it was real enough, as a memory

My favourite thing in the world right now is sending my friends a picture of themselves and saying “This is me”. I’ll send one particular friend a picture of her own driver’s license and say “My driver’s license”. They have no line of defense. They don’t even understand why I find any of it funny. They’ll just say to me, “That is you”. I felt the devastating pull to overdose on pills yesterday. It must have been my medication. I kept thinking about my medicine cabinet and I started calculating in my head how many pills of each type I would take. I started thinking about how it would probably feel nice to just lie down and let death come to me. I messaged a friend and asked her if she wanted to smoke a cigarette with me because I knew that was the only way I was staying alive that day. I didn’t expect her to say yes, but she did. Driving to meet her took some 40 minutes and the cigarette was horrible. It was a Marlboro Red

I am taking a medication for it. It’s too bad it does absolute fuckall