back to the stars

It's been so long since I've visited my page, and even longer since I stalked my old posts. It's all so nostalgic and melancholic. At the same time, I'm so, so proud of the girl I was and of what she has become. Wish she knew that then. So we can say this is a letter to her. If there are alternate universes, hopefully in one of them you will be able to see or receive this letter, and it will make you happy. We've been through some traumatizing events back then. It started with losing loved ones at our young age and we didn't understand it. And no one tried to explain the way they should have. They let us figure it out. Sometime in the future, you will have fear of death because of it. Bit further down the lane and you will make your peace with it. After deaths, there are family issues, and they keep repeating until they don't. You will have an aversion to marriage and everything it represents because of it. You are now happy and engaged. No, no one forced you, you happily said yes. Or something similar. However, you were shocked and still are. It is still something out of you comfort zone. But screw it, who gives a shit. Walking towards me, you will face more loss. I wouldn't say unexpected, maybe just unprepared for. This will be shifting point in your life, you know. Next few years will be hard and unbearable. But hold on. Just hold on. Hold on for anything you can. I still remember vividly this one post I read then, and it said ''for whatever reason you didn't let go, hold on to that. And then keep finding reasons.'' and I listened. I had our dearest and still have them, and I am forever grateful. You will move away. And you will keep rediscovering yourself. And reinventing yourself. It is so beautiful to see you grow. We did so much, you wouldn't believe and we have just started. We are traveling and trying new things. We got to another university. Economics by the way, can you imagine? Us? We live by the sea girl, did I mention that? And that we got engaged? That is funny experience for us. Wedding will probably be in September. We are looking for something romantic. Again, us? Unbelievable. You will be happy. You will be sad. And you will be happy again. It's how life works and you will be content with it and work your way through every emotion. We don't avoid them anymore. You will be rage and you will be sunshine, and yes, they do go together. You will stand up for yourself, and for your loved ones. You will fight, and will keep fighting, for the things you believe in. You will find a way. You will figure it out eventually. You will find a reason. It's always been you little one.