pinocchiology

enough of your middle aged man blorbos whos your specialest middle aged woman. if anyone tags a woman under the age of 40 on this post ill kill you in real life

Mods? Take him to the stump of his favorite childhood tree.

Mods, make him busy during a friends planned trip so he misses out on the new inside joke.

Mods… change the smell of his parents house.

look boss, our quarterly "subjection to the brutalities of the Absurd" budget is almost blown already. can we not just shoot this one twice in the back of the head and call it a day?

I wish people were as scared of getting into a car accident as they are of being true crime'd. Maybe then they wouldn't be on their phones while driving.

True crime girlies will be like "wtf I would never go for a walk at night, what if the hash slinging slasher gets me" and then use their knees to merge with no turn signal in front of a semi while applying makeup with both hands

new enemy i came up with called the "false mimic" this is just some guy that hides in chests and bobs the lid up and down like a mimic breathing. he has 1 hp and if you smack the chest he starts begging for his life snot and tears running down his face

econony is fucked as hell so i’m going to try a bunch of gas station boner pills and start a class action lawsuit against which ever one hurts me the most badly

[ID from alt: relief print with a black cat sitting on a blanket. the background is carved in expressive style with rectangular gouges. the cat looks serene and relaxed. End ID]

Younger people, one thing I want you to understand about Millenials is that, overall, our parents taught their daughters to aim for careers and employment, but they didn't teach their sons to keep house. This causes a whole lot of Situations.

Yep.

I would still use my turn signals in the Mad Max Wasteland. They'd call me "Signal" because I'd hit my blinker before ramming the enemy hot rods into the side of a desert ravine. I'd use my turn signal every time. They would respect me for this.

"That is Signal, the Last Follower of the Old Law."

you learn something new everyday. unless you're a historian. then you learn something old

Image description: art showing a beetle with three horns, one in the center and two framing its face. The beetles limbs are golden, its elytra and head are white with stylized blue floral patterns. The beetle is inside a circle framed by larger stylized blue floral ornaments. The design resembles delft pottery. The artist signature is Xander Wolk. end Image description

[ID: An illustration of a merfolk with pale skin, long blond hair, and a very long fish tail with dark blue-green scales. Their tail has been mostly split down the middle by a knife made of bone, revealing the bright red innards, and blood billows up in a cloud in the black water behind them. The merfolk has their hands in the gap in between the two parts of their tail, as though trying to pry it apart further. End ID.]

“can’t believe women fought to work!! i don’t wanna work!!” women have Been Working they fought to get Paid you know that right ?

real talk I think steampunk is kinda neat like sorta neat you'know like as a little touch of spice to a setting that shouldn't normally have that kinda stuff. like a robot arm here a gun there some contraptions elsewheres. like skies of arcadia levels of steampunk is pretty much ideal. but y'see ultimately I'm pro-steampunk as a concept. but real talk for a second if your setting has a place called "the clockwork [location or concept]" I'm gonna beat you to death with hammers.

Sounds like someone's just salty theyre stuck in my clockwork labyrinth again

I know you're laughing at me I can hear the sprockets on your brown tophat jingling and once I find my way out of here you're fucking toast dude

having your own money is fucking dangerous because the only person stopping me from buying whatever I want is myself. and myself has bad judgment sometimes

if your animal is lying on the floor, furniture etc, it’s important to take a picture of them. then, if they move or shift in any way, it’s important to take another picture. with this technique, you can take many pictures of your animal