Izzy Hands in Our Flag Means Death, season 2 episode 1

blake kathryn
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PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
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DEAR READER
Cosmic Funnies
One Nice Bug Per Day
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open

Kiana Khansmith
AnasAbdin
we're not kids anymore.
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
d e v o n
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her

@theartofmadeline
Keni

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Izzy Hands in Our Flag Means Death, season 2 episode 1

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Poem Bangkok ‘The Rose of Heliogabalus’ Chapter 1 Timeless Collection
SATAN’S BALLOON ANIMALS
guess what, it’s time for another episode of Weird Biology! today we’re going to learn about a creature that looks like a stained-glass window, but stalks the oceans with toxic might powered only by the wind like a sailing ship of old.
that’s right, it’s the devil’s own shopping bag-
the name is almost longer than the animal.
The Portuguese Man o’ War is a floating jellyfish relative called a Hydrozoan. it was named after the 18th century sailing ship, apparently by a blind person. “oh, it looks like a sailing ship under full sail” no it doesn’t, shut up. it looks like a rogue walmart shopping bag that blew into the Atlantic and makes a living by strangling innocent sea turtles.
but like the aforementioned plastic bag, the Man o’ War uses its lovely blue-purple air sac to catch the breeze. it wanders in groups through the warm waters of the Atlantic, driven along by the wind and tides. kind of poetic, really.
as long as you don’t look underwater, anyway.
I’m about to ruin it for everybody, hang on.
like so many other things in life, it’s not what you see on the surface that’s important but what is underneath that counts.
in this case, what’s underneath is up to 165 feet of venomous tentacles. it’s like that thing they say about icebergs, where you only see the top 10% and the rest is an invisible ship-killing nightmare? it’s exactly like that.
except with poison tentacles.
the Man o’ War is basically a biological fishing trawler, trailing these stupidly long tentacles like a fine mesh net through the water. and when an innocent fish who probably has a family at home comes into contact with this “net”, specialized cells called Nematocysts are triggered to fire tiny poison harpoons into the victim, causing instant death or paralysis.
the tentacle then reels itself upward into the body of the Man o’ War like a fishing line, dragging its helpless victim upward to be digested.
so, uh, actually not like a fishing trawler then, not like a fishing trawler at all.
unless the fishing trawler was designed by Junji Ito.
though the Man o’ War may look like a jellyfish, it’s definitely not. in fact, it’s not even a single animal! it’s actually four separate organisms jammed into a venomous trenchcoat like three best friends trying to sneak into an R rated movie.
“how the fuck even”, I hear you say. and that’s a valid question! it’s not everyday that we discover that what we thought was a single animal is actually four smaller animals living communally to form a larger, more dangerous animal. it would be like discovering that opossums are actually comprised of 17 rats each.
no word on if they do a silly dance and tap their fingers together to fuse or what though.
in the Man o’ War’s case, these four individual kinds of “polyps” that comprise the complete final form are the air sac polyp (gets the gang around), the digestive polyp (converts murdered fish into energy for the whole gang), the reproductive polyp (makes small clones of each individual gang member), and the tentacle polyp (murders things indiscriminately for the sheer joy of it).
that’s right, the tentacles are a separate animal! you might be wondering if they sometimes come loose, wander off, and just sting people/animals randomly when they drift into populated areas. what a silly question!
yeah, happens all the time.
SHIT.
while rarely fatal, Man o’ Wars stings can seriously injure humans. this is a big problem in areas where Man o’ Wars are common, because storms and predators can knock the tentacles right the fuck off. the tentacles drift away, only to wash ashore and sting a hapless beachgoer weeks later. that’s right, rogue tentacles can still sting for days or weeks after separation! even if the Man ‘o War is beached! isn’t that neat! fuck!
the discovery of a beached Man o’ War usually closes the entire fucking beach, for this reason. would YOU want to go fuck around in the sand if it might be full of over a hundred feet of poison spaghetti too fine to notice with the naked eye?
if the answer is yes, I have great news about a bridge I’d like to sell you.
if all this information upset you, I’d like to offer my deepest condolences. but buckle up for one last upsetting fact, and here it is: Man o’ War are spreading.
usually restricted to warm waters, climate change has driven the Man o’ War as far north as Great Britain. that’s awful awful awful news for any country that touches the Atlantic ocean, which is lots of them.
luckily, we have dependable allies in this fight: sea turtles and the Mola Mola! (which I’ve written about before) unfortunately just about all we can do at this point is to cheer these awesome devil-balloon-munchers on from the safety of shore, while trying to invent a Man o’ War-proof barrier net.
for now, watch out for anything that looks like a floating plastic bag.
and for god’s sake, watch where you step.
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thanks for reading! you can find the rest of the Weird Biology series here.
if you enjoy my work, maybe buy me a coffee or check out my Patreon to see extra content and support Weird Biology.
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IMAGE SOURCES
img1- National Geographic img2- The Garden of Eadon img3- Sean Nash img4- Enrico Villa img5- livescience.com img6- diply.com img7- Daily Mail img8- Sun Sentinel

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I hate my province.
If you want to know how behind the times our city is, the council voted last night to update the elevators in city hall so they could both run at the same time.
Bonus: The stare down
(video)
This looks like the living embodiment of an entire Sears “Husky” section growing up to be a right wing douchebag.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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where’s my grandparent who will peacefully die of old age and give me a note only to open when i need it, revealing that they have gifted me their old farm that i can use to escape to if i ever need a reprieve from capitalist corporate life, in an idyllic town with lovely villagers and also a wizard
Baseball team #1: hasn’t scored a run in three games Baseball team #2: can’t stop letting the opposing team score Hockey team: is about to face the Lightning in the playoffs Figure skating fandom: imploding on Twitter about scoring/bullying/abuse
I think I’m going to quit sports
I think it's time to come to the curling fandom.
I'm reading about the "fireside chat" between Margaret Atwood and Jack Dorsey... if this isn't peak white privilege, I don't know what is. I love how they got together to pat each other on the back and talk about how great they are.
Justin Trudeau has just booted Jody Wilson-Raybould out of the Liberal caucus and stripped her as the party nominated candidate for Vancouver-Granville:
https://twitter.com/Puglaas/status/1113195427992616960
As I said before, I can’t see anyway that this doesn’t backfire spectacularly for the Liberal Party. This makes the Liberals look more guilty in the SNC Lavalin affair, not less.
Article:
Jody Wilson-Raybould says she’s been removed from Liberal caucus
Jane Philpott is out too:
https://twitter.com/VassyKapelos/status/1113202165714182149

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I need to talk about Canadian politics but most of the people I know are so invested I American politics that the SNC Lavalin scandal is not even on their radar.
Trudeau mentioned to JWR that he was the MP for Papineau but it wasnt partisan?? Then why even mention it at all?
I need to talk about Canadian politics but most of the people I know are so invested I American politics that the SNC Lavalin scandal is not even on their radar.
This sums up today:
I was appalled. APPALLED. When Butts said that during his testimony, it said everything about how ignorant the government is. And then when he said he was shocked she refused and that it was unprecedented... are you serious? Are we supposed to he angry at her for standing up for her morals?? Yikes.