nana

why do people only want to be there for me at my highest, when I’m shinning, glowing, and the warmth of my happiness surrounds them, but when I’m crying for help, im suddenly annoying, my anger uncontrollable, I’m inconsolable, I’m rash and unsettling, being around me starts a fight why do I always have to wear the hapiness mask with everyone, why do I always hold so much space for all of you but u don’t provide me the same, am I wrong? Am I wrong for pouring my heart to the world and expecting the same, am I wrong for always being the only person to remain by everyone’s side despite them having a hard time, what have I done to not deserve the same it’s almost funny really. Maybe I want to sit with my family despite having a hard time, sure my smile is plastered on my face but I really thought their comfort would soothe me, I might be the dumbest bitch because I see their stares when I’m mad at something, it’s like I’m a mouse in a research experiment and they keep pushing the red button to test me they know it’ll hurt me, they see me until they don’t. Why in the heavenly rules of social construct am I not allowed to feel an emotion other than happiness.

whoever told mark ruffalo to primarily act in romcoms, I hope both your pillows are cold, I hope your tea never goes cold when your drinking it, I hope your gut microbiome stays balanced. Thank you for your revolutionary contribution to society. It’s like god molded the most charming man ever and gave him the perfect job.

summer we shall meet soon eeek!!!!

to be an alien that is what I truly am, an extraterrestrial being among humans is how I often feel and for the past 4 years that’s how it has been. Today is my last day of four excruciating years on Venus. I’m glad it’s over although a lingering sense of nostalgia carries in the air.