Lemme tell ya I've not been here a damn time but lord am I in a great place in comparison to this time last year.
This time last year I wasn't myself in the sense that I let my feelings for someone fully overrule my self worth. I was "dating" someone who didn't want to be in anything serious but never said it throughout, leaving me to believe they cared for and wanted me, and eventually it took it's toll on my health and even when I did eventually pull myself away, I didn't even dislike them for how they treated me in that time; I had lost respect for them for sure but that wasn't even to do with their treatment of me. But as I get further and further away from that time in my life the more I loathe and hate them for treating me with so little respect. I started off being angry at myself for being so weak and clingy and a narc, but since I've realise how blind you can actually be when your feelings are strong and you think someone will change.
I've come to realise that me allowing myself to be in that situation and treated that way doesn't mean I'm inherently stupid or weak; it just means I made a mistake in not realising I'm not being treated kindly or with respect.
I just wanted to vent my feelings as I know I'm not the only one who's been in this situation, but it's definitely good to remember that the way you acted in that time does not define your whole personality or the traits you have; sometimes we need to experience these displays of disrespect and feel these helpless feelings so we can clearer see the real acts of love towards us when they're actually here, so all in all I am grateful.
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