Serendipity

“I hope we last. I hope we do. But if we don’t, this is how I want you to remember me: I want you to remember me curled up, listening to the sound of your heartbeat and tracing maps across your skin. Remember me laughing at your jokes, even the stupid ones. Remember me in hysterics for absolutely no reason and in tears because one time you made me so sad neither of us thought I’d recover. Remember me brave, that time you held my hand and I thought I was going to die; remember me scared and gentle and delicate and breakable - only for you though, only for you. Remember me happy, and all the ridiculous ways I tried to get your attention. Remember the way I was too stubborn to talk to you and how absolutely insane it drove the both of us. Remember all the firsts and how they were so delightful we went back for seconds and thirds and fourths. Remember the songs you couldn’t stop listening to and the childish dreams you allowed yourself about the future. If it’s any consolation I allowed myself to have them too. If it comes to it I don’t want you to remember the ending. Remember the beginning. Remember the first time you knew.

Be the one who loves more deeply. Be the one who forgives more easily. You’ll understand, it’ll set you free. Don’t waste all of your energy keeping your heart locked up in your chest; what are you protecting it from? Love? Love is the kindest thing a human being has to offer. If you’re hurting, leave. If you choose to stay, give it all you’ve got. Regrets are the surest way to hurt yourself. Holding back because you’re scared is the surest path to regret.

We were both too scared to get hurt by one another, and ended up hurting each other.

I still search for you in crowds, in empty fields and soaring clouds. In city lights and passing cars, on winding roads and wishing stars.