too time

Whitney didn't know what was worse - what he was saying, or the fact he didn't seem able to look at her as he said it. His gaze had locked on to the wall as she spoke, and there was a horrible sinking feeling in her stomach that this was it. She'd shown him the parts of herself she had been trying to bury, and she lost him. Panic bubbled up in her throat, and she opened her mouth to say something that might fix the damage she'd done, only the more she tried, the more tangled her words became. "That's not... oh God, I'm sorry." She stammered. "It's not that I don't trust you. I swear it's not that. It's just... it's like there's been a timer in my head, counting down to me fucking this up and you realising that I'm not.." she broke off, her words devolving into a quiet sob. If the timer wasn't ringing before, it definitely was now. True to form, she had ruined everything. Whitney wrapped her arms around her middle, as though she was trying to physically hold herself together. Seth wasn't yelling at her. He wasn't snapping, or calling her names, and though he was pointing out her mistakes, he wasn't really throwing them in her face the way her exes would have done, but somehow, the calmness was almost worse. It was so alien to Whitney that she felt hysterical next to him, and while that was a pretty good description of her current state, it was amplified by the difference in their reactions. She didn't know how to read it, nor how to respond to it, only that she was completely incapable of bringing herself down to his level. "I'm so sorry," she repeated, voice cracking. "I didn't mean to - no, that's not right. I wasn't thinking. I didn't think. I don't... I don't know how to fix this."

Seth ran a hand across his face, wishing he could wipe the exhaustion away with that motion. It was there, though, and the more Whitney talked, the heavier it felt. Despite that, he let her get out every word she needed to. He was a little too patient for his own good at times. It felt necessary, though, especially if he didn't want things between them to fully blow up.

Whitney winced, her cheeks burning as the words sank in. Seth was right - she did know how bright stage lights could be, having stood under them more times than she could count, but it hadn't really occurred to her until that moment that it was what was going on in the picture. It hit her then just how flimsy her reasoning had been, and the fact she'd let her insecurities twist something so harmless into something ugly. "I... yeah," she muttered, her voice thick with embarrassment. "I didn't... I didn't think." As he continued talking, she froze, the shame she was feeling only multiplying. She wanted the ground to open up and swallow her whole, but it didn't seem inclined to. This wasn't what she had wanted - not to make Seth feel like she doubted him. In a weird way, she didn't, not really. It was herself that she had issues with, but that only made it harder to explain what was going on in her mind.

If it was hard to listen to Whitney's explanation, it was almost harder to watch it all play out on her face. The tears, the panicked eyes, the urging in her voice. Seth's own gaze slowly shifted away from her to the wall in front of him. There was some dissociation as he listened to her reasoning, absorbing the words but not having the heart to try and sympathize with her in that moment. He had an idea of what she'd been through. If it wasn't something already explained, her songs filled in a lot of the blanks for him, and he assumed that her moving on with him meant leaving those fears in the past. It never occurred to him that they'd still be present and looming. He nodded a little, but he couldn't bring himself to hear her out in that moment. He wasn't sure he ever would, especially not when it meant letting her worries get so bad that she started doubting who he was as a person. "I think...what sucks the most about all of this, Whitney, is that I get it cause I've seen it. I've been in your band for years now and have been watching all this shit happen from the sidelines. I thought I could show you that it isn't all like that, you know? It's just a shame that after everything, you don't respect me enough to trust me." He shook his head a little. "I just didn't expect it from you of all people. I know it's not what you were going for, but that's how it came out. It really sucks."

Whitney hesitated, her turn to look confused now. It should have been a relief that he didn't seem to have any idea what she was talking about, but it wasn't. She'd been lied to enough times in the past that there was no guarantee that that wasn't what was happening now. The fact he still hadn't raised his voice was also throwing her. It wasn't that she wanted him to, only that she had been expecting it, and trying to navigate his calm was new territory. She could feel her chest getting tight, doubt, uncertainty, and desperation all rolled into one. "Hang on, I'll show you," she reached into her pocket and pulled out the phone, the picture screenshotted in her gallery. It was taken from the crowd at one of Seth's shows, and showed him looking at a blonde in the crowd with a bright smile and soft eyes, and that had been what made her spiral. She offered the phone to him, letting him examine the image. "I've had a few DMs of it. Nobody I know, just... people who know my music. I don't know. It got to me. I mean, look at her. She's beautiful. I don't even think I'd blame you if you wanted her instead." She dropped her arm to her side, eyes searching his for any flicker that would confirm or deny what was in her brain.

Seth wasn't the angry type. He was known for being a little too laid back at times. Her comments stirred something that stung in his chest, though. It started in the middle and seemed to coarse outwards through his veins as he looked at the photo and let out a heavy sigh. "Whitney," he started to say, pausing to think of how to phrase his words and let them hit with maximum impact. "You've been on a shit ton of stages, so I'm assuming that you know how bright those lights are." He stopped again, letting the both of them process it. "They're bright enough that the first few rows of the audience are basically a giant blur. Like, I can see that there are people there, but I don't know if they're pretty or ugly or have a third eye. Odds are I was smiling but not towards a specific person." He leaned back, letting out another sigh. His next words were less careful than before, because as much as he wanted to protect Whitney's feelings, it was also important for her to know that her own insecurities didn't just hurt her but the people around her, too. "You know, I'm...I'm a little thrown. Actually, no, a lot thrown, Whitney. I know we didn't get together in the most traditional or romantic way, but the fact you think I'd leave you for some fan I know nothing about..." He trailed off as his jaw flexed with tension. "I'm not leaving you or breaking up with you or anything, by the way. I'm just pissed to know you think of me in that light. I don't really know how to take it."

Whitney could feel her cheeks begin to heat with embarrassment, and the sting of tears as they began to pool in her eyes. She didn't want to cry, but it was fast becoming difficult to hold it in. Seth didn't seem to understand, and she couldn't blame him for that. Even she didn't fully get what was going on inside her head, and why she couldn't seem to stop this slow-moving train wreck she had started. He wasn't yelling at her, though, and while a part of her was glad of it, she was also tense, waiting for the shouting to come and not sure if the calm coming from him was better or worse. She bit her lip, trying to steady the tremor in her voice before she answered. "I don't..."she started, then stopped, eyes darting to the ground where she was unable to look at him. She shifted uncomfortably on her feet, suddenly wanting to crawl out of her own skin. "I've been here before, Seth. Thinking everything is good, and then getting slapped in the face with the fact I was wrong. So when I saw that picture of you smiling at that girl, it sort of put me right back in that place of not knowing where I stand. I've been trying to tell myself it doesn't matter, but my brain just keeps telling me that it does, and you've got your foot out the door." There was no holding the tears back now, and they slipped down her cheeks. She raised one hand to quickly wipe them away, but could not stop others falling to take their place. "I don't want to be this way. I don't want to doubt you or be weird or push you away." She shook her head. "But I just can't stop myself from expecting the worst here. And if I'm right then... then it's okay. I won't make it harder for you then it needs to be."

Seth wasn't sure what was going on, and the way she was sitting like a statue didn't do much to help alleviate any confusion. Still, he waited. There was no interrupting from his end while she searched for words. When they came, though, the urge to stop her in her tracks hit him fast upon the mentioning of 'that girl.' "Wait, what?" It was his turn to start overthinking, wracking his mind for any instance he could remember smiling at a girl recently. "Do you want to enlighten me on who this so-called girl is, or show me the picture you're talking about? Cause the last person I can recall maybe smiling at was the woman who checked my groceries at the market, and it'd be kind of creepy if someone took a picture of me doing that. I don't think my shitty band's popular enough for that kind of attention. If it's not her, I honestly don't know who you're talking about, Whitney." He let out something resembling a hiss or a sigh. He wasn't sure which came through more. All he knew was she was in tears, and he didn't like that.

Whitney took a shaky breath. She could already feel the lump forming in her throat, and the last thing she wanted to do was cry. She thought she'd learned her lesson, that saying nothing was better than rocking the boat, but now the floodgates had opened, there was no taking it back. She felt stupid, like she was taking a sledgehammer to the first thing in her life for a long time that was actually good. Her hand raised up to tuck a lock of her hair behind her ear, shaking as it did. "I don't know," she was trying to sound casual about it, and failing miserably. "Because you're tired of me? Or because- because you met someone else?" there was no way he missed the way her voice faltered at the second question. She took a deep breath, mostly to steady herself from losing it completely. Why did she always do this? "I'm sorry." She didn't even know what she was apologising for.

If he was confused before, it was nothing compared to how Seth felt now. She might as well had been speaking a foreign language at that point. Nothing that came out of her mouth made sense to him. "Um...no?" he managed to get out after a strong break of silence, pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers while he wracked his brain. Whitney wasn't like any of the girls he'd been with before, and that's what he liked about her. He didn't like this, though. Sure, the start of their relationship wasn't a fairytale type story, but he didn't think the issues from anything before that would leak through. He was clearly mistaken there. "I'm a little concerned that you're even having these ideas...actually, no, a lot concerned." He let his hand fall to his lap, attempting to look her in the eye. "Should I ask where the fuck this is all coming from, or...? Cause I'm genuinely lost, Whit."

Since she'd been with Seth, Whitney had felt happier than she had done in years. There was a spring in her step again, she was laughing and smiling more, and life was generally sweet. That is, until she saw the photograph doing the rounds online of Seth smiling at a girl at one of his shows. She'd tried to put it from her mind, but the feelings of insecurity churning up in her tummy had only festered. She couldn't quite bring herself to say something, but she knew she was being far from normal, too. All in all, the last few days had been a lot of shitty awkwardness, with both of them dancing around the subject.

There were so many scenarios Seth could've pictured happening with this conversation. The words that came out of Whitney's mouth, though? That was the last thing he ever expected. He wasn't sure what his expression read, but he imagined it was somewhere on the verge of total shock and a manic laughing fit. "What?" Other than that utterance, he was momentarily speechless. His eyes searched hers, brows crinkled in confusion as he wondered what in the absolute fuck would have her assume something like that. Despite his mind being anything but calm, he tried to approach the subject as delicately as possible. "Is there something you want to tell me? Like, a reason that I should be leaving you, or...?"

"I'll be honest, I didn't even know there was a Sean the Sheep movie," Whitney confessed. Even if she did, she wasn't sure she'd have picked it up on her own without Seth's recommendation. "But now you've got me all curious about it. I want to watch it with you, though. See you get in touch with your vulnerable side." Despite knowing that he was likely right that she'd be bawling like a baby at the first sign of emotion. That didn't mean she was above teasing him about it, though, and more than that, she wanted to see his reaction in person.

"Well now that'd require some back story catching up on your part, my dear," he teased. "That vulnerability starts all the way with my OG's, Wallace and Gromit, then we dive in to the real good stuff with Shaun. Truly not for the weak of heart or stomach, though. It's raw, groundbreaking shit. Classic and hard hitting cinema at its finest." It really wasn't. It was more a childish, fluffy show for Seth to completely lose himself in during a green out. He wasn't about to share that information with Whitney just yet, though. Although she didn't seem to be scared off by him so far, he was still attempting to keep some parts of himself more tame than usual.

"Shaun the Sheep?" The confession had Whitney's eyebrows raising, and she pressed a hand to her mouth to stop from laughing in his face. "I'm sorry. I haven't seen it, so it could be a tearjerker for all I know but... what is it exactly about a modelling clay sheep that had you in your feels?" While a part of her was teasing him, she genuinely wanted to know. She was at that annoying, early-relationship stage where she wanted to know everything about him, and what she'd already learned wasn't disappointing. "Hmm?" She might have done a decent job at playing coy if she wasn't smirking, adjusting her seating position so she was straddling his lap. "In that case, you won't want to know what I'm thinking about right now. Which is a shame. It involves whipped cream."

"You of all people haven't seen Shaun the Sheep? That's pretty out of character," he snorted. If anything, she was one of the only people he knew and would've expected to have seen the movie. "I'm also not going to explain it either ither than saying it's the whole story itself because I know with full certainty you'd be crying, too, so don't even play that game with me, Landry." He had no doubts that it'd quickly shoot up on her to-watch list after that, but Seth still had the desire to keep things fresh and playful. That meant not showing all his cards too quick, but the sexy talk from her side had him considering throwing those beliefs out the window.

Her cheeks went a darker shade of pink when he began to tease her, a momentary flash of worry on her face, but when he laughed and complimented her on her embarrassing weepy tendencies, the anxiety was soon pushed back down, replaced with relief. She had spent so long feeling like her emotions were a burden, and it still felt new to be with someone who didn't make her feel that way. "Oh, you don't have to wait for Love Island season for that. Just stick on a classic romcom with an angsty montage set to sad music and I'll be sobbing." One of the things she liked best about Seth was that, no matter what she said, even the stuff previous people she had loved had called annoying, he seemed to greet it with laughter. There was a levity there she had never really had before, and with that came a sense of comfort when she was with him. "What, a thanks-for-fuckin'-me cake?" She paused for a minute, the idea actually not being an unappealing one. "You know what? Remind me to bring cake over next time I come. Cake in bed actually sounds like heaven after sex." she let out a small breath of laughter, before leaning in and pressing her lips to his. "That clear enough for you?"

"That's all it takes, huh?" he smirked again, suddenly wishing the roster of romcom's in his mind was larger. "I don't think I cried, but I will say that the Shaun the Sheep movie did pull a few heartstrings. I'm heavily denying it if you tell anyone, though." He couldn't hold back the snort that followed from her bluntness, not expecting it but nonetheless enjoying it. The way her train of thought continued didn't help his own already wild imagination, though, smiling against her lips before kissing her back. "Oh yeah?" he asked. He wasn't sure if it was her intention, but everything she said had him riled up completely. It didn't take much on his end, but it was still enough that he'd pulled her right into his lap and let his hands hover dangerously close to her ass. "You keep talking like that and we'll need a full fuckin' bakery shelf set up here."

"I didn't realise you were a Love Island fan," Whitney smirked, the idea more charming to her than anything else. "I always end up crying when someone gets dumped. I know it's so stupid, and it's not like they're all looking for love or anything, but I still feel bad for them." Her eyes rolled at his next statement, though the grin remained on her face, and she lightly swatted at his arm. "Don't be mean. It's cute. She's making the effort, you know? He deserves that, even if he's being an absolute idiot about it all." Her brows raised a little bit. Seth was the first person since Travis to put actual butterflies in her stomach, and though a part of her was still holding back a little, and she didn't know exactly where this was going, if it was long term or just passing the time, the more time they spent together, the more she hoped it was the former. "Yeah?" She let out a small laugh as he pulled her closer, arms winding around his neck. "What if I mind?"

He was about to respond to her teasing, but Whitney's next comment knocked away any potential shame he could've had towards his own viewing habits. "Wait, you cry when they get dumped?" he asked, unable to hold back his laughter. It wasn't mean or at her expense, though. "That's fucking adorable, Whit. You're such a sensitive little soul. I'm coming over the next time it's on so I can witness all the emotions in action." His chuckles only continued as she smacked him for his Mitch related comments. "It is cute, I can't wait until they actually fuck. Maybe she'll bring an entire family sized cake as a thank you for that." He did find the innocence and obliviousness of her friend to be endearing, but not as much as how hard she seemed to be rooting for him. Seth had never spoken it out loud, but it was one of the things he really admired about her as a person. She always saw and hoped for the best in people. He also liked how he managed to surprise her, her comment having him raise a brow before sliding his hand to the small of her back. "Well then that's very different, indeed," he nodded and tugged her in a bit closer. "In that case, you might have to show me how much you mind."

"Hmm?" Whitney glanced up from her phone, quickly pressing send on the text to Mitch. She had only been half-listening to Seth, but when she looked at him again, she suddenly realised what she'd done. "Oh my God, I'm sorry," she let out a nervous laugh. "I think I'm a bit too invested in Mitch's love life, but yeah, I think reality has set in. She brought him a make-up cupcake and they made out again, so if it hasn't hit him yet, it might be a lost cause." She locked her phone again, and moved it out of her eyeline. "No more distractions. Promise."

"I would be, too. The guy's more entertaining than reality TV...or at least any that's on right now. I might take that statement back once the next season of Love Island rolls around." He wore a smirk as he listened to the explanation, a dramatic gasp coming out towards her statement on where he was at with his not-crush. "A make-up cupcake? Holy shit. Might as well write the wedding invites up now." He shrugged towards her promise, not minding either way. "As much as I really like making out with you, Whit, you are allowed to take a breather every one in a while. I can guarantee you that I don't mind." Even with that said, though, he grabbed at her waist to pull her back in towards where he was sitting with a grin.