“Oh sweet! Our salads are here! Hey, thanks so much for going so far out of your way between your jobs to grab these for us. They don’t have Kale here and you know how strict Rick is with his eating habits. Plus, that’s his favorite salad so you’re making him extra happy. And that’s all you care about, right? Making sure my new boyfriend is happy 24/7? Thought so. Oh, speaking of, Rick decided on tonight’s dinner for you. Three Big Macs, large fries and an ice cream cone. Don’t forget, he wants videos of you eating every last crumb. You know how strict he is when it comes to your diet too, right piggy? Oh, and while you’re on the bus, call and cancel your propecia shipments. Rick asked me why you were still taking them and I couldn’t think of a single reason why you should be. So cancel, and then call that luxury spa place and set up a bi-weekly appointment for Rick to have a full body wax. That’s the only kind of money you should be spending on hair loss, right? Right.”
