Shasta Mist 30yo Ig: ShastaMist86

I still think about you.

I used to know all of your colors and share the same hues, but now you’ve become a you who I am color blind to.

Nothing bad happened, really. We just lost touch, drifted apart.

Leaves that fell from the same branch, we got carried away on a different breeze because we got carried away with other priorities.

Now you’re not in my life and I’m not in yours but before it was like there was this river that flowed between you and I, alive with never ending conversation, a safe space to stream consciousness or confession, but we stood on opposite sides of the shore and watched with sad eyes as this river slowly dried up and died.

We could have reached out, but the space between us grew too wide.

The river dried up and left us in a drought and I doubt we knew it then but we can see now as the waters turned to sand that our friendship had been deserted.

And it hurts, but I guess we deserve it.

We never did what we should to protect and preserve it and it’s my fault and it’s your fault and it’s no one’s fault at all.

Now I’m stuck in this war of pride because I can’t even decide if I want to invite you back into my life.

I have so many questions like how is your sister and did you find a better job?

Why does losing a friend make my heart ache more than when I’ve lost a lover?

Memories of summers filled with happiness now fill my eyes with bitter tears, but I hide behind my veneer and I smile.

I am bitter like a lemon, in that I won’t let you see it.

My sourness is hidden behind my sunny yellow exterior, which is masking the fear that I have lost my friend because I am inferior.

So I will say that something’s been lost for something to be gained in this weak attempt to palate my pain, but I don’t know what it is yet.

I only know that we’re no longer the same. Even though we share the same pain of going our separate ways and becoming friends who aren’t friends anymore, who still remember all the love and laughter from before and hold it close.

Like a secret kept never to be shared again.

A friendship that is cherished even after it ends and even in the end there is not much left to say.