when did i get so big? it feels like i’m always trying to lose this weight but it’s a never ending fucking battle that i can’t seem to win. i’m tired of hating what i see in the mirror.

and yes, i know there’s more to me than my body and i do value myself in other ways. but that doesn’t take away from this constant struggle with body image. it sucks and it’s hard.

I wish I had better news…I’ve gained more weight. BUT I’m having a good week. And the moon is full and so many dreams have come & are coming true and maybe, just maybe, if I keep working on my shit… this turning point I’m in. This crack, or riff, or shatter …. will let me rebuild. And lose the bad. And love the good. And I don’t know what that means today but I know I will learn to love myself even if it hurts to learn. That’s okay.

Im ready. And It’s this different now, because I’m finally working on myself before my body. And mj hope is that the physical and mental health improve given their Intricate relationship.

A balance. I am learning. I will continue learning. And then loving.

Im finally at a better weight. Gained a couple over the lady couple weeks but have loads almost 30 lbs since these posts.