Shane Hollander's Left Titty

This will forever be my favorite edit!! Sigh. I need to be sedated every time I watch it!!

It’s by @ Alexeifiore on TikTok

I want to break this moment within this scene down. I've watched this same scene so many times and I usually am a little frustrated with Shane here. I want him so badly to have immediately reassured Ilya that he loved him too. But that's not what Shane does in the show or in the book.

At this point in the book, both Shane and Ilya have individually recognized months earlier that they love each other. And despite knowing his own feelings, I do not think Shane would have EVER been the first one to say "I love you." I don't think Shane felt secure about Ilya's feelings. One because Shane is autistic and not great at picking up the obvious signs Ilya was showing him. And two because Ilya kept bringing up other women or Svetlana in their most intimate moments. This is why the tuna melt scene played out the way that it did. But also why, "I don't ever want that problem to ever go away," was a moment of assurance to Shane. He had enough assurance that he planed the next 20 years of his and Ilya's life together.

But assurance is not love and while Shane is acutely aware of the fact that he is in love with Ilya, I don't think Shane thinks Ilya loves him back. (As an outsider this is so ridiculous because the two of them are so OBVIOUSLY in love with each other. Sigh.) At this point in the story, I think that Shane is ready to get as much or as little of Ilya as Ilya is willing to give him. So Ilya's "I love you," comes as a genuine surprise to Shane. And the famous, "Holy shit," line comes out against his very own wishes. He then says, "I love you too," and all is right in the world.