As a physically disabled trans man, it took me a long time to deal with the guilt I felt over, "not pulling my weight" around the house/in my relationship. Everyday I saw someone online saying the lifestyle my partner and I live is abusive on my part and that I must be consciously pretending to be unable to do things. I caused my body a lot of damage by trying to "overcome" my decision to not be able to do housework.
I remember seeing one tiktok of a woman showing how she organizes their grocery lists in ways that assist her husband to do the task independently. All it was was that she put a small picture of what each product looked like next to its name. That's it! In fact, I saw that and thought it might be a helpful thing for my partner and I to try, as well. But of course the comments were all trying to tell this poor woman that she was being gaslit because surely everyone should be able to go grocery shopping without help, right? No!!!!!!
"Malicious noncompliance" CAN exist but it isn't only done by men and it isn't done by all men. Obviously. Making that assumption anytime a man struggles with something is ridiculous. And no, saying "well obviously I wasn't talking about disabled men," after being called out on this doesn't fix the issue.
Sometimes men can't do things because of disability or mental illness. Sometimes they cant do things because of poverty. Sometimes they can't do things because whomever raised them assumed their wife would do all the work and never taught them. But also.... men are allowed to struggle for no other reason than that they're human!!
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