and that this is only my origin story and sometime later in life I’ll be turned into a vampire and be immortal. Only then I can live freely, when all of my loved ones are gone and nobody knows me anymore, all that knowing will be useless.